The Double Life of Ariel Crawford

 

 

By Megan

 


Chapter One

 

On a Monday two weeks before Christmas, Mrs. Ellis gave her first grade class a homework assignment. They were to write about what they wanted for Christmas.

Most of the papers were similar. Most of the children seemed to want toys, and lots of them. As Mrs. Ellis graded the papers, she felt vaguely disappointed. She didn't know what she'd been hoping for, but she found it when she read Ariel Crawford's paper.

"For Christmas, I want a tree. I saw one on TV, and it was so pretty. I asked Mommy if we could get one, and she said they were too expensive. Monica said I should ask Santa for one, but I know there's no Santa. Mommy told me about that when I was four when I asked her why he brought other kids more than he brought me."

Mrs. Ellis' heart melted for little Ariel, who wanted nothing more than a tree, because to her it symbolized the perfect Christmas. Ariel didn't even think about the gifts that normally went under the tree, she just wanted a tree - something every other student in Mrs. Ellis' class received automatically. Mrs. Ellis gave Ariel an "A", feeling that it was the least she could do for the child whose mother couldn't even afford a Christmas tree, much less gifts to go under it. When Ariel received her paper the next day in class, her eyes widened, for it was the first "A" she'd ever received.

Mrs. Ellis didn't think the little girl was particularly bright, though she tried. She just couldn't seem to understand how all the numbers in math fitted together. But reading was hardest for her. Every night, her mother would make her read out loud from books. She would stumble over every word, while her mother patiently corrected her. Jessica Crawford wasn't trying to humiliate her daughter. She could tell how much her daughter hated the reading, but it did seem to help, and Jessica wanted her daughter to do well in school. She wanted Ariel to go to college, so she could do something better with her life than waiting on tables.

 

For once, Jessica was there to pick up her daughter at the end of the day. Usually Ariel went home with Monica Johnson, who lived in the apartment next door to theirs. The girls were best friends and Jessica felt better knowing her daughter had someone to play with after school, although Monica’s mother wasn’t especially welcoming. But today Jessica had felt a need to spend time with her daughter and she had taken the afternoon off from her job as a waitress, even though she knew how badly they needed that money. The last thing Jessica wanted to do was get back on welfare, but if things didn't get any better, she knew she'd have to.

 

Jessica's own parents had been killed in a car accident when she was two and she'd spent the next fourteen years moving from one foster family to another. As far as she was concerned, the public had already spent enough money on her. After she'd become pregnant with Ariel at age sixteen, she'd been determined to do whatever she had to do to keep the baby, despite the fact that Ariel's father wasn't capable of being a good dad, though he'd seemed like one at the time.

She'd gotten the waitressing job and the apartment shortly after becoming pregnant with Ariel. She had never gotten overly huge, and she'd waited on tables until seven months into her pregnancy when the doctor told her she had to stop to keep the baby safe. After Ariel’s daddy ran off, she'd been on welfare for five months thanks to all the bills and debt he’d left behind. Despite the fact that he’d had a pretty good job before he left, he still could never manage their money. Now she was hoping to return to school so she could get a better job, but she didn't have the money to go back. It was a vicious cycle. She needed money to return to school so she could get a good job, and she needed a good job to get money to return to school.


Ariel's eyes lit up as she saw her mother's eleven-year-old Ford Escort pulled up at the curb. She got in the car and proudly handed her mother her "A" paper before even saying hello.

"Hey, what's this? An A? All right! See, I always knew you were smart!"

"Read it, Mommy," Ariel said happily. She loved knowing that she had made her mother proud. But Jessica had already pulled away from the curb.

"I'll read it as soon as we get home," she promised her daughter.

When they arrived at the apartment, Jessica sank down into their secondhand couch with a tired sigh. Even though she'd taken off early, it had still been a long day. She read her daughter's paper in silence.

"Ariel? Is this what you really want for Christmas?" she asked her daughter.

"Yes. More than anything else in the whole world."

"Well, I'll see what I can do."

It pained Jessica that she could not even afford to buy her daughter a Christmas tree. They had a fake tree, but it was a dinky little thing that fell over whenever it was touched. Jessica dreaded setting it up again this year, but live trees were so expensive. Still, she ought to try to get one. After all, Ariel would receive no more than a few simple gifts that year.

Early the next morning, Jessica was awakened by crying. She knew without even checking on her daughter that it had happened again. For the past three mornings, Ariel had been waking up in soaked pajamas, crying. Each time, Jessica had consoled her daughter and changed the sheets, yet neither she nor Ariel could come up with a reason for Ariel's sudden bedwetting. Jessica walked into her daughter's room.

"It happened again, Mommy. I just couldn't help it."

"Don't worry about it, honey. It could happen to anyone."

"But I'm six years old and it always happens to me! What's wrong with me?"

Jessica held her daughter close until her sobs quieted. "It's okay; it's nothing to be ashamed of. You probably got it from me. I went through the same thing when I was your age."

"You did?"

"Yes, except it was worse for me because I was living with foster parents. I had to wake up every morning and ask a stranger to change my sheets. It was so embarrassing. I did it every night for a month, and then I stopped and I never did it again. I never could figure out why."

Once again, she helped Ariel get changed and then stripped the bed, leaving the mattress bare to dry while they were gone all day. She was more concerned about it than she let on. It was true that she'd done it herself when she was Ariel's age, but she hadn't been a happy six-year-old. She remembered her parents better than everyone thought and missed them deeply. She also hadn't liked the people she'd been staying with; they were cruel and abusive and never did anything in the four years she lived there to make her feel loved. She wondered why they'd become foster parents if they didn't even like kids. Every morning when she woke up wet, they acted like it was her fault and reacted violently. Finally, they'd demanded that she be removed from their home. She'd been placed with another couple, people who actually seemed to care about her and didn’t make a big deal about the wetting, and it'd soon stopped.

So why was Ariel wetting the bed? She seemed happy enough. Jessica had never hesitated to let her daughter know how much she loved her. However, there was the absence of Ariel's father. Ariel had asked about him once when she was three, and Jessica had explained to her that he just hadn't been mature enough to take on a child. The next morning, Ariel had been wet. Jessica hadn't been worried then; after all, Ariel certainly had reason to wet her bed that morning, and she'd only been potty trained for a couple of months then, anyway. But now...Jessica just didn't know.

That evening, Ariel brought home a reading test for Jessica to sign. She'd gotten a C-. This was a fairly good grade for Ariel in
Reading; her grades usually averaged a D. But Jessica was still concerned, and Ariel seemed very upset. It wasn't the grade so much as it was the note written across the top of the paper, "Please call me for a conference at your earliest convenience."

Tears slid down Ariel's face as she handed her mother that paper. She hated knowing that she tried her best and still did badly and she knew that her mother would spend more time than ever having her read every night.
Reading was a terrible monster from which she had no escape. She had to learn to read, no one could get along without reading, and yet little Ariel tried so hard but could not read.

Jessica looked at the paper and knew in her heart that Ariel did try her best but she also knew what Ariel was not stupid, no matter what anyone said. She would call Ariel's teacher tomorrow and see what she had to say and she also knew, deep in her heart, that there was no more that could be done for Ariel in first grade.

Still, there was no point in worrying Ariel about that now. She took her shopping for a tree instead. They got a small one, but there wasn't much room in the apartment for trees anyway, so it didn't matter. Jessica realized that they had hardly any ornaments for a tree and no stand so they went and got those, too, and altogether it came over sixty dollars, which was as much as Jessica made in a day sometimes. She knew what they couldn't really afford it, but when she looked into Ariel's eyes, she saw happiness again, and it was worth it.

They stayed up late decorating. Ariel was wearing a red nightgown and her blond curls hung down and shone in the light. Jessica loved Ariel's curls and took pride in washing them and combing them out. She never could figure where Ariel had gotten them from. Jessica herself had long, slightly wavy chestnut-colored hair. Ariel's father, Josh, had curly hair but it was dark.

Jessica bitterly remembered that it had been more than four years now since she'd seen him. Four years since they'd had that terrible fight and in the end he'd denied everything, even denied that Ariel was his child. He'd left that night, left her by herself when she was only eighteen, despite all his false promises that he loved her and Ariel and that they were going to get married and live happily ever after.

Jessica sat up straight and shook her head. It would do her no good to focus on the past; she had to stay in the present, and right now it was past Ariel's bedtime. The next morning Ariel was dry and Jessica praised her heavily on being such a "big girl." Yet she wondered if Ariel would remain dry when she told her about her talk with Mrs. Ellis.

Jessica waited until after Ariel had climbed onto the school bus to call her teacher. Mrs. Ellis said exactly what Jessica'd known she was going to say all along.


Chapter Two

 

Ariel's birthday fell at the beginning of November. When Jessica had taken her in to register for kindergarten, the principal had advised her to wait until next year. Children with late birthdays, he said, usually have a hard time if they enter kindergarten at four. Since they were the youngest in the class, and often the least mature, they didn't understand things that others did and had trouble settling down and concentrating on schoolwork. Jessica had ignored the principal's advice and gone ahead and put Ariel in kindergarten. She couldn't afford another year of daycare.

At first Ariel did well in kindergarten but as they got more and more into reading and math, she fell behind. Jessica worked with her more and more, but her reading and writing still weren’t improving. When first grade had started, she felt even more lost. Now, there was only one solution. Ariel would have to repeat kindergarten. She would start after she came back from Christmas Break.

Jessica decided to tell her daughter the news as soon as she picked her up from Monica’s that night. "Guess what?” she said as she unlocked their front door. “I have some big news for you."

"What?" Ariel asked warily.

"I talked to your teacher, and she and I agreed that you didn’t learn what you were supposed to in kindergarten, and that’s why you’re having so much trouble now. So, as soon as you go back to school after Christmas, you’re going to be in kindergarten. Mr. Keever will be your teacher. I went to the school today and met him. He's very nice and he's going to work with you to make sure you understand everything."

Ariel was horrified: "No! I'm not going back to kindergarten! I'm not a baby! Don't make me go back, Mommy! I'll be good, I promise! I'll learn to read!"

Jessica sighed. She'd been expecting this. "Honey, no one said you were a baby. You have a hard time learning to read because you're younger than most of the kids in your class. But in kindergarten, the kids will be closer to your age and now that you're older, kindergarten will be easier than it was last year. You will understand reading and math better."

Ariel refused to be comforted. She'd worked so hard to get to first grade. Kindergarten had been a struggle, and she did not want to go through it again. She cried herself to sleep that night.

She woke up suddenly the next morning after a bad dream. She'd been in kindergarten and it had been recess, and all of her old friends from first grade were standing around her singing, "Kindergarten baby, stick your head in gravy!" She'd began to cry and they'd just yelled more and suddenly she'd wet her pants, making a large dark spot on her jeans, and everyone had laughed harder than ever.

Now she was awake and it had all been just a dream. But she really was wet. Once again, her bed and pajamas were soaking wet. Maybe her mother was sending her back to kindergarten because she'd been wetting her bed! Her mom thought she was a baby!

Jessica woke up and went to check on her daughter. Ariel was sitting up in bed, wide awake, the damp spot on her bed and pajamas clearly visible. "You know," she said as she helped Ariel get changed. "I'm not trying to punish you for this, but I don't have time to wash and change your sheets every day, and this isn’t good for your bed either. I'm afraid we're going to have to put you in pull-ups at night."

That night, Ariel lay awake in bed. She pulled off her pajama bottoms and glared at the pull-up. Her mother had told her several times that it wasn't a diaper; it was just underwear that happened to have padding on it in case she had an accident. But it sure looked like a diaper to Ariel. The only difference was that it didn't have the little tabs to hold it on. It wasn't even the good kind that had cartoons on it. She’d seen ones in the store that had “Rugrats,” her favorite TV show, on them. She couldn’t watch that show at home because they didn’t have cable, but Monica taped it and they watched it all the time at her house. Her mom said the name-brand pull-ups, like cable, were too expensive. That seemed to be her response to everything.

Ariel was determined to stay up all night. If she didn't fall asleep, she couldn't wet her pull-up, and if it was dry the next morning, maybe she wouldn't have to wear it anymore. She decided to go watch TV. As she got up to go into the living room, she felt an urge to pee but decided to check out what was on first.

She settled on some cartoons and immediately became absorbed in them. Suddenly she felt a spreading warm wetness in her crotch and realized she was peeing in her pull-up. Horrified, she ran to the bathroom and took off the soggy pull-up. Wow, I really peed a lot, she thought, staring at the large yellow stain. But the pull-up had held it all.

She'd have to change herself. She couldn't tell her mother, it was too embarrassing. Ariel couldn't believe she'd wet her pants. She hadn't done that for two years, but she still remembered the last time.

They had been at the park and Ariel got thirsty, so Jessica bought her a can of juice from a vending machine. They'd left the park shortly after, and Ariel had to pee but she hated the smelly bathrooms at the park so she didn’t say anything. Halfway home, they'd gotten caught in a traffic jam. Ariel told her mother she had to go, and Jessica had told her to try to hold it, and she had but after a few minutes she couldn't anymore and her pants got soaked. She took a bath and changed into clean clothes when they got home, and that had been the end of it. She hadn't been scolded.

Now Ariel took the smelly pull-up off and got a fresh one from the bag. She didn't know what to do with the old one. She couldn't put it in the trash can; it would smell up the apartment and eventually her mom would discover it. She put on the new pull-up. It really didn't feel too bad, very thick and fluffy, although it looked thin on the outside.

She took the old pull-up and wrapped it in a plastic bag. She snuck out of the apartment and to the dumpster outside. She couldn't reach the opening, though, so she dragged over an old wooden crate lying next to it and stood on that. Back inside, her promise to stay up all night forgotten, she lay down on her bed and fell asleep. Her pull-up was wet the next morning.

 

 


Chapter Three

 

A few days passed and Christmas break started. Ariel usually went to Monica's house during vacations but Monica's family went out of town, so Jessica took some vacation time to be with her daughter. Christmas passed uneventfully. Ariel was happy with her few gifts - a Barbie, some clothes, and best of all, a stuffed Chuckie from “Rugrats.” Chuckie was her favorite character.

Ariel continued to wet her bed every night. She no longer minded wearing a pull-up; in fact she was beginning to like it, although she'd never admit it. It felt soothing somehow, and it was also nice to not have to wake up in a soggy bed. She didn't have any more daytime accidents, much to her relief.

A week after Christmas, Jessica took her to the doctor for a physical. She was still concerned about Ariel’s bedwetting, and she mentioned it to Dr. Carter, much to Ariel’s embarrassment.

He said, "She’s probably pretty stressed about repeating kindergarten. Sometimes that can trigger bedwetting, and it’s still pretty common among kids her age anyway. Has she had any daytime accidents?”

Ariel turned pale wondering if he had maybe read her mind. But Jessica knew nothing of Ariel's previous accident and she said no. A few tests were done and Ariel proved to have no urinary disorders. Her bedwetting was clearly due to stress, the doctor said, and as Ariel's reading improved and she became more confident in kindergarten it would decrease.

When they got home, Ariel was thirsty so she drank a tall glass of grape juice. Afterwards she thought that if she worked on her reading and got better over vacation, maybe she could return to first grade after all. She found a beginning-reader book in her room and began struggling through it. Halfway through she suddenly felt a warm wetness and she realized what had happened - again.

She started to cry. She was too old to be doing this! What if it happened while she was at school or something? And what would her mom say? So far, she'd been pretty cool about the bedwetting, but this was different.

Maybe she could hide it. She took her pants off and used the dry parts to mop up her carpet. It was still pretty damp, but it looked dry and maybe her mom wouldn’t step there for awhile. She dug through her drawer and found jeans and a pair of clean underwear. She'd been wearing red sweatpants but she didn't have another pair, and she could only pray that her mother wouldn't notice. She thought that she would rinse her sweatpants and underwear off in the bathroom, and then hide them under her bed until they dried and put them in the hamper afterwards and her mom would never find out. Unfortunately, it didn't quite work out like that.

Just as she was changing into her jeans, the phone rang. It was Monica. She was back from vacation and wanted to know if Ariel could come and play. Ariel quickly accepted the invitation. She hadn't rinsed off her sweatpants and underwear yet, but she figured that could wait a few hours. She shoved the pants and underwear under her bed and ran next door to Monica's apartment.

After Ariel had left, Jessica looked down and realized that the carpet needed vacuuming. She decided to start with Ariel's room. Opening the door, she frowned. Despite her best efforts to deodorize the mattress and throw Ariel’s pull-ups away as soon as possible, the room still smelled like urine. She took a few steps in and suddenly her sock was soaked by a cold, wet patch on the carpet. What in the world? Glancing around, she saw something red poking out from under Ariel’s bed. It was the same shade of red as the sweatpants Ariel had been wearing earlier, which Jessica hadn’t bothered to question when she’d changed. She pulled the sweatpants out from underneath the bed, and Ariel’s balled-up, soggy underwear fell out one of the legs.

Meanwhile, Ariel was having fun at Monica's. She got up the courage to tell her friend that she was being sent back to kindergarten, but Monica was cool about it. "At least this way you'll be able to read. It's not like you're a baby or anything."

"Yes, I am."

"What do you mean?"

Ariel hadn't intended to tell anyone about the bedwetting but somehow it all came out. How she'd been so upset about not being a good reader and letting her mother down that she'd began wetting her bed. How her mom had started putting her in pull-ups so she wouldn't mess up the sheets and how she kind of liked the pull-ups but wasn't sure why. She didn't tell her friend about her accidents, though. That was still too embarrassing.

Monica's reaction was totally different from what Ariel had expected. "Lucky!" she said. "You get to wear pull-ups to bed. I wish I could wear pull-ups to bed but my mom got me an alarm clock instead."

Ariel was confused and Monica explained. "I've been wetting my bed for as long as I can remember. But my mom didn’t say anything about pull-ups. She got me an alarm clock instead and showed me how to set it for two a.m. and said when it went off to get up and go to the bathroom."

"What happens if you forget to set it?"

"Then I wet my bed and Mommy gets mad and makes me wash the sheets. I wish I could wear pull-ups. When I was at my little cousin's house once I tried on one of hers, and it was so comfortable! And if I wore a pull-up to bed I wouldn't have to get up to pee."

"So, tell your mom you want to wear pull-ups," Ariel suggested.

"I can't. My mom's not nice like yours. She'd yell at me."

Ariel had a solution. "I can get my mom to call yours and talk to her. Maybe if my mom told her it was okay she wouldn't mind so much. I'll talk to her when I get home."

"You would? That would be great. Thank you, Ariel."

The two played dolls until Jessica called to tell Ariel it was time for dinner. Ariel ran to her apartment, anxious to talk to her about Monica wearing pull-ups.

But Jessica wanted to talk to Ariel first. "Sweetie, I was cleaning your room today, and I found something under your bed that I wanted to talk to you about."

Ariel suddenly remembered what had happened earlier that day. Her accident! Her mother must've found her pee-stained sweatpants and underwear!
Terrified, she followed her mother into her bedroom, where Jessica pulled her soaked, smelly clothes out from under the bed.

"Can you tell me what happened?" she asked her daughter gently.

"I - I wet my pants."

"I can see that. Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I was too embarrassed. And I thought you might get mad."

Jessica sighed and sat down on the bed, motioning for Ariel to join her. "Ariel, honey, when have I ever gotten mad at you for having an accident?"

"Well, never. But the last time I wet my pants I was only four. I'm too big for that stuff now."

"Look, it was an accident. These things happen. I don't get mad about things that you can't help. But I wish you hadn't lied to me about it. You need to tell me if it happens again, at least so I can clean it up."

"I will. I'm sorry, Mommy."

"I know you are." Jessica reached out and hugged her daughter tightly.

Suddenly Ariel remembered Monica. "Mommy, Monica wets her bed too, but her mommy makes her get up in the middle of the night every night to go to the bathroom and she hates it. Could you call her mommy and tell her to put Monica in pull-ups?"

Jessica frowned. "I don't know. I agree that Monica shouldn't have to wake up to go to the bathroom, but it's not up to me to tell Mrs. Johnson how to raise her daughter. If Monica wants to wear pull-ups she needs to talk to her mother herself."

Ariel looked disappointed, and Jessica tried to cheer her up. She said she could invite Monica to spend the night the next day, since the day after that was their last day of vacation. Ariel practically ran to the phone to call Monica and tell her. She also sadly told her that her mom wouldn’t call Monica’s mom about the pull-ups.

But Monica had another idea. "Since I'm staying the night tomorrow night, I could wear a pull-up and see how it feels. Mommy would never know."

Ariel excitedly agreed to the plan. She couldn't wait for tomorrow night.

 

 


Chapter Four

 

Monica came over around six the next night. She and Ariel were both so excited that Jessica began to get suspicious. "All right, Ariel, where'd you hide the candy?" she asked, which made Ariel and Monica giggle even harder. Jessica shook her head. "For two kids who have to go back to school the day after tomorrow, you two sure are happy. Are you planning to sneak out and meet some guys after I go to bed?"

Jessica was relieved to see her daughter so happy. Ariel didn't seem to be worried about going to kindergarten anymore. And while her pull-up continued to be soaked every morning, she wasn't upset about it anymore. Jessica just wished she could get rid of her anxiety from Ariel's accident the previous day. It wasn't really the accident she was worried about. Ariel had probably just been so wrapped up in what she was doing that she’d put off going to the bathroom until it was too late. But why had she hid from her mother? Jessica probably would've done the same when she was Ariel's age, but she couldn't remember her relationship with her own mother well enough to compare it with her and her daughter's. She hadn't had a mother when she was six.

No, never a mother, just foster parents, and Jessica couldn't tell them anything. Every time she began to feel comfortable with foster parents, something would go wrong. They'd move, or they'd have a child of their own or whatever but it was always something that would make them call up Jessica's social worker, Mr. Blane, and say, "We can't keep her anymore, it's just not working out." Jessica would come home from school and find her belongings all packed up in her single suitcase, and she would be gone that same day; maybe the next day if she was lucky. No time to say good-bye to friends or boyfriends or teachers. She'd never had any close friends because it took awhile to make good friends and as soon as she made friends, she'd move again, and it just didn't seem worth the effort.

Josh had been her first boyfriend. They'd begun dating when she was fourteen. It was her first day of high school, and she'd moved over the summer so she knew nobody. He was in her study hall, and he'd sat beside her that day and barely learned her name before he asked her on a date. She'd been so flattered. After all, she didn't know him, and not only that but he was a senior while she was only a freshman.

He'd taken her to the movies for that first date. She couldn’t remember the movie really anymore, but it was one that she wouldn’t have been able to buy a ticket for herself. At the end of night he'd driven her back to her foster mom’s house and he'd kissed her. Not just a little peck but a long, passionate kiss, which he followed with an invitation for a second date. That second date they'd intended to go to a school dance but had ended up skipping the dance and hanging out at his house - where no one else was home - all night and then they'd done more than just kiss but didn't go all the way.

Jessica knew Josh had wanted to have sex with her since that second date but she felt uncomfortable about it so he waited. She was so young, but she hated holding him back. She was afraid that if she didn't have sex with him he would dump her and find a girl who would. Maybe that was no reason to stay with a guy, but he was the first guy, actually one of the first people, to ever show an interest in her. Josh didn't help. While he never threatened to dump her, he pointed out that everybody else had sex, and that it was perfectly safe if you used a condom. So finally she'd given in to him.

Her first time was horrible. She couldn't let herself relax enough to enjoy it, and she was worried because Josh had "forgotten" to put on a condom and she was too scared to remind him. On top of that, it hurt terribly. She bled afterwards and she didn't know it was normal to bleed after her first time so she was terrified that something was wrong. She finally expressed her fears to Josh, who laughed at her for being so naive. She was fourteen and a half that first time.

They continued having sex for the next year and a half, and eventually it became pleasurable for Jessica. She still worried about pregnancy, but after that first time, she and Josh were religious with the condoms. Then one night three weeks before she turned sixteen, the condom broke.

Josh told her to put it out of her head, that there was no way she could be pregnant. He pointed out the other girls in her school who had gotten pregnant – trashy girls who wore skimpy clothes and slept with lots of guys and probably never used protection. Not straight-A students like her who just had one mistake. He told her this time and time again and each time she would snap back at him, "Then why am I getting sick in the mornings? Why am I eating weird foods? And why the hell hasn't my period come?"

He would shake his head and say, "No, you're not pregnant, it's all just a big coincidence." They were fighting all the time and on the verge of breaking up when she went to the doctor and proved to him that she was pregnant. Then he was sorry. He held her tight and let her cry on him, and he assured her that it would be all right, they'd get married and she'd move in with him.

They never actually got married, but she moved in with him and got her waitressing job to help support them, working weekends and after school. Money wasn't as tight as it was now - they weren't rich but Josh had a good job as assistant manager of a clothing store at the mall, so they got by. Jessica tried to keep her grades up, but being a mother, waitress and student was almost too much for her. Often she was up until two or three a.m. during her senior year, doing homework and rocking Ariel to get her to fall asleep.

Josh wasn't exactly doing his share. He stayed out until all hours of the night partying with his friends, leaving her at home with all the housework, her homework and a crying baby. She was beginning to doubt he was as great as she'd once thought he was. Occasionally she wondered if she should just take Ariel and leave.

Then one night during the summer after she'd finished high school, he didn't come home until six the next morning. When she got up that morning, he was furious because she hadn't left dinner out for him.

The fight that followed was terrible, and Jessica wasn't ready to look back on it yet. By noon that day, he was gone, signing the lease on their apartment over to her and taking all of their money with him. She'd never seen him again. That terrible day left her devastated but she had gotten one thing out of it - her daughter, Ariel.

Until then, Ariel had been mostly a pain. She didn't do anything but sit in her crib and cry. She always needed something - a fresh diaper, food, comfort or something. Jessica had never had time to play with her daughter, and Josh never bothered. But after he left, Jessica began looking at Ariel with new eyes. Ariel was all she had left. Now that she was out of school and no longer had a boyfriend to cook for and clean up after, she had time to play with her daughter. She'd spent the last few years trying to make up for the neglect Ariel had suffered in her first year, and she'd always thought she was doing a good job.

Until Ariel had wet her pants the day before. Probably it was just because she was upset about her problems in school. But why had she felt she had to hide it from her mother? Jessica had always told Ariel that if she had a problem, she should come to her mother and they would work it out. Obviously Ariel was worried that Jessica would be mad when she found out about her accident.

Maybe she was reading too much into it. Ariel had probably just been embarrassed. Jessica knew there were some things you just couldn't tell anyone.

Ariel let Ariel and Monica bake cookies, something which took a lot of courage. Somehow the cookie dough seemed to wind up everywhere but the cookie sheet. "All right," Jessica announced. "Part of making cookies is cleaning up. While these are baking I want you guys to - Ariel? Monica?" They were nowhere to be seen.

Ariel and Monica escaped from the cleaning demon to Ariel's room to get changed into their pajamas - and pull-ups. They were just pulling on the pull-ups when suddenly they heard knocking on the door. "Ariel! Monica! You guys need to come help clean up." Ariel and Monica exchanged terrified looks and hurriedly pulled on their pajama bottoms just as Jessica walked in. "Aw, you guys look so cute in your jammies! Now you need to come clean up from the cookies,” she added, more firmly. Relieved, Ariel and Monica went into the kitchen.

