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danielleandariel.com The Double Life of Ariel Crawford Selling Out |
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Ariel Summary Download Selling Out Misc. |
“Danielle! Danielle!” Caitlin ran into my
room one day after school, red-faced and excited. “What? What?” Caitlin flopped down on my bed and smiled. “There’s this new guy in my class.” “Is he hot?” “Hot? He sizzles. He looks like a younger version of Milo Ventimiglia.” “That’s pretty damn hot.” “And I told him he looked like Milo. I mean, I didn’t say I thought Milo was hot, I just told him he looked like him. And he said he liked Gilmore Girls too.” “Oh, then he’s gay.” “Seriously?” Caitlin looked disappointed. “Probably not. It’s just a stereotype.” “Well, anyway, I didn’t think he was going to talk to me, because hot guys never talk to me, but he sat down beside me at lunch. He asked why I wore diapers. Not in a teasing way, just curious. I told him I was in a car accident, and he said he was sorry. Then I asked where he was from, and he said New Jersey.” “So does hot guy have a name?” “Nick.” “Well, that’s boring.” “Yeah. But anyway they’re having a dance at school Friday night, and he asked me if I wanted to go! Me! Stupid little me wearing diapers! He wants to go to a dance with me!” Caitlin couldn’t sit still anymore and jumped around the room some. “I gotta go tell Mom!” “That’s great, honey,” Jenny said a couple minutes later after Caitlin told her. “See, I told you that you’d meet some friends who don’t care that you wear diapers.” “I still want that surgery, just so you know.” Jenny sighed. “So what are you going to wear?” “Oh God! I hadn’t even thought about that. I’ve never been to a dance before. Do you have to wear a dress?” she asked me, making a face. “No, but you should wear something besides jeans.” “You could wear those black pants Grandma gave you for Christmas,” Jenny said. “They look really cute on you.” “But they’re tight. You can see my diaper.” “But that means he can also see your butt,” I said. “Guys like that.” Caitlin laughed. “Danielle,” Jenny sighed. “You’re no help. I think those pants look very nice on you, Caitlin. Don’t worry about your diaper. It’s really not even that noticeable.” “Oh, I know what they’d look good with, too,” Caitlin replied. “Ariel has this dark blue top that’s kind of sparkly. I’ll ask her if I can borrow it.” “Sounds great,” Jenny said. She looked really happy. Caitlin hadn’t been excited about anything having to do with school all year. I was just ready for summer. I was tired of dragging myself out of bed every morning at six. In July, when I turned sixteen and three months, I would get my driver’s license. I’d already passed driver’s ed and my behind-the-wheel test at school. Even though there was no way I’d get my own car, I figured Jenny would let me borrow hers sometimes, especially if I offered to take my cousins wherever they needed to go. But I still had three months of school to get through first. Things got a little more interesting the next day when I was in chorus. We were having a chill day, which basically meant that our teacher, Mrs. Cardilla, was so far behind that she wanted to take our class period to do her own work so we could do whatever we wanted as long as we didn’t get too loud. “Dammit!” I exclaimed. I threw my queen of spades into the pile of cards in front of me and collected them. “Well, that gives me at least a hundred points. Game over.” “A hundred and five, actually,” Vince said. “Let’s see, that means you owe Christy twenty-three cents, thirty-five cents for Sarah and eighty cents for me, since my score was only twenty because I…” “Shot the moon three times,” Christy interjected. “We know that.” I counted out the change for Christy, Sarah and Vince. “Vince, do you think maybe you can loan me some money? Because that was my lunch right there. You got my ice cream money in the last game.” “You shouldn’t play unless you can pay,” he replied. “Yeah, well if you’d stop cheating I wouldn’t have lost so much money!” Mrs. Cardilla stood in front of everyone and clapped her hands a few times. When everyone kept talking, she turned off the lights. We quieted down gradually. “Thank you,” she said. “As you all should know, our spring concert is May 20. That’s a Tuesday. We’ll be doing the four pieces I handed out to you last class, plus ‘Seasons of Love’ and of course ‘Under the Sea’ again this year for our senior send-off.” Everyone groaned except for