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danielleandariel.com The Double Life of Ariel Crawford Selling Out |
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Ariel Summary Download Selling Out Misc. |
Heart’s “These Dreams” was playing softly from the radio as I slowly came back to consciousness. That didn’t make much sense. I never fell asleep with the radio on, and my radio was set to a rock station anyway. I kept my eyes closed though. Maybe I could just ignore my throbbing head, full bladder and extremely dry mouth and go back to sleep.
“I love that song. It just wants me want to cuddle up with someone special. This is Delilah, getting you through the night with some of my favorite easy listening tunes. I’ve got Jared on the phone here. Jared, who would you like to dedicate a song to?”
I reached over to turn the radio off and instead smacked something soft, which muttered something. Slowly I opened my eyes and rubbed them, which had an effect similar to rubbing my face in salty, damp sandpaper. Vince was sleeping beside me in a t-shirt and boxers. This was his bed. The clock read 3:43 a.m.
I was only wearing my bra and panties, but I didn’t have to wonder why he’d taken my clothes off. It probably had to do with the streaks of dried vomit in my hair. It was just as well, anyway, because on top of everything else I was sweaty and probably smelled extremely bad.
I had promised Jenny I’d be home by midnight, but there wasn’t much I could do about that except hope that she knew I was safe without knowing I was sleeping half-naked in Vince’s bed and why. Right now, it wasn’t my biggest concern. I had two problems that were more pressing, and one of them was going to solve itself if I didn’t go to the bathroom soon.
I filled up Vince’s Mickey Mouse cup in his bathroom and drank while I sat on the toilet, then headed downstairs, stumbling a little on the steps. I filled a glass from the Brita pitcher, cold from the fridge, and drank steadily. Water had never tasted so good to me. But sometime into the second glass, it started tasting coppery and my stomach hurt. I belched and suddenly realized I was going to throw up.
After I finished, I rubbed the vomit off Vince’s toilet seat, since my hand was already covered in dried reddish-brown stuff that had somehow even gotten caked into my cuticles. My skin was clammy and smelled like beer. I brushed my teeth with Vince’s toothbrush and climbed in the shower.
Vince’s orange Dial soap didn’t exactly compare well to my body wash, and I had to wash my hair in one of those horrible 2-in-1 shampoo/conditioner things that would probably dry it out, but I felt better once I was clean. The hot water made me a little dizzy, though. I stumbled back to Vince’s bed and cuddled up to him.
“Jesus! Your hair is freezing!” he said groggily.
“Sorry!” I snapped back, hurt that he was so grouchy when I didn’t feel well. I moved myself away so that I wasn’t touching him anymore and fell asleep quickly.
When I woke up, bright sunlight was streaming in from the window, and I was sweating in the warm room. Vince was gone. My head felt like someone was pounding a hammer inside my brain.
Vince came back into the room, eating a bagel, and sat down on the edge of the bed. I put my head in his lap and looked up at him. His face was expressionless. “I’m sorry?” I said sweetly.
“You got puke all over the toilet seat,” he said.
“I’ll clean it up. Just…give me a minute.” My head was killing me.
“No, I cleaned it already. And I cleaned my sister’s car last night.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“I have never seen anyone throw up so much.”
“Sorry.”
“It wasn’t exactly attractive.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Thank you for taking care of me.”
“Well, I don’t know why you had to drink so much.”
“Everybody else was.” I knew that was a lame excuse. I expected Vince to come back with the classic “If everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you do it too?” but he remained silent.
“Where does my aunt think I am?”
Vince sighed. “I called Sarah on her cell and got her to call Jenny and tell her you’d gone over to her house and fallen asleep on the couch, and I guess everything is still okay, but you’d better get home soon.”
“Do you think I could have some ibuprofen before I go?” I asked.
Vince sighed again, but he got up and came back a minute later with some pills and a cup of Gatorade. “Drink this,” he said. “It’ll help your body restore its natural balance of salts and electrolytes.”
“You my little science geek,” I said, giving him a kiss.
“It’s common sense,” he replied, turning red.
