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danielleandariel.com The Double Life of Ariel Crawford Selling Out |
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Ariel Summary Download Selling Out Misc. |
“Danieeeelllllllleeeeee!” Ariel yelled, running into the room to greet me
and giving me a huge hug that nearly knocked me over. “Ariel! Calm down!” Jessica scolded. “You know better than to run in the house.” “Sorry. Dani, I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve been doing homework for forever!” Ariel exclaimed, rolling her eyes skyward to express her disgust with endless homework assignments. “‘Forever’ is actually an hour,” Jessica explained. “She was working on her social studies project, and I told her that once you got here she could stop for the night.” “Oh, is that why you’re happy to see me?” I asked, smiling. “I feel so loved.” “Well, I’m also just glad to see you cause you’re my favorite cousin,” Ariel added, smiling sweetly. “Dani!” Joey cried, running in on his chubby little legs. I picked him up and spun him around. “Joey, you’re not supposed to run in the house,” Ariel informed him. “Ewww, you stink.” “Like your diapers never did,” I replied. “Did he poop again? I just changed him a half hour ago,” Jessica sighed. “Don’t worry, I’ll do it.” “Thanks. If we don’t leave soon, we’re going to be late. Ryan!” she called. “Coming!” he replied, running down the stairs. “Hi, Danielle. Ariel, Joey, you guys behave yourselves and mind Danielle.” “Okay,” Ariel said. “Bye-bye, Dada,” Joey said, giving Ryan a hug around the knees. “Bye-bye, Mama.” Jessica scooped him up in her arms. “Bye-bye, sweetie, I love you. Ariel, bed by nine-thirty.” “But it’s almost nine now!” she complained. “Then you’d better go ahead and get in the tub. And don’t forget to wear…” “I KNOW, Mom,” she replied, turning red. “I hardly ever have accidents anymore anyway.” “I know, but just in case. Be good. I love you,” Jessica replied, kissing Ariel on the top of her head. “Night, Danielle.” “Have a good night,” Ryan told me. He ruffled Ariel’s hair. “Bye, kiddo.” “Bye,” we replied. Ariel waved at them from the front window and tried to get Joey to wave to them too, then turned to me as soon as the car was out of sight. “Can I stay up until they get home? Please?” “Nope. Go ahead and get your bath, and you can have a snack and then it’s bedtime.” “But I don’t like to go to bed when Mommy’s not here,” she insisted. “Well, your mommy won’t like it if she gets home, and you’re not in bed.” I knew the game Ariel was playing. She was used to her mom being gone enough that she didn’t mind going to bed without her, especially if the babysitter was me. But if she could get away with sticking her lower lip out and acting like she was three years old again and had separation anxiety, she’d do it. “Come on. Upstairs now or you won’t get your snack.” I changed Joey while Ariel was in the bath. “Yucky poo-poo,” he said as I took his messy diaper off. “Yuck,” I agreed. “But we will get you all clean and smelling like a rose.” “Rose pretty?” he asked. “Roses are pretty. And you are one very handsome man. I bet the girls at preschool are all over you,” I told him, wiping off his bottom. I wonder if anyone remembers back to having their diaper changed as a toddler. I wonder if that’s why I like wearing diapers now, to make some memories of being cleaned with the fresh-smelling wipes and rubbed all over with lotion and powder. Except my only memories of that are from doing it myself, and it’s just not the same. I put a clean diaper and some pajamas on Joey and lifted him off the changing table. Giggling, he ran away from me and began pulling books off the small bookcase in his room. “Joey! No books now. It’s time to go sleepy.” “No sleepy!” he cried. “Yes sleepy! I’ll tickle you until you’re sleepy!” I announced, tickling him gently on his belly. He burst into giggles again and fell down on his thick bottom. I picked him up and carried him to the rocking chair, humming softly. “He never falls asleep,” Ariel said, walking in. “Mommy rocks him for forever and every time she gets up to put him in his crib he wakes up. She just has to turn the light out and leave him in there.” “Yeah, I know, but the rocking at least gets him sleepy.” “Will you brush my hair?” she asked. “Go downstairs and get your snack while I put Joey to bed and after that I’ll brush your hair. Are you wearing a pull-up?” “They’re not pull-ups, they’re goodnites. Pull-ups are for babies being potty-trained.” “Sorry. Are you wearing a goodnite?” She sighed. “I wish I didn’t have to wear them. I hate it when I wake up in the morning, and it’s all squishy from the cold pee.” I kind of like that feeling. “You probably won’t have to wear them that much longer.” “I hope not. How come you don’t have to wear them?” “Cause I don’t wet my bed.” “Would you if you didn’t wear diapers?” she asked slyly. “What makes you think I wear diapers?” “You used to. I saw them. Don’t you still?” My heart sank. I wish I could brainwash that kid so that she would forget certain things. Same thing with her mom. “Go put on your goodnite and get into bed. I’ll tuck you in.” I met her in her room a few minutes later. She was wearing purple satin pajamas and her curly hair was loose, frizzing around her face instead of pulled back like it usually is. She looked very young and sweet as she climbed into bed. I gave her a kiss and rubbed her back for a few minutes, like my dad used to do when I was little, and just when I thought she was asleep she spoke up. “How come you don’t like to talk about diapers?” “I don’t mind talking about diapers,” I said shortly. “I’d just rather not discuss whether or not I wear them with you.” “I know you tried