the seniors, who clapped and cheered. “Mrs. Cardilla, how come we gotta do ‘Seasons of Love’ again? We did it in the fall,” someone complained. “Would you rather learn another new piece? Maybe we could learn ‘Ode to Joy’ and get the orchestra to play with us.” We all kept quiet. We knew better by now than to complain about any of the stuff Mrs. Cardilla picked out for us, even if it meant having “Seasons of Love” stuck in our heads for months, because she’d be sure to find something worse. “The orchestra’s spring pops concert is May 15,” Mrs. Cardilla continued. “This year, they’re going to be doing selections from ‘Moulin Rouge’. I assume most of you have seen that.” “We should watch it in class to get ready for their concert,” a loudmouthed guy named Antonio announced. Mrs. Cardilla crossed her arms and glared at him. “We have five minutes before the bell rings. If I keep getting interrupted, I’m not going to have time to tell you all about these great solo opportunities.” We perked up a little. “Mr. Matthews is having auditions next Monday after school for the leading and backup male and female roles. Right now it looks like we’ll need people for ‘Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend,’ ‘Come What May,’ ‘Elephant Love Medley,’ and then just one female for ‘One Day I’ll Fly Away’ and a male for ‘Your Song.’ As far as I know, Mr. Matthews isn’t going to censor any of the lyrics. We’d like to have the same people for the leading male and female in all the songs. I’ve got music up here, you guys can pick it up on the way out. Oh, and Mr. Matthews has invited Kellam’s chorus students to audition, too.” We groaned. Kellam High School was our biggest rival, but we shared an orchestra teacher with them, and he was always inviting their chorus students to participate in concerts. The bell rang. I stopped to get the Moulin Rouge music before leaving with Vince. “Are you going to audition?” he asked. “Sure. I probably won’t get a part. The juniors and seniors always get them. But wouldn’t it be cool if I did? I mean, it’s Moulin Rouge. I have the soundtrack. I already know all the words. But I find it really hard to believe that Mr. Matthews will let someone get up there and sing stuff like ‘The only way of loving me, baby, is to pay a lovely fee.’” Vince laughed. “Well, I wasn’t even going to bother auditioning. There’s too much else going on, and AP exams are in May too. Plus, I wanted to take the SATs this spring.” “Come on, we’re only sophomores. Stop stressing so much.” “You should take yours, too. The earlier you take them, the more times you can retake them.” “Oh, you think my scores would be so bad I’d need to retake them four times,” I said, pretending to be insulted. “Not going there. Anyway, what I was saying, before you interrupted me, honey, is that I wasn’t going to audition, but since you are, I’m going to too. Because then if we both get the leads, we’ll get to sing all those love songs together.” “You want the lead male part.” “Yeah…” “Vince, have you seen Moulin Rouge?” “We went and saw it together on the last day of eighth grade. It was our first date, unless you count going skating. Don’t you remember?” “Oh…yeah.” “I can’t believe you forgot about that!” We were entering the cafeteria then, and Vince didn’t bother holding the door for me. “I didn’t forget! It just wasn’t the first thing on my mind.” I caught the door before it shut in my face. “I can’t believe you actually want to get up there and sing Elton John cover songs to me.” “It’s not that I want to sing Elton John covers to you. I just don’t want some other guy singing Elton John covers to you.” “So you’re willing to give up your study time and have the whole school thinking you’re gay?” That wasn’t really such a problem. At our school, it sometimes seemed like there were more gay and lesbian couples than there were straight couples. “I thought you would be happy I was auditioning with you.” “I am. But what if you get the part and I don’t? Then you’re committed to it and you wouldn’t have had to worry about me singing with some other guy.” “We won’t get it anyway. You know sophomores never get anything except the backup parts.” “Yeah, but you’re one of Mrs. Cardilla’s pets, too, and I’m not.” We put our backpacks down on the usual table and headed for the lunch line. “Hey, so, can I borrow a couple of bucks? I’m starving…and it’s Pizza Hut day.” I knew better than to play hearts with my lunch money, but the real reason I was broke was because Wal-Mart