A little while later, with my hair combed and dressed in a pair of jeans I’d borrowed from Vince’s sister and one of his t-shirts, I walked home. I turned the doorknob slowly, terrified that as soon as I stepped in I’d be greeted by a mob of people with breathalyzers demanding to know my whereabouts of the last fourteen hours. Instead the house was pretty quiet. “Hello?” I called tentatively.
“Hi,” Jenny replied, coming out of her office. “Did you have a nice time?”
“Yeah.”
“I tried to call Sarah’s house a little while ago to see when you were coming home, but nobody answered.”
“Oh…her mom took us to IHOP for breakfast.”
“That was nice of her. I hope you said thank you.”
“I did. Where is everyone?”
“Caitlin’s in her room with Ariel, and Cody’s still sleeping. A couple of his friends slept over last night, and they were up late playing video games.”
“Cool.”
“Do you have to work today?”
“No, I don’t have to work again till Monday.”
“Good. I have a chance for you to earn a little money. Bill and I wanted to go to the movies…”
“Bill? Who’s Bill?”
“He’s just a friend of mine,” Jenny said, blushing. “Anyway, we wanted to go to the movies with Ryan and Jessica…”
“Ooh, like a double date?”
“Will you let me finish, please? We wanted to go see a movie at one, and we were wondering if you’d baby-sit.”
“That’s not a very romantic time to go see a movie.”
“Danielle, he’s just a friend. We met at an office party.”
“Wow, y’all really know how to live it up.”
“Are you interested in babysitting or not?”
“I guess so.” I just hoped Joey didn’t throw any tantrums. The headache was better, but I wasn’t ready for loud noises.
“You don’t have to do much. Just don’t let them burn the house down. Oh, and under no circumstances is Nick allowed here or is Caitlin allowed at his house. I told her she could go over there tomorrow. When his mom will be home.”
“Okay.” I didn’t feel like arguing. Caitlin could fight her own battles, if she learned to hold her temper.
“I’m going to make some bacon and eggs for Cody and his friends. Do you want some?”
Food. Bad. I must’ve made a face, because Jenny said, “Oh, that’s right, you ate already.”
“Yeah. I’m just gonna go up to my room.” I headed upstairs. As I passed Caitlin’s room, she said loudly, “Somebody got wasted last night.”
“I did not,” I replied, opening the door. She and Ariel were lying on her bed painting their nails.
“You didn’t come home,” Caitlin said accusingly. “You spent the night at Vince’s.”
“No, I went to Sarah’s afterwards.”
“No you didn’t, because I heard her saying she was spending the weekend at her grandma’s. You’re wearing Vince’s clothes, too.”
I sighed and sat down beside her. “Okay, so last night wasn’t exactly my crowning moment.”
“Did you really get drunk?” Ariel asked.
“Yeah, and puked everywhere.”
“Ew.”
“How much did you drink?” Caitlin asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t remember that much.”
“That’s not cool. You’re not gonna start doing that every weekend, are you?”
“Not if Vince has anything to say about it. He’s a little pissed.” I stood up. “I think I’m going to go lie down.”
I rested until Jessica and Ryan brought Joey over and left for the movie. Naturally Ariel and Caitlin wanted nothing to do with him and refused to come out of Caitlin’s room. Cody’s friends had gone home, so I was able to entice him into helping Joey build a house with his large toddler legos. I still felt nauseated so I watched, occasionally sticking a lego on or saying, “Wow, it looks great.”
Caitlin and Ariel came downstairs. I heard them getting cookies in the kitchen and then the front door opened and closed. I jumped up and ran after them. “Hey! Where are you going?”
Caitlin turned around from the driveway. “Oh, we’re going to ride our bikes to Nick’s.”
“Oh no you’re not.”
“Why not?” Ariel asked, frowning.
“Because Caitlin’s not allowed over there if his parents aren’t home. Jenny specifically told me she couldn’t go there today.”
“Well, Mom’s not here,” Caitlin said.
“So, you know you still have to follow her rules.”