The next morning they were both wet. Jessica took Ariel into the bathroom and helped her get cleaned up. Monica was jealous. Her mother wouldn't even let her wear pull-ups and if she did, she’d probably yell at her when they got wet. But Ariel's mother was so much nicer. Monica wondered what she would say if she asked Jessica to change her. When Ariel and Jessica came out of the bathroom she looked shyly at Jessica and said, "Will you change me, too?"

Jessica looked at her, confused. "Sure, I'd be happy to, but I thought you didn't wear pull-ups."

"Well, usually I don't but Ariel let me use one of hers last night. Please don't tell my mommy."

Jessica felt sorry for the little girl who was scared of her own mother. She didn't like Monica's mother much either - she was always yelling at Monica for something, and it infuriated Jessica. She wanted to tell her to stop treating her daughter like she was a convict or something, but she bit her tongue for fear that Monica's mother wouldn't let Ariel stay at their house after school anymore. Still, the least she could do for Monica was to let her wear pull-ups at their house. "Of course I won't tell your mother. Come into the bathroom and I'll clean you up. You can wear pull-ups at our house anytime."

 

 


Chapter Five

 

Ariel sat at her desk, staring out the window. She'd been in kindergarten for a week now and it was much easier for her than first grade had been. Too easy, sometimes. She was done with her math assignment, though no one else seemed to be even close to finishing.

She had to pee desperately and the stupid substitute wouldn't let her go to the bathroom. Even though Mr. Keever gave them a bathroom break every hour, she had to go during class a lot, but he was always nice and let her. But the substitute was a different story. “You should've gone at recess," she'd snapped when Ariel had asked. "I'm not letting you leave the room. You can wait until lunch." Except now Ariel wasn't really sure if she could.

She was going to pee in her pants if she didn't go soon. She raised her hand again and the substitute came over. "Please, may I go to the bathroom? It's an emergency!"

The substitute shook her head with a thin smile on her lips. It was obvious that she was enjoying this. Ariel glanced at the clock. Ten minutes to go until lunch. She couldn't wait that long, so she stood up and ran for the door. "Hey!" yelled the substitute. "Get back here right now!" Ariel ignored her as she ran for the bathroom. She was too late anyway; she should've gone sooner. Urine started to stream down her legs. She pressed her hand against her crouch, trying to stop it but it just came harder. She reached the bathroom just as the flow of pee slowed and stood up against a stall, crying. Her mother wasn't there to help her now. What was she going to do?

The substitute walked in. "Well, I guess you wish you'd gone at recess," she said smugly. "Go see the nurse, and she'll call your mother to come bring you some clothes."

"Jessie, baby! Want to go out with me Saturday night?" The question was accompanied by a smile which always seemed fake to Jessica. But everything about Steve Thomas seemed fake to her. He constantly asked her out and made not-so-subtle jokes that got on her nerves, but there wasn’t much she could do. She smiled back at him, trying to make her smile look as fake as his always did.

"I can't, Steve. I have to stay home with my daughter."

"My daughter can baby-sit. She's fourteen and very responsible. Almost as responsible as me."

"Oh, I feel better now," Jessica muttered under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing." Jessica glared at the busboy as she balanced a tray containing nachos, guacamole and drinks on her right arm. The guy was nearly twice her age, yet he nagged her to go on a date with him all the time. Steve was the last guy Jessica wanted to date. She'd been out with a few guys since Josh had left her, but they never worked out.

"Jessica?" Another waitress and one of Jessica's closest friends, Christine, was holding out the phone. "It's for you. It's the school nurse."

"Oh, great. That's all I need is for Ariel to get sick," groaned Jessica as she accepted the phone.

She hung up and turned to Steve. "I have to go. My daughter's sick."

"Oh, what's wrong with her?"

Like I'm going to tell you, she thought. "I don't know. I have to go."

"Hey, will you split your tips first?”

Jessica sighed and hurriedly counted out the money, but he shook his head. "Hey, just go out with me and you'll never have to split your tips with me again."

"Steve,” Jessica said clearly. “Listen to me. I don't like you. You're not my type." She smirked at him as she shoved the money into his hand and wrapped his fingers around it. "Now, have I made myself clear?"

Twenty minutes later, Jessica pulled her beat-up Ford into the school parking lot. As she turned off the ignition, she uttered a silent thanks that her car had managed to survive the trip. One day, she knew, it would die and she didn't know what she would do without a car.

She'd arranged to have the rest of the day off, if necessary. It would probably be like pulling teeth to get Ariel to go back to class once she was changed. Even on the phone she'd been able to hear Ariel's voice in the background, insisting, "It's all her fault! She wouldn't let me go to the bathroom! It's not fair!" Jessica smiled wryly and shook her head. If Ariel was going to get through her next twelve years of school, it was best that she learn that substitute teachers generally acted like they had a case of permanent P.M.S.

Ariel was slouched in a chair when Jessica walked into the office. "Well, look at
you. Sit like that much longer, and you'll be a hunchback for the rest of your life." When she saw Ariel's downcast face her smile faded. "Hey, why the long face? It's no big deal. I brought you some clean pants and I'll help you get changed before we go home."

She led Ariel into a nearby bathroom. Ariel began crying as soon as they got into
the bathroom. Jessica looked her over, concerned. "Honey, why are you so upset? I know that was very embarrassing for you, but it's over now and you're going home."

"Tomorrow I have to go back to school. Everyone saw me pee my pants and they'll laugh! I'm the oldest kid in my class and I'm the only one who still wets her pants like a baby!"

"Ariel, sweetie, these things happen. It's probably happened before in your class, and you just weren't there to see it. Everybody has accidents at some point or another." Jessica was trying to be reassuring, but she was a little concerned about why her six-year-old was suddenly wetting herself again.

Ariel began to feel better. She remembered the boy in her first-grade class who'd wet his pants, and in kindergarten last year there'd been a girl who'd pooped in hers. Ariel hadn't done that since she was about three, and she couldn't imagine doing it now. It was too gross to even think about.

She picked at her oatmeal the next morning, too nervous to really eat. Jessica was beginning to get impatient. "Ariel, hurry up and finish. You've got to catch the school bus. I can't be late for work."

Ariel shoved the cold, gooey stuff which tasted and looked like old sweaty gym socks away. "I'm done, I guess," she said. She glanced at her mother, expecting to hear the usual comment about starving children in
China, (Ariel never understood why her mother said this; was she expected to mail her uneaten food to China?) but instead Jessica was looking at her with a sympathetic smile.

"Mommy, can I please stay home from school today? I'll be good, I promise. I'll
go to work with you. Just please don't make me go to school," Ariel pleaded.

"Honey, you can't take the rest of the year off. You’ll eventually have to go back to school, and you may as well go today and face the music. If they laugh at you, just ignore them. That's what they want is for you to get upset. When they see that their teasing doesn't affect you, they'll stop doing it."

"But this isn't the first time I've wet my pants! What if it happens again?"

Jessica studied her daughter carefully. "Well, there is one way to prevent that."

"What's that?"

"You could wear a pull-up to school."

Ariel thought long and hard. She kind of liked wearing the pull-ups to bed, but what if someone noticed she was wearing one at school? Then the teasing would really be bad. On the other hand, they were pretty thin and probably wouldn’t show under her clothes, and the teasing would be a lot worse if she had another accident. "All right," she said. "I'll wear one."

Jessica was a bit surprised but all she said was, "Okay. Go put one on, but hurry."

Ariel shyly asked her mother if she would help her with the pull-up. She didn't know why but it always made her feel better when her mother changed her. Her mommy was so nice. She never yelled at her, even the time when Ariel had spilled cranberry juice all over the white living-room carpet. She'd just closed her eyes, silently counted to ten and then told her to go get some paper towels and carpet cleaner.

After Ariel was changed into the pull-up she was sent off to school. Twenty minutes later, she reluctantly walked into her classroom. Mr. Keever was back, thank God. He was so much nicer than that substitute had been.

A boy who she'd never talked to saw her and began laughing. "Hey, look, it's that girl who peed her pants yesterday! She was so embarrassed that she went crying home to Mommy!" All the kids around him began to laugh.

Ariel felt tears welling up in her eyes, but a girl stepped in front of her so that she was face-to-face with the teaser. "Cut it out,
Carson! She just had an accident. If you don't shut up, I'll tell everybody about the time in preschool when you pooped in your pants!" All the kids began to laugh again but this time it was at Carson.

Ariel pulled the girl aside. "Hey, thanks for sticking up for me," she said.

"No problem. I've known
Carson since preschool, and he's always been like that!
My name's Diana. Want to be friends?"

"Sure!" Ariel was immeasurably pleased. She had a new friend, nobody was going to laugh at her about her accidents anymore and best of all, she could wet her pull-up and nobody would know.

 

 


Chapter Six

 

Jessica sat slumped on the couch, a book in her lap that she wasn't reading. It was almost midnight but she wasn't tired. Nighttime was depressing to her. A few years ago, nighttime had meant parties and dates with Josh. He'd taken her out almost every Friday night for over a year, and on Saturdays he had usually managed to get them invited to some party. She'd stayed up till all hours, drinking and dancing and returning to Josh's empty house (his parents were rarely home) and having more fun just between the two of them. On the nights when they hadn't gone out, she'd lay awake in her bed, impatient for the next day to come so she could see him.

Now nighttime just meant loneliness. Ariel was in bed and she had only one person to call: her best (and only) friend, Christine, but Christine had two kids of her own, and it was difficult for her and Jessica to get together outside of work without the kids. There were no guys. She was all by herself in this apartment which suddenly seemed so huge, with only a six-year old for company. She hadn't felt this lonely since before she met Josh.

She stood up and stretched. Might as well go to bed and try to sleep, considering she had to get up at the ungodly hour of
six a.m. She didn't have to be in at work until eight, but she had to get Ariel ready for the school bus, which came promptly at seven-twenty-five. She could kill the Virginia Beach school board for switching the middle and elementary school hours for the 98-99 school year. Let the middle school kids go to school at seven in the morning; they could get themselves ready. Ariel was so poky in the mornings; it was all Jessica could do to keep from screaming.

Ariel sat up in bed. She didn't know what had awakened her, but she suddenly felt very lonely. Her pull-up was soaking wet and it was freezing. The blanket had fallen off her bed, but somehow leaning over and retrieving it seemed too exhausting. Her room was dark and she was scared of the dark. She'd never been before, but the past few nights it'd been terrifying to her. Shadows danced outside the closed blinds. Ariel knew they were just trees, but they looked like ax murderers trying to get into her room. Where was her mother? Her mother should be there to comfort her!

"Mommy!" Ariel began crying. She knew it was babyish but she couldn't help it. She called louder, "Mommy!" Suddenly the door opened and a crack of light fell over her bed. A half-second later her mother was standing over her. "Ariel sweetie, what is it? It's after
midnight. I thought you were asleep."

Ariel found it impossible to keep herself from sounding pitiful. "I'm cold and I'm wet and I'm scared!"

Her mother sat down on the edge of the bed. She took Ariel in her lap and began rocking her back and forth. "Shh, it'll be all right. Just calm down. I'll get you changed. What are you scared of?"

"Everything! Shadows and stuff on my bed. I don't want to be in here by myself! I want to sleep with you!"

Jessica laid Ariel on the bed and pulled her pajama bottoms off and began removing the soaked pull-up. It was almost like changing a baby's diaper and it was very comforting to Ariel. After she was changed. Jessica picked her daughter up and carried her into her own bedroom. "Here," she said soothingly. "You can sleep with me tonight. Tomorrow we will get you a night-light and you can try sleeping in your own bedroom. Deal?" Ariel, already drowsy from the soothing sound of her mother's voice, nodded. Jessica climbed in bed beside Ariel and mother and daughter were soon sound asleep.

A few days later, Jessica sat on the couch, once again trying to read a book with little success. It was a warm day for January. The high for the day was supposed to be in the 70s. Ariel, despite her complaints about how there was never any snow, seemed to be enjoying the weather. She was outside playing with Monica and some other neighborhood kids. It looked to Jessica like they were trying to get a game of kickball going. She felt a sudden yearning to be six, outside playing with all her friends and nothing to worry about except would her team win against the boys.

The phone rang and she jumped at the sudden noise. She grabbed the cordless. "Hello?"

"Jessica?"

Jessica gasped with surprise at the voice at the other end. Instantly dozens of memories, some painful and some happy, came flooding back to her. The voice on the phone was one she hadn't heard in four and a half years, except in her dreams, or more likely, nightmares. For the voice on the other end of the phone belonged to Joshua Powell.

She took a few deep breaths. "Josh? Is - is that you?"

"Yes, this is Josh."

Jessica got up from the couch and began her nervous habit of pacing through the house. "Well, it's nice to hear from you. What've you been up to lately?" As if he was no more than an old friend who she hadn't heard from in awhile. In a way, it was just that.

"Listen, Jessica, I don't have much time to talk. Is there any way I could come see you and Ariel, say, tomorrow at
noon?"

If Jessica had been shocked before, it was nothing compared to what she felt now. She'd never dreamed that Josh would want to see her again. "Well, I - I don't know. It's awfully short notice. Tomorrow's Sunday, right?" Couldn't she say anything intelligent? He must think her brain had shrunk since he'd last seen her.

Josh replied, "Yes, tomorrow's Sunday. I know it's short notice, but you don't have to go to any trouble. I just want to see you and especially Ariel. I'm only going to be in town through Monday night and I know Ariel has to go to school Monday and you probably have to go to work. Please, let me come by tomorrow."

He was almost pleading, and it made Jessica smile. "You know, when you beg like that, you sound just like our six-year-old daughter. I guess you can come by. I'll see you tomorrow."

She hung up the phone and only then realized what had just happened. Josh was coming back in less than twenty-four hours! Maybe he wanted to apologize for walking out on her! Maybe he even wanted for them to get back together! She wasn’t sure if that was even what she wanted anymore, but the possibility had never arisen before.

There was only one problem: Ariel. How was she going to feel about her father's reappearance, considering all the horror stories she'd been told about him? Would she be excited to see the man who had been such a major part of her first year but she had no memories of? Or would she be terrified of him because of how he'd treated them then? Well, there was only one way to find out. Jessica went to the front door and called Ariel.

It was almost Ariel's turn to kick when she heard her mother yelling her name. "Darn," she groaned. "She probably wants me to come home for lunch. She never lets me have any fun."

"Pretend you can't hear her and she'll give up." Monica urged.

Two minutes later Jessica was getting exasperated with calling to Ariel. "Ariel," she yelled finally. "I know you can hear me because you're not deaf, and I used to do the same thing when I didn't want to come in! I only want to talk to you for five minutes and then you can go back outside."

Ariel sighed and turned to Monica. "I'd better go before she gets mad. I'll be back out in a few."

She ran home. "Mom, how could you embarrass me like that? Everyone must think I'm a baby who can't be away from her mommy more than a few minute!"

Jessica was hardly listening. "Ariel, sweetie, I have some very exciting news for you."

"What? Are we getting a puppy?" Ariel asked eagerly.

Jessica laughed. "No, we're not getting a puppy. I just got off the phone talking to your daddy. He's coming tomorrow to see you! Isn't this exciting?"

"Oh." For a second Ariel was expressionless, then she frowned and looked up at her mother. "But I thought he was mean to you, and he left you for a sleazy cheap whore he met in some pub."

"Ariel Michelle Crawford! Watch your language, young lady. Where did you learn to talk like that?"

Ariel gulped. When her mother said "young lady" and called her by her full name, it was bad news. "That's what I heard you tell Christine. What does that mean?"

Jessica sighed. "Never mind. I'll tell you later. Your father left me, true, but people can change. That was almost five years ago. People can change. He's older now, and maybe he's more responsible and mature. Besides, he didn't say we were getting married. I think he wants to see you more than me."

Ariel was still troubled. She'd seen stuff on TV where daddies tried to take their kids from the mommies and were mean to them.

She had a terrible nightmare that night. It was like she was looking into a scene from the past, where her mom was sitting at the table in her pajamas crying and there was a toddler standing nearby saying, "Mommy crying? Mommy sad?" Ariel supposed the toddler was her. Her mom looked younger, not really much older than the big kids she and Monica sometimes saw around the neighborhood who went to high school.

In the dream, they were in their apartment. Suddenly the door opened and a man walked in. He had brown curly hair, and he looked like he was probably in his early twenties. Ariel's mom jumped up from the table. "Where have you been?" she demanded and her tone was hard. She wasn't crying anymore, in fact she looked furious, angrier than Ariel'd ever seen her.

The man looked at Jessica and if she looked angry, it was nothing compared to the look on his face. "Why does it matter to you where I've been? Shouldn't I be asking you the same thing? Come on, Jessica, I'm not an idiot. I know damn well what goes on around here when I'm working."

"What goes on around here is that I slave my ass off trying to work and take care of the baby and clean up after you! How would I even have time to invite anyone over? Josh, I know you're going out with someone else, and I also know you haven't been going to work! I tried to call you last night, and they told me you'd taken two weeks off! What you do in your personal life is your business, but I'm not going to sit around cooking you hot meals while you sneak around behind my back! I want out. My bags are packed and I'm taking Ariel and leaving!"

"You're not going anywhere!" Josh snapped. "You can't just take off with Ariel. She's my child, too! If you want to leave, fine, but I want to see her."

"Your child? Like you've ever lifted a finger to do a thing for her!"

Josh slapped Jessica across the face. The impact sent her staggering backwards. "Don't you say that I don't take care of Ariel! I support her! You couldn't pay for a thing with that waitressing job you have! Maybe if you hadn't had to go get yourself pregnant when you weren't even sixteen years old, you'd have a better job! How can you expect me to want to stay with a whore who got knocked up at fifteen?"

Jessica was sobbing again. "Josh, how can you say that? You got me pregnant! And don't say I couldn't support myself and Ariel with my waitressing job. I know how to budget money. You were a spoiled brat who had everything, but I had nothing except a suitcase full of clothes. You're still a spoiled brat! You've never grown up! How can you possibly be a good father?"

Josh stalked out of the room, and Jessica collapsed onto the floor, sobbing. Ariel came over to her. "Daddy mad at Mommy? Daddy not love Mommy?" She began crying too.

Jessica hugged her daughter tightly. "No, Ariel," she cried. "Daddy doesn't love me or you either. He's not capable of loving anybody but himself, but he's leaving and I will take good care of you."

Ariel woke up with a start and discovered she was crying. Was that really how it'd been? Was her daddy really that mean or was that just something her imagination had come up with? Her mother walked into the room then. "Ariel, what's going on? I could hear you crying and calling out in your sleep from my bedroom. Did you have a bad dream?"

"The worst!" Ariel proceeded to tell her mom every detail of the dream. "Was that really how it was, Mommy? Was that how he left?"

Jessica was staring at her daughter. "Ariel," she said quietly. "You have a great memory. That's exactly how it went. After your father packed, he walked out the door, and I never saw him again. A few days later I found out he'd withdrawn every penny of our joint checking account and canceled it. I had to go on welfare for six months because I had no money."

"But didn't you try to look for him?"

Jessica sighed. "You know, Ariel, I didn't. I didn't care if I ever saw him again. I figured if he ever had any interest in seeing either of us, he could call. I suppose I could've dragged him into court and demanded child support, but I was too proud. I wanted to prove to him that I could raise you on my own, and you'd turn out okay. That's why it's important that you make a good impression on him tomorrow." She was quiet for a few minutes and thought of something. "Ariel, would it be okay if you wore a pull-up tomorrow when your dad comes? I know you don't want to but he'd never know and that way you wouldn't have to worry about having an accident in front of your dad."

Ariel continued to have occasional daytime accidents. She'd wet her pants a few more times during the day. One time she'd wet her pull-up in school, or so Jessica thought. What Ariel hadn't told her mother was that she'd actually done it at Monica's after school, and it hadn't been an accident. She and Monica had been outside playing and she'd had to pee. She hadn't felt like going inside so she just let it out in the pull-up. It'd felt great but afterwards she'd been worried that her mom would be mad if she knew the truth so she'd lied about it.

"I guess so," Ariel responded. Her mother left the room a few minutes later, after hugging Ariel, changing her pull-up, and telling her not to worry about her dad's visit. Ariel lay awake in bed for the rest of the night, too anxious and excited to sleep.

 

 


Chapter Seven

 

Father of mine tell me where have you been I just closed my eyes my whole world disappeared father of mine tell me how do you sleep with the children you abandoned and the wife I saw you beat I will never be safe I will never be sane I will always be weird inside I will always be lame

"Ariel, turn that off," said Jessica.

Ariel scowled. "Why? It's the truth. So what if he hears it? Shouldn't he know how I feel? Besides, it's your Everclear CD, and you're the one who taught me the lyrics."

Jessica reached over and turned off the CD player. "Wait and see how the visit goes before you go singing anything to him." Both Ariel and Jessica were irritable from lack of sleep and excitement. Jessica'd been up half the night cleaning. It was now ten minutes before Josh was to arrive.

There was a chocolate cake sitting on the counter, freshly baked and frosted. Jessica remembered that Josh had loved chocolate cake more than anything else. Ariel looked like an angel with her blond curls freshly washed and brushed. She was wearing pink corduroy overalls with a long-sleeved white and pink-striped t-shirt underneath. Her pull-up wasn’t noticeable.


Jessica had had a hard time deciding what to wear. She finally decided to go casual in jeans and a navy blue sweater. She pulled her golden brown hair back into a ponytail.

Now she and Ariel sat anxiously on the couch. Ariel was bored and began bouncing up and down. Jessica looked at her irritably. "Don't do that, Ariel, you'll ruin the couch."

Ariel hadn't even realized what she was doing. She stopped and sat impatiently for a few seconds when Jessica reached over and turned on the TV. "So it won't look like we're just sitting around waiting for him," she explained.

The doorbell rang.

Ariel and Jessica turned to stare at each other. "That's him," Jessica whispered. "Ariel, you get the door."

Ariel practically ran up to the door. She opened it and in stepped a man. Her father. Ariel stared up at him. He looked right past her and towards her mother. For a long moment, nobody said a word, but Jessica broke the silence. "Hi, Josh."

"Hey, Jess, how’s it going?" Josh replied, like he was just getting in from a day of work and it'd only been eight hours since they'd last seen each other. He hadn't changed much, Jessica thought. He still wore his hair the same way he had five years ago. However, his smile seemed different. Jessica couldn't figure out what it was, but it just looked different.

She gestured for him to take a seat on the couch. "I hope you'll excuse the mess," she said, although the apartment was neat as a pin. "I haven't had much time to do any cleaning."

Ariel was confused. "Yes, you have. You stayed up like all night cleaning. You said it had to look neat for Daddy."

Josh laughed and Jessica smiled weakly. "Ariel is such a truthful little girl. Last week I asked her how old she thought I looked and she said seventy-four."

Josh smiled at his daughter. "Ariel, your mommy doesn't look a day older than she did when we began dating." Jessica wondered briefly if that was a compliment or not, but then he smiled at her and she decided it was. "Why thank you," she replied.

There was an awkward silence, and Josh sighed. "Well, I suppose you're wondering why I'm here."

"Yes, actually I was wondering about that."

"I'm here," Josh paused uncomfortably, "to say good-bye to my daughter."

It took a moment for Jessica to grasp what he was saying. "Good-bye? Why? Where - where are you going?"

Josh couldn't bring himself to look in her eyes. "Jessica, I'm getting married next weekend."

"WHAT?"

"You heard me. I'm marrying a very nice lady named Britney. We're having a
California wedding. We've already made plans to buy a house down there."

Jessica's eyes glittered dangerously. "Is she the one, Josh? The one who you were sneaking around with all the time we were living together? Tell me, I need to know."

Josh cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I knew Britney when we lived together, yes, but we did not begin to date until after I'd moved out."

"Oh, and Bill Clinton never looked twice at his sexy young intern, right?"

Josh began to lose his temper. "Look, Jessica, you've known it was over between us for years! If you were expecting me to come here today and sweep you off your feet, then you live in a fantasy world! I'm not the same person I was five years ago! You and Ariel are part of a totally different life. One that I'd prefer to forget."

"You think that trying to forget us will make us not exist? You can go away, Josh, and never talk to or see either me or Ariel again. But you will never forget us. For the rest of your life, you will carry pieces of us with you wherever you go. Your daughter will grow up never knowing you, but you'll know her. Every night when you go to bed you will hear the sound of her crying as you walked out the door. But Ariel and I are strong. We can manage without you. So go on, get out of my apartment and end this part of your life. I hope you enjoy
California and Brittany. I should warn her what she's getting into."

Josh stared at her for a long minute. Then he said simply "Good-bye, Ariel. I love you." It was a lie and they all knew it. Joshua Powell didn't love his daughter. Any father who decides to flee to the other side of the country with his new wife and never see his daughter again doesn’t love her.

 

“You love her?” Jessica said incredulously. “Are you kidding me? Love isn’t something you say. Love is something you do for someone. You get up every morning at six to fix her breakfast, and you take off work when she’s sick and you spend your Saturdays driving her around to her friends’ houses, and you spend the last dime in your bank account on a new winter coat for her even though all your socks have holes in them. You don’t run away before she’s two years old and show up years later and expect to be able to tell her the same thing that I told her again and again while you were gone!”

 

Josh kept opening his mouth and closing it again, not knowing what to say. “I want to know where you learned so much about love,” he said finally. “Because you sure as hell never showed it to me!” He stormed out the front door and slammed it behind him.

Jessica sat down at the table and buried her face in her hands. Ariel came over and started rubbing her hair, like her mom did for her when she was upset. After a few minutes of silence, Jessica raised her head and wiped her eyes. "Well," she said, forcing cheerfulness. "Would you like a piece of cake?”

Ariel shook her head. "Mommy? Why doesn't Daddy love me?"

It took Jessica a while before she answered. "Because he lives for the moment. He loves going out and having a good time, and anything that gets in the way of that is just an annoyance to him. He thought he loved me, until he realizing loving me meant he had to stay home and help with you so that I could finish high school. It didn’t seem like much fun to him.”

 

“Was I fun?”

 

Jessica hesitated. “Well, depends on how you define fun. Staying up all night with a crying baby isn’t much fun. I could go out with my friends instead and have a lot more fun, but in the morning, what would I have to show for it? You were a lot of work, but I got to see your first steps, and hear your first words, and take you to the playground, and all that was worth a lot more to me than a night of fun. But your dad could never see that.”

"Oh." Ariel was content with this answer but a few minutes later she looked up again. "Mommy? I think I wet my pull-up."

"It's okay." Jessica got up from the table and led her daughter into the bathroom. "At least we have each other," she commented as she helped Ariel get out of the soaked pull-up.

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you too, Ariel." Jessica reached out and gave her daughter a big hug. "Now, how about that chocolate cake?"

 

 


Chapter Eight

 

As always, Jessica broke into a sweat as she entered the kitchen at the restaurant where she worked. "Matt!" she yelled across the room at the cook who handled all the appetizers. "That lady at table five is ready to walk out of here if you don't produce her chili! It's been over a half hour since she ordered it."