had a sale on diapers that week and I’d stocked up. I’d also needed more wipes and some diaper rash cream. I never had a problem with diaper rash, probably because I went through tube after tube of Desitin. After all, how could I ever tell Jenny I needed to go to the doctor for a diaper rash? But Vince and I practiced for our auditions all week after school, so I didn’t get a chance to be diapered until Friday evening. Vince wanted to come over to chill and watch a movie, so I told him to come around seven-thirty, when everyone else would be gone and we could actually cuddle together in my room instead of having to sit four feet apart on the living room couch with Jenny popping in every three minutes to check and make sure we weren’t making any babies and covering it up by asking if we wanted popcorn. I also figured this would give me a little while to wear a diaper after dinner. We ate early, since Caitlin had to get ready for her dance. It was my night to do the dishes, but I ran upstairs after dinner, put on a diaper, put some sweatpants on over it and ran back downstairs. I got myself a glass of water and started clearing the table. With my hands in the warm dishwater, it wasn’t long before I had to pee, but I held off as long as I could, crossing my legs and shifting my weight. Part of it was that I thought the eventual release was much more satisfying when I couldn’t hold it anymore, and part of it was that I wanted to keep the thick gauzy-cotton diaper that was pressing up between my legs dry for as long as possible. Caitlin came into the kitchen, ready for her dance except her hair was a mess. “Will you brush my hair?” she asked me. “I tried to curl it, but it looked awful, so I dunked it in water to get the curls out, and then it dried all frizzy.” “Sure.” I took the brush from her and started brushing her long brown hair. “I wish I had natural curls like you and Ariel,” Caitlin sighed. “And blue eyes. Or green eyes. Brown eyes and brown hair are so ugly. And I wish I had boobs and was skinnier. I bet I inherited the flat and fat genes in the family.” I was surprised. The thing is, Caitlin is very pretty. Her hair is reddish-brown and pretty long, with a silky texture. She wasn’t ultra-skinny but certainly not fat or even chubby. The adults on our side of the family do tend to be a bit chubby, Caitlin’s mom and my mom both were, and Grandma was just plain fat, but Caitlin wasn’t showing any signs of growing in that direction yet. She didn’t have much of a chest yet, but there was a little there, and she was only eleven. “Curls are a pain,” I said finally. “They frizz majorly unless you spend like an hour putting gunk in your hair every morning. Half the time, I just end up straightening my hair, but then it rains and it looks like it’s been struck by lightening.” “But you can do all kinds of cool stuff with your hair, like put it up with a pencil. Whenever I do that, it just slides right out.” “Well, you can get away with brushing your hair for five minutes every morning and it looks fine for the rest of the day. And I think brown hair and brown eyes are very pretty. At least you don’t have to put up with dumb blonde jokes.” Caitlin smiled a little. “Besides, you’re not fat. I don’t know how you can even say you are.” “Well, maybe not, but my butt looks big because I have to wear a stupid diaper.” “You can’t do anything about that, but really, it’s not even noticeable.” I had to pee really badly by now but didn’t want to do it in front of Caitlin. Even though she wouldn’t notice, hopefully, it just felt weird when we were standing right next to each other. “Hey, if you run upstairs and look on my dresser, I have a royal blue headband that would look great with that shirt.” Caitlin ran off to get it and I returned to the dishes. As soon as the warm water hit my hands again, I started peeing. I smiled a little and relaxed my muscles, which were clenched from trying to hold it, as the warm liquid spread out in my diaper. I felt a little guilty, like always, for doing something a little forbidden, but it was a good feeling of guilt, the feeling I used to get when my friends and I stole beer from my dad and drank it in my bedroom. Like I had broken the rules and gotten away with it. Caitlin returned with the headband, and I fixed her hair. I then stepped back and examined her. “See, you look beautiful. Nick is going to faint when he sees you. He’ll have the hottest date at the dance.” Caitlin blushed. I could tell she was pleased, even