“Rules?” Caitlin laughed. “You’re a good one to talk. You don’t follow crap. You have your boyfriend over all the time when you’re not supposed to, and I don’t say anything. Then you go out and get drunk off your ass and spend the whole night out, and get away with that too, and I still don’t say a word. So you cover for me for once, and I’ll keep my mouth shut about you getting drunk.”
“What, you think you can blackmail me?”
“It’s not blackmail. I’m making up for the fact that you can pull the wool over anyone’s eyes and they trust you anyway. Meanwhile, I’m stuck around the house all summer for no good reason.”
“What am I supposed to tell your mom when she comes home?”
“I’ll be home before she is.” Caitlin rode out towards the road. “You coming?” she said to Ariel, who was frozen in place, looking uncertain.
“I don’t know if I want to go,” she said finally. “My mom will kill me if she finds out. Why don’t we just stay here?” Caitlin rolled her eyes. “I brought my Justin Timberlake CD; we can listen to that.”
But that was the wrong thing to say, because Caitlin had decided a few weeks earlier that she was too old for boy bands. She twisted up her mouth like she was trying not to blurt out what she really wanted to say. “No thank you,” she said finally, primly, and turned around and rode away.
“You better be back by three!” I yelled, knowing I was the one who was screwed if she didn’t.
Ariel kicked at the cement. “Crap,” she said finally.
“She’s mad at me, not you,” I tried to explain. “She’s been moody all summer.”
“Well, I try to be nice to her, and she throws it back in my face,” Ariel said sadly.
“It’s just her age,” I tried to explain. “Twelve is hard. She can’t do any of the stuff I can do, but she feels like it’s beneath her to hang out with younger kids.”
“Yeah, like me.” We went back inside to Joey and Cody. Ariel pulled Joey into her lap.
“You still like me, don’t you?” Joey gave her a hug and a kiss. Ariel smiled. “I love you too. Don’t be growing up and getting too cool for me like your cousin, okay?”
“Why?” he asked.
“Cause it’d make me sad.”
“Why?”
“Cause I like playing with you.”
“Why?”
“Okay, go back to your legos now.”
“Why?”
“Where’d Caitlin go?” Cody asked.
“To Nick’s. She’ll be back before your mom gets home, and we’re not going to say a word about it to her. Do you understand?”
“Because Mom would kill you?”
“Something like that.”
“Well, I’m glad she’s gone,” he said, twirling a lego between his fingers. “She’s crabby.”
The phone rang. “I’ll get it!” Cody said eagerly, jumping up and running for the cordless that had slid down into the couch cushions. “Oh. Danielle, it’s for you.”
“Well, who were you expecting?” I asked, grabbing it from him. “Hello?”
“Hey,” Vince said flatly.
I glanced over at the kids, who were concentrating on the legos, and walked into the hallway. “How are you?” I asked quietly.
“I had to call you,” he said. “Don’t think because I called, I’m not mad. I’m really mad at you for last night.”
“I know, I shouldn’t have gotten drunk. I’m realizing how stupid that was.”
“It’s not just that. I thought it was that, but really, I think I’m more mad that you got drunk with Andrew instead of me.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
“I know you don’t like talking to my friends that much. But I wouldn’t have hung out with them all night if you had been with me. I couldn’t even find you for part of the night, or Andrew. Don’t you think I wondered if something was going on?”
“But you should’ve trusted me…”
“Well, we’ll get to that in a minute. I know you guys didn’t do anything. I know because if you had, you would’ve told me when you were drunk. Because apparently you can’t keep anything to yourself when you’re drunk.”
“What do you mean?”
“Look, I was suspicious for a long time. I mean, you seemed to be hiding something from me, but I never thought it’d be this. Even after I found those diapers in your closet…”
“WHAT?”
“It was an accident. I came by a couple of months ago, remember before I went to that SCA conference for the weekend, because I’d left my Ocean Lakes sweatshirt at your place. You weren’t home, but your aunt told me I could look in your closet for the sweatshirt. And there was this half-full bag of adult diapers in there. Attends, I think, to be precise. And I wondered if they were just your cousin’s and if so, what they were doing in your closet, or if you were hiding something from me. But I thought maybe you had a problem, you were wetting your bed or something, and didn’t want to tell me. So I didn’t say anything. I waited for you to come to me. I didn’t ever think it would be anything like you told me last night.”