Matt looked at her in horror. "What chili? Table five never ordered chili!"

"What?" Jessica stared at him in horror. "Matt, I specifically told you about that chili! Remember, she was the one who requested less beans, more broth..."

"And hold the onions," Matt finished. "You're right. I totally forgot. Run out to the lady, tell her we're so sorry and that her meal is free."

But when Jessica walked back through the double doors and rushed towards the old lady's table, her heart sank. She was gone. Jessica began to clear off the table. No tip, of course. The kitchen staff was always screwing up orders. It was never her fault but she was the one who suffered for the slow service. Jessica felt a headache coming on. God, she needed another job.

She glanced up and immediately wished she hadn't. Coming in through the door of the restaurant were three girls she knew from high school: Christi Jacobson, Jenny Sanders and April Donovan. They'd been on the cheerleading team two years, the field hockey team the other two and they'd all made straight A's. They were famous at making other people feel bad. Jessica could tell just by looking at their brand-name jeans that they were as successful in the real world as they'd been in high school.

Since the old lady was gone, she now had one less table and that meant she'd have to serve Christi, Jenny and April. She walked over to them. "Hi, will this be for smoking or nonsmoking?" she asked, trying to sound pleasant and also not to show any signs that she recognized them. Maybe they wouldn't remember her.

"Nonsmoking, of course," Jenny replied. Jessica led them over to the old lady's table and handed them the menus. April stared up at her. "Jessica?" she said. "Jessica Crawford? From
Kellam High School class of '94?"

"Yeah," said Jessica, pretending to be confused. "Do I know you? I'm sorry...your face looks familiar, but I can't seem to remember your name." She wouldn't give them the satisfaction of knowing that they made enough of an impact on her high school days that she remembered their first and last name.

"You don't remember us?" squealed Christi, looking hurt. She proceeded to introduce all of them.

Jenny was looking at her funny. "Weren't you Joshua Powell's girlfriend?"

"Yes, we went out in high school." Jessica rolled her eyes, like Josh was nothing more than just a high school boyfriend she hadn’t thought of in years.

April gasped, "Ooh, you were that girl who got pregnant with his baby sophomore year, weren't you! What's that little girl's name? It was something weird, I remember. Aries? Arika? Something like that?"

Jessica felt like pouring the pitcher of water over April's head, anything to wipe that stupid smirk off her face. "Her name is Ariel," she said coolly. "I named her after my mother."

"So where is Josh now?" Christi demanded.

Jessica forced herself to smile. "It didn't work out."

Christi feigned sympathy. "Oh, Jessica, I'm so sorry! I do hope he at least sends you money for child support. It must be awfully hard supporting Ariel on your job. You make minimum wage, don't you? I hope you get good tips."

Jessica sucked in her breath. Christi had gone way too far. "Excuse me. I don't see what business it is of yours whether or not I receive child support from Josh or how much money I make."

"But Jessica," Jenny protested. "Christi's right. It is our business. Because if you don't receive child support from Josh, then I would certainly hope you would try to get some kind of assistance, like welfare or something. After all, none of us like to think of little Ariel going to bed hungry every night."

"I HATE THEM!" Jessica screamed fifteen minutes later when she was on break. She felt a strong urge to throw something against the wall but there was nothing in the small employee's bathroom to throw. "I hate them. They said I made no money, that I had too much pride and they accused me of letting Ariel go hungry!"

"Hey, calm down," Christine soothed. "They're a bunch of rich snobs. Don't even bother listening to them. Everything they said to me in high school went in one ear and out the other."

Jessica was crying. "But Christine, they're right! My life is a mess. I don't make any money. I'm 22 years old, for God's sake! Most people my age are graduating from college! They have a future. What future do I have? I'm going to be waiting on tables until the day I die! And how can Ariel have a future? How can I send her to college when I barely make enough money to feed and clothe her? God, I'm a terrible mother! My child is being forced into the same trap that I'm in."

Christine was shocked. "Jessica, how can you say that you're a terrible mother? You're a great mom. Just because you don't have a lot of money doesn't mean you can't be a good mom. You're there for Ariel, and that's what really matters. And you don't have to wait on tables for the rest of your life. You have a high school diploma. You can do plenty on that that pays more than waiting on tables. You could get a job as a secretary."

Jessica rolled her eyes. "Answering the phone and taking messages...gee, that sounds almost as fun as this."

"Or you could become a topless dancer," Christine suggested jokingly. Seeing Jessica's half-smile, she continued. "Or you could try the
South Park method. Toss Ariel a quarter and say 'This is my last quarter. I want you to take it to Las Vegas and I want to you win a thousand dollars. And don't come back without those winnings!’"

Jessica shook her head. "I can't go on like this, Christine. I need to do something to change my life. If I have to answer phones all day, I'll do it." She slid down to the floor and buried her head in her arms. "I can't. I can't go on like this."

"
One twenty-one, one twenty-two, one twenty-three, one twenty-four...oops" Ariel stopped counting as she tripped over the rope. She crossed her arms and smiled at Diana. "I beat you! I jumped 124 times without stopping!"

"No way!" Diana protested. "I saw you! You cheated! You tripped when you were only at fifty-six!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!" Ariel was interrupted by the sound of a whistle blowing, indicating that it was time to come in from recess. "Man, we gotta go in and do printing and spelling! I hate that! Mr. Keever makes us copy those stupid those stupid words over and over until my hand's about to fall off! And we have math, too. I hate math worse than spelling! When am I ever gonna do subtraction when I get out of school?"

"I know!" Diana made a face as they started walking towards the building. "Hey, did I tell you about my birthday party?"

Ariel shook her head. "When's your birthday party?"

"It's next Saturday. It's a sleepover. I've got the invitations in my backpack. I invited every girl in our class! Do you think your mommy will let you go?"

"She should," Ariel replied. "That sounds so cool! I've never been to a sleepover before!"

"Neither have I. It'll be so much fun. My mom's going to let us order pizza, and my older sister said she'd tell us a ghost story before we go to bed!"

Ariel went back to class and was excited about the party until she remembered something. She wet her bed! She'd have to wear a pull-up to Diana's party. If the other kids saw it, they'd tease her endlessly. Everyone seemed to have forgotten about the day she wet her pants in school, but if she wet herself at someone else's house her best bet would probably be to drop out of school.

Ariel showed the invitation to her mother that night. "Well, it sounds like a lot of fun. I'm glad you're making friends in kindergarten."

"Yeah," Ariel said enthusiastically. "Diana's older sister is going to tell us a ghost story! She's twelve and in the seventh grade. I bet anyone in the seventh grade would know lots of good ghost stories."

Jessica raised her eyebrows. "A ghost story? Are you sure you won't get scared?"

Ariel shook her head. "Not me! I never get scared. Only babies are scared of that stuff."

"Well, the party sounds fun. I'm sure you'll have a good time."

"It does. Except..." Ariel stared down at the floor.

"Except what?" Jessica asked gently.

"If I wear a pull-up to bed, the other kids will tease me! But if I don't wear one and I wet the bed, then they'll tease me even harder!"

"Oh, sweetie, wearing a pull-up is no big deal. But if you feel that self-conscious about it, then nobody has to know. You can put it on before you go to Diana's next Saturday. I will pack a plastic bag in your backpack and you can put the wet pull-up in there the next day and throw it away when you go home."

The day of the party came. Ariel helped her mother pack her bag. There were a few items which provoked arguments, like when Jessica put a toothbrush in her bag. "Mom," Ariel groaned. "Nobody brushes their teeth at a sleepover! I bet I'm the only one who brings a toothbrush."

"I bet you're not," Jessica replied. "Trust me, after you eat pizza and cake and God knows what else, you'll be dying to brush your teeth."

They also got into an argument over the pajamas Jessica packed for Ariel. She put in a pair that had little teddy bears all over them. Ariel complained that she was going to be the only one wearing teddy bear jammies and that she wanted to bring her plain blue ones. Jessica insisted that it was going to get very cold that night and the teddy bear pajamas were much thicker than the blue ones. Ariel grumbled about it for a while but eventually gave in.

At last Ariel was ready to leave. She grabbed her backpack, Diana's gift and her sleeping bag and practically ran out to the car. Jessica followed her out, feeling a bit sad. Ariel was growing up. It seemed like just yesterday they'd been celebrating her first birthday, and now she was going to spend the night at someone else's house. She was all Jessica had and it was unbearably sad to think that in twelve years, she'd be moving out.

Ten minutes later, Ariel hugged her mother good-bye and watched her drive off. She tried to hide the tears in her eyes and fought the urge to run after her mother and beg her not to leave her there. Then the pizza arrived and the urge passed.

Ariel was too busy in the next few hours to think much about her homesickness. They ate pizza and cake and watched Diana open her gifts. Then they watched a movie, “Homeward Bound.” It was Ariel's first time seeing it, but a lot of the other girls had seen it before. They all agreed it was good. It was time for them to get changed. They would listen to Diana's sister, Brienna, tell the ghost story and then it'd be time for bed.

Ariel didn't realize until she was alone in the bathroom that she'd forgotten to put on her pull-up before leaving home. No problem. Her mom had probably packed one anyway. She dug through her backpack and couldn't find it. Her panic grew as she emptied the contents of her bag out onto the floor. Nope. No pull-up. She changed into her pajamas quickly and stuffed everything back into her bag.

What was she going to do? Without a pull-up, she'd soak herself and her sleeping bag for sure. Unless, of course, she never went to sleep. Now maybe that would work. How hard could it be to stay up all night? She'd asked her mother to let her try it before but she always said no.

Everyone gathered in a circle to hear the ghost story, and the lights were turned out. Brienna began, "This story has been slightly modified due to the age of the listeners." Ariel felt a slight wave of disappointment. Why did everyone feel like six was too young to hear or see the real thing? It was like going to a G or PG movie. All her life she'd been dying to see an R-rated movie but her mom said she was too young. Sometimes it seemed like she was too young to do anything.

Brienna continued, "A very long time ago, in this very house, there lived a couple by the names of Pierre and Gabrielle Dupont. They were French, obviously. They loved each other very much. They had a baby named Chantal, and they loved her too."

”But Chantal was a strange child right from the start. She had a habit of staring at her parents. She had black eyes that seemed to look right through them. The only time she ever smiled was if she saw someone get hurt. Her first word was not 'Mama' or 'Dada' like most babies. It was 'blood.'"

"By the time she was six, Chantal had completely isolated herself from the world around her. She spent most of her time up in her room, reading horror novels. Her parents had no control over her. She could go anywhere or do anything she wanted to. Her doctor told them that she was crazy and should be locked up, but the Duponts refused to listen to him. They insisted that their daughter wasn't crazy. She was just different. But they did resolve to execute more authority over their daughter's life."

"One afternoon, Mrs. Dupont walked into her daughter's room and found her watching an extremely gory X-rated horror movie on pay-per-view. What was worse, Chantal laughed hysterically every time someone was killed. Horrified, Mrs. Dupont demanded that Chantal turn it off. When Chantal refused, Mrs. Dupont threatened to take away Chantal's TV if she didn't turn off the movie. Chantal was beyond furious. She pulled out a knife right then and there and slashed her mother's throat. Then she calmly stepped over her mother's body and walked out of the house. No one ever saw her again."

"When Mr. Dupont returned home from work, he found his wife dead in Chantal's room. Chantal was gone. Mr. Dupont was terribly grief-stricken. He assumed that whoever killed his wife must have kidnapped Chantal, too. He hired a private detector to find Chantal."

"Then the police identified Chantal's fingerprints on the knife which had killed her mother. They concluded that Chantal must've killed her mother and run off. Mr. Dupont continued to search for his daughter but it wasn't because he wanted to make sure she was okay. He was hoping to find his daughter's body slashed the way his wife's had been, so that Chantal would know what her mother had gone through. If Chantal was found alive, he intended to kill her himself."

'The detective searched for over a year but found no trace of Chantal. It was like she'd disappeared into thin air. He finally admitted defeat. This had been Mr. Dupont's one ambition to go on living: he had to live so that he could kill his daughter. Now that he knew he'd never get to see Chantal's body slashed, he no longer had any reason to continue living. So he slit his wrists."

"But Mr. Dupont can't rest in peace until he knows Chantal is dead. He is now convinced that Chantal is hiding somewhere in this house. So the ghost of Mr. Dupont walks around the house all night long, searching for his daughter. He is looking for any six-year-old girl who fits the physical description of his daughter so he can slit her throat."

"It could be YOU!"

Ariel felt icy cold hands wrap around her throat, and she began screaming bloody murder. If she hadn't gone to the bathroom before hearing the story, she would've wet her pants right then and there. As it was, she screamed loud enough to cause everyone else to start screaming too.

Suddenly someone turned on the lights and Ariel saw whose hands were wrapped around her neck - Brienna's. She held an ice cube in both hands. Gradually everyone's screams turned to relieved laughter. Ariel sat there, too shocked to move.

Brienna couldn't stop laughing. "You sure were screaming, kid. Hasn't anyone ever done that to you before?"

Ariel felt Diana's hand on her arm. "Come on, Ariel," she said. "It's time to go upstairs and get into our sleeping bags."

Ariel's heart was still beating wildly as she climbed into her sleeping bag. But then she remembered that she had more to worry about. She had to stay up all night so she wouldn't wet herself.

She heard a creaking noise above her. What was that? Was it Mr. Dupont seeking revenge on his crazy daughter Chantal? Don't be silly, Ariel, she told herself. That was just a story. But she was still terrified. She'd never spent a night away from her mother before. Nothing was this scary at home. For one thing, she had a night-light in her room so it wasn't pitch black like it was now. If she did get scared in the middle of the night, her mother was there to comfort her. Of course, if she wasn't at home, she wouldn't have to worry about staying up all night.

The night seemed endless to Ariel. Adrenaline kept her awake but the next day she would be exhausted. Every time she felt the slightest urge to pee, she got up and did it. She was taking no chances.

Finally the first crack of dawn came, and Ariel breathed easier knowing that she had made it through the night. It wouldn't be her last sleepover, and next time she would remember her pull-up so she could enjoy herself more. It was a mistake she wasn't likely to repeat.

 

 


Chapter Nine

 

Ariel sat at the kitchen table, doing her homework. Her mother sat across from her, paying some bills. Ariel could usually do her homework by herself. Occasionally, she needed help on a particularly hard subtraction problem, or reading a long word. So Jessica sat by Ariel as she worked, ready to help her.

The phone rang. Jessica took the call into her bedroom so she wouldn't disturb Ariel. Fifteen minutes later, Ariel finished her homework and looked towards her mother's closed bedroom door. The call certainly was taking awhile. She could hear her mother laughing inside the room. Obviously, it wasn't bad news.

Jessica finally hung up the phone and came back into the room. "Well, I have some big news. That was my cousin, Jenny. Actually, I guess she's your cousin, too. You've never met her and I haven't seen her since I was eight years old. She was fourteen then. She was calling to invite me and you up to visit her and the relatives on my mom's side of the family in
Georgia for my birthday on February 19th. We decided for you and me to come down on the twelfth through the sixteenth - that's a Friday through a Tuesday. You have that Monday off school for President's Day, so you should only miss two days of school, and you can get your work and do it in the car. It should be lots of fun.”

Ariel was not quite as enthusiastic. "What relatives do we have in
Georgia?" she asked.

"Well, there's my Aunt Elizabeth, my mom's older sister and your great-aunt. She has two children, my cousins Stephanie and Jennifer. Stephanie is ten years older than me and Jenny's six years older than me. Stephanie is married to a man named Greg and Jenny's divorced. Stephanie has an 11-year old daughter, Danielle. Jenny has two kids, Caitlin and Dakota."

"Dakota? Is that a boy or a girl?" Ariel asked.

"You know, I asked the same thing. He's a boy. They call him Cody for short, I think. He's three. Your cousin Caitlin is almost eight. We'll be staying at Jenny's house, so you and Caitlin can play together."

Ariel was confused. "Mommy, if you have an aunt, how come you didn't go live with her when your parents died instead of living with foster parents?"

Jessica had asked the same thing when she'd visited them when she was a little girl and for an answer, Aunt Elizabeth had snapped "Children don't question their elder's decisions. I did what I thought was best for you." Jessica knew that her own mother had caused turmoil in the family when she'd left
Georgia to go to college in Virginia years ago and had met a man, dropped out of college and stayed in Virginia. Jessica could only guess that this was why her Aunt Elizabeth didn't like her and hadn't wanted to raise her. She was nervous about seeing Aunt Elizabeth and her cousin Stephanie, who Jenny told her was just like Aunt Elizabeth. All Jessica knew was that every year for her birthday and Christmas, Aunt Elizabeth had sent her a check. She'd also visited one summer when she was in the process of changing foster homes. Then when she'd gotten pregnant just before her sixteenth birthday - almost exactly seven years ago - her social worker had called her aunt and told her about it, and Jessica'd never heard from her again. Jessica could imagine what was being said about her down in Georgia "Well, her mother disgraced the family thirty years ago, so is it any surprise that Jessica would do the same? It's probably in her genes."

"Mommy?" Jessica jumped in surprise at the voice interrupting her train of thought.

"Uh, yes, what is it, hon?"

"How old are you going to be?"

"Twenty-three."

"How many years older than me is that?" Ariel seemed to ask more questions every day. It sometimes seemed to Jessica like the more she told her, the more she wanted to know.

"About sixteen and three-fourths."

"That's a lot."

"Not really. Ariel, don't get pregnant when you're 16." Ariel had heard this lecture many, many times and she didn't really understand why she wasn't supposed to get pregnant at sixteen, but she always said okay anyway. Sixteen seemed old to her. You could drive when you were sixteen and as far as Ariel was concerned, if you could drive you were an adult.

Jessica glanced at the clock. "Shoot, it's almost
ten o'clock. It's way past your bedtime. Come on and I'll help you get into your pajamas."

They headed for the bathroom. Ariel usually took baths in the morning now so that she didn't smell like pee all day at school. Her pull-up was almost always wet in the mornings. Jessica got Ariel into the pull-up. Ariel hadn't forgotten the way her mother had put the pull-up on her the night she'd waken up crying. Her mom had had her lie down on the bed while she slid the pull-up on up her legs. Ariel had loved that feeling, but why she didn't know, and she was too embarrassed about it to ask her mom to do it every night.

Ariel was still wearing the pull-up from kindergarten that day and Jessica pulled it off. "Oh dear, it looks like you wet your pull-up," she sighed. "When did that happen?"

"Just a few minutes ago, while you were talking on the phone."

Jessica was confused. "But you were right by the bathroom. Why didn't you go potty?"

"I didn't know I had to go until it was too late." That wasn't true, actually Ariel had known she'd had to go, but she hadn't because she kind of liked the feeling of wetting the pull-up. It didn't feel wet after a few minutes, but it stayed warm until she took it off. She didn't want to tell her mom that because whoever heard of a six-year-old who enjoyed wetting pull-ups?

"Well, Ariel, you need to pay attention. This has been happening a lot lately. Buying pull-ups is getting expensive. I think you should try going without them for school and just wear them at night."

"But Mommy!" Ariel gasped. "If I'm not wearing a pull-up at school, I'll wet my pants!"

"I don't think you will, so long as you pay attention. Just raise your hand and tell your teacher when you have to go and he'll let you go. You never had a problem with having accidents in school except for that one time. If you keep on wetting pull-ups in the day, eventually you might lose your bladder control, and then you'd have to wear them the rest of your life. You don't want that, do you?"

"No, I guess not." Ariel thought it might be fun to be able to just be able to let it out whenever without having to worry about anyone noticing, but of course she was too old for that. She was six, and six-year-olds used the potty.

"I guess you can wear them on the car ride to
Georgia, though. We might not always be able to find a bathroom right away, and it wouldn't be good if you wet your pants in the car. Sweetie, maybe you'd better not tell anyone in the family except maybe Jenny that you wet the bed and wear pull-ups for it. Some of them might think that it means I'm a bad parent."

"Why would they think that? It's not your fault," Ariel said quietly.

"I know, and it's not your fault either. It's just one of those things. But some of the relatives assume that I'm a bad parent because I was so young when I had you, and they'll look for any excuse to justify that."

The next eight days were not good ones for Ariel and Jessica. Ariel didn't wet her pants a single time at school, but she wet at home at least once a day. Jessica was getting frustrated. It was obvious that from Ariel's reaction to her accidents that she wasn't intentionally doing it. Every time she wet herself, she got very upset and started crying and Jessica had to comfort her. But it seemed so strange that she didn't have them in school, especially considering that it was easier for her to reach the potty at home than it was at school. Jessica was beginning to consider putting Ariel in pull-ups for the entire trip to
Georgia.

The alarm went off, and Jessica rolled over in bed and stared at the clock. "
Four a.m.," she groaned to herself. "God, I didn't even know that four o'clock came twice in the same day!" She went to go turn off the alarm and gazed wistfully at the snooze button for a few seconds, but she knew they needed to get going. It was the day of the trip to Georgia, and she hoped to get there by that night.

Jessica walked into Ariel's room and turned on the light. Ariel groaned and instinctively buried her face in the pillow. "Come on honey, rise and shine!"

"Nooooooo," Ariel groaned. "Please, Mommy, it's too early. I want to sleep."

"You can go back to sleep in the car. You won't have much else to do. We've got a long day ahead of us. Come on, sleepyhead." Jessica started tickling Ariel, and Ariel began squirming and giggling despite herself.

"Does your pull-up need to be changed?"

Ariel, suddenly feeling shy, nodded. Jessica ruffled her hair and said, "It's okay, sweetie. I'll get you changed into another one and help you get dressed."

Jessica dressed Ariel in her pink overalls and Ariel complained. "Why do you always make me wear stuff like that around relatives? Those overalls are so babyish."

"You want to make a good impression on your Aunt Elizabeth, don't you?" Jessica asked, while braiding Ariel's hair into two pigtails and tying pink ribbons around the ends. "Well, she's into little girls wearing lots of pink and things like that. You're lucky I'm not making you wear a dress. I remember when I visited down there when I was eight, she yelled at me because my shorts were unladylike."

"Oh, but now you get to wear jeans and a shirt that says, 'So they had an affair, get over it.'"

Jessica hadn't even paid attention to the clothes she was putting on. At four in the morning, she could barely get her eyes open, let alone pick out clothes to wear. "Well, I'm the one who is driving, and I want to wear something comfortable. When we get close to our destination, I'll change into something more appropriate."

They left shortly after, Jessica armed with a cup of coffee with about twenty tablespoons of sugar and milk stirred into it. She hated coffee. It seemed like no matter how much sugar or milk she stirred in, it always tasted bitter. When she was little, she'd always thought that being an adult meant you drank black coffee. But drinking black coffee reminded Jessica of drinking polluted river water, and if she had to drink black coffee to be an adult, then she would go to her grave a child.

It was raining, a really cold kind of rain that felt like thousands of needles digging into their skin. If it had been a couple of degrees colder, it would've been sleet. Jessica prayed that they would drive out of it soon. Ariel fell asleep five minutes into the trip, and Jessica fooled around with the radio, trying to find a good station. There was nothing, of course. What could she expect at four in the morning? She finally put it on 96X, which played alternative, pop, and R&B. Virginia Beach didn't exactly have great radio stations.

Ariel woke up three hours later. "Are we there yet?" was the first thing she said upon awakening.

"No," Jessica replied. "We're in
North Carolina. We won't be there for probably another ten hours. Is your pull-up wet?"

It was, so Jessica left the interstate at the next exit and stopped at a McDonald's to change Ariel. Jessica took her into the bathroom. Ariel was shocked as her mother lifted her up and placed her on the fold-out baby changing table in the bathroom, just like she was a baby!

"Mommy!" Ariel protested, "This is the changing table for babies! Everyone will see me getting changed like a baby!"

"Oh Ariel, don't be silly. There's no one in here, and even if someone does come in, we're two hundred miles from home, so somehow I doubt we'll see anyone you know. Besides, it's easier for me to clean you up when you're lying down."

Ariel was still worried but as her mother began wiping her off with some baby wipes she'd bought for the trip to keep her clean while they were on the road, she started to relax. The feeling of the cool, soothing wipe against her bottom felt so good, and it was all like changing a baby's diaper, except it was a pull-up. For a moment, Ariel wished she could wear thick, fluffy diapers instead of the relatively thin pull-ups, but she dismissed the thought almost as quickly as it came. That was too weird, she thought. What six-year-old wanted to wear diapers? Diapers were for babies, and she was not a baby. She was a big girl and big girls didn't do things like that, just as she'd been told by various adults in her life whenever she'd acted up. Just as she'd been told when she was being potty trained, diapers are for babies and big girls wear underwear.

As Jessica was finishing up, the door opened again and in walked a couple of girls who looked like they were about fifteen. They glanced over at Ariel and while they didn't say anything to her face, Ariel heard one of them whisper to the other, "Did you see that little girl on the changing table? She looks like she's at least five, but her mom's putting a pull-up on her! I guess she's not potty trained yet!" Jessica waited until they were back in the car to say anything about it.

"I'm sorry, honey. If you don't want to be changed on a changing table in public, then I won't make you."

Ariel considered this. It wasn't much fun to have people talking about her, but at least those girls hadn't laughed at her, and she didn't know anyone around here. It was fun to be changed like that. It made her feel like a baby. Ariel felt naughty realizing that, but it was such fun and nobody else had to know about it. Besides, everyone said that she should act like a big girl, but what was so bad about acting like a baby? Babies were cute, everybody said so, and they never had to pick up their toys, or do homework, or anything else that "big girls" had to do. If they had to pee they didn't have to stop to go potty, they could just go where they were without stopping to run and go in the toilet.

"I guess I don't mind too much if you change me on the changing table," Ariel said. Her mother was surprised but simply said okay.

A few hours later, somewhere in
South Carolina, they stopped again to get gas and to use the bathroom. So far Ariel hadn't wet her pull-up, and Jessica decided that unless Ariel wet it during the remainder of the trip, she was going to let her wear underwear except to bed. Maybe the wetting thing had really only been a phase.

They stood in a long line to pay for the gas. In front of them was a rather heavyset lady with dyed blond hair that needed a touch-up. She was with a little boy who looked like he was maybe a little bit older than Ariel. He was wearing a pair of shorts and Jessica noticed a quite obvious bulge underneath the shorts like he was wearing a diaper. Ariel wasn't paying any attention. Jessica was curious about the diaper and wished she could ask the mother why a boy that age was wearing a diaper, but she didn't want to intrude.

Suddenly the boy tugged on the blond lady's shirt and said "Uh, Mom?" His mother paid no attention and he tugged harder and said "Mom!" with great urgency. She glared down at him. "My diaper's wet," he said really quietly, although Jessica overheard him.