though she said, “You’re just saying that because you’re my cousin.” “Well, we’ll get a second opinion. Hey, Cody, come here for a second,” I called. He was in the living room watching TV. “How do you think your sister looks?” I asked, giving him a stern look that left no doubt what his answer should be. “Okay,” he replied. I kicked his foot. “Ow…you look pretty,” he added reluctantly. “See, Cody thinks you look pretty,” I said lamely. Caitlin rolled her eyes. Cody sniffed. “It smells like pee in here. Maybe you should change before you leave.” My heart started beating faster. “I didn’t pee,” Caitlin said, looking at me meaningfully. I tried to avoid catching her eye. “I don’t smell anything. Are you sure you’re not just smelling yourself, Cody?” Caitlin laughed. “I do not smell like pee!” he exclaimed. “No, you smell worse. Pee smells like roses compared to what you smell like,” Caitlin replied. I was relieved that I’d diverted their attention but made a mental note not to pee in front of them again. Jenny came in. “Caitlin, you look beautiful! I can’t believe you’re going to your first dance. I want to take some pictures.” “Mom, it’s time to leave.” “Okay, I’ll take some when we get home then.” Jenny turned to me. “After I drop Caitlin off, I’m taking Cody to the mall to get some summer clothes. Do you want to come?” “No, that’s okay. I’m just going to chill here.” “Are you sure? Why don’t you invite some friends over?” I knew by “friends”, she meant girlfriends. I wasn’t supposed to have Vince over when nobody else was home. It wasn’t just my mom’s rule; it was Jenny’s too. “Maybe I will. But I’m tired.” “Well, get some rest. We’ll be home around ten.” After they left, I finished doing the dishes and drank some more water. I didn’t want to leak, but my diaper could usually hold two fairly large wettings. I peed some more. I was starting to feel like I was sitting in a bathtub of warm water. I always had liked warm baths. I stood in front of the full-length mirror in my closet. I didn’t think I looked ridiculous. I think I looked cute, not like a baby, but just like a teenager wearing a diaper. What was so different about wearing a nice, thick diaper instead of fancy underwear? Guys liked girls in pretty panties. I had plenty of those, I liked wearing cute underwear almost as much as I liked wearing diapers, but what was so different about a diaper? How come fancy underwear looked sexy but a diaper, even a dry diaper, didn’t to most people? And what was so bad about a wet diaper? Girls and guys had other bodily fluids that they didn’t find disgusting. They even found them to be a turn-on. What was so different, so gross, about urine? I didn’t know if I would really want to see Vince pee in a diaper, but I wasn’t so sure I’d want to see any other bodily fluids he produced either, at least not yet. I sat back down again, and my diaper made a squishing sound. The phone rang. It was Vince saying he was on his way over. I took my diaper off, cleaned myself off with a baby wipe, and changed into a pair of those panties that were supposed to be so sexy and a denim skirt. I was throwing the diaper out in the garbage can when the doorbell rang. “You look nice,” Vince said when I answered the door. “Thanks,” I replied, kissing him quickly. “Hey, is that all I get?” I gave him a two-minute, tongue-rubbing, wet sloppy kiss in response. “Is that better?” “I think I might have to get some more of that later,” he replied. “I brought over two movies. Moulin Rouge, and American Pie 2.” “That’s quite a contrast,” I said. “I don’t think I can stand to hear those songs anymore. Besides, Moulin Rouge always makes me cry. Let’s watch AP.” “We should do some more practicing, you know.” “Let’s do it tomorrow.” He looked skeptical. “Well, you’re the one who wants to audition so much, but we can wait until tomorrow.” “I just feel like watching a funny movie tonight.” “Well, I guess as long as I get to spend time with you, I’m happy.” We went upstairs to my room and put the movie in. I sat in Vince’s lap and rested my head on his shoulder. He put his arms around me. “Your hair smells good,” he said. “It’s just Pantene and de-frizzing gunk.” “Well, keep using it.” “You know, tonight Caitlin said she’d rather have curls everywhere like mine than straight, sleek hair like she has. Isn’t that crazy?” “Caitlin has pretty hair,” he agreed. “But yours is beautiful. You got the best looks in your family.” “You’re crazy.” “Well, if being crazy means I get to date you, then I