“Last night?” I asked blankly. Fear was slowly starting to hang over me like a dark cloud. My hands were shaking and so sweaty I almost dropped the phone.
“You don’t even remember?” he asked.
“No,” I whispered, but it was starting to come back to me. Andrew’s dark living room. The taste of cheap beer in my mouth. And my voice, loud and smug and mocking: “Half the time when you call me at night and we’re talking, I’m wearing one! Sometimes I pee in it and you have no clue! See! You don’t know me at all!”
“I don’t know what to say,” I said finally.
“Well, that’s a first,” he snapped.
“I’m sorry.”
“I can’t believe it. It was like someone punched me in the stomach. I mean, you know every damn thing about me. Every damn secret. Everything about my shitty life. And I had always tried to accept that you weren’t ready to open to me. But jeez, it’s been two years, and you never trusted me enough to tell me this. You have to get drunk to open up to me. And then you finally do, and you don’t just tell me, you tell the whole world!”
“Do you think anyone actually heard?”
“Well, you were only talking loudly enough for it to be heard in China. And people were giving you weird looks for the rest of the night. But maybe I’m wrong. It certainly didn’t stop Andrew from running up to attend to you when you got sick.”
I slid down the wall onto the floor, suddenly feeling pretty weak, and I didn’t think it was from the hangover. The party was coming back to me a little more. Not just what I’d said, but what I’d done before. I’d said hi to some people I went to school with. Only a few, because almost everyone there went to Andrew’s school, but there were a few people there I knew by name from school. I wondered if they’d still been around when I blurted out to the world that I liked diapers. I wondered if they’d gotten on the phone today and how many people from our school knew. Most of the people at our school were pretty open-minded. Nobody ever got teased much as far as I knew, and there was a disappointing lack of full-blown fights. But people talked. People talked about who was dating who, and who was sleeping with who, and whose mom was sleeping with whose dad, and who came from dysfunctional families. Having a student body of 2,400 didn’t stop people from knowing each other’s business, at least within their own cliques. And I did not like to be the subject of even more grist for the gossip mill.
“I’m sorry,” I said finally. “That’s all I know to say. I always wanted you to know, but I didn’t know how you’d react. I was worried you might tell someone.”
“Did you really think you couldn’t trust me to keep it a secret?”
“Well, after we’d been dating for awhile, I thought you would, but then it was just like it’d been a secret for so long I couldn’t imagine you knowing. Look, I’ve never told anyone. Most of my family knows, but they found out by accident, and they never talk about it, so it’s like they don’t know.”
“Do you think I could come over?” he asked, his voice catching like he was on the verge of tears. I wanted to tell him yes. Thinking about him sitting alone in his house crying made me feel terrible, but if Caitlin got home and Vince was there I’d be in trouble.
“I’m babysitting,” I said. “But Jenny will be home around 4 or so. You could come over after that, maybe stay for dinner.”
“Okay.”
Ariel came out into the hallway, carrying Joey. “Hold on a second, Vince,” I said.
Ariel bounced Joey on her hip. “Joey, tell her what you said to me. Tell Dani!”
Joey buried his head in Ariel’s shirt, grinning shyly. “I gotta go pee pee.”
“Okay. Ariel, why don’t you get him started. I’ll be there in a second.” I turned back to the phone. “Vince, I gotta get going.”
“Can’t you talk for a little bit longer?”
“No,” I said, a little annoyed. “I’m babysitting. I’m not really supposed to be on the phone at all. Look, I’ll call you when you can come over. Okay?”
“I guess. I love you.”
“Love you too,” I said quickly. “Bye.” I dropped the phone on its charger and joined Ariel and Cody in the bathroom, who were sitting on the floor staring at Joey perched on his little portable potty like he was a display in a store. “Out, out, out,” I said. “How can he concentrate with everyone staring at him?”