them at least a couple of times, so it’s not like you’re hiding anything. I think you’re ashamed of them or something, and you shouldn’t be.” “Go to sleep,” I told her. “Does your boyfriend know you wear them?” “What? Vince? Why would I tell him?” “Because he’s your best friend in the world, and it bothers you that he doesn’t know. Doesn’t it?” “No…when you get older you don’t necessarily want your friends to know everything about you.” “Well, I know it would bother me if I kept a secret that big from my best friend. And I don’t think Vince would mind at all. If he really didn’t like it, maybe he’s not that good of a friend at all.” Ariel yawned and rolled over onto her back and looked up at me. “Because diapers make you happy, and don’t you think your boyfriend wants you to be happy?” “When did you turn into my therapist?” “Caitlin says that some guys think that it’s sexy when girls wear diapers,” she continued. “I don’t get that. Why would a guy think that’s sexy? I mean, you pee in diapers. That’s just gross.” “Okay, I think Caitlin needs to spend less time on the internet,” I said, standing up. “And save your sex questions for your mom. Good night, Ariel.” “Night!” she said, closing her eyes. I turned out the light and left the room, somewhat rattled. I don’t care if Ariel thinks it’s funny or cute that I wear diapers. I don’t want my nine-year-old cousin trying to convince me to tell my boyfriend my darkest secret. After grabbing the phone, I retreated to the guest room, which is really just an extra bedroom with a constantly deflating air mattress, not a nice room with a queen-sized bed like TV families always put their guests in. When Jessica and Ryan have company, they drag up the more comfortable pull-out sofa that’s usually in the rec room, but supposedly family and company aren’t the same thing, and if I want a more comfortable bed I can drag it upstairs myself. So in the mornings I usually wake up with the mattress sagging onto the floor underneath me and around me it’s all puffed up. The guest room is a sad place to sleep, anyway, if you know that it was originally planned to be an eventual bedroom for Joey’s miscarried twin sister. I pulled a diaper and my math book out of my backpack, using my free hand to dial Vince’s number. “Hey, it’s me,” I said when he answered. “Hey, how’s the babysitting going? Are they being bratty? Did you sit on them yet?” “Nope, they’re both in bed.” “Already? Whenever I watch Vickie, she doesn’t fall asleep until at least midnight.” “You just need to let her know who’s boss.” “Oh, she knows who’s boss. And it’s not me. You know my parents spoil her cause she’s a girl.” “It’s not because she’s a girl, it’s because she’s the baby.” “No, even when I was the youngest, they never spoiled me like that.” Vince has two sisters, one who’s nineteen and hardly ever home and the other is six. “If she so much as scrapes her knee, they give her ice cream for dinner and let her stay up late. When I was her age, it didn’t matter if I broke my leg. ‘Be a man, son! Suck it up and keep running!’” “Oh, they did not. You poor thing. Cry me a river…” “Build a bridge and get over it,” he finished for me. We started laughing. I used to always say that, and now he says it more than me. I put the phone between my head and shoulder and put my diaper on, looking at myself in the bathroom mirror as I did so. The first time I wore one, I thought I looked ridiculous, standing there five feet three inches tall, with hips that were starting to become noticeable and a chest that might not be big but didn’t look like any baby’s either, wearing this puffy diaper that looked like a Pamper except it didn’t have any cartoons on it. Well, I’m working on that. I actually wrote a letter to Proctor & Gamble pretending to be the mother of a three-year-old who wasn’t potty trained yet and outgrowing Pampers size six, asking them to make a larger size, and I also told them I didn’t like the cloth-like cover because it leaked, which is true. Pampers size six are too small for me now, but if they made one size larger I could probably get into it. But adult diapers aren’t as bad as I thought they would be. I pulled on my pajama bottoms too, in case Ariel got up. Vince was going on about something that happened at school today. “Anyway, did you start reading Summer of My German Soldier yet? I thought it sucked so far, but maybe you’ll like it.” “Not yet. I always get the worst out of the way first when I do homework, and reading isn’t bad.” I like to lie awake in bed reading with a diaper on. “But yeah, everyone’s telling me it sucks. What can you expect? We never read anything good in school. Last time it was that stupid Hemingway book that put me to sleep after three pages.” I made up my air mattress excuse for a bed, climbed underneath the covers and pulled down my pajamas so that the cotton sheet touched my bare legs and diaper. I didn’t have to pee yet, and when I still didn’t after talking to Vince for another few minutes I decided to change that. I reluctantly climbed away from the warm sheets and headed downstairs to make some hot chocolate. As soon as I opened the cabinet door to get a mug, a glass came flying out in my face, hit the counter, rolled to the floor and shattered. I gasped and jumped, and when I did, I peed a little bit in my diaper. “Are you all right?” Vince asked. “What was that?” “A glass just fell out of the cabinet! It almost hit my head! It’s like their kitchen is trying to kill me!” I cried, rattled both by the flying glass and the fact that I’d peed without meaning to, like a little kid. “Oh, relax. It must’ve just been stacked on something and leaning against the door. They should free up some cabinet space.” “Ariel must’ve unloaded the