"Dammit,
Tyler!" the lady shrieked, making no effort to keep her voice down. Everyone in the store turned and stared, but she didn't seem to notice. "You just won't go in the toilet, will you? You must be the only seven-year-old left in the world who still wears diapers 24/7! I know you can hold it, you just don't want to! You do this just to embarrass me! I'm not going to put up with it any longer! I'm going to tell your daddy when he gets home, and he'll give you the spanking you deserve!" Tyler began to cry and this seemed to make his mother even angrier. "SHUT UP! Look at how everyone in here is staring at us! They've probably never seen a boy your age who acted like such a baby before! Shut up, or I'll turn you over on my knee and spank you right now!" Tyler made an effort to quiet his sobs as his mother paid for her gas and left, dragging him behind her.

Jessica shook her head but kept her opinion to herself until they got out to the car. "God, what a scene! Someday that lady is going to be sorry she treated her little boy like that." Ariel nodded but waited a few minutes before saying anything.

"Mommy, why was that boy wearing diapers?"

Jessica sighed. "Oh, he could have some kind of physical problem where he can't hold it until he's able to reach a bathroom. But probably it's his mother's fault. Maybe if she didn't get so mad when he wet his diaper and concentrated more on praising him when he does use the toilet he would've been out of diapers before the age of seven."

Ariel nodded, wishing that
Tyler was in her class at school. She'd like to talk to him and find out why he was wearing diapers and how it felt when he wet one.

It was another six hours before they got to central
Georgia, where the town of Pineview was located. Ariel had fallen asleep and Jessica woke her up as they drove through the tiny town so that Ariel could compare the Pineview with Virginia Beach. The first thing Ariel said when she saw it was "Don't they have trees down here?"

Jessica laughed. "Nope. You won't see another tree for three days, Ariel. Get used to it. Look, there's the school," she said as they drove past a brick building.

"Elementary school?" Ariel asked.

"No, I think they have the elementary, middle and high school kids all in one building. Gosh, that school is smaller than your elementary school, and every kid in this town goes there!"

They commented on several other things as they drove through town, such as the lack of a mall, the dirt roads (Jessica noted that the people here had paved driveways but not paved roads) a speed limit sign of twenty miles an hour, the movie theater that only played three movies at a time and they were all ones that were out on video, and the gas station which had gas for seventy-five cents a gallon. Then they turned down the road where Jenny's house was located and Jessica felt a pit of nervousness in her stomach that only grew as she saw the tall, formidable figure of Aunt Elizabeth standing out front.

Chapter Ten

 

Jessica climbed out of the car, feeling Aunt Elizabeth's eyes on her the whole time. She smiled at her aunt and said "Hi, Aunt Elizabeth!" as cheerfully as possible. Aunt Elizabeth hadn't changed much, she noticed. She still wore glasses with thick black frames, and she was still as tall and heavyset as ever. Her once-brown hair was now streaked with gray, but she still wore it short and curly.

"Hello, Jessica," Aunt Elizabeth replied curtly. She glanced over Jessica's t-shirt. "'So they had an affair, get over it,'" she read. She shook her head, her lips pursing into a look of disapproval. "I might have known."

Jessica felt her cheeks redden as she realized she'd forgotten to change her shirt. "Just my travel clothes," she said, the cheerfulness a bit more forced. "I forgot to change. I will once we get inside. Ariel, can't you say hello to your aunt?" she asked. Ariel was hiding behind her. She looked terrified and shook her head. "Honey, that's not very nice. Come here and say hello to your aunt."

"Hi, Aunt Elizabeth," Ariel said very quietly. Aunt Elizabeth's whole expression changed as she looked Ariel over, and she actually smiled. Jessica wondered if her face was going to crack from the effort.

"Well, aren't you a cutie-pie," Aunt Elizabeth said. Jessica could see two fingers reaching for Ariel's cheek and quickly tried to distract her. "So where's everyone else?"

"Hey, I thought I heard y'all pull up," Jenny announced coming through the front for. "Hi, Jess! Oh, this must be Ariel. Hi Ariel! Jess, she has your eyes."

"You think so? Mine are a deeper shade of brown, I think. They're more like her dad's..."

"Well, are we going inside or are Jessica and her daughter going to spend their time here outside?" Aunt Elizabeth interrupted. Jessica and Ariel followed Jenny into the large, brightly lit living room. "Where's everyone else?" Jessica asked.

"Stephanie's at work. Danielle and Caitlin are at school. They'll be home in about a half-hour. Cody's asleep upstairs. Danielle usually goes to her house after school, but today she's coming over here with Caitlin. Stephanie will join us when she gets home from work. We're having a big dinner in your honor."

"Oh, you don't have to do that for us," Jessica protested. Actually, she was not ready to spend a meal with both Aunt Elizabeth and Stephanie.

 

"No, I don't have to, but girl, I want to. Look at you. You're like 5'4 and I bet you don't weigh more than 110. You could shop in the same section of the store as Ariel, if you wanted to. I bet you haven't had a decent meal in weeks."

Jessica felt her face flush, and Jenny looked at her meaningfully. "Don't worry, Aunt Elizabeth isn't making any homemade cheese grits," she teased. Jessica vividly remembered how she'd tasted Aunt Elizabeth's grits when she was eight and thrown up nearly everything she'd ever eaten in her life.

The peaceful silence was interrupted by the sound of loud crying. Jenny sighed, "Cody's naps get shorter every day. I better go take care of him."

"Oh no, don't worry about it. I'll go take care of Cody," Jessica said.

Jenny looked surprised. "Are you sure?" she asked. "Cody's not potty trained yet. He probably needs changing."

"Oh, that's okay," Jessica replied. "I know how to change a diaper. God knows I got plenty of experience when Ariel was a baby."

She ran upstairs and peeked into several rooms before finding Cody's. Cody was standing up in a crib, wearing a diaper and a t-shirt, with big tears streaming out of his large brown eyes. Jessica was a bit surprised to see a three-year-old in a crib, but she figured it must be because he wasn't potty trained. "Hi, Cody," she said quietly. "I'm your cousin Jessica. I'm going to take care of you."

"I want Mommy," Cody sobbed.

"Your mommy is right downstairs. I'm going to change your diaper and then we can go see her, okay?" Cody nodded in response, his sobs subsiding. Jessica picked him up and put him down gently on the changing table. She unfastened the tapes on the diaper. It was soaking wet and messy. Cody grinned when he saw it.

"Me went poo-poo," he said proudly.

"Yes, you certainly did," Jessica replied as she wiped off his stinky little bottom with baby wipes. Funny, when Ariel'd been a baby, she'd hated changing messy diapers, but now it didn't seem so bad. In fact, the whole thing was actually kind of fun. Jessica began to wish that she still had a baby of her own, but she shook the idea out of her head. She didn't have anyone to have a baby with, and besides that, she couldn't afford a baby. She could barely manage to pay the bills and put food in her and Ariel's stomachs now, so she'd better not even be thinking about having another baby.

Jessica finished changing Cody, and lifted him off the changing table. "Now, let's pick you out some pants to wear," she said cheerfully. She looked in a dresser drawer full of pants and chose a pair of sweatpants that went with the Mickey Mouse t-shirt he was wearing. After dressing Cody, Jessica started to carry Cody down the stairs, but he insisted he could walk, so she put him down.

In the kitchen, Jenny smiled at her. "Thanks for changing him," she said. "Hopefully, he'll be out of diapers soon. It gets so expensive, but I hate trying to make him go potty when he's not ready for it. He seems to like wearing diapers, so I'm going to keep him in them until he says he wants to use the toilet. Awhile back, I bought some pull-ups and started putting him in them during the day and telling him not to wet or poop in them. But he wasn’t having that. I know he can hold it, but he likes not having to stop when he's playing to go to the bathroom. I figure I might as well baby him now while I can. Kids grow up so fast these days. Caitlin's already into boys, and she isn't even eight years old yet."

"I wish I could've let Ariel stay in diapers," Jessica sighed. She glanced around to make sure Ariel wasn’t nearby. "The daycare she went to required all children three and older to be potty-trained at least during the day, so I took Ariel out of diapers when she was two and ten months. She had a ton of accidents at first, but she was trained by the time she turned three."

Jenny raised her eyebrows. "Does she wet the bed?"

Jessica nodded. She figured she could trust Jenny, even if she couldn't trust Jenny's mother. "Every night. But she wears pull-ups."

"I'm not surprised. Most children who are forced into using the potty before they're emotionally ready wet the bed later on. Caitlin was potty trained at two and a half and now she wets the bed, but I have her wear diapers, not pull-ups. She seemed to like it, though she'd never admit it."

Jessica nodded. "Ariel wets during the day a lot and she wets her bed but I don't think she wants to wear diapers." She described Ariel's strange daytime accidents to Jenny, who looked amused.

"Sounds to me like Ariel subconsciously wants to wear diapers," she commented, but Jessica shook her head.

"No way! Ariel's really into acting grown-up. She calls me 'mother' when we go out in public, and she tries on my makeup all the time. Last week I caught her going off to school wearing eyeshadow. She hated it when she first started wetting at night; that's why I put her in pull-ups and not diapers. She doesn't really get upset about her bedwetting anymore, but she gets upset when she has daytime accidents. She'd hate wearing diapers."

"Right." Jenny patted Jessica on the shoulder. "You keep telling yourself that, Jess, and maybe you'll believe it. But I won't." She changed the subject. "Well, I guess I should show you and Ariel where you'll be sleeping."

Jessica and Ariel followed Jenny upstairs, carrying their suitcases. "Jessica, you'll be staying in the guest room," Jenny said as she showed them a small room with big windows and flowery wallpaper. "And you, Ariel, will be sharing Caitlin's room. She has bunk beds, as you see. You'll have to fight her for the top one, though."

"Oh, that's okay," Ariel said quietly. "I can sleep on the bottom one." In truth, she was a little scared of sleeping on the top bunk five feet off the ground. What if she rolled off the bed in her sleep and fell to the floor? Of course, there were protective rails on the top bunk to stop that, but the idea still frightened her.

Caitlin was only a little over a year older than Ariel, but Ariel thought that Caitlin's room was much more grown-up than her own. Caitlin's room had no toys except for a few stuffed animals and dolls on the bed and a Barbie dollhouse. While Ariel's walls were bare, Caitlin's were covered with posters of various teenybop groups. Caitlin had a desk, too. Ariel hadn't even met her cousin yet, but she was already beginning to feel a bit intimidated by her.

They all heard the door opening downstairs. "Caitlin and Danielle are home." Jenny remarked. "Girls! Come up here and meet your cousins." Footsteps pounded on the stairs, and then Caitlin and Danielle stood in the doorway.

Looking at Danielle, it was apparent that Ariel's blond curls came from Jessica's side of the family, after all. Danielle looked like an older, taller version of Ariel. Caitlin, on the other hand, had hair the color of Jessica's, except it fell to her waist and was tied back in a long ponytail. She was a few inches taller than Ariel.

After Jenny did the introductions, they all stood in awkward silence until Jenny tried to break it. "Well, Jessica, why don't you unpack and get settled in. Danielle can show you around the house. Caitlin, show Ariel where to put her stuff and then you two can play a game or watch TV."

After everyone had left the room, Caitlin turned to grin at her cousin. "Just shove your stuff underneath the bed. Mom said you're only going to be here for three days, so what's the point in unpacking if you're only going to be here three days? My mom is so good at coming up with chores and stuff to do. What do you want to do now? We could watch TV, or listen to CDs or something." Ariel, feeling tongue-tied, only shrugged in reply and Caitlin wasn't impressed.

"Don't you know how to talk or anything?"

"Yeah, I can talk just fine," Ariel replied, annoyed with herself for not coming up with anything "cool" to say. She finally said, "I like your posters."

Caitlin grinned and said, "They cost a fortune but those guys are sooo cute. Who do you think is cutest, Backstreet Boys, N Sync, or Hanson?"

"Which one's which?" Ariel asked.

Caitlin looked at her like she was from another planet. "You don't know who they are? Gosh, I've never talked to anyone who doesn't know about them. I have all their CDs." She started singing "All I Have To Give."

"Oh, yeah, now I recognize them," Ariel said. "They play that song on the radio sometimes. Except my mom always changes the station when it comes on."

""Your mom's crazy," Caitlin remarked, pointing to another poster. "I'm going to marry Taylor Hanson when I grow up."

"Oh" Ariel replied, staring at the young singer's long blond hair. "I thought he was a girl."

Caitlin sighed, "Do they not have music or something where you come from? I thought
Virginia Beach was supposed to have all these concerts and stuff but you've never heard of any good bands. And what's up with those overalls? I had a pair like those once, but I stopped wearing them after I turned four. Maybe that stuff is cool in Virginia Beach, but if you went to my school you would not last five minutes. We have kids like you but they're really unpopular."

Ariel was annoyed with her cousin's bragging. Caitlin was stuck-up and arrogant, and Ariel felt like nothing she said could impress her older cousin. She left the room and went downstairs to find her mom and cousin Jenny.

"Hi, Ariel," Jessica greeted her daughter. "Where's your cousin?"

Ariel shrugged. "I don't know and I don't care," she replied. She was melancholy thinking about the days with Caitlin that lay ahead, and she didn't care if she was insolent to her mother. She wanted to go home.

"Ariel!" Jessica exclaimed. "Don't be rude to me. Whatever you and Caitlin are arguing about, you'd better patch it up. You may be seeing more of her than you think."

"What do you mean?" Ariel asked, getting a funny feeling in her stomach.

Jenny smiled. "I was just telling your mom the good news, Ariel. Caitlin, Cody and I may be moving to
Virginia Beach! I got offered a really good job there. I can work at home so I can be home when Caitlin gets home from school. I'm going to look for a place near where you and your mother live and if I find one, you'll be coming to our house every day after school and playing with Caitlin until your mom gets home!"

"Isn't that the best news, Ariel?" Jessica asked enthusiastically. She felt better than she had in years. Jenny had always been almost like a big sister to her, and Jessica had always wished she lived closer so they could get to know each other better. It would also be nice for Ariel to have Caitlin around to play with. Ariel didn't have very many friends.

Ariel did not share her mother's enthusiasm. "But I always go to Monica's after school!" she protested. "Monica is my best friend! She likes me! Caitlin hates me!" She told her mother and cousin about what Caitlin had said to her and to her surprise and dismay, they looked at each other and started laughing.

"It isn't funny!" she protested. "Caitlin's mean and stuck up and I don't want her to live near me! I want to go home!" She ran into the living room and buried her face into a sofa pillow and started crying. Finally she was too tired to cry anymore and she fell asleep.

She was awakened by her mother shaking her shoulder. "Come on, honey," Jessica said quietly. "It's time for dinner."

"Nooo."

"Sweetie, please don't argue. You need to get up or you won't be tired at bedtime later on tonight. Besides, you'll feel better after you eat something."

Ariel reluctantly stood up and immediately began to cry again.

"What's the matter?" Jessica asked, concerned.

"I wet my pull-up," Ariel sobbed.

"Shhh!" Jessica gasped, for Aunt Elizabeth and Stephanie were right in the next room.

It was too late. Jessica and Ariel both heard Stephanie say loudly, "If Danielle had still been wetting pull-ups when she was six, I would've sent her to a shrink!"

 

 


Chapter Eleven

 

Dinner was quiet and tense. Ariel was shamed and humiliated by what Stephanie had said and kept thinking about how Caitlin would laugh at her when they got into her bedroom. Her big brown eyes kept filling with tears but she would not let herself cry, not yet. Her pull-up was soaked and starting to leak. Jessica sat by her daughter, occasionally casting her glances of sympathy.

Both were anxious to get away from the table. Dinner lasted over an hour, with everyone lingering over dessert. Jessica noticed Ariel's pull-up starting to leak and decided it was a good opportunity to leave the table. "Well, I think Ariel is getting tired. She's had a long day," she announced, standing up. "I’m going to take her upstairs and help her with her bath and get her into bed."

"You still help Ariel with her bath?" Stephanie asked. "Danielle has been taking her bath by herself since she was three."

"Really?" Jessica asked. "That's strange, Stephanie. You seem to consider yourself such a good parent, I would've thought you'd know that drowning is one of the leading causes of death in children. And since they can drown in an inch of water, I figure you can't be too careful." She picked Ariel up, being careful to conceal the small, spreading wet spot on Ariel's overalls, and smiled at her cousin. "I'll see you tomorrow, Stephanie. Have a nice evening."

Ariel actually didn’t need any help with her bath, but Jessica was eager for a chance to leave the table. She could barely stand to be in the same room as Stephanie. Stephanie was going out of her way to humiliate her and Ariel. Jessica hoped that she wouldn't have to be around her cousin much that weekend.

She hurried out of the dining room and put Ariel down as soon as they were out of everyone's sight. "Ew! How much did you drink today? You are soaked!"

Ariel shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry, Mommy. I couldn't help it. I wet myself when I was sleeping."

After Ariel got her bath and was dressed in her pajamas and a fresh pull-up, she was sent to Caitlin's room to play with Caitlin until it was time for them to go to bed. Caitlin watched Jessica walk away after she said good night to the two of them and then she got up and closed the door.

"So you wear pull-ups?" Caitlin asked.

Ariel flushed; she knew her cousin was going to comment on that. "Yeah," she mumbled.

"Want me to show you a secret?" Caitlin giggled as she walked over to the closet and pulled something off the shelf. She turned around and Ariel saw what she held in her hands: an economy-size box of Pampers size six. "These are mine. I wear them to bed every night. You should ask your mom to get you some cause they're way more comfy than pull-ups." Ariel sat speechless on the bed.

"You wear diapers?" she finally managed to say incredulously.

"Yeah! Every night and sometimes during the day! I started wetting my bed again after Cody was born. My mom took me to the doctor, and she said it was because I was jealous of my brother. Mom said, 'You want to be a baby like Cody, then you wear diapers to bed like Cody,' and so she got me diapers and I've worn them to bed ever since. It’s so much better than having to get up in the middle of the night to pee! Don't you think so?"

"I guess so," Ariel responded. She had something else she wanted to ask Caitlin but she wondered how she would react. "So, you’ve, um, tried wearing them during the day?"

"Yeah, lots of times. But don't tell anyone, cause my mom doesn't know and I don't know what she'd say if she did know. I wet in them and once I pooped."

"You POOPED?" Ariel cried. "That's gross! Didn't it stink? And didn't it feel really nasty?"

"It wasn't too bad, but it was hard to clean up. It felt sort of like I had pooped in my pants."

"Ew!" Ariel said. She'd pooped her pants exactly once, when she was three and hadn't bothered getting up to go the bathroom until it was too late. The gross squishy feeling was not something she was eager to repeat. She'd never done it again. "I don't think I'd like pooping in a diaper."

"You want to try to pee in one?"

"You mean now?"

"No, next year. Of course I mean now. If you like it, you can wear one tomorrow and Sunday night, too. If you want to ever wear one, you better try it this weekend, because we probably won't see each other for a long time after this weekend."

"Yes, we will! We'll see each other when you move to
Virginia Beach!" Ariel said eagerly. Now that she knew that Caitlin had the same feelings for diapers that she did, Ariel was beginning to look forward to her cousin's move to her city.

"What?" Caitlin exclaimed. "What are you talking about? I'm not moving to
Virginia Beach! I'm staying right here!"

"Yeah you are! Your mom told my mom this afternoon. She got a job there and you and Cody and her are all moving up there. You're gonna go to my school and we'll see each other every day!"

"You're LYING!" Caitlin yelled, "I'm not going anywhere! I don't want to go to
Virginia Beach and go to your stupid school! My mom wouldn't make me and I'll prove it. MOM!"

Jenny came into the room and Caitlin started hollering at her mother. "She says we're moving to
Virginia Beach! Tell her it's not true!"

Jenny frowned. "Well, honey, actually we are. I wasn't going to tell you until I found a house, since I'm not sure when we're going and I didn't want you to worry. But we’re definitely moving up there. I was hoping to wait until June when you’re out of school but I don't know. If I can get a deal on the house I've been considering, then we will probably be moving over spring break in April."

"I don't want to move! You're making me leave all my friends. This isn't fair! I won't leave!" Caitlin screamed. She shoved Ariel out of the way and ran out of the room. Jenny rushed after her. In a few minutes, they came back into the room. Caitlin was tear-streaked but calm. Jenny kissed her daughter and Ariel goodnight and left the room.

"What was that all about?" Jessica asked as Jenny passed her room.

Jenny sighed and leaned against the doorway. "Oh, Ariel told Caitlin about the move, and she doesn't want to move. I talked to her but she’s still pretty upset about it. She keeps insisting that she wouldn't have any friends. I told her Ariel would be her friend, but she barely knows Ariel so that wasn't much reassurance. At least she and Ariel seem to be getting along better. Maybe by the end of the weekend they’ll be friends and Caitlin will feel better about moving. I hope so."

"Oh, Jen, I'm sorry. I should've told Ariel not to mention anything about it to Caitlin."

"Oh, don't worry about it. She had to find out sometime. It'll give her some time to get used to the idea. I told her that if she really wanted to stay here, she could live with her Aunt Stephanie and share a room with Danielle. That shut her up!"

Little did either of the two moms know that at that moment, Ariel was pulling a Pamper out of Caitlin's bag. Ariel stared at it. It didn't look or feel like a pull-up. It was thicker and looked like it would hold a lot more.

Ariel realized she didn't know how to diaper herself. Caitlin was busy sulking on her bed. "Um, Caitlin?" Ariel asked.

"What."

"How do I put this thing on?"

Caitlin sighed and got up. "Okay, first lie down." Ariel obeyed. She didn't realize that Caitlin was planning to put the diaper on for her until she pulled Ariel's pajama bottoms and pull-up off. She then slid the diaper under Ariel's rear and pulled the front part up and clumsily fastened the tabs. It wasn't a very good job, the diaper wasn't on tight enough and sagged a little, but it was better than Ariel could have done herself. Ariel quickly pulled her pajamas over the diaper so it wouldn't be so noticeable if someone walked in.

Ariel stared at herself in the mirror. Caitlin started laughing. "You look really cute, like a toddler. Want to play house? I'll be the mommy and you can be the baby."

"Okay, cool."

"Come here, baby Ariel. Do you want a bottle?"

"Wahhhhhhhh! Mommy me want bottle, me hungry!" Ariel cried between giggles.

"Okay, hold on baby!" Caitlin ran out of the room and was back in a moment with a bottle filled with milk. "Here you go, little baby."

Ariel hadn't expected Caitlin to get her a real bottle, but she had it now so she figured she might as well drink it. She put the nipple in her mouth and started sucking. The feeling of having a bottle in her mouth and a diaper on her butt made her feel so nostalgic. She lay back on the bed and for a moment she was two years old again, lying in her mom's arms or in her crib, sucking on a bottle while wearing a thick diaper and nothing else. Suddenly she was brought back to reality by the familiar feeling of wetting her diaper and the not-so-familiar feeling of the urine streaming right out of the too-loose sides and soaking her pajamas. Ariel sat up straight. "Oh, no!"

"What?" Caitlin saw Ariel's soaked pajamas clinging to her. "Oh, man, what are we going to do? You got the bed wet, too!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean too, but you didn't fasten the diaper tight enough, and when I peed, it ran out the sides!"

"Okay, well, it's not that big of a deal. My mom has me do laundry sometimes when she's really busy. We'll just stick your pajamas and my blanket into the dryer. We just have to be really quiet when we go out of the room so no one hears us."

They gathered up the blanket and Ariel's pajamas. "Are you done with the bottle?" Caitlin asked. Ariel nodded. She liked playing a baby, but she didn't like the guilty feeling she got with it. She didn't think she was supposed to be wearing a diaper and drinking from a bottle. If her mom found out, she would be in big trouble.

They snuck the stuff downstairs to the laundry room, and Caitlin rinsed out the
bottle and put it away. After the stuff was dry, they took it back upstairs. Caitlin sniffed the blanket. "It still smells like pee, but I'm not washing it tonight. Anyway, it's not my blanket - it was on the bed you're going to sleep on!"

The next two days went smoothly. Ariel wore pull-ups to bed like she was supposed to and wore underwear during the day. She didn't have any accidents, much to Jessica's relief. Ariel tried not to think about the bag of Pampers in Caitlin's closet, and she and Caitlin didn't talk about anything diaper-related again. Caitlin figured Ariel really wanted to wear diapers and be treated like a baby but would not admit it, even to herself. She decided that she would try playing house again with Ariel when she saw her again later that spring and see if Ariel would give into her temptation to wear diapers.

 


Chapter Twelve

 

 

"I can't imagine where your mother is, Ariel. She usually calls if she's going to be this late."

Ariel nodded, not taking her eyes away from the window. She didn't know where her mother was either. It was after six and her mother was usually home by five or five-thirty. Sometimes she got held up at work but she called Monica's mom if that happened. Ariel was anxious to get home. She had something she wanted to show her mother, something very important.

It was the beginning of April. Today had been Ariel's last day of school before spring break. It was going to be a busy week for her. Last week, Jenny had called to say she bought a house down the street from Ariel and Jessica's house. She, Caitlin, and Cody were moving the second Saturday in April, which was the next day. After school started again, Ariel would be going to Caitlin's house after school. Ariel had mixed emotions about it. She liked her cousin but didn't know if she wanted to be around her every afternoon. Caitlin seemed to have an attitude problem sometimes and often acted like she thought she was better than Ariel.

Just then there was a knock at the door. "That must be your mother," Mrs. Johnson said as she leaped up to get the door. Although Mrs. Johnson liked Ariel, she was annoyed by Jessica's tardiness. She didn't think much of Jessica. She thought she was too young to be a good mother, and she allowed Ariel to have too much free rein. That little girl had even gone through a phase where she wore pull-ups because of her frequent accidents! Mrs. Johnson was relieved that Ariel no longer wore pull-ups during the day and rarely had daytime accidents anymore. She didn't want Ariel to be a bad influence on Monica.

Jessica suspected that Mrs. Johnson thought she was a just a careless kid. She was relieved that Ariel wasn't going to be spending every afternoon under her care anymore. She didn't think much of Mrs. Johnson's parenting skills either. She was always yelling at Monica for the slightest infractions, and Jessica knew Monica got spanked fairly frequently. Jessica never spanked her child and very rarely raised her voice with her. She knew from her own childhood that those kinds of punishments did more harm than good.

Jessica rushed in through the door, breathless. "I'm so sorry I'm late," she apologized. "I was at a job interview, and it went on much longer than I expected. Thank you so much for watching Ariel, and I'll see you later. Come on, Ariel, let's get home." Ariel quickly waved good-bye to her friend and followed her mother out the door.

"Oh honey, I've got such good news for you," Jessica said as she unlocked their door.
"Me too! You wouldn't believe what happened at school today!" Ariel said.

"You go first; I want to hear all about it."

"Look what we got in school today," Ariel said, digging down in her backpack. She pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to her mother. It was her report card.

Jessica looked it over. Ariel's grades had greatly improved since she had entered kindergarten. She had pulled her D in Language Arts up to an A and her C in Math was now an A also. Ariel's teacher had written in the comments section "Ariel has been doing so well in kindergarten. Her reading has improved tremendously and she seems to understand math much better. Congratulations and keep up the great work, Ariel."

"Ariel! This is so great!” Jessica picked Ariel up in her arms and twirled her around. “I'm so proud of you, sweetie! We're going to have to go out and celebrate."