“I should stay because he needs his big sister,” Ariel said. “Cody needs to stay in case Joey needs a demonstration.”
“A demonstration of what?” Cody asked blankly.
“You know, how big boys go potty.”
“I’m not showing him that!”
“Well, you’re a bad big cousin then!”
“Joey knows how big boys go potty,” I said quickly, and Cody looked relieved. “But he needs his privacy. You all wouldn’t like a bunch of people staring at you when you go to the bathroom.” Ariel and Cody, bummed about missing the show, left and I sat there with Joey.
“Do you still have to go pee pee?” I asked, and he nodded. “Would you like to hear a story while we wait?”
”Yes,” he said.
“What’s the magic word?”
“Pease,” he added.
I went and got a Dr. Suess book from the bag of toys Jessica had brought over and brought it back. “The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house all that cold, cold wet day…” I was getting to the part where Thing 1 and Thing 2 came out when finally I heard Joey starting to pee. I kept reading until he was done and put the book down. “What a big boy!”
Joey grinned. “Tell Mommy,” he said as he stood up and pulled his pull-up and shorts up. They were still pretty twisted so I straightened them out for him.
“I will tell her as soon as she gets home from her movie. She’s going to be so proud!” I emptied the potty seat bowl into the toilet and said, “Now what do we do?” Some little kids are scared of flushing, but Joey reached right up, pushed the lever and laughed hysterically at the loud noise. I lifted him up to the sink so he could wash his hands.
“Do you want to finish the book?”
“Yes pease,” he said. I took him in the living room, and we snuggled up together on the couch with the book. Ariel came in and looked a little surprised. “Did you go potty?”
“Uh huh,” Joey said, a little annoyed that she’d interrupted his book.
“Good job! Do you want me to read that to you?”
“Dani is reading it.”
“But I bet she doesn’t do the fishy voice like I do.”
“Yes she does,” Joey said. “I like hers better.”
“Oh,” Ariel said. “Well, I guess I’ll just go up to Caitlin’s room then.”
“You can read with us,” I offered. “There’s room. Here, we’ll all sit up.”
“I want to lie down with you!” Joey cried, clinging to me.
“It’s okay,” Ariel said. “I’ll go read my own book.” She gave us one last sad look and then wandered off. I felt a little bad, but Joey pushed the book under my nose.
“Read!” he insisted.
“Okay.” I got back to the story. After we were done he picked out another book, and I started on that one. Halfway through, I noticed he’d fallen asleep. I was pretty tired too. I put the book down on the coffee table, stretched out on the couch with Joey still in my arms, put my head on a pillow and went to sleep.
It seemed like I’d only been out a second when I heard people whispering. “Look at them! So sweet!”
“Danielle,” Jenny said, shaking my shoulder a little. “Wake up, honey. We’re home. Jessica needs Joey.”
“Oh,” I mumbled, opening my eyes. There was a whole crowd of people standing around me. Aunt Jenny, Jessica, Ariel, Cody, and, surprisingly, Vince. “Where’s Caitlin?” I asked, suddenly panicky. Jenny looked confused.
“She’s in her room,” Ariel said quickly.
“Oh, okay. Just wondering.” I sat up as much as I could, waking Joey, who immediately reached for his mom. Jessica picked him up and jiggled him up and down in her arms.
“Did you have a nice nap, big guy?”
“He used his potty,” I said.
“You did!” Jessica said to Joey. “I think you’re ready for big-boy underwear.” Joey grinned but I noticed Ariel didn’t look too happy about that.
After Jessica had taken Joey and Ariel home, Vince and I went up to my room. Caitlin slammed her door when we passed her room. “What was that about?” Vince asked.
“Oh, it’s a long story.” I didn’t really feel like talking about it. “So when did you get here?”
“Actually I walked into your yard around the same time as your aunt pulled up.” Vince had a plastic bag, which he handed to me once we were in my room. “It’s your clothes. I wouldn’t open that bag till I was ready to wash them if I were you.”
“Oh, you didn’t wash them?”
“God!” He threw the bag down on the bed. “Who the fuck do you think I am, your man-slave?”