dishwasher. She always tries to stack stuff up everywhere where it won’t fit,” I said, calming down a bit. I filled a mug with water, put it in the microwave and grabbed the dustpan and broom to sweep the glass up. “What are you making, anyway?” Vince asked. “Hot chocolate.” “Yum, make me some.” “You’re not here, silly.” “I could come over.” “Um…” Then I would have to take my diaper off. “You’d better not. Jessica and Ryan might get mad.” “Yeah, I guess it wouldn’t be a good idea to lose your best babysitting client.” “And that whole thing with them being family might be a problem too,” I added. “How are your guitar lessons with Ryan coming?” “Good, I guess,” I replied. “I still can’t sing while I play, though.” “Oh, that can be tricky. I couldn’t sing while I played piano for like two years.” Vince has been playing piano since he was five, and singing since he was four. Sometimes he does accompaniments at our chorus concerts and the orchestra concerts. I only took chorus because it seemed like an easy elective and he was in it, but then I found I really enjoyed singing. “Are you going to make mads next year?” I asked Vince now. Madrigals is the highest honors chorus in our school. Chorale is in the middle and mixed chorus is at the bottom, which was what we were in now because freshman can’t be in honors. Vince couldn’t be in Chorale though since it was all girls, and I was hoping I would do well enough in my audition to be in Madrigals with him. “Well, I’m definitely going to try.” “Oh, you’ll make it. I don’t know if I will, though. I need to figure out what to audition with.” We talked for a few more minutes about auditions and final exams, which weren’t for another six weeks but we were already getting excited about the end of school. Caitlin and Cody were spending July in Georgia with their dad, which was a in a way a relief since oncoming puberty and her increasing disgust with her diapers made Caitlin constantly cranky and hard to live with. Jenny was planning to spend her days without her children at the office, so I would have the house to myself on weekdays until I left for Mom’s in August. Vince and I hardly ever had an empty house with no homework to do, so we were excited about the increased freedom but I also wondered exactly what he was expecting from me. I’m barely fifteen years old. I don’t know if I want a relationship as serious as Vince wants us to be. I have a hard time just telling him I love him. I drank my hot chocolate and went back up to the room I was sleeping in, and sure enough, pretty soon I had to pee. I have a hard time wetting a diaper when I’m around other people, but I’m getting better. A few weeks ago I was wearing a diaper under sweatpants and helping Jenny make dinner, and I was able to wet it while talking to her about whether to put pepper in the mashed potatoes, even though I was terrified it’d leak. I would never poop when I was around someone else, though. I don’t poop in diapers very often anyway. So Vince and I were talking about how much we hated the girls on the field hockey team, and I just let it out. Warm pee spread through the diaper faster than it could be absorbed, which I think is just the best feeling in the world. I mean, most people enjoy hot baths, so what’s so different about peeing in a diaper as far as how it feels? I was sitting on the floor in a diaper so soaked I thought it might leak, and I felt more relaxed than I had all day. And Vince had no idea. “Hey, Dani?” he asked. “Can I call you back? My mom needs the phone.” “Sure.” I needed to clean up anyway. “Actually, don’t worry about calling back. I need to do my homework.” “Oh, I see how it is,” he joked. “You love your homework more than you love me.” “Sorry honey, you just don’t turn me on the way studying photosynthesis does.” We always have this conversation when one of us has to hang up to study, and one time I started to say that he didn’t turn me on the way diapers do and caught myself before the word came out. Ever since then I’ve been a lot more careful to think before I speak and catch those Freudian slips. “Oh, I’m sorry I’m just not as good for you as your biology book is,” he replied. I could tell from his voice that he was smiling. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? I love you.” “Love you too,” I replied quickly. We hung up and I grabbed my novel for English and snuggled under the covers of my makeshift bed. Might as well enjoy my diaper before it got completely cold. I wish Vince could change me, but I need to find out how he feels about TBs and DLs in general before I tell him about my diapers. After a few minutes, I realized I had to pee again. If I was in my own bed, I’d just pee again in the diaper but I didn’t want it to leak here and have someone think I wet the bed, so I went to the bathroom to change. I pulled the tabs away from the sides of the diaper and pulled it off. It sagged in my hand from the weight of urine. Just then I heard a knock on the door. “Danielle? Hurry up, I gotta pee,” Ariel announced. “Go use your mom’s bathroom. I need to take a shower,” I replied, startled. At least she knocked. I wish I could say the same for her mom. Ariel sighed loudly and I heard her walking away. If she’d been more awake she probably would’ve nagged me more and it might’ve occurred to her that I was taking so long because I was changing my diaper, but she was groggy and just wanted to go back to bed. I left the diaper on the bathroom floor while I took my shower, and after I got dried off and back into my pajamas I put it in one of the plastic bags kept in the bathroom for Ariel to put her goodnites in. I sealed the bag and went out to the garage and put it in the trash can, came back inside and went to sleep. |