hope I never get better.” “You’re the best boyfriend,” I said, giving him another kiss. The previews were over and the movie was starting. “Oh, I love this scene.” “It’s better than the first scene in the original,” Vince agreed. We laid down on the bed to get more comfortable. Even though we’d both seen the movie before, it seemed to get funnier every time. We fell over laughing during most of it until the end. “That’s so sweet,” I said as Jim and Michelle kissed onscreen after he showed up at band camp. “How come you never do anything like that?” “Because I’m not a band geek,” Vince replied. “I’m a very special boy.” “Honey, you might be good at singing, but acting’s not your strong point.” “You’re so mean,” he said, giving me a kiss. “Am I?” I put my hands on his chest and pushed him onto the bed so that I was sitting in his lap and he was lying down under me. “Am I mean?” I asked, kissing him again. “Very.” Vince reached up under my shirt and unhooked my bra. “I should punish you.” “Oh, you would never do that.” He lifted my shirt up and I held my arms up so he could pull it off. “See, that’s what you get for being mean.” “Like that’s a punishment.” “Well, you look cold now without your shirt.” I glanced down. “Then why don’t you warm me up?” He kissed me again and I felt his hands moving over my breasts. I took his shirt off, kissed his chest, rolled off him and pulled him up on top of me. He kissed my neck. “Don’t leave a mark,” I warned. We laughed. His hands were moving all over me now and he unbuttoned my skirt and slid it off. The movie was over and the TV was blaring but neither of us really noticed it. Vince’s fingers were inside me. I gasped, turned my head a little and my eyes landed on my closet door. It was open just a crack, but I couldn’t see anything. My diapers were in there. I’d never told Vince about them and still didn’t know if I wanted to. If I told him, how would he react? Would he be caring and understanding or would he be disgusted? And if he was disgusted, if he wanted nothing to do with them or me, what would happen if I’d already slept with him? He had taken his pants off now and was just in boxers. I could feel him pressing up against me. “Vince,” I said softly. He kissed my lips. “Vince!” I said, more firmly. “You okay?” he whispered. “Maybe we shouldn’t…you know.” “Oh.” He rolled off me and lay there beside me. I put my head on his chest and he wrapped his arm around me. “I’m sorry.” “I…I want to…it’s just I’m not ready yet…and we don’t have anything.” “I have a condom.” “I know…but that’s not enough. I could still…” “I know.” He stroked my hair. “I’m sorry. I went too far.” “No, I didn’t mind…I enjoyed it…just, let’s hold off on sex for a little while.” “I love you.” “I love you too,” I said, kissing him. We lay there for a few minutes until we heard a car pull into the driveway. “Shit!” I exclaimed, jumping out of bed. We put our clothes back on quickly. “Go! Go out the back way,” I said as we ran down the stairs. He disappeared out the back door just as Jenny, Caitlin and Cody came in. “Did you have a nice night?” Jenny asked me. “What did you do?” “Oh…just hung out. I watched a movie.” “That’s good.” Caitlin could hardly stand still. “Danielle, can I talk to you?” “She’s been dying to talk to you since we left the school,” Jenny said. “She won’t tell us what’s up. She says it’s ‘woman to woman.’” Caitlin and I went up to my room. “How was your dance?” Caitlin paced my floor. “I think Nick really likes me,” she said happily. “Cool!” “Yeah. He’s really nice. He said he didn’t care that I wore diapers. He didn’t see why everyone made such a big deal about it. He said the worst part about it was that I hated it so much, but he was glad I just didn’t get hurt worse in the car accident.” “That’s great.” “The only slow song they played was ‘I’m With You.’ We were dancing during it and he kissed me.” Caitlin pointed to the right corner of her mouth. “Really fast, right here.” “Aww, that’s sweet!” “Yeah. I hope maybe someday we’ll be like you and Vince,” Caitlin smiled and blushed and looked at the floor. “Well, I think I’m going to go call Lindsey and Ariel. Night.” “Night.” I got ready for bed, feeling a little bit guilty. I didn’t want Caitlin to be like me and Vince. I didn’t want her to think her older cousin, who wore diapers for fun and snuck boys in her room when no one was home, was someone she wanted to be like. But I thought about how I felt when Vince was on top of me and didn’t want to change, either. |