“Sorry! I’m sorry!” My eyes filled with tears. I buried my head in my pillow so he wouldn’t see, catching a glimpse of his guilty look before I did.
“Why do you always have to cry over every little thing?” he asked wearily, sitting down on my desk chair. “Look, I didn’t come over here to fight with you.”
“I know,” I said, sniffling. “Sorry.”
“Okay.” He grabbed my desk chair and sat there instead of on my bed beside me. “So…”
“Well…” I drummed my feet on the floor and looked around the room. “Did you have a nice walk over here?”
“It was the same as always,” he said
“Oh.”
“Those bushes beside the road are starting to get berries on them.”
“That’s nice.”
“Yep.” Vince picked up a pencil and started twirling it in his fingers.
“So are you still pissed at me?”
“Yep.”
“Sorry.”
“Will you quit saying that?” he snapped. “I hate it when you say ‘sorry’ like that. It sounds like we’re in first grade and you took my crayons and the teacher made you say it. It doesn’t do a damn thing to fix anything.”
“Okay.” I took a deep breath. “I guess you could tell me exactly what you’re mad about.”
“Let’s see. You ditched me to go off and get drunk with some surfer guy you hardly know, a guy who goes from girl to girl like an unneutered tomcat, and he has his arm around you half the night night. Then finally one of my friends drags you back tome and you tell me that, after two years of being in a relationship, you think I’m too controlling and you’ve been hiding this huge secret from me.”
“Well, I shouldn’t have gotten drunk. It was irresponsible. I’m not planning on doing it again. But Andrew’s not some guy I hardly know. We’re friends. And he doesn’t sleep around. He’s been with one girl.”
“You did a chorus thing with him and he gave you a ride home from school a couple of times. That’s hardly a life-bonding friendship. And that one girl who he sleeps with is his childhood friend who he just decided to sleep with for the heck of it, and now they hang out with a bunch of other people to make each other jealous. Like you.”
“It’s not like that. He’s a nice guy…”
“I don’t want to hear it,” Vince said. “I don’t get this. I mean, when I came in you were sleeping on the couch with Joey, and you looked so sweet. It was really hard to believe you were the same person who was stumbling over my feet drunk last night.”
“Shh!” I said.
“Oh, you don’t want your aunt to hear? You don’t want her to know that you got so drunk you couldn’t stand up when you’re five years underage? Maybe I should tell her.”
“Don’t you dare. I will never talk to you again.”
He looked at me for a long moment, then shook his head. “You’re willing to throw away a two-year relationship for one night?”
“Well, that’s what you seem to think I did anyway.”
“I don’t know. I’m pretty mad that you got drunk. But the main thing is that you told me you’d been keeping a secret from me for the whole time we’ve known each other. And you didn’t seem to care.”
“I know.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say, so I started playing with my bracelet. “I guess I never told you before because I didn’t know how to say it, and I didn’t know how you’d react.”
“Finding out like that was worse than any other way you could’ve told me.”
“It’s not like I planned on it. It just came out. I didn’t even remember telling you until you mentioned it this afternoon.”
“Reason number 456 why getting drunk is a bad idea.”
“I know, I know. Look, I feel like crap. I’ve had a headache all day, I’ve been nauseous, and I’ve felt like shit anyway because you were mad at me. So can we please leave it at I’m sorry I got drunk and I won’t do it again?”
“Yes. And now we can talk about the other thing. I thought we were best friends. Why didn’t you tell me that you liked to wear diapers? It obviously means a lot to you.”
“I couldn’t tell you because we are best friends. What if you thought I was weird? What if you were so turned off you didn’t like me anymore?”
“Well, it’s not really a turn-on.”
“I didn’t think you’d like it.”
“I just don’t get why you do. I mean, diapers? What is so attractive about them? I’ve never thought about them in any way except for babies.”
“I know. I hadn’t either. But a long time ago, before I moved here, I was visiting my cousins and Ariel wore them then and for some reason it just appealed to me. So I tried one on, and I liked it. Maybe if you wore one you’d like it.”
Vince flinched. “I don’t know about that.”