Ariel blushed and looked down so her mother wouldn't notice how hard she was grinning. She was proud of herself. She hadn't even had to work as hard as she'd done in first grade. Although transferring back to kindergarten had seemed like a bad idea three months earlier, Ariel now had to admit that it'd been worth it.

"What's your good news, Mommy?"

"Well, lately I've been going to job interviews to find a new job. I went to an interview today for a job as a secretary in a law firm. Well, the interview went well, but I wasn't sure if I'd get the job or not. They called me right before I left work today to ask if I could come back for another brief interview. I went, and they barely asked me three questions before telling me I had the job! This is going to make it so much easier for both of us, Ariel. I'm going to be making more money, and we won't have to worry so much about expenses anymore."

"Are we going to be rich?" Ariel asked excitedly.

Jessica laughed. "No, we're not going to be rich, or even close to it. It just means we'll have a bit more spending money, and I won't have to worry so much about the bills anymore. But we're still going to have to watch what we spend. Oh, and I also have next week off. My new job doesn't start until the week after next and I already quit at the restaurant, thank God. So I will be home next week when you are. We can spend some time together."

Ariel was very excited to hear that. She loved spending time with her mother, who wasn't like most mothers Ariel had seen. Her mother usually treated her like a friend instead of like a child. Ariel thought her mother was the coolest person she knew.

They ate dinner and watched TV for a while. "Maybe we can get cable now," Jessica remarked. Ariel was very happy to hear that; now she could watch “Rugrats” whenever she wanted.

Jessica looked at her watch. "It's
nine o'clock," she said. "Would you like to stay up another hour and help me make brownies for your cousins when they get here tomorrow?"

"Ooh, yes!" Ariel replied, as she loved to bake with her mother and also enjoyed getting to stay up later than usual.

Ariel mostly watched as her mother measured out the flour, sugar, cocoa, baking powder, margarine and eggs. "Okay, Ariel, would you like to mix these together with the mixer while I add the powdered sugar?" Jessica asked.

Ariel was very excited; she had never used the mixer before. Jessica made her stand on a chair so she could reach the bowl more easily. "Now, turn it on after you- "

"I know, Mom, I know," Ariel interrupted impatiently as she impatiently turned the beaters on and plunged it into the bowl.
Cocoa and sugar sprayed all over Ariel, getting on her shirt and her face and even her hair, and also onto the counter when the whirling beaters hit the brownie mixture. Ariel hastily turned them off. "Oops," she said sheepishly, not daring to look at her mother.

"Ariel!" Jessica exclaimed. "I told you not to turn that on until after you put the beaters in the bowl but you never listen. You've made a huge mess. I'll finish mixing up the brownies and get them into the oven while you go into the bathroom and start running water for your bath. I'll be in a minute to help you wash your hair. After your bath is over, you're going to come help me clean up this mess, young lady!"

Ariel's eyes filled with tears, and she rushed off to the bathroom before her mother could see. I didn't mean to get brownie mix all over the kitchen, she thought as she ran the bath water. It’s not fair. I can’t be perfect. I’m only six. She stuck her batter-caked hair under the faucet and watched the water turn brown.


Jessica came into the bathroom a minute later. Ariel was already in the tub. She gave her a slight smile, a sign that she wasn't annoyed with her anymore. "Bend your head over and close your eyes," she instructed. Ariel obeyed. She loved it when her mother washed her hair.

”Your hair is getting really long," Jessica remarked as she rubbed shampoo through it. "Do you want to get it cut shorter for summer, like maybe up to your shoulders, or do you want to keep it long?"

"Ummm...get it cut," Ariel said, trying not to get soap in her mouth.

"Okay. I need to get mine cut, too. We'll do that next week while you're off school."

After Ariel's hair was clean, Jessica helped her out of the tub and gave her her pajamas and a pull-up. As Jessica handed Ariel the pull-up, she thought she saw the slightest flicker of excitement on Ariel's face. Jenny's voice echoed through her head. "Sounds to me like Ariel subconsciously wants to wear diapers." Jessica looked at Ariel strangely. Ariel had been very good about wearing her pull-ups lately. She hadn't complained in months and she had even volunteered to wear one when they went out in public. When Jessica had suggested she try to go without one, Ariel had looked disappointed. Jessica decided she was just glad not to be having accidents anymore.

Jenny called the next day around
noon. She and her kids had just arrived. Jessica and Ariel were welcome to come over at any time. They headed on over.

The place was only about a half mile from Jessica and Ariel's house, and it was in the same community, but it was much larger. Jessica and Ariel lived in a two-bedroom apartment. Jenny, who obviously had more money than her younger cousin, had bought a two-story, four-bedroom house with a swingset in the backyard. Behind the backyard were about three acres of woods that were part of Jenny's property. Ariel and Caitlin were anxious to go back in the woods and check it out, but their parents were reluctant to let them.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Jessica said. "It's not too early for the snakes to be out, and there are water moccasins around here. Plus, it looks like it might rain."

"But rain won't hurt us," Caitlin pleaded. "We won't go too far, we'll come back if we feel it starting to rain, and we'll stay away from any snakes we see. We're not dumb; we know not to pick snakes up."

Jenny shrugged. "I don't see why they can't, as long as they don't go too far."

Jessica reluctantly gave Ariel permission, and they ran up to Caitlin's room so she could get her shoes. Her stuff hadn't been unpacked yet, but the boxes were all over the floor. Caitlin dug around in one box. "Hey, Ariel, remember these?" she asked.

Ariel recognized the green-and-white bag instantly. "You still play with Pampers?" she asked.

"Yep. My mom hasn't caught me, either. I'm going to put one on before we go outside. If we get out there and have to pee, we'll have to walk home, and it'll be a pain. You want one?"

"Um...." Ariel was really tempted. She remembered the soft feeling of the diaper she'd worn in February and the way the dampness had disappeared from her skin instantly. She knew that out in the woods with no bathroom nearby (the idea of peeing in the woods had never occurred to her), she'd be likely to have an accident. Wearing a diaper would certainly be better than wetting her pants. Of course, that wasn't the real reason why she wanted the diaper. Deep down, Ariel knew that she loved the feeling of wearing a diaper and acting like a baby.

"Okay, I'll wear the diaper."

Caitlin handed her the diaper. She didn't offer to put it on her this time, and Ariel found pulling the diaper tight to be harder than it seemed. She finally got it tight enough, and they headed downstairs.

"Just don't act guilty," Caitlin whispered to Ariel as they walked past Jenny and Jessica. "They're too busy to really look at us and notice the diapers. As long as we don't act like we're hiding something, they won't notice a thing."

The girls headed back into the woods. Even though Caitlin had promised they'd stay close to home, they walked further and further back, taking many turns along the way. "Let's stop now; I'm getting tired," Ariel said. They sat down on a log. Ariel began to feel the pressure of a full bladder. She wet the diaper quite easily. She was surprised to find that it was much easier to wet the diaper this time then it had been last time she'd worn a diaper. Then Ariel felt something else. She tried to forget about it, but it soon became too intense to ignore.

"Caitlin, maybe we should go home now. I've got to, um, poop."

"We're not going home now, we've only been out for a half hour," Caitlin said impatiently. "You're wearing a diaper. They're made for both peeing and pooping, you know."

"But I don't want to poop in the diaper! It's going to smell and get all squished against my butt and feel icky!"

"Well, I'm not going home now. You can walk home by yourself, use the toilet, and come back if you want."

Ariel decided that even if she started walking home, she probably wouldn't make it. She had no choice but to use the diaper she was wearing. She pushed a little bit and to her surprise, the poop came out faster than she expected. The diaper filled with soft mush which smeared against her butt. The feeling wasn't as bad as she had expected, but still she thought peeing was more fun.

Caitlin made a face and slid down to the other end of the log. "Eww, you stink! I hope my mom or your mom doesn't notice that when we get home."

Ariel hadn't even thought about that. She was going to have to find a way to hide it from her mother. Just then she felt a drop of rain. "It's raining," she said, disappointed. "We have to go home now."

"Oh, it's only raining a little bit," Caitlin replied. "Let's wait a few minutes and see if it stops."

They waited ten minutes, but it was raining harder instead of letting up. "I guess we'd better go on home, or we'll get into trouble," Caitlin said as she stood up. "Um...Ariel, do you remember which way we came?"

Ariel turned to her cousin in a panic. "I thought you would remember!" she exclaimed. She began to get a funny feeling in her stomach as she realized that they were lost in the woods, and the rain was coming down much harder now.

 

 


Chapter Thirteen

 

It was another hour before Ariel and Caitlin found their way back to Caitlin's house. By this time, the rain was letting up, but it was getting dark and they were both soaked and freezing.

They were greeted at the door by Jessica and Jenny, who were both considerably worried. Caitlin and Ariel had thought their moms would be angry, but instead they just seemed relieved that the girls were okay.

They led them into the living room, where there was a fire going. The heat made their cold skin prickle. "Let's get you two out of those wet clothes," Jenny said. "Stay here. I'll run up and get some dry clothes."

Ariel and Caitlin remained in front of the fire with Jessica, sipping the hot chocolate Jenny had made for all of them. Ariel was tired and had almost fallen asleep in her mother's lap when Jenny came down with clothes for them.

Caitlin stood up suddenly. "Oh, Ariel and I don't have to get dressed here. We can go into a bathroom or my room. Come on, Ariel." She grabbed Ariel’s hand and almost pulled her out of the room.

"No, you guys can stay here and get dressed in front of the fire," Jenny said. "The heat isn't working very well. All the other rooms are freezing. Cody is in his room playing, so you don't have to worry about him seeing you."

"We don't mind the cold," Caitlin said. She was speaking fast and seemed very nervous.

"Caitlin, don't be ridiculous. You girls are both freezing, I can tell. Change your clothes in front of the fire."

Ariel had been trying to figure out what Caitlin was trying to hide. Now she remembered. She and Caitlin were both still in their soaked diapers. Ariel had pooped in hers. Their mothers were sure to see them.

Ariel and Caitlin exchanged nervous looks before lowering their pants. They were left standing in t-shirts and glowing white diapers. Jenny and Jessica were deep in conversation and not really paying attention, but Jenny happened to glance their way.

"WHAT are you girls wearing?!" she exclaimed. Jessica turned to stare.

"Um...." Caitlin stammered.

"Why are you girls wearing diapers?" Jessica demanded. "Start explaining, Ariel."
"Well...we were going out in the woods, and we figured it would be a pain to come all the way back just to go to the bathroom, and if we wore diapers, we wouldn't have to go back," Ariel said, her eyes rapidly filling with tears. She couldn't look at her mother.

"I see," Jenny replied. "We are going to have to talk about this privately. Stay here, both of you. And don't even think about taking those diapers off!"

Jessica and Jenny went into the kitchen. "I don't know what to think," Jessica sighed. "I should've seen it coming, really, but it's kind of unbelievable. A six-year-old wanting to wear diapers? I thought toilet training was supposed to be some kind of proud accomplishment."

"So did I," Jenny replied. "But Caitlin always was a little odd about toilet training. She showed no interest in it at all. I finally trained her by refusing to buy any more diapers and putting her in underwear. She didn't like the feeling of wet and messy underwear at all and started using the potty. I felt like she was finally trained, but a year later Cody was born, and she started wetting her bed. I put her back in diapers for that so I wouldn't have to deal with wet sheets. But I never intended or expected for her to use the diapers for anything other than the bedwetting."

"Ariel was trained just before her third birthday,” Jessica said. “She didn't show much interest in being trained, but she was pretty proud when she started wearing underwear. She wet her bed a few times, but was never a regular bedwetter until last December when she just started wetting again all of a sudden, around the same time that she was held back in school. I blamed it on stress and put her in pull-ups to keep the bed clean. I would've gotten her diapers, but she seemed to associate the bedwetting with being a baby, so I thought she'd like pull-ups better than diapers. Then she started wetting her pants and having to wear pull-ups during the day. She finally outgrew that. She's doing better in school now, making some new friends, so I don't see what she has to be stressed about. I don't understand why she wants to wear diapers."

"A lot of kids regress when they go through stress, and continue to regress even after the stress is out of their life," Jenny explained. "I guess Caitlin and Ariel will get over this eventually. I think for right now, the best thing to do is to get them their diapers and let them act like babies all the time. Make them wear diapers all the time, including school. They'll probably get sick of it after a while and want their underwear back."

Caitlin and Ariel were waiting nervously in the living room when their mothers came back. "We're going home right now," Jessica said. "You can talk to Caitlin later. Maybe we'll all do something tomorrow."

Ariel was led out to the car. She sat in the backseat during the short drive home and watched her mother. Jessica didn't seem to be mad. Ariel was wondering what she was going to say about the diaper. She was still wearing the poopy diaper from earlier and wondered when she was going to get to change.

"Ariel, what is it about diapers that you like?" Jessica asked after they were in their apartment again, sitting on the couch.

Ariel hadn't been expecting that question. She hesitated a minute and Jessica said, "Answer honestly. I'm not going to get mad at you. I'm just trying to decide what to do."

"Well, I guess I like being able to go whenever and not having to worry about having an accident or running to use the bathroom," Ariel began. She thought for a minute and then blurted out the rest. "I like feeling like a baby again because it's fun, and it makes me feel loved, and I don't want to grow up and have to go to school, Mommy, I just want to be able to feel like a baby and not have to worry about anything. The diapers feel really good; they're a lot thicker than underwear and really soft. And everyone likes babies and says how cute they look in diapers. I like the way I look in a diaper, I look like I did in those pictures of me when I was a toddler. And I like the way it feels when you change me after I wet my pull-up, and you hold me really close. But I'm too old to wear diapers and I promise I'll never wear them again. I'm sorry, Mommy."

Jessica just looked at her for a second and then said, "Oh Ariel, poor baby, come here." The choice of words was not coincidental. Ariel crawled into her mother's lap and cried into her shoulder. Jessica stroked her hair as she said "It's okay, honey. If you want to wear diapers that badly, you can have them."

"Yes! I want them really badly. Thank you so much, Mommy!" Ariel said, her tears dissolving as she hugged her mother tightly.

"You're welcome. But do you realize that wearing diapers isn’t going to fix everything you were talking about? I understand that you like being babied, and that’s fine, but you can’t really be a baby. You still have to go to school and do work.”

 

“I know, I know,” Ariel said.

 

“Another thing. You have to wear diapers all the time. That includes school."

"I'll wear them to school," Ariel agreed quickly.

"I'm not trying to punish you. But I want you to know what you're getting into. Some of the other kids might not understand why you're wearing diapers. They might say some mean things. Also, you're going to have to be changed at school. I'll have to wait until the school is open again to call your teacher about that."
Ariel was a bit apprehensive about wearing diapers to school and being changed there, but she decided it was worth it to be able to wear diapers. Jessica went ahead and changed her before taking her shopping for diaper supplies. Since Ariel had nothing but pull-ups, she went ahead and wore one to the store until her mother could change her into a diaper for the first time in more than three years.

At the store, Jessica picked out the Pampers size six for Ariel. She realized she also had to buy wipes, powder, and diaper rash ointment. Jessica quickly grabbed what they needed and hurried towards the cash register, anxious to pay for the stuff and get out before she saw anyone she knew. Much as Jessica supported Ariel's decision to wear diapers, she knew there were people who would give her hell about having a six-year-old in diapers.

They didn't see anyone they knew, which was a relief to Ariel as well as Jessica. Ariel didn't want to see anyone from school, particularly one of the boys in her class. She wasn't wild over the idea of wearing diapers to school and planned to be extra careful so no one would find out.

As Ariel and Jessica walked towards the checkout line, they passed some other baby products - bottles, pacifiers, and baby food. Ariel stared at the stuff as they passed by, hoping her mom would offer to buy her some other baby things. Jessica didn't notice Ariel's fascination of the baby products, and Ariel decided to wait until later to ask for them. She didn't want to push her luck.

Ariel allowed herself to pee in the pull-up as they were driving home so her mom would change her into a diaper. "Mommy, I need to be changed," she said timidly as they were walking in the door.

"Okay. I need to go look for something real quick and then I will change you." Jessica disappeared into her bedroom for a few minutes, and came out carrying a changing pad. It was light blue and had a teddy bear print. Ariel stared at it. "Hey, where'd that come from?"

"It was yours when you were a baby. It was to take on trips and stuff. I sold your changing table after you were potty-trained, but I folded this up and stuck it in a box with some of your baby clothes and put the box in the back of my closet. I'd almost forgotten about it."

Ariel lay down on the changing pad. It was more comfortable than just getting changed on the floor. Her mom pulled off her pants and the soggy pull-up. Jessica then began wiping her off with a baby wipe, which to Ariel was the best feeling in the world. She applied powder to her rear to prevent her from getting a rash. Then she slid the clean diaper under Ariel's butt and pulled it up between her legs and fastened the tabs snugly.

"There, all clean," Jessica said, lifting Ariel up and patting her diapered butt as she did so.

"Thank you, Mommy," Ariel said shyly.

The next morning, Ariel invited Caitlin over to play. When Caitlin arrived, Ariel looked at her pants, expecting to see the bulge of a diaper, but there was none. "Didn't your mom put you in diapers?" Ariel asked.

Caitlin shook her head. "Not during the day. Mom said I'd have to wear them to school, and if I wore them to school, everyone would probably laugh at me. Besides, I still get to wear them at night for my bedwetting, and that's almost as good. It would be a pain always having to get them changed."

"But you're the one who got me into diapers! It would be fun if we both wore diapers to school. Some of the kids might laugh, but I bet a lot wouldn't care. I wet my pants at school once; one kid laughed and another girl stood up for me and we became friends. None of the other kids in my class cared about it either," Ariel argued.

Caitlin gave her a funny look. "Ariel, you're in kindergarten. I'm in second grade. I'm almost eight. It's different in second grade. Most kindergartners still have accidents sometimes, a lot wear diapers to bed, and a few still wear them during the day. But by second grade most kids have outgrown all that. At my old school in
Georgia, there was one girl in my class who still wore diapers. She was in a car accident, I think. Sometimes she'd poop in her diaper during class, and everyone would know what she'd done. A lot of the kids laughed at her, and nobody wanted to be her friend. I don't want to be like that. I want to have friends and be normal."

Ariel invited Monica over to meet her cousin. She told Monica on the phone that she had a surprise for her. When Ariel heard the doorbell ring, she took a deep breath. Monica had been her best friend for years. Today Ariel would find out if she was really a true friend.

Monica smiled at Ariel as she stepped in. "Hi!" she said cheerfully. She barely looked at Ariel and did not notice the diaper right away. She looked past Ariel at Caitlin, who was standing behind Ariel. "Hi...you must be Ariel's cousin. I'm Monica. Ariel is my best friend."

Caitlin smiled. "Yeah, hi, I'm Caitlin." She gestured to Ariel. "Notice anything different about Ariel?"

Ariel could've died. She hadn't meant for Caitlin to tell Monica about the diapers right away, she had wanted to wait and see how long it was before Monica noticed, to give her an idea of how long it would be before the kids at school noticed.

Monica studied Ariel carefully. "Um....you're wearing really thick underwear?"

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "You're quick," she said sarcastically. "Although I guess you're right in a way. Ariel's wearing a diaper."

"A DIAPER?" Monica repeated, shocked. "Why are you wearing a diaper, Ariel?"

Ariel flushed. "Because I like them," she replied boldly. "You said yourself you liked wearing a pull-up, diapers are even better."

"I think diapers and pull-ups feel really nice. I guess it's cool if you want to wear one during the day. I wish my mom would let me wear diapers." Monica said enviously.

"Yeah, they're a lot of fun," Ariel said, relieved. "My mom changes me. She caught me wearing a diaper yesterday and told me I could wear them if I wanted. The only problem is, I have to wear them to school."

"You're wearing them to school?" Monica asked incredulously. "I would never be able to wear them to school. Aren't you scared everyone will laugh?"

Nothing anyone said about wearing diapers to school reassured Ariel any. Both Caitlin and Monica seemed sure that Ariel was in for a lot of teasing if she wore diapers to school. Ariel tried all week to talk her mother out of making her wear them to school, with no luck. Jessica insisted that Ariel was going to have an accident if she didn't wear diapers to school. It was all or nothing, and Ariel chose all.

The night before she had to return to school after spring break, she was so anxious she couldn't sleep. Finally, she snuck out of bed and grabbed a pair of underwear from her dresser. She tucked them into her backpack, in between the three diapers her mother had put in so she could be changed by the school nurse. No way was she wearing diapers at school.

 

 


Chapter Fourteen

 

Ariel woke up very early the next morning. She had butterflies in her stomach and reminded herself of the underwear in her backpack. There was no reason to be nervous, no reason why her plan shouldn't work.

Jessica came into Ariel's room to wake her and was surprised to find her already up. "Nervous about going to school in diapers?" she asked.

"Not really," Ariel replied. It wasn't a lie. She was nervous about getting out of her diaper and into the clean underwear in her backpack without getting caught.

"You'll be fine," Jessica assured her after Ariel was dressed. "You can't even see the diaper. Nobody's going to notice."

Ariel hugged her mom good-bye and walked to the bus stop. Other kids were already there, laughing and talking about their spring breaks. It had rained all last week, but now that everyone had to go back to school, the sun was out.

Monica arrived at the stop just as the bus was pulling up. She and Ariel sat together. "So are you wearing one?" she asked really quietly.

"Yes," Ariel whispered back. "But not for long. I've got underwear in my backpack, and I'm going to change into it as soon as I get to school."

"Ohhhhhh," Monica said. "That's what I'd do, too."

Caitlin got on then. She sat in front of Ariel and Monica and turned around to face them.

"Are you nervous about your first day here?" Monica asked her.

"Me? Nervous?" Caitlin laughed. "I'm never nervous. It's just school." Ariel and Monica exchanged glances; Caitlin thought she was pretty tough, but they could both tell she was a nervous wreck.

"Ariel's got underwear in her backpack, and she's going to change into it when we get to school," Monica announced to Caitlin.

Ariel turned to her best friend. "Will you stop talking about that?" she hissed. "Caitlin's got a big mouth. She'll probably tell her mom."

"I heard that, Ariel! I do not have a big mouth! I'm not telling my mom anything, but she's going to figure it out when she goes to change you this afternoon and you're not wearing a diaper."

"Mr. Keever always lets us go outside ten minutes before school ends so we can play. I can sneak off to the bathroom and change back into a diaper then." Ariel said.

The bus pulled up in front of the school and the girls got out. Monica and Caitlin went to the bathroom with Ariel first so they could stand guard while she got changed and make sure there were no other kids in the bathroom when she came out to throw her diaper in the trash can.

Inside the stall, Ariel quickly ripped the tabs of her diaper and pulled it off. It was already wet, as she had drunk a glass of grape juice for breakfast, and it had worked its way through her system on the bus. Ariel slid on the underwear, noticing how strange it felt to be wearing underwear after a week in diapers. It was like when she went roller skating and took her skates off and put her shoes back on, and walking always felt a little strange afterwards. She wasn’t sure she liked it. It was out of her element.

Ariel and Caitlin waved good-bye to Monica at the door of Mrs. Ellis' first-grade classroom. Mrs. Ellis stopped Ariel and made a big fuss over her.

"Hello there, Ariel. I hear you're doing very well in your new class. I've missed you her. You've gotten taller since I last saw you. You're becoming quite a grown-up young lady!"

It was just a casual comment, one that all adults say to little girls when they haven't seen them in a while, but Caitlin started laughing at the irony of the "grown up" part. Mrs. Ellis gave her a strange look, and Caitlin stopped laughing. "Yeah, Ariel really acts like an adult," she mumbled.

Ariel showed Caitlin where her class was. Caitlin looked really nervous but still denied it. Ariel said good-bye and hurried to her own class.

She sat down next to her friend Diana, and the two began discussing their spring breaks. Ariel pulled her workbooks out of her backpack, careful not to open it enough so Diana could see the diapers inside. Caught in one of her workbooks was the note her mom had given her to give to Mr. Keever, explaining about her diapers. Diana pulled it out. "Hey, what's this?" she asked.

Ariel grabbed it. "Um, nothing, nothing at all," she said quickly. "Just a piece of trash." She tore the note into small pieces and threw it away. Diana gave her a strange look.

"You're acting weird," she told Ariel. "What was on that paper you didn't want me to see?"

"Um, well, I didn't care if you saw it, but it was an old math quiz that I didn't do well on, and I wanted to throw it away before my mom could see it." Ariel was surprised at how easily the lie slipped out. It was already obvious that she was going to have to tell a lot of lies to keep her school friends from finding out she wore diapers at home, and to keep her mom from finding out she wasn't wearing them at school. The only time Ariel had ever lied to her mom before was the day months ago, when she'd wet her pants and hidden the evidence under her bed. She felt guilty about sneaking underwear to school.

Then again, Ariel didn't think her mom was being very fair about making her wear diapers all the time, either. Even though Jessica had assured her that she wasn't being punished, it still felt like a punishment.

The morning went well. Ariel used the bathroom during morning recess, which was at
ten o'clock, but she still had to ask permission to use it around eleven, because she didn't think she could hold it until lunch, which was at eleven-thirty. Although she'd only been wearing diapers a week, Ariel felt like her bladder was starting to weaken and now understood why her mother wanted her to wear them full-time if she was going to wear them at all. Still, Ariel felt that she didn't really need the diapers and would have no problems using the bathroom at school.

Ariel used the bathroom again during lunch. After lunch everyone headed back to the classroom. Although the class was usually rowdy after lunch, they were especially hyper today, since it was the first day back from spring break. Mr. Keever had told them several times that morning to settle down, and as the afternoon wore on, he became more and more impatient.

"Class!" he yelled over the noise. "This is your last warning! If you cannot settle down NOW, I'm going to keep you in here working until the bell rings, instead of letting you go outside for a few minutes!"

Ariel panicked, as she knew that no afternoon recess would mean that she couldn't change out of her diaper before going to Caitlin's house after school. She quit talking to Diana and tried to focus on her work, but talking was so tempting, especially when everyone else was doing it.

Although no one wanted to lose recess, gradually the temptation to talk overcame the desire to go outside before school ended. The room gradually got loud again. Thirty minutes before school ended, Mr. Keever yelled at them again.

"That's it! You guys are staying in here through recess. I can't teach you anything when you're rowdy like this. Since you are going to talk during regular class time, you can get started on your homework during the last ten minutes of the day."

Muffled groans rose from the class. Ariel's heart sank. She would have to tell Jenny that she didn't need to be changed when she got to her house, then sneak off and change into her diaper. At least Jenny worked at home, so she'd probably be too busy to pay much attention to Ariel and Caitlin.

Of course, she already had to use the bathroom. Mr. Keever probably wasn't going to let her go, since she had left class to go before. Oh well, she could hold it.

The bell rang at the end of the day, and Ariel ran to her bus. She had to, because it always left five minutes after the bell rang. She sat down beside Monica, and Caitlin sat in front of them, just like that morning.

"So are you wearing a diaper again?" Caitlin asked.

"No! Dumb Mr. Keever took away afternoon recess just because we were talking, and I didn't get to change! Now I'll have to change at your house."

"Don't worry," Caitlin assured Ariel. "My mom's gonna want to hear all about my day. I can distract her while you sneak off to the bathroom and change."

The bus pulled away from the school and started down the road. Suddenly the bus driver slammed on the brakes, and everyone went forward in their seats. Bookbags fell to the floor and slid underneath the seats. A few kids stood up to see what was going, including Caitlin. Since the bus was higher then all the cars in front of them, she could see what was causing the traffic jam. "Oh cool, a car accident! A really bad one!" she exclaimed.

Ariel and Monica stood up to see it, too. Two cars were spread out across the road. They looked totaled. People were getting out of their cars to help the injured victims inside the wrecked cars. Sirens could be heard in the distance, and a police car was already there.

"Well, we're going to be here a while," Caitlin said, smiling. "This is so cool! I've never seen a car accident this close before."

Ariel didn't think it was cool at all. Her grandparents had been killed in a car accident, and Jessica hated seeing car accidents. Ariel knew that the "cooler" the accident looked, the more likely it was that someone had died or was seriously injured. She liked her cousin Caitlin, but sometimes didn't understand her at all.

There was another thing about this car accident that made Ariel unhappy. Her urge to pee was getting worse and worse. If the traffic didn't clear up soon, there was going to be another kind of accident. She squirmed in her seat, and Monica looked at her.

"Do you have to go to the bathroom?" Monica asked.

Ariel nodded tearfully. She had to get to a bathroom soon, or she would be in trouble. She wasn't sure what her mom would do if she found out that she’d changed into underwear at school. Ariel thought she might not let her wear diapers anymore. She had to make it to a bathroom.

The bus began creeping forward a little bit, and then suddenly slammed on the brakes again. Ariel couldn't hold it anymore. Her bladder seemed to collapse as pee streamed into her underwear and pants and formed a puddle on the seat. Monica looked horrified as she inched herself to the edge of the seat.

"Ariel! Couldn't you hold it?" she asked.

Ariel was sobbing. She couldn't seem to stop sobbing like a baby, and it drew Caitlin's attention. "Ariel, what is your problem?" She saw the stain on Ariel's jeans. "Oh."

"Here," Monica said, handing Ariel her jacket. "Put this on till we get to my house, and it will cover the stain on your pants. Just try not to get pee on it!"

"Thanks, Monica," Ariel said, sniffling as she put on the jacket. "What am I going to do? My mom's going to be so mad! I was supposed to wear my diapers to school."

"Maybe when we get to my house, my mom will let you wash your pants and not tell your mom what happened. All you have to do is look real sad about what happened, and she'll feel sorry for you and not tell your mom," Caitlin offered.

Ariel was lucky. None of the other kids on the bus seemed to notice what had happened. It wasn't very crowded that afternoon, and no one was sitting near them. Caitlin and Ariel were getting off at the second-to-the-last stop, so there would only be three or four kids on the bus, and Ariel might be able to hide most of the stain with her backpack. But she'd never be able to hide it from Jenny. And, despite what Caitlin had said, Ariel didn't think she could talk Jenny into not telling her mom.

It was another half-hour before the traffic let up, and the bus could continue on its normal route. Ariel and Caitlin finally climbed off the bus at four, forty-five minutes later than expected. As they turned down Caitlin's street, Caitlin said "Hey look, Ariel, isn't that your mom's car?"

Ariel stared in dismay. For the first time, she wasn't happy at all to see her mom. She continued walking up the street, a feeling of dread in her stomach. There was no way she'd be able to hide her accident from her mom now. Jessica would know what had happened as soon as she saw her.

Ariel followed Caitlin inside. Jessica and Jenny came running up to greet them, full of questions about Caitlin's first day of school and exclaiming over how late the bus had been. Jessica saw the wet spot on Ariel right away.

"Oh honey, let's go get you changed before we go home. It must have been a while since anyone changed you. How was your day? Did you have any problems?"

Ariel began to cry; her mom was so nice about the diapers, and she had messed up her chance of getting to wear them as long as she wanted. She'd had a long day, and her soaked, cold clothes were beginning to cause a rash on her bottom. She wanted to go home and get changed into a diaper and curl up on her mom's lap and go to sleep.

Concerned, Jessica came over and took Ariel in her arms. "What's the matter, sweetie? Did the other kids give you a hard time about your diapers?"

Ariel shook her head, sniffling. "No...they didn't...because I didn't wear diapers at
school. I changed into underwear when I got to school, and I thought I could just change again before school was over. But Mr. Keever took away our afternoon recess, and I couldn't change back into my diapers. Then the bus got delayed, and I wet my pants." She looked down, tears swimming in her eyes.

Jessica sighed. "All right, we'll talk about it at home. Go into the bathroom and let me change you before you get a rash."

Ariel was changed quickly. Jessica didn't say anything while she was changing her, except to comment on the slight rash she had. "You must've been in those wet clothes for awhile. I've got some cream at home I'll put on it."

Ariel was quite relieved to have her diapers back on. She didn't want to face school anymore without with comfort and security of a thick diaper that she could pee in anytime she wanted to.

"So did you take off your diapers because you were afraid the other kids would tease you?" Jessica asked as she was driving them home.

"Yeah," Ariel muttered.

"Well, I knew if you didn't wear diapers to school, something like this would happen. If you wear diapers even at home, your bladder control is going to become very weak. You are approaching a point where you will need to wear diapers all the time. I'm going to give you one more chance. Either you wear diapers all the time, including school, or you don't wear them at all. Next time I find out you didn't wear them somewhere, you're out of diapers. Permanently. I'll get you goodnites or something to wear for your bedwetting. Do you understand?"

Ariel nodded, relieved. She was going to be wearing diapers for as long as she wanted.

The next day, she headed to her class nervously, once again carrying a note explaining her need to be changed. Jessica was also going to call the teacher and talk to him, to make sure Ariel could get changed okay and that he would reprimand any kids teasing her.

Ariel walked up to Mr. Keever's desk before class started and handed him the note. She didn't look at him as he read it, keeping her eyes down on the pictures of his kids.

"Okay, Ariel, this is fine. Try to see the nurse during lunch and recess, but if you really need to be changed during class, raise your hand and ask to go to the bathroom and I'll let you go. I won't mention your diapers to any of the other students, and you don't have to tell them about it either. But if they find out and start giving you a hard time, come tell me, and I'll deal with them."

"Thanks, Mr. Keever." Ariel replied and walked to her desk. He acted like he had students wearing diapers all the time. Ariel just hoped the nurse would be as nice.

Ariel was due for her first diaper change by lunchtime. She'd peed in the diaper three times, and it was soaked. One of the times had been when she was working with Diana and a couple of other kids on a group project. She'd peed in her diaper right while she was talking to them, and they'd all been looking at her, listening to what she was talking about, and hadn't had a clue that she had peed in a diaper, or that she was even wearing one. If she could do that, then there was no reason why anyone would ever find out about the diapers.

As the rest of the class headed down to lunch, Ariel got out of line and headed for the nurse's office. "Hey, Ariel, where are you going?" Diana asked.

"Um...I have to go to the bathroom," Ariel stuttered nervously.

Ariel walked into the nurse's office. Only two kids were in there, and they both looked like they were in fourth or fifth grade. One was resting on a cot, and the other was holding a paper towel over a bleeding nose. Ariel handed the nurse the pass Mr. Keever had given her.

"Hello, young lady, how may I help you?" the nurse, Mrs. Jennings, asked pleasantly. Mrs. Jennings was a large, motherly woman. She loved kids, and she loved her job.

"I, um, have to get my diaper changed," Ariel whispered, her face turning pink.

"You must be the little girl from Mr. Keever's class,” she said, more quietly. “He told me you were going to be wearing diapers to school from now on. Come on back here," she said, leading Ariel back into a little room with a changing table.

"Are there a lot of kids like me?" Ariel asked shyly as she was being changed.

"You mean wearing diapers? Let's see, there's four others in kindergarten besides you wearing them, three in the first grade, three in second grade, two in third grade, two in fourth grade and one in fifth grade. That's sixteen kids altogether, and you figure there's probably a few who wear them or maybe pull-ups to school but don't get changed by me, so since there's a thousand kids in the school, probably about one in fifty kids here wears diapers to school."

"Four kids in kindergarten? Who?"

"Well, I'm not allowed to give you their names, but one's a girl, like you, and the other three are boys."

Four others in kindergarten! There were seven kindergarten classes, so it was possible one of those kids was in Ariel's class! Even if they weren't in her class, they had recess with her, and Ariel had every intention of finding out who they were.

 

 


Chapter Fifteen

 

The rest of the school year went quickly for Ariel. She didn't have much of a chance to find out who else in her school wore diapers. Nor did anyone find out she was wearing diapers, except for Diana. Ariel told her about the diapers one afternoon in May when Diana commented on how Ariel always had to go to the bathroom before lunch.

Diana didn't seem to care that Ariel was in diapers but never mentioned it again. She thought it was strange, and she didn't see why anyone would ever want to wear diapers. However, she and Ariel remained friends, and Diana kept Ariel's diapers a secret.

As soon as school was out, Ariel began staying at Caitlin's house all day long. Cody had finally been potty trained, just before summer began. He did not need diapers anymore, not even at night, and was quite proud of how he stayed dry at night but his older sister didn't.

Jenny asked Jessica to get Ariel some diapers to wear in the water, since they had a neighborhood pool and a beach right down the street. Jessica took Ariel to Babies R Us to find some water diapers. The store had a huge display of Huggies Little Swimmers, but they were too small for Ariel, as the largest size was thirty-four pounds and up. Jessica finally found some plastic pants in an extra-large size, meant for children forty-five pounds and heavier and designed to protect diapers from the water.

Once at home, Jessica insisted that Ariel try her bathing suit on with the plastic pants over her diapers. "Oh Ariel, that's adorable!" she exclaimed. "Hold on while I put film in the camera."

"Mommy!" Ariel protested, but she was really thrilled with the bulging of her diapers under her bathing suit. It made her look like the two-year-olds she'd seen at the neighborhood pool last summer. In her diapers, Ariel really did look like a tall two-year-old.

"Say cheese, honey!" Jessica cried, holding the camera about ten feet away from Ariel. Ariel smiled sweetly as the flash went off. For the next pose, she pulled her diaper down a bit so the edges hung over her bathing suit.

Jessica put the camera down after that picture. "Would you like to see some pictures from when you were really a baby?" she asked Ariel

"Sure!" Ariel had seen more recent pictures of herself but never any baby pictures. Jessica dug through drawers and found Ariel's baby book. The first page was simply filled with statistics. Baby's name, Ariel Michelle Crawford. Born
November 3, 1992 at 7:47 a.m. to Jessica Courtney Crawford and Joshua Robert Powell. Weight: six pounds, nine ounces. Length: twenty inches.

Ariel turned the page, and there were pictures of her as a newborn, with her mom going home from the hospital, in her bassinette and crib, in an infant bathtub, being held by her father, lying on the floor smiling toothlessly. Another page had a big picture of her, obviously a bit older, walking around the house with her mother and wearing nothing but a sagging diaper. Ariel had been an adorable toddler, with rosy cheeks and short blond curls. There were several pictures of her on her first birthday, tearing the wrapping paper off a gift, doing her best to blow out the candle on her cake, eating cake with vanilla frosting smeared all over her face, and sitting on the floor with a few other unidentified rugrats. The book also contained various scribbled drawings from preschool, including one with two stick figures, one with curly blond hair, another with straight golden-brown hair. "Me and Mommy" was written above the drawing, obviously by a teacher.

There were similar photos from her second birthday, her first, second, and third Christmas, and Ariel just walking around, sometimes with a diaper sticking out. Ariel loved these pictures the most. Then she found one picture which intrigued her. It was her sitting on the toilet, with her pants and pull-up down around her ankles. Her hair was in pigtails, and she was grinning proudly. Ariel searched the toddler's face, trying to see if there was any hint showing that maybe she wasn't so proud of her accomplishment and missed her diapers, but there was nothing.

Jenny and Jessica decided to spend the Fourth of July at the beach, complete with a picnic lunch, volleyball and fireworks. Jessica agreed to bring sandwiches, chips and drinks if Jenny brought fruit, desert and the volleyball net. It would be Ariel's first time using her new plastic pants with her diapers, as Jenny had been so busy working at home that she hadn't had a chance to take Ariel and Caitlin swimming. She asked if she could invite Monica along, since she had hardly seen her since school ended. Monica accepted the invitation, and Ariel waited with impatience for the holiday.

Ariel awoke around nine on Sunday, July 4th. She was sticky and sweaty. It had been incredibly hot and humid lately, and the humidity just seemed to seep in through the walls of the apartment, no matter how hard the air conditioning worked. Ariel's diaper was soaked, and the still-warm urine wasn't a good feeling to her, for once. Usually she loved to lie awake in bed and enjoy the feeling of a soaked diaper before getting changed.

Ariel got out of bed and headed into the kitchen, where her mom was packing sandwiches into the cooler. "Mommy, it's hot in here!"

"I know. It's already ninety-three degrees outside. The beach is the best place to be on a day like this. I guarantee that water will not be too warm." Jessica washed her hands and got Ariel's changing pad out. Nothing felt better to Ariel on a hot day than a cool, soothing baby wipe and a fresh diaper.

Monica arrived a few minutes later. She helped Ariel and Jessica finish packing up the cooler, and then they all left for the beach. The drive was a long, hot one made worse by the failing air conditioning in Jessica’s car and the Virginia Beach Fourth of July tourist traffic. The beach they were going to was a fairly secluded one that most tourists didn't know about, so it wouldn't be too crowded.

Ariel and Monica sat in the backseat. Monica noticed Ariel's new plastic pants and asked to see a pair. Ariel pulled an extra pair out of her diaper bag and showed it to Monica. "Oh, these are nice," Monica said enviously as she held one. "They don't make as much noise as I would've thought they would, either."

"Do you want to wear them over a diaper? My mom will put you in a diaper if you want," Ariel whispered.

"I don't know. Maybe I'd better not." Monica said doubtfully. "What if someone from school sees you?"

Ariel shrugged. It was something she tried not to think about. She told herself that if someone from school saw her, by September they would've forgotten about it.

They finally arrived at the beach. Ariel's cousins weren't there yet, so she and Monica helped Jessica drag the heavy cooler out of the car and set up the beach towels. Jenny, Caitlin and Cody showed up a few minutes later. Jenny had brought an umbrella so they could sit in the shade while they ate lunch.

Jessica and Jenny watched as the kids ran to the shoreline after they’d been rubbed down with sunblock. "Ariel certainly doesn't seem to mind having her diapers sticking out of her bathing suit like a two-year-old," Jenny commented.

Jessica shook her head. "Nope. She enjoys her diapers. I worry about that sometimes. She can't keep it a secret at school forever. I don't know how the other kids are going to react when they find out she wears diapers."

"She'll be fine," Jenny assured Jessica. "Maybe a few really mean kids might tease her a bit, but it's not going to affect her friendships. Ariel's tougher than you think she is. She can deal with a little bit of teasing."

Ariel came running up to them. "Aren't you guys coming? The water's freezing!" she shrieked.

Jessica stood up a bit reluctantly. "How are your plastic pants doing? Are they keeping your diaper dry?" she asked Ariel quietly.

"Yep! Monica was jealous, too! She kept looking at them like she wanted to wear them, but when I asked her if she wanted to wear a diaper and plastic pants, she said she couldn't."

"You don't want Monica to wear your diapers. If her mom finds out we let her wear diapers, she'll probably never let Monica even talk to you or I again." Jessica replied. Ariel shrugged and ran ahead of them to the water.

"What's Monica's mom like?" Jenny asked as they walked to the water.

"She's a bitch, that's what she's like," Jessica muttered. "She makes Monica wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. If Monica wets her bed anyway, she has to wash her sheets, and she's not allowed to leave her house that day. Mrs. Johnson wouldn't put Monica in diapers because, according to her, Monica wets the bed on purpose. When she found out Ariel was in diapers full-time, I had to tell her Ariel had a medical problem, otherwise she wouldn't want Monica hanging out with Ariel anymore. If she found out Monica wore diapers at our house, she'd ban the poor child from our house forever and send her to a shrink. I don't know what her dad would do. I’ve only met him twice, in all these years Monica and Ariel have known each other. He’s in the military and travels a lot."

"Poor Monica," Jenny said. "But I don't see why she couldn't wear diapers at least when she sleeps over at your house. If her mom did somehow find out, you could just tell her you didn't want Monica wetting the bed."

"That might work. Next time Monica sleeps over, I'll offer her a diaper."

Everyone splashed around in the water until lunchtime. Ariel had to be changed once during the morning, which was no problem because the restrooms were empty while she was changed. At lunchtime, she needed to be changed again because she'd pooped her diaper. Ariel could pee in her diaper without even thinking about it, but she still hadn't gotten used to pooping. She had to stop what she was doing and concentrate on emptying her bowels before she could poop in her diaper.

Jessica took Ariel into the bathroom. She pulled out the changing table and lifted Ariel onto it. "Ariel, you're getting heavy! Pretty soon, you're going to have to climb up here yourself!" she said.

While Ariel was getting changed, another mother walked in with her son, who looked about four. They stood waiting to use the changing table after Jessica and Ariel were done. "Wow! I thought David was the only kid his age who wasn't potty trained, but your daughter looks older than he is!" the mother commented.

"Actually, Ariel was potty trained. But she chose to wear diapers again." Jessica replied, curious as to what the lady's reaction would be.

"Really? David seems to enjoy his diapers, too. I don't really mind. I figure he'll potty train when he's ready."

"I think Ariel's just going through a phase." Jessica said as she pulled Ariel's plastic pants over her fresh diaper, put her bathing suit bottoms on her, and lifted her down from the changing table. They went to go eat their lunch.

While they were eating, it started to rain. Jenny and Jessica decided just to wait out the rain and then go back in the water, as it was still very hot, but when it started to thunder, the lifeguards ordered everyone off the beach. The two moms decided to meet at Jenny's house later to drive to the strip and watch the fireworks, if they didn't get rained out.

Ariel and Jessica walked into the house just as the phone was ringing. Jessica ran to pick it up. It was Ariel's father, Josh. He wanted to know if Ariel wanted to come visit him and her new stepmom in
San Francisco for two weeks.

 


Chapter Sixteen

 

"She wears what?" Britney was not amused as she dropped her purse on the couch and sat down across from her husband. She'd been out all day, first shopping, and then a workout with her personal trainer, and she was not in the mood for jokes from her husband, or more comments about what a cute baby Ariel had been, or anything else having to do with his six-year-old child.

"Diapers. Jessica called me today and explained that Ariel is going through a little regression phase, nothing serious, and she's in diapers for the time being. She felt that I should know before Ariel gets here."

"How noble of her," Britney said icily. "I don't see how you can say that a 'little' regression phase isn't serious. Perhaps you should cancel the trip, and send that child's mother money for a shrink. I don't understand why you are so eager to see Ariel."

Josh sighed. They'd been over all this before, and he wasn't in the mood to argue with Britney. She could be very pushy and demanding. But she was gorgeous, and her family was extremely wealthy. Wealthy enough that neither of them really had to work, although he'd gone back to school and gotten an associate’s degree in computer programming, mostly so that no one could accuse him of marrying Britney for her money.

"She’s my daughter! Jessica's taken care of Ariel for her whole life. It won't kill me - us - to have her for a couple of weeks. I wouldn't have invited her if I knew she was still in diapers," Josh said miserably. Children were the one thing he and Britney disagreed on. Josh sometimes missed Ariel and wouldn't have minded having one or two more kids, with Britney of course. Britney hated kids, knew nothing about them, and couldn't understand why Josh had any desire to be a father.

"There's one more thing," Josh added, although he was already in hot water with his wife.

"Oh God, what now?"

"You're going to have to change Ariel whenever we're out. She's too old for me to take in the men's room."

"This is like some kind of nightmare,” Britney said. She and Josh stared at each other unhappily for a few moments. "Fine. I'll change her when she needs it. But this is as far as it goes. I'm not going to do any stepmother-daughter bonding with her. She comes here for two weeks, she goes home, and after that you can send her mom money every month, but she's not coming out here on a regular basis."

Ariel stared at her mom miserably as they exited the interstate and approached the airport. Going to California had seemed like a good idea when her dad had suggested it two and a half weeks ago, but she was now reluctant to spend two weeks with a man who was little more than a stranger. "Mommy, I don't want to go! Can't I go to New York with you? I want to go to New York, too!"

"You'll have fun with your dad, sweetie," Jessica replied, searching for a parking space. "You don't want to come to
New York with me and my friends this weekend. We'll be at a concert. You wouldn't have any fun at all." Jessica was going to Woodstock ‘99 that weekend. Christine’s boyfriend’s best friend worked at a local concert venue and had gotten four free tickets. Jessica had met Christine’s boyfriend before and liked him, but she’d never met his friend. However, Christine assured her that he was, "single, with a great sense of humor, really sweet and sensitive, and finer than hell. He's perfect for you." Jessica didn’t put much stock in Christine’s personal-column description, but she was looking forward to the weekend. She hadn't gone off and had fun with her friends in ages, and although she felt guilty running off to party the second Ariel was gone, no one could deny that it was well-deserved.

"But what if Daddy doesn't like me? Or Britney?" Ariel asked tearfully.

"I'm sure they'll love you. I bet Britney's really nice," Jessica doubted it but felt she had to say it for Ariel's benefit.

"Will you call me every day?"

"Well, I don't know about every day, but maybe every other day. And I'll send you a postcard from
Woodstock," Jessica promised. Once they were inside, she sat down on a bench, scribbled something onto a sheet of paper, and tucked it into Ariel's backpack. "There's the number where I'll be from tomorrow night until Tuesday. You know the home number. You can call anytime you want to. If your dad complains about the bill, then you can call collect. Okay?" Ariel nodded.

Once they'd found the gate and had checked Ariel's suitcase, Jessica explained to Ariel what the flight would be like, since it was Ariel's first time flying. "You're leaving here at
2:20, and your flight is scheduled to arrive in San Francisco at 5:40, California time. It's going to be 8:40 here, so you'll probably be tired. If you need your diaper changed while you're on the plane, you can ask one of the flight attendants, and she'll do it. They know, or should know, that you will be in diapers and will probably need changing at least once. Once you get to the airport, your dad will find you."

"Now, we've got about twenty minutes before they start boarding. Do you need to be changed?" Ariel nodded yes, well aware that it was her last opportunity to be changed by her mom for two weeks. Her mom did the job better than anyone else, even the school nurse.

Jessica took Ariel to the nearest bathroom and changed her. After that was done, they sat and talked while waiting for the boarding announcement. When it was time for Ariel to board, she burst into tears.

"I don't want to go," she sobbed, holding onto her mother's legs. "Please don't make me go, Mommy!"

Jessica knelt down and hugged Ariel tightly. "It's okay, Ariel...you're going to be fine. You'll have such fun at your dad's, eating in restaurants and going to the beach and maybe going shopping or to an amusement park. You wouldn't have any fun with me. You'd have to come along to a three-day concert, and you'd be so bored. Caitlin's visiting her dad, so you'd have to stay with Monica and her mom while I work, and you know what a pain Mrs. Johnson can be." Ariel smiled through her tears. "See, there's that smile I love to see," Jessica said, tickling Ariel to make her laugh. "Now that's more like it! Go off and have a good time with your dad and no more tears, okay?"

Ariel nodded, but as she boarded the plane and took one last look at her mom, she felt her eyes filling up again. She found a window seat and sat down. Digging through her backpack, she found the CDs and personal CD player her mom had loaned her for the trip, while issuing dire threats of Ariel being "grounded for life" if she lost or broke it. She listened to it until a stewardess began going over safety procedures.

"I don't see why we have to leave now. The plane won't be here for another hour, and they're usually late anyway," Britney grumbled.

"I already called. The plane's right on time. It'll take awhile to get to the airport, and we have to park the car and find the gate. We don't want Ariel to think we've forgotten her," Josh said irritably. All Britney had done since she found out Ariel was visiting was complain. She had no interest in being any kind of a mother, even a stepmother. "What do you want me to do with her, rent ‘Stepmom’ and microwave popcorn while she sits on my lap and I braid her hair?" she'd griped more than once.

They finally arrived at the airport ten minutes before Ariel's flight was scheduled to arrive. Josh was like a little kid, bouncing with impatience as the plane finally arrived and passengers began pouring in. Ariel finally walked in. He hadn't seen her in six months, and then that had only been for a few minutes, but Josh felt that he could've seen her anywhere, at any time, even thirty years in the future, and recognized her as his daughter. She was a beautiful child.

"Hi Ariel," he said nervously.

"Hi...Daddy," Ariel replied, just as nervously.
"Ariel, I'd like you to meet your stepmother, Britney. Britney, this is my daughter, Ariel."

"Hello, Ariel," Britney said coolly. Her piercing blue eyes seemed to stare right through Ariel. They took in Ariel's inexpensive backpack and diaper bag with teddy bears printed on it in one glance. She smiled thinly, revealing her perfectly straight, white teeth.

"Hey, Britney," Ariel said awkwardly. She was uncomfortable with the word "stepmother" and was already getting the feeling Britney didn't like her.

"Let's get your bags and get out of this airport so we can get home and eat dinner. But first, do you need to be changed?" Josh asked quietly. He felt ridiculous asking a six-year-old if she needed her diaper changed, but it was going to be a big part of his life for the next two weeks.

Ariel needed to be changed so badly that she more waddled than walked as she followed Britney to the ladies' restroom. She had felt uncomfortable asking a flight attendant to change her, so she hadn't. Her diaper was very close to leaking, and she had also pooped in it. It was a rather gross combination for Britney's first time changing a diaper.

Britney lifted Ariel up onto the changing table, looking around to make sure no one was paying much attention to them. She looked horrified as she unfastened the tabs on the diaper, revealing Ariel's mess. "This is so gross," she said, glaring at Ariel. "Why can't you just use the toilet like all the other kids your age?"

Ariel felt very uncomfortable with someone she had just met and didn't even like changing her. She wished with all her heart that she was at home right then, where no one criticized her for liking diapers. "Not every kid my age uses the toilet," she replied. "The nurse at school told me there were at least four others in my grade who didn't."

"Okay, so why can't you use the toilet like the majority of the kids your age?" Britney asked, glaring.

"Because I don't want to," Ariel replied.

Britney finished wiping Ariel off and began putting a clean diaper on her. Ariel held her head up, trying to watch. "You aren't fastening it tight enough," she informed her stepmother. "If you don't fasten it tighter, it will run out the sides when I pee."

"Well, I suppose you're the expert," Britney replied coldly as she tightened Ariel's diaper, then pulled Ariel's pants up and lifted her down. She hurried back to Josh, leaving Ariel trailing behind trying to keep up with the fast pace.
The drive to Josh's house took forty-five minutes. Ariel sat in the backseat, listening to her father and Britney talking softly. They made no effort to make conversation with her, except when they went over the
Golden Gate Bridge, and Josh pointed it out to her.

"Nice," Ariel said, trying to sound unimpressed, although in truth it was the most amazing thing she'd ever seen in her life. She'd never seen a bridge so big, or with such a view. It was absolutely beautiful, and she felt very exuberant as they went over it.

When Josh pulled up into the driveway of his house, Ariel could only stare. It towered four stories tall, with a huge backyard featuring an Olympic-size swimming pool. Inside, the hardwood floors gleamed. Josh led Ariel to the guest room. It was twice the size of her bedroom at home, with a king-size bed and a bathroom with a built-in Jacuzzi. Ariel sat down on the bed and bounced up and down a little. The mattress wasn’t springy like hers at home was.

It was all beautiful, but it made her feel very far from home. It looked like a palace from a storybook, not a real house that she would be staying in for two weeks. The whole house had a "look, but do not touch" feel to it. Ariel felt as if she should be walking around on tiptoe.

Dinner was prepared by a cook who called Ariel "ma'am" and was served on a blue china plate, with a grape juice in a crystal goblet. Salad was served first. The main course turned out to be a chicken breast covered in some kind of smelly sauce, with a baked potato on the side. Ariel was used to the simpler foods her mom prepared at home and ate her salad and baked potato but didn't touch her chicken.

During the meal, Josh attempted to get to know her a little better. "How do you like school, Ariel?" he asked, trying to sound interested.

"Fine," Ariel replied, pushing the chicken around her plate with her fork.

Josh tried again. "Do you have a lot of friends?"

"I guess."

"What do you like to do when you're with your friends?"

"Nothing." Ariel was still feeling very shy, and she concentrated on pushing the sauce off her chicken with a knife.

Josh started to ask another question, but Britney interrupted, "Ariel, stop playing with your food right now. That's impolite," she said sharply.

Ariel looked up, startled. Her look of surprise slowly turned to anger. "You can't tell me what to do! You're not my mother!" she cried.

"No, thank God I'm not, but I am your stepmother, and as long as you are under my roof, you will do as I say!"

"No I won't! You're mean, and you hate me! I want to go home!" Ariel replied. She began to cry and ran up to her room.

She cried into her pillow for awhile, and when she ran out of tears, she stared up at the ceiling, counting the days, hours, and minutes until she could go home. After about twenty minutes, there was a light knock on her door, and Josh walked in.

Ariel didn't look at him as he sat on the edge of her bed. "You know, Ariel, Britney's not used to having kids around," he said.

"She doesn't like me," Ariel replied flatly.

"It's not that she doesn't like you. She just has never been around kids a lot. Her parents were very strict with her when she was a child. They probably wouldn't have reacted well if she'd been in diapers at six. She doesn't understand why I'm allowing you to wear them," Josh explained.

"So, she still doesn't have to be so mean."

"Well, you could be a little nicer to her. You were very rude to her at dinner. She's willing to try to be nice, but you provoked her tonight." Josh would have laughed off Ariel's comments to Britney, except she didn't find them amusing. She thought Ariel was a brat and that Josh should turn her over his knee and give her a good spanking.


"Will you give Britney another chance?" Josh asked Ariel, giving her a look to let her know she really had no choice if she wanted to stay on his good side.

"I guess," Ariel sighed. She knew she’d been rude and if her mom was there, she’d probably be in trouble. After all, she wasn’t allowed to play with her food at home, either. But Britney could at least be a little bit kinder.


"Thank you." Josh could think of nothing more to say to his daughter, so after an uncomfortable silence, he kissed her on the forehead and left.

Ariel took a bath that night in the huge Jacuzzi bathtub. It was so large she could lie down and spread her arms out, and they wouldn't touch the sides, and when she stood up the water came up to her chest. She soaked for a half hour.

After climbing out of the water, she called her father to diaper her. He did it without saying a word to her, and Ariel noticed how much better than Britney he was, and he didn't nag her the whole time either. Well, he did have experience changing diapers, and in a way it felt very familiar. She wondered why he couldn’t have stuck around longer when she was a real baby and done more of it.

She climbed into bed, exhausted. It was only eight in
San Francisco, but it was eleven in Virginia Beach, way past her bedtime. She fell asleep immediately but woke several hours later.

She'd had a bad dream. Ariel couldn't remember what it was about, but it was unpleasant, and now she couldn't get back to sleep because of the nervous feeling in her stomach. It was deathly silent in the guest room. She was used to hearing lots of little noises as she fell asleep: her mom's radio, her mom walking around, crickets chirping outside, rain falling, thunder. Her father’s house was so silent that she could hear herself breathing.


It was her first night falling asleep so far from her mother. Even when she slept over at a friend's house, her mom was always right down the street, just a five-minute drive or a local phone call away. There were three thousand miles separating Ariel from her mom and her home, with everything she knew and had grown up around. Ariel felt tears spring to her eyes, and told herself she wasn't going to cry again. She missed her mother terribly, surely Jessica wouldn't mind if she called...

The phone was right by her bed, and somehow the act of punching in the numbers gave Ariel some comfort. She heard the phone ringing once, twice, three times, and then the answering machine picked up. "Hello, you've reached-" Her heart sank. Her mom wasn't home. Then the answering machine suddenly clicked off and Jessica answered, "Hello?" sounding groggy and annoyed. Ariel had forgotten about the time difference.

"Mom?"

"Ariel!" Jessica perked up a bit. "I know I said you could call anytime, kiddo, but I wasn't really expecting you to call at
three a.m. That's all right, though. What's up? How's your visit going?"

"It's okay," Ariel replied, sounding unconvincing. "Daddy's cool, but Britney's weird. She never smiles, and when she walks out of the room you can still smell her perfume. And she wears so much make-up that she looks like a clown. When she opens her mouth, you can see lipstick on her teeth. She's mean, too."

Jessica muffled a laugh. "That's not very nice. I'm sure she’s nice once you get to know her," she lied. "How do you like
California so far?"

"It's pretty. We drove over this really huge bridge. Dad said a lot of people commit suicide by jumping off of it. He has a huge house, with a really big swimming pool in the back," Ariel reported.

"Wow," Jessica commented. Britney must have a lot of money, for them to live so grandly. She knew there was a good reason Josh married her.

They chatted a few more minutes, until Ariel began to get sleepy again. "Well, I'll let you get to sleep," Jessica said. "I'll call you tomorrow before I leave for
New York. I love you."

"Bye Mommy. I love you too. Have fun at
Woodstock." Ariel hung up and climbed into bed. This time, she had no trouble sleeping until morning.

 

 


Chapter 17

 

A week and a half after Ariel's arrival in San Francisco, she was in the pool with her father. Josh had fond memories of his days on the high school swim team, and he and Ariel had spent much of the past week and a half working on Ariel's swimming. Ariel was a good swimmer for a six-year-old but was having trouble with diving.

"Okay. Excellent form. Just remember, when you go into the water, your head should enter first." Ariel tried again and landed belly first. Josh cringed and was about to call out more instructions but was interrupted by the butler.

"Phone for you, sir," he said, holding out the cordless.

"Thank you." Josh accepted the phone as Ariel watched from the side of the pool, curious. After a few minutes, Josh put the phone down and called Ariel and Britney, who was swimming laps.

"I'm afraid I have bad news. My mother called to tell me my father had a heart attack," Josh said. Britney gasped. "He's going to be okay. But Mom asked me if I could come out there for a week or two to help out. She wants me to come as soon as possible, which means I'm going to have to leave before Ariel does. I'm sorry."

Ariel began to cry. "But what will happen to me? Am I going home early, too?" She didn't want to be left alone with Britney.

"You could, honey, but it would be an awful lot of trouble to get you switched to another flight. You're going home in four days, anyway. It will give you two a chance to hang out," Josh said.

"Superb," Britney replied, forcing a smile. "Ariel and I will get along fine." She gave Ariel a cool look, and Ariel nodded mutely.

"You guys are the best." Josh gave Ariel a bear hug, kissed Britney, and went inside to call the airport, leaving Ariel and Britney outside together.

"Well, I've been meaning to spend some time with you before you left. I'm sure we'll have fun, won't we Ariel?" Britney said crisply. Ariel nodded again, and Britney shook her shoulder sharply. "Answer me, Ariel. You should answer when an adult speaks to you."

"We'll have fun," Ariel repeated quietly. Her eyes were filled with tears. Refusing to cry in front of Britney, she ran inside and upstairs to her room.

Britney watched her go, thinking to herself. "Something needs to be done with that girl. She has an uncontrollable behavior problem. Who does she think she is, anyway? We took her from that dump she lived in with her mom and let her come to
California. She should be grateful she gets to stay here for so long. I certainly didn’t want a child marking up my floors. Anyway, she's not going to be rude to me when her father's gone; I don't care what it takes."

Ariel slept restlessly and kept waking up in the middle of the night. She finally climbed out of bed around
seven a.m. and went downstairs to watch TV in the living room.

She poured herself a glass of juice and settled down to re-runs of "Muppet Babies." Britney and Josh came down about an hour later. Josh immediately kissed Ariel and said, "Good morning" but Britney was upset.

"What are you doing out of bed? If you wake up before we do, you should stay in your room, not roam around the house!"

"I'm sorry," Ariel replied remorsefully. "My mom doesn't care if I watch TV before she gets up."

Britney whispered to Josh, "See, if you'd just let me use my idea, we wouldn't have this problem! And look, she leaked all over the couch!" Ariel had just stood up, and sure enough there was a wet spot where she'd been sitting.

"I still don't think that's a good idea, Britney, and I'm not going to try it! It would only make the problem worse, anyway," Josh replied stubbornly as he called the maid to come clean the couch.

Britney watched Josh walk off with Ariel to get her changed. That little brat was getting all of Josh's attention. He didn't even listen to her, his own wife, anymore. Ariel was the most spoiled child Britney had ever seen, but she was determined to put a stop to it as soon as Josh left.

They left soon after to take Josh to the airport and got there 45 minutes before his flight left. Britney and Josh ran through the airport trying to get to the gate before the plane left or his ticket was sold to someone on standby. Ariel tried her best to keep up with her them, but she couldn’t run nearly as fast as they could. Josh finally had to carry her, which slowed him down, and Britney seethed over it. Ariel was constantly getting in the way, but once Josh was gone, she was in for a surprise.

Ariel stood at the window watching her dad's plane take off while tears streamed from her eyes. She was all alone for three days. Being with Britney was worse than being alone. There was no one to support and defend her, but Britney would be picking on her for three days.

"Come on, Ariel, it's time to go," Britney said, pulling on Ariel's wrist to hurry her along. Ariel sniffed, and Britney glared at her. "Stop that crying. You are too old to cry, but I guess age doesn't matter to you, does it? You're too old to wear diapers, but that doesn't stop you either." She hurried the child along to the car.

Ariel was surprised when Britney pulled up in front of a strange house. "What are we doing here?" she asked.

"You'll see. A friend of mine is loaning me something. After we get done here, we need to go by the store and get you more diapers," Britney said.

Ariel looked around curiously as Britney's friend Gabriella answered the door and let them in. Gabriella's house was about the same size as Josh and Britney's and just as lavishly furnished. Gabriella smiled at her friend and greeted her and then smiled down at Ariel. "Oh Britty, she's adorable. She looks just like her dad." Ariel blushed and looked at the floor. "Say ‘thank you,’ Ariel," Britney said sharply. "I'm sorry, Gabriella. As you can see, Ariel's manners could use improving. If she lived with us, I'd teach her how to behave."

"Well, that's what you're here for, right?" Gabriella replied. "The stuff is upstairs. I'll help you load it into your car."

Ariel was very curious as she followed Britney and Gabriella up the stairs and into a room, which was empty except for some large boxes. Ariel struggled to read the labels on them and could make out "crib" and "car seat" and "baby clothes." If she had been able to read the other ones, she’d have known that they said “high chair” and “changing table.” The room had obviously once been a girl's nursery. The carpeting was plain pink, the wallpaper was white with colorful building blocks printed on it, and the curtains matched the carpet. Ariel's heart sank as she looked all of it over. Something was not right here, and she was beginning to figure out what was going on.

"What’s all this stuff for?" she asked nervously.

Britney smiled at her. "When Gabriella's daughter, Alyssa, was about your age, she wet her bed a lot. She was also misbehaving a lot and just acting like a baby in general. Gabriella had all of this specially made for her. She was babied for years until her behavior improved. She finally learned that not everyone likes a six-year-old girl who acts like she’s a toddler. It did her good, and it will do you good. Gabriella is being nice enough to loan us all of Alyssa's baby things for you to use until you go home. What she doesn't have anymore, we're going to buy."

Ariel was horrified. "No way! I'm not sleeping in a crib, or eating in a high chair, or anything else! You can't make me!" She burst into tears.

"Poor little thing, she's probably tired and ready for a nap," Gabriella said soothingly.

"I am NOT tired!" Ariel screamed back. "I just don't want to be treated like a baby! This isn't fair!"

Britney smacked her on the bottom, and Ariel sobbed louder. "Ariel! This is exactly why you are being treated like a baby! What can you expect, when you act like one? You will use this stuff while you're here. I will not put up with any nonsense from you like your mother and father do! Go sit in the car until I'm through here, and then we're going to go get you some baby food at the store! You won't eat what you're served like a big girl, so maybe baby food is just your thing!"

Ariel rushed out of the room, eager to leave the room that Britney was in. She was so mean! How could her father have left her with someone so hateful?

"She's obviously used to getting her own way," Gabriella said disapprovingly. "The baby treatment will really do her good. Anytime she starts to get in the way, you can shove her into her crib. It was great, especially after Alyssa’s nanny quit."

"I can't wait," Britney replied, giving her friend a smug smile.

Britney loaded the boxes into the car a few minutes later and climbed into the driver's seat. Ariel sat in the backseat. "Get out of there, Ariel. You're not riding in the backseat anymore," Britney said as she started to open the box labeled "car seat."

"I'm not riding in a car seat," Ariel replied stubbornly. "You're mean! When we get home, I'm going to call my mom, and she will yell at you and make you stop it!"

"Your mom can't help you here, little girl. She's three thousand miles away. She can't do anything but yell at me, and do you think I care how mad she gets? Do you think your mom is going to be right by your side every time something goes wrong? It's high time you started thinking for yourself," Britney replied, opening the door, unbuckling Ariel’s seatbelt and lifting her out of the car.

"PUT ME DOWN!" Ariel screamed, kicking angrily. The toe of her sneaker struck Britney’s knee.

"Shit!" Britney shoved Ariel into the car seat and began jumping up and down, holding her knee in agony. Already a large, bluish bruise was beginning to form on her kneecap. "You little bitch! Look what you did to me! Don't you know better than to kick people?" Ariel began laughing at Britney's pain. "Stop it! Do you think it's funny watching people get hurt?"

"Just you," Ariel replied seriously.

They stopped at a grocery store to pick up baby food, bottles, juice, more diapers, and some pacifiers. "I'm not sucking on a pacifier!" Ariel whined, which didn't do any good anyway. The pacifier went in the cart. It seemed like the millionth time that day she'd said she wasn't going to do something, and so far she'd ended up doing everything she said she wouldn't do.

In the checkout line, they bumped into another friend of Britney's, Pierre. "Hello there, Britney darling. I didn't know you had children. You have a baby and a little girl?"

"Oh no, I don't have any. This little girl here is my stepdaughter, Ariel. I'm buying all of this baby stuff for her.” Britney sighed and stroked Ariel’s hair in a gesture that a stranger might interpret as affectionate. “She’s six, but she wears diapers like a baby and now she’ll be eating baby food and sleeping in a crib like a baby."

"Oh, well, she is adorable. Is she retarded or something?"

"I'm not retarded!" Ariel yelled.

"Ariel, don't talk back," Britney admonished, smiling at the idea of Josh and Jessica's perfect, precious little golden-haired child being viewed as retarded. "No, she’s perfectly capable of using the toilet and acting like a normal six-year-old, but she chooses not to. I'm trying to break her of her behavior problem."

"I see. Well, good luck!"
Pierre said as Britney paid for the baby things and turned to go. Ariel was sitting in the section of the cart intended for a toddler to ride in. Britney had insisted she sit there so she wouldn't get in the way at the store.

A few minutes later, they pulled into the driveway of Britney's house. Ariel struggled with her carseat but was unable to let herself out and stayed seated until Britney helped her. "I like this!" Britney exclaimed, grinning. "I could just keep you in here all day, you wouldn't get in my way, and I wouldn't have to listen you whining!"

"You wouldn't really do that, would you?" Ariel asked miserably as she followed Britney into the house.

"Of course not. Your dad would never forgive me," Britney replied. "Now, why don't you go play outside until your baby stuff is all set up?"

For once, Ariel obliged without complaint, and Britney sighed with relief. Finally, the little brat was beginning to realize who was boss. She couldn't get away with talking back anymore. “Christina?” she yelled at the maid. “Come start putting together Ariel’s baby stuff.”


Two hours later, Ariel was called back inside and shown her new room. She had been given a different room, this one on the third floor with a nice view of the pool. The crib was set up by the window and across the room was the changing table. A teddy bear mobile hung over the crib. In the dining room, by the table, was Ariel's high chair.

Ariel noticed that the changing table and crib seemed larger than those used for real babies. The crib was almost as big as a regular twin bed, and the changing table was long enough that Ariel could lie down on it. Britney explained that Gabriella had had the things specially made to fit her daughter.

Britney decided to change Ariel into one of the baby outfits before they went down to for Ariel's dinner, even though it was only four-thirty. Babies had to eat early, Britney explained, because they had to go to bed at seven. "But my mom lets me stay up until nine!" Ariel protested.

"Your mom is under the impression she has a normal six-year-old daughter," Britney replied. "No six-year-old who still wears diapers gets to stay up until nine in this house. You're also going to be taking a nap every afternoon after lunch."

Britney picked out a pair of pink coveralls with baby-blue and yellow balloons and snaps up the legs for easier diaper access. Underneath the coveralls, Ariel wore a white t-shirt. Her hair was pulled up into pigtails with pink ribbons tied around them. The image was that of a very tall one or two-year-old. "There, isn't that adorable?" Britney cooed, stepping away from Ariel to get a better look at her.

Ariel stared at herself in the mirror. She'd thought she'd hate herself wearing baby clothes and pigtails but looking at herself, she had to admit it was really cute. Too bad she couldn't tell Britney that. If Britney knew she liked her new image she'd probably be sent to a psychiatrist. Then again, Britney seemed to be enjoying this, but half the enjoyment for her was that she thought Ariel hated it.

Ariel was grossed out by the food put in front of her once she was seated in her high chair. Green goo with a squishy texture, a thick yellow-white solid with lumps in it, and applesauce. At least one thing was edible. She gobbled down the applesauce but refused to touch the other things.

"Does the baby need me to spoon feed her now?" Britney asked sarcastically.

"This stuff looks gross. I'm not eating it.”

"Oh for heaven's sake," Britney replied, disgusted. "It's peas and macaroni and cheese. All babies love macaroni and cheese. It's just been pureed so you can swallow it more easily."

"But it looks nasty. Why can't I just have regular food?"

"Because you weren't eating the regular food either. Now eat up or I’ll spoon feed you."

Ariel defiantly pushed her plate away, thinking over an idea. She was wearing diapers like a baby, dressed like a baby, sitting in a high chair like a baby, and eating baby food. Why not do something else like a baby?

She picked the plate of food up and deliberately tossed it to the floor. It hit the table first, then the white carpet. Fortunately it was a plastic plate designed to be unbreakable, but baby food splattered all over the edge of the table and the carpeting. Ariel was shocked at first that she’d actually done such a thing, and then she saw the look of outrage on Britney's face and started to giggle.

"STOP LAUGHING!" Britney screamed. Ariel quieted down and began crying, realizing she’d never seen Britney truly angry before and didn’t know what would happen. "YOU'RE IN BIG TROUBLE! LOOK AT THIS MESS ON THE CARPET! I HAVE NEVER SEEN A SIX-YEAR-OLD TRY SO HARD TO ACT LIKE A BABY BEFORE!" Britney lifted Ariel from the high chair so fast and hard that her armpits hurt and then briskly carried her to her room, where she laid her down on the changing table and smacked her hard on the bottom. It stung briefly but would've hurt a lot worse had she not been protected by the diaper.

Britney stripped Ariel's clothes and diaper off and gave her several bare-bottom spankings. Those really hurt, and Ariel was screaming by the time they were finished. Britney re-diapered and re-dressed her. "All right, Baby Ariel," she said sweetly. "Now that you're through with your little tantrum, we're going for a walk."

The maid, who Ariel had noticed seemed to be amused by everything, fixed her a bottle of milk to drink in the stroller, and they set off. Britney set out through the neighborhood. It was a gorgeous day, sunny but with enough of a chill in the air to justify the pink sweater Britney had pulled on over Ariel’s coveralls. Ariel figured in
Virginia Beach it was probably still 90 and humid. She sucked on her bottle, feeling rather content. This really wasn't so bad, and if the person babying her had been someone different, someone who really loved her and wasn't just trying to humiliate her, she might have really enjoyed being babied.

It wasn't long before Ariel discovered that most people didn't find a six-year-old riding in a stroller dressed as a baby and sucking on a bottle to be as cute or amusing as Britney did. Most people stared, some people laughed and pointed. Ariel felt like an animal in a cage as a group of kids actually stopped and stared, then began giggling.

"Britney," she said anxiously. "I don't like this. Everyone’s looking at me. I want to go home!"

"Be quiet, Ariel!" Britney replied. "We're going for a walk twice a day, so you'd better just get used to it!" They stayed out for another hour, which seemed like an eternity to Ariel. Britney finally decided it was time for her to get her bath and get to bed.

Ariel didn’t enjoy her bath much. Britney insisted on washing her and did so as thoroughly as if she was covered from head to toe in mud. She normally didn’t care if she was naked, and it wasn’t like Britney hadn’t seen her without a diaper on anyway, but even her mom usually left her alone when she was in the bath. Then Britney dressed her in a pair of pajamas with feet on the bottoms, and it was
ten after seven when Ariel was put to bed, and the light in her bedroom was turned out.

Ariel lay awake for awhile. The mobile above her crib played soft music in a vain attempt to put her to sleep. It sounded nice. Ariel sucked at the bottle of water Britney had given her, but got tired of it after awhile. She tossed and turned, trying to get to sleep.

Without thinking, she stuck her thumb in her mouth. She felt very much like she had when she was a year or two old, laying awake in her crib before it was dark outside, and on those nights as a toddler, she had relied on sucking her thumb to lull her to sleep. It was an instinct that had been forgotten years ago and was now being awakened in her. Ariel sucked her thumb, feeling very content and comforted, and within minutes was asleep.

The next two days went much like the first had. Ariel spent her days being walked in her stroller, watching cartoons, playing with some baby toys Britney had gotten her, and sleeping. It was a boring routine. She enjoyed being babied, and found some of the toys fun, but wished she could be babied at home, where she was sure her mom would let her play with her "big girl" toys as well and watch something on TV besides Nick Jr., which didn't even play "Rugrats."

She was spoon-fed baby food at every meal, and had to admit that she liked baby food, despite its disgusting appearance. Still, she was greatly relieved when it was time for her to go home. On the way to the airport, Britney stopped by Gabriella's house and returned the baby things. Ariel was dressed in her normal clothes, with a diaper underneath, of course.

"Well, I hope you had a good time," Britney said, as they stood at the gate holding Ariel's backpack and diaper bag.

"Yes, I did," Ariel replied politely. She had, despite the personality clashes with Britney. "Thank you for inviting me."
"You're welcome." The two didn't have anymore to say until the boarding announcement was made, and then Britney knelt down and air-kissed Ariel on the cheek. "Have a good flight home, Ariel." Then she turned and walked away, not even waiting until Ariel was on the plane, and never looking back. Ariel was out of her mind already.

"Attention all passengers. In just a few minutes, we will be descending into
Norfolk International Airport, where it is currently 93 degrees and cloudy with 80 percent humidity. We ask that you please fasten your seatbelts." Ariel was awakened from her afternoon nap by this announcement. She stretched and grinned. She was so happy to be home.

She was one of the first ones off the plane and almost ran into the waiting room. Her mom was standing by the window, looking impatient. "Mom!" Ariel screamed.

"Ariel!" Jessica picked Ariel up and gave her a big hug. "I'm so happy you're home! How was
California, honey?"

"It was fun." Ariel began telling her mom what she'd done in
California, totally skipping the part about her dad leaving her with Britney and what Britney had done to her. "How was Woodstock?"

"It was...interesting. Awfully hot with the fires and all, but I had a good time."

Jessica took Ariel into a bathroom and changed her, and then they got her stuff and found the car. Ariel was tired from having her nap interrupted. She'd only had two days of afternoon naps, and she was starting to find she needed them. She rested her head against the window and out of habit, stuck her thumb in her mouth as she started to drift off.

"Honey, take your thumb out of your mouth. It'll mess up your teeth." Ariel yanked her thumb out of her mouth and looked at her mom guiltily. She'd almost forgotten her mother was in the car. Jessica was looking at her strangely. Ariel hadn't sucked her thumb since she was three.

"Are you okay, sweetie? Did something happen at your dad's house that you want to tell me about?"

The trauma of the past three days caught up with Ariel suddenly, and she burst into tears. Jessica was so startled that she almost drove off the road. "What's wrong, honey? Tell me what happened."

Ariel wiped off her face and began telling her mom what had happened the past three days, leaving out the part about how she somewhat enjoyed being babied, and also choosing to delete the part about her throwing her food on the floor. She just said that Britney spanked her for not eating her food. Other than that, she didn't leaving a detail out. Jessica was horrified.

"My poor baby. It'll be okay. You never have to see Britney again if you don't want to. I hope you don't believe any of what she says about you needing a shrink."

"No, not really," Ariel replied, sniffling.

"What you are going through is totally normal. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I don't see how Britney can think that forcing you to act like a baby will accomplish anything. I think I'm going to call her and have a talk when we get home."

Ariel smiled at the thought of what her mom might say to Britney. The only thing that bothered her was that her mom seemed under the impression that she had hated the baby treatment, which wasn't really true. Ariel was totally confused. She wasn't sure what she wanted, and she wished she really was still just a baby, so she could enjoy being treated like one, and not worry whether she was normal.

 


Chapter 18

 

As soon as they got home from the airport, Jessica marched inside with a determined look on her face and headed straight for the phone. Ariel lingered nearby, pretending to be interested in what was on TV

Jessica covered the phone with her hand and hissed at Ariel, "Go into your room and close the door."

"But I wanna lis - I mean, I wanna watch TV!"

"No! Go into your room, now!"

Ariel headed for her room and made a big show of slamming the door shut. She opened it a crack and peeked out. Her mother was curled up on the couch with the phone, facing away from Ariel. Ariel quickly ran the short distance between her room and her mother's and picked up the phone in her mom's room.

"Hello?" Ariel recognized Britney's voice on the other end and shuddered at the memory.

"Hello, may I please speak with Britney?"

"This is Britney. May I ask who's calling?"

"This is Jessica, Ariel's mom."

"Oh, hello, Jessica." Britney's voice had suddenly become syrupy sweet and very fake. Ariel recognized it as the same voice Britney used when talking to her, except for when she was scolding her. "Would it be possible for us to talk later? I was just on my way out to meet a friend for lunch."

"Well, if you're busy, I guess I could just wait until Josh gets home from his mom’s and speak to him," Jessica replied slyly.

"Oh." Britney sounded a bit panicked. "Well, actually, I just checked my calendar, and I don't have to meet my friend for another hour. So I suppose we could chat now."

"Britney, why did you make Ariel act like a baby while she was visiting?"

"Well..." Britney stalled. "She wore diapers, so I figured she wanted to be treated like that. Besides, she was behaving like a baby. She was very rude to me and to all my friends. I thought I would give her a taste of her own medicine."

"That's your excuse for making her wear baby clothes and drink bottles in public?" Jessica realized she was yelling, and lowered her voice for fear Ariel would overhear. "If you had a problem with her behavior, you should have called me, but don't humiliate her! There is something seriously wrong with someone who gets their pleasure from making small children cry! What you did to my child is sick, and I consider it to be child abuse."

"What I did is sick and abusive?" Britney laughed. "Who's the person who put Ariel back into diapers? At least I was disciplining her and trying to break her away from acting like a baby. Are you planning to keep her in diapers her whole life and just let her stay home forever so she can be changed, and anytime she gets scared by something, she can crawl into your lap, and Mommy will make it better? If you keep her in diapers forever, she'll be taunted wherever she goes. The whole world isn't as understanding of the problem child as you and I are. I was just helping her."

"Oh, you're just a regular Mother Theresa, aren't you? Trying to break the 'problem child' of her bad habits. Well, Ariel just started sucking her thumb for the first time in three years, so I'd say whatever screwed-up reverse psychology you tried on her didn't work! Stay on birth control, Britney, because any child who was raised on your idea of discipline would be suicidal by the time they were five years old." Jessica slammed down the phone and found some paper and a pen, intending to write Josh and inform him of how his wife treated his daughter behind his back, then put them back into the drawer. It was obvious Britney had Josh totally under her spell, convinced she was not only a goddess, but a loving stepmother. He'd never try to stand up to her anyway, because he lived on her parent's money, and telling Britney off might mean Josh would have to get off of his lazy butt and get a job. As long as his wife had money, it didn't matter to Josh what kind of a person she was. Besides, who did he think he was, leaving Ariel with Britney all that time and not even telling her? Jessica knew his parents still lived in
Virginia Beach; she had seen his mother in the grocery store a few months earlier and had gotten out fast before she could be recognized. So why hadn’t Josh just put Ariel on the same flight he took to see his parents? Because he didn’t care what Ariel needed; he probably just hadn’t wanted a six-hour plane ride with her followed by his mom’s questions.

Ariel was woken up the next morning by a crack of light falling across her bed, then, in a half-asleep state, she heard her mother's footsteps on the carpet. "Ariel, it's time to get up."

Ariel rolled over; it was too early to get up. "Go away," she mumbled.

"Ariel, come on. I have to go to work. If you get up right this minute, I'll make you pancakes for breakfast," Jessica reasoned.

Ariel hesitated and rolled out of bed. Jessica quickly changed her and went to go make breakfast. Ariel sulked as she got dressed. Her mom was leaving her and going to work. As usual.

Ariel took her pancakes without a word and proceeded to pour syrup on them without looking at her mom. "Well, you're certainly pleasant this morning," Jessica said, sitting across from her at the table. "What's your problem? Don't you want to see Caitlin?"

"I just got back last night, and you're going to work and leaving me!" Ariel replied crossly.

"Believe me, if I had a choice, I'd spend the day with you. You know I have to work to pay the bills and buy food. Do you think I enjoy it?"

"Caitlin's mom works at home," Ariel complained.

"Yeah, well, Caitlin's mom has a college degree." Jessica started rinsing off Ariel's empty plate, keeping her head down so Ariel couldn’t see that she was about to cry.

"Are you ever going to get a college degree?" Ariel knew something about the conversation was making her mom mad, but she kept asking questions anyway.

"I don't know. Maybe someday." Jessica shoved the last of the dishes in the dishwasher and slammed it shut, anxious to change the subject. "Go get your hairbrush and I’ll brush your hair.”


It was a bleak, rainy morning. Low thunder could be heard in the distance, lightening lit up the sky, and rain poured. Ariel thought it was a perfect morning to curl up with her mom wearing nothing but a diaper and drink a bottle of warm milk while she watched TV. Of course, there were no bottles in their house and hadn't been for years, and she couldn’t do that anyway because her mom had to work.

Jessica dropped Ariel off at Caitlin's and left for work. Caitlin had been visiting her dad in
Georgia for the past two weeks and had obviously been spoiled rotten by him. She showed Ariel her new clothes and CDs that he'd bought her.

"Guess what else?" she said eagerly.

"What?" Ariel replied, already bored by listening to Caitlin's bragging. She had learned almost the day she met Caitlin to tune her out while she was in brag mode.

"I don't have to wear diapers to bed anymore," Caitlin stated proudly.

Ariel perked up at the word "diaper." "What? Why not? You don't wet your bed anymore?"

"Nope. Mom says it's a good thing, too, because I'm almost too big to wear baby diapers anyway." Caitlin smiled smugly. "So I see you still wear them all the time. What'd your dad say when he found out?"

"He didn't care," Ariel replied. "But my stepmother hated it. She made me sleep in a crib and drink out of a bottle to punish me."

"Wow. I bet that was awful." Ariel shrugged and looked down, and Caitlin leaned over and looked at her closely. "You're smiling!" she announced. "You liked it, didn't you? You like acting like a baby!"

Ariel turned bright red. "I do not! I hated it!"

Caitlin laughed. "No you didn't. You like it, I know you do. You liked drinking from a bottle that time you visited me in Georgia, so I bet you like sleeping in a crib and eating in a high chair and wearing baby clothes too."

"You won't tell anyone, will you?" Ariel asked unhappily.

"No, not if you don't want me to. But I know my mom wouldn't care, and I bet yours wouldn't either. Hey, you want to see if we can find anything about this on the internet? You know, see if there's anyone else who likes acting like a baby too."

"I guess so. That sounds cool," Ariel replied. Caitlin signed onto America Online, went into a search engine and typed in "people who like diapers/acting like a baby."

A page loaded with the heading "Sorry, no matches were found." "See? I'm the only one who likes this stuff. I'm a weirdo," Ariel said quietly.

"No, you just have to word these searches right. There must be a name or something for this. You're not a weirdo, Ariel," Caitlin replied gently.

"I think my mom called me wearing diapers 'regression.' She told my dad on the phone that I was regressing."

"OK, so there's a word for it, so you can't be the only one that likes it," Caitlin said as she typed "regression" into the search engine. Immediately a list of matches came up, with the heading "1-10 of 122,506 matches."

"Wow!" Caitlin exclaimed. "Look at all this stuff. It must be fairly common if there's a hundred thousand matches on the internet." She scrolled down. The first few matches were junk, and then they saw one with the description "Interested in regression? You've come to the right place. We're the ultimate source for information on regression."

"This looks good," Caitlin said, clicking on the site. A message came up "You do not have access to this site due to parental controls set by the master screen name."

"Darn!" Caitlin complained. "Hey Mom, how come we can't get into this site?" she asked Jenny, who was in the next room working.

"Because I put a parental control block on your screen name," Jenny replied, coming into the room. "What were you trying to look up, anyway?"

"We were doing a search for Ricky Martin sites," Caitlin lied.

Jenny shrugged. "I don't know why they'd be blocked. Oh well. You need to get off the computer now, anyway. I can't do any more work until I talk to my boss, so I'm taking you guys to the mall, and you can get your school stuff."

They all crammed into the backseat of Jenny's car, with Cody in the middle. The ride to the mall started out to be an adventure and a half. It was raining even harder, and Cody was scared of the thunder and lightening. Caitlin and Ariel enjoyed terrifying him by telling scary stories. It was dark in the car, and a general feeling of excitement was in the air.

"Guys, please keep quiet," Jenny begged. "The weather's worse than I thought it would be. I can hardly see. I need to concentrate."

Ariel and Caitlin quieted down for a few seconds and Britney Spear's "Crazy" came on the radio. "Ooh, I love this song!" Caitlin squealed. She unbuckled her seatbelt to lean forward and turn the radio up, then began singing along loudly, "Baby I'm so into you, you got that-"

"Caitlin, turn that down and put your seatbelt on!" Jenny screamed, glancing at Caitlin. She turned her attention back to the road, two seconds too late. "OHMIGOD!"

The first thing Ariel heard, and the only thing she would remember afterwards, was the noise. It was deafening, the sound of two cars colliding, glass shattering, aluminum crunching. After that, everything seemed to happen in slow motion, although it was probably over in half a second. Ariel's hands flew up to shield her face, she snapped forward but was stopped by the belt and sent backwards, and something heavy hit the side of her head, most likely Cody.

Ariel sat up and glanced around. The whole right side of the car was smashed in. Cody was sitting beside her still, sobbing. His lip was bleeding quite a bit but he seemed otherwise unharmed. Caitlin wasn't sitting beside him anymore. Ariel craned her neck, looking for her cousin.

"Caitlin!" Jenny quickly hopped out of the car and went around, trying to open the door on Caitlin's side, which was the same side that had been hit, but it refused to budge. Ariel finally spotted her. She was crunched on the floor between the back and front seat, an impossibly small space. All Ariel could see was her dark hair.

The radio was still blaring out "Crazy."

"Are you folks all right?" It was the driver of the other car, which was a huge pickup truck. He seemed to be fine, and his car had suffered amazingly little damage. Later Ariel would find out that he had been making a right turn against a red light and hadn’t seen Jenny’s car. Jenny might’ve been able to swerve into another lane to avoid the accident if she hadn’t been distracted by Caitlin.

"Caitlin, please answer me," Jenny pleaded, still trying to get to her daughter.

"We're okay," Ariel replied to the truck driver. She pointed to Caitlin. "She's hurt."

"There's an ambulance on the way," someone else said. Cars were stopped all around them, and people were climbing out to see if they needed any help.

Jenny anxiously glanced over Ariel and Cody. "Are you two okay?" She scooped Cody up in her arms, who was still sobbing and complaining that his lip hurt. "We'll get you to the hospital in a bit and get that cut stitched up, little guy."

Ariel began to cry too. "I want my mommy," she said.

"I'll call her as soon as we get to the hospital," Jenny promised. Ariel nodded. She knew Jenny was more concerned about Caitlin than anything else, and she had every right to be, but she wished Jenny would borrow someone’s cell phone and call her mom right then so she too could be picked up and held.

A police car and ambulance arrived a few minutes later. It took about a half hour to extract Caitlin from the car, using a huge machine which made a lot of noise. Caitlin remained unconscious the whole time. One of the doctors came over and told Jenny that Caitlin had a cut over her eye which would require several stitches, her right arm was possibly fractured, and she probably had a concussion but they wouldn't know the severity of it until they x-rayed her. The doctor also mentioned the possibility of internal injuries, but again, they couldn't be sure about those until they got her to the hospital. Ariel couldn't understand most of it, and it all sounded horrible to her.

They got to ride to the hospital in a police car. Jenny quietly asked Ariel if she needed to be changed and Ariel shrugged. She'd gotten sopping wet standing in the rain for 45 minutes, and every part of her, inside and out, felt like a puddle of water. "I'll change you when we get to the emergency room," Jenny said.

A very nice doctor wearing a white lab coat looked Ariel over at the emergency room. Ariel was nervous that she'd have to strip down to her diaper, as she'd been required to strip down to underwear at her last physical last January, but it wasn't necessary for the quick look-over this doctor gave her. She told Ariel that she seemed fine and to take Tylenol if the bump on her head hurt later. She also looked Cody over and put a stitch in the cut on his lip.

Jenny quickly changed Ariel's diaper (it was wet after all) and then she had to fill out some forms, so Ariel and Cody sat with her in the waiting room. Cody ran around showing everyone the cut on his lip, but Ariel sat quietly, worrying about Caitlin. It was all her fault. Jenny had told them to quiet down but they hadn't and look what had happened. Ariel was terrified her cousin would die.

Jessica arrived a few minutes later. "Oh, my poor baby, thank God you're okay," she said, taking Ariel in her arms and looking her over. She spoke quietly to Jenny. "How's Caitlin doing?"

"I don't know. They won't tell me anything. They're still looking at her. The doctor said he'd come tell me as soon as he knew anything, but I have a feeling it's going to be a long day," Jenny replied, looking tired and sad.

"Caitlin's a strong girl. She'll pull through this," Jessica assured her.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, and Jenny stood up when a doctor came out. "Hi, I'm Dr. Halloway. I've been looking over Caitlin's x-rays."

"Is she going to be okay?" Jenny asked anxiously.

"Your daughter's going to be fine," Dr. Halloway replied. Jenny's sigh of relief was audible. "She's got a mild concussion, but it should heal quickly with no complications. I’m going to give her something to help with the pain for that. I put four stitches above her left eye. Her right arm is sprained, and of course she suffered various minor cuts and bruises, but all that should heal quickly. However, there is one rather serious internal injury which may be permanent." Jenny looked horrified. "The nerves in her bladder were severely damaged in the impact, leaving Caitlin with no bladder control. Over time, she may regain partial bladder control as they heal, but I find it unlikely that she will ever regain full bladder control. She will have to wear absorbent underpants."

"You mean diapers," Jenny said flatly.

"Well, yes, although most children seem to associate the word 'diaper' with babies so we don't call them that around here. You can purchase them from us - we've already put a youth diaper on Caitlin - or you can buy them wherever. Your insurance company will probably help with at least some of the costs. We can help you with the paperwork for that." Jenny just stared at him in disbelief, not ready to accept that her child was permanently handicapped.

"Is Caitlin awake?" Jenny asked anxiously.

"Yes, she's awake. You may visit her, but children under age 12 are not allowed."

Jessica and Jenny went upstairs to visit Caitlin, leaving Ariel and Cody alone in the waiting room. Ariel sat in her hard plastic chair pondering. Caitlin had been so happy only a few hours ago because she had stopped bedwetting. And now she was back in diapers. She said she was too old for diapers, but she seemed eager to help Ariel look up anything diaper-related. Ariel suspected Caitlin was torn like her, wanting to be a baby sometimes but wanting to have older interests as well. If anyone at school found out about the diapers, they would call Ariel and Caitlin names a lot worse than baby. Some people like Jessica and Jenny seemed to think it was okay for older children to enjoy diapers, and others, like Britney, seemed to think they needed to see a psychiatrist. Ariel wondered if it was really possible to be a baby and a big girl at the same time, or if they were two totally different worlds which could never intersect.

 

 


Chapter 19

 

The first sign that fall was coming was in the mailbox. A letter, addressed "to the parents of Crawford, Ariel Michelle" from Ocean Lakes Elementary, stated that on September 7th, 1999, Ariel would be entering Ms Felton's first grade class. Ariel awaited September and fall with nervous anticipation. Fall was her favorite season; it was cooler weather, Halloween, Thanksgiving, preparing for Christmas, and most exciting, Ariel's seventh birthday. But it also meant returning to the boring routine of seven hours in school and an hour of homework every day, and it meant the ongoing stress of keeping her diapers a secret.

Ariel had never heard of the teacher she had gotten, Ms. Felton, so she had no way of knowing if she was a good teacher, if she would help Ariel with her reading, and how she would react to having a student in her class wearing diapers. Jessica assured her that she had called the school and once again, Ariel would have permission to get her diaper changed in the nurse's office whenever necessary. Last year, Mr. Keever had allowed Ariel to raise her hand and ask permission to use the restroom, and that was their own signal that she needed a diaper changing. This had worked out well, but suppose this teacher was different? Ariel thought if she had to raise her hand and actually say, “I need my diaper changed,” she’d never do it and would probably leak all over the place.

Labor Day came way too quickly. Ariel spent the whole day swimming at the neighborhood pool with her mother and Monica. They finally left when the pool closed at six, and three hours later, Ariel went to bed. It was the first time she'd gone to bed at nine since June, and she couldn't sleep from the anticipation.

Ariel picked at her food the next morning until
8:15, when Jessica hurried her out of the apartment to catch the bus.

"Bye, honey. Have a good day," she said, kissing Ariel on the cheek.

"Bye, Mom," Ariel replied quietly. At the bus stop, Monica could hardly stand still, she was so excited.

"Why are you so nervous? It's only school. I couldn't wait for today. Second grade is going to be so cool," Monica said excitedly.

"I'm only in first grade. And I don't want anyone to find out about my diapers," Ariel whispered.

"Ohhh." Monica said. The bus pulled up, and they chose a seat near the back. "Just wear cargo pants or overalls every day and no one will be able to tell. Like if I didn't know you were wearing one right now, I'd never be able to tell. Of course, there is that crinkling noise."

"What crinkling noise? You mean you can hear it?" Ariel asked nervously.

"Well, it's not really obvious. If everyone else is talking and moving around, it's not noticeable, but if everyone was quiet and it was just you moving, it sounds a little bit like a plastic bag. Just try not to move around a lot."

"Hey, where's Caitlin?" Ariel had just noticed that they were at Caitlin's stop, and a bunch of kids were getting on, but she wasn't there. Suddenly she spotted her running slowly towards the stop. Caitlin climbed onto the bus all out of breath, as the driver yelled at her for making him wait. "Sorry," she said breathlessly, plopping into the seat beside Ariel and Monica.

"Real graceful, Caitlin. You looked so funny, running down the street after the bus," Ariel said, laughing.

"You try running in a diaper and see how fast you go!" Caitlin replied loudly. A couple of girls sitting in front of her turned around and gave her a strange look.

"That was dumb. You couldn't even keep it a secret for three minutes," Monica said.

Caitlin shrugged. "It doesn't matter. They're fifth graders. They think they're too powerful to even think about us simpletons in the lower grades. Besides, I don't care who finds out about my diapers."

"You don't?" Ariel asked doubtfully.

"Nope. First kid who says anything gets a punch in the mouth," Caitlin announced smugly, taking a practice hit inches from Ariel's mouth.

"See? Caitlin's not nervous about her diapers," Monica pointed out after they'd gotten to school and said good-bye to Caitlin.

"Yeah, she is. I know her better than you do. You should've heard her crying when her mom told her she had to wear diapers after the car accident. She just covers it up by acting tough. If someone teased her about her diapers, she might beat them up, but then she'd go home and cry," Ariel explained.

"Well, we better get to our rooms. See you later," Monica said, waving.

Ariel found her classroom. She looked around nervously for any of her old friends from kindergarten. She didn't see any of them, but she recognized Nicole and Eric, two neighborhood kids who went to her bus stop. She and Monica played with them sometimes. Eric was really nice, but Nicole could be a bit snobby sometimes. Ariel sat beside Eric.

"Hey Eric," Ariel said. She pointed to the lady standing in the front of the room. "Is she Ms Felton?"

Eric shrugged. "I guess so. She hasn't said anything since I got here, except that we could sit wherever we wanted. She looks nice though, don't you think?"

Before Ariel could reply, the morning announcements came on and the summer was officially over. Ms Felton introduced herself and called roll. It seemed to Ariel that Ms Felton looked at her a little strangely when Ariel answered "here" but maybe it was just her imagination.

Ms Felton passed out textbooks and began going over what they were going to cover during the year. Ariel was beginning to regret drinking so much at breakfast. She flooded her diaper early on in the day, which wouldn't have been so bad, except then she had to poop. She held it for as long as possible, but finally it came out, and Ariel couldn't help but squirm a little. A horrible smell began emitting from her direction. Ariel heard Nicole whisper loudly, "Gross, who farted?" A few kids giggled.

Ariel knew she had to get changed before anyone figured out where the smell was coming from. She raised her hand. "Can I go to the bathroom?"

Ms Felton looked confused for a second and then smiled weakly at Ariel, her eyes lighting up with understanding. "Go ahead, Ariel."

Ariel ran down the hall, breathing a sigh of relief. So far she liked first grade, but it was obviously going to be a stressful year. Ms Felton seemed to be a bit weirded out by Ariel's diapers but at least she wasn't blowing the whole secret to the class.

Ariel entered the nurse's office just as Mrs. Jennings was coming out of the room with the changing table and supplies. Following her was a little boy who Ariel knew was in her grade. Ariel wondered if Mrs. Jennings had been changing his diapers.

"Okay, Daniel, you're all set. You can go back to class now," Mrs. Jennings said pleasantly. He walked out without a word. Mrs. Jennings turned her warm smile onto Ariel. "Hello, Ariel. I assume you're here to be changed. Did you have a nice summer?"

"Yes, it was great," Ariel replied, taking off her pants and lying down on the changing table. "Was Daniel here to get his diaper changed?"

"Well, I'm not supposed to really tell you anything about other students, but yes he was. He wears diapers full time, just like you. Do you know him?"

"Not really, but I know he's in the first grade like me because I've seen him at lunch and recess. He's usually by himself," Ariel said eagerly.

"He's not a very happy kid, Ariel. He could use a friend, and I think you might be the perfect friend for him. Are you going to try to talk to him?" Mrs. Jennings asked.

"Sure!" Ariel replied happily. "I don't have any friends who wear diapers, except for Caitlin. I wanna be Daniel's friend."

Mrs. Jennings smiled at her. "You know, you're probably the only kid at this school who's said that. You're a great kid, Ariel. But don't be surprised if it takes awhile before Daniel wants to be your friend. He's not easy to talk to." She finished wiping off Ariel's messy butt, applied powder to her skin, and put a fresh Pamper on her. "There you go, dear. Back to class."

Ariel sat impatiently through the rest of the morning and finally Ms Felton walked them down to the cafeteria for lunch. Ariel quickly bought her lunch and looked around for Daniel.

"Hey Ariel! Come sit over here," Eric called. He was seated at a table with Nicole and four other kids in their class. Ariel couldn't find Daniel, anyway. Disappointed, she sat down beside Eric.

They all agreed that so far, first grade seemed okay, and Ms. Felton seemed nice. "She's kinda strange, though," Nicole said. "Did anyone notice how she kept giving Ariel really weird looks? It was like there was something wrong with her."

"I didn't notice that. She didn't look at me any different than anyone else," Ariel said nervously.

"Yes, she did. When she was calling roll she stopped after your name and stared at you for a second. Then when you asked to go to the bathroom, she looked really confused for a second. I can't believe you didn't notice," Eric replied.

Ariel shrugged uneasily. She didn't like the way the conversation was going. Already her classmates were suspicious.

Just then, she spotted Daniel entering the cafeteria by himself, carrying a lunchbox. That's right, she thought, he was probably in the nurse's getting his diaper changed. He must not be wearing very good diapers if he had to get it changed again already.

Daniel walked over to a table full of kids and started to sit down. One of the kids said something which made everyone but Daniel burst out laughing, and Daniel slowly walked away and sat down at a table by himself. Ariel watched, feeling sad and angry that everyone seemed to hate Daniel so much. "Hey, do you guys want to go sit over there?" she asked eagerly, pointing to Daniel's table.

"You mean eat lunch with Daniel?" Nicole replied, rolling her eyes. "You don't want to eat with him. He was in my class last year. He was always peeing in his pants, like almost every day, and one day he came into class wearing this huge diaper. He wore them for the rest of the year."

"Looks like he's still wearing them," another girl, Lisa, giggled. The bulge around Daniel's waste and crotch was obvious even when he was sitting down.

"He smells really bad, too. You can smell him before you can see him," Nicole added.

"Oh," Ariel replied. "Well...I guess I won't go sit with him."

She managed to get through lunch without thinking about Daniel again, refusing to look in his direction. Later when she was sitting in class again, she felt bad for letting a couple of snobs like Nicole and Lisa stop her from making a new friend, her first diaper friend. She resolved that at recess she'd actually go up to him and talk to him, no matter what anyone said.

She got her chance as soon as she walked outside for recess. Daniel was sitting cross-legged on the ground by himself, making a dandelion chain, seemingly oblivious to all the kids around him running around and screaming.

"Hi," she said quietly.

He looked up, startled, and glanced around, thinking she must be talking to someone else. No one ever talked to him. But this girl was looking right at him, so she must be talking to him. She was probably new and didn't have anyone else to play with, he thought. As soon as she found out he wore diapers or made new friends, she'd either ignore him or make fun of him, just like everyone. He returned his attention to the dandelion chain.

"I said hi," Ariel said pointedly. She wondered if all kids besides her who wore diapers were as shy as Daniel or if he was just the exception.

"Hi," Daniel replied finally, gazing up at her suspiciously.

"Whatcha making?" Ariel asked, sitting down beside him.

"A dandelion chain," he replied, holding it up briefly so she could see it.


"Oh...cool. I think I'll make one too. By the way, my name's Ariel. She picked up a few dandelions and pretending to be fascinated with linking them together. Her diaper was about to leak and stood up. "I gotta go do something," she said. She was hoping Daniel would ask her where she was going but he just nodded and didn't even look up.

"How's it going with Daniel?" Mrs. Jennings asked.

"Not so good," Ariel replied sadly. "He won't even talk to me. No wonder he doesn't have any friends."

"Did you tell him about your diapers?"

"Not yet. If he's not going to talk to me, I'm not going to tell him about my diapers."

"He'll open up if you tell him about your diapers. He doesn't talk to anyone much because he thinks they're all going to make fun of him. You should give him another chance." Mrs. Jennings patted Ariel's freshly diapered butt. "There you go, kiddo. Have fun."

Ariel headed back outside and found Daniel still sitting down, working on that dumb dandelion chain. "Guess what I was doing?" she said boldly.

"What?" Daniel asked with just a hint of curiosity in his voice.

Ariel hesitated a second and blurted it out. "Getting my diaper changed."

Daniel looked shocked. "You - you wear diapers too?" he asked shyly.

"Yeah. I saw you in Mrs. Jenning's office this morning and thought you might, and she said you did, and that I should talk to you. I don't know anyone else who wears diapers, except my cousin Caitlin. She was in a car accident and hurt her bladder. How come you gotta wear diapers?"

Daniel shrugged. "I don't know. I started having accidents last year. My sister made me wear them." He frowned and stared down at his dandelion chain again.

"Your sister? What about your mommy and daddy? How come they let her put you into diapers? Did you want to wear them?" Ariel asked, confused.

"I don't have a mommy or daddy. My mommy died when I was three. She had cancer. She was really nice. I miss her so much." Daniel looked like he was going to cry. "After she died, I started wetting my bed. My daddy used to beat me for it every morning. I wet my pants a lot too. He beat me with a belt and made me wash my own clothes and sheets. I told my sister Erin about it and she called the police and they sent me to live with her. She's really nice, but she makes me wear diapers so I don't have accidents, and everyone teases me for it."
"I'm sorry you lost your mommy," Ariel said sympathetically. She didn't know anyone who'd lost their mother, except her own mother, but Jessica never talked about it. "I don't have a daddy. Well, I do, but he lives really far away, and I've only seen him twice since I was one. My mom's nice, too. I wanted to wear diapers, and she said I could."

"You wanted to wear diapers? Why would you want to wear diapers?" Daniel asked. Just then the bell rang. "Darn."

"Yeah. I guess I'll see you tomorrow," Ariel said, disappointed.

"Hey, maybe you could come over to my house on Saturday. I mean, if you want to