“Look, some people are into S&M or bondage. They enjoy it. Well, DLs enjoy…”
“DLs?”
“Diaper lovers.”
“You mean there’s a name for people who like this stuff? Other people like this?”
“There’s a ton of websites devoted to ‘this stuff.’ What do you think Ariel would’ve been if she kept wearing diapers when she hit puberty?”
“I don’t know, a therapy patient probably.”
“If you’re going to be an ass about this, you can leave.”
“Well, I just don’t understand it. It doesn’t seem healthy. I don’t think S&M or any of that crap is really healthy anyway. It can’t be healthy if you have to hide it so much from all your family and friends.”
“Do you tell your family and friends everything about your sex life? Do you think you should? Maybe you should go home and tell your mom, ‘Hey Mom, I get really turned on when Danielle tickles my balls!’”
He blushed. “That’s different!”
“No, it’s still something you wouldn’t tell your family or me about. I had to find out for myself.”
“What if I put one on? Do you think maybe that would help?” I asked, hoping he’d at least get excited about seeing me half-naked.
“If you think it would. I guess I had to see this sometime.”
I got one of my Attends out of my closet and started taking off my jeans. Vince didn’t quite have his usual eager expression. He frowned a little when I lay down on my bed and started putting on the diaper. I felt kind of silly.
“Do you want to do this?” I asked.
“No, I’d better not,” he said awkwardly. “I’ve never diapered anyone before.”
“You never helped with your little sister’s diapers when she was a baby?”
“No. I was like ten or eleven. Boys don’t change diapers.”
“Well, that’s dumb. I used to change Cody’s diapers when I was that age. He was the first guy I ever saw naked.”
“That’s disturbing.”
“Vince, he was a baby! My aunt and my mom couldn’t always do it. I was just helping.”
“Who was the next guy?”
“You! I think.” I thought for a moment. “Actually, I think it was Joey.”
“What about Andrew?”
“What about him?” I asked, sitting up. I was facing my boyfriend in nothing but a diaper and a t-shirt for the first time, and he was looking at me with about as much enthusiasm as he looked at his chemistry book. Meanwhile, my stomach was queasy, and I didn’t think it was still because of the hangover.
“Ever seen him naked?”
“No! You know I haven’t.”
“Well, I don’t know, I thought maybe walking around naked was part of his whole ‘I’m a surfer, life is like the ocean’ mentality or something.”
“Stop being a jerk. You don’t like him. I know that. I think we all know that. Let’s move on. What do you think of the diaper?”
“It’s okay,” he said blandly.
“Do you like it at all?”
“I don’t know. I mean, it’s kind of like looking at you in your chorus dress. You’re beautiful, but it doesn’t compliment you at all.”
“That’s fair, I guess.”
“Look, maybe I just need some time to get used to this. If it’s what you like, I’ll learn to deal with it.”
“But I don’t want you to just ‘deal with it’ to make me happy. I want you to enjoy it. That’s why I didn’t tell you for so long.” We were quiet for a minute. “Vince? If you’d known about this before we’d ever started dating, would you still have dated me?”
“I don’t know.” Vince suddenly became very interested in a pen that was sitting on top of my desk.
“You would’ve thought I was a psycho,” I said flatly. “You would’ve thought I needed therapy. Just like you said about Ariel.”
“I didn’t say that!” he snapped. “I told you, I just need some time. I think I should go home now.” He stood up.
“Okay,” I sighed. I stood up too and came over to him. “Are you still mad at me?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?” I put my arms around my neck and rested my head on his chest.
He kissed the top of my head and put his arms around my waist, just above the diaper. “I’m sure.”
I looked up and kissed him back. “You sure you don’t want to stay longer?”
“I’d better not.” He stepped back, looked at me, and sighed. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay.” He left and I sat back down on my bed. I didn’t feel like wearing the diaper anymore. I just wanted to go to sleep and erase the past two days. I didn’t want my boyfriend to treat me like I was a problem he was stuck with. I didn’t want him to leave me alone sitting there in a diaper, just because I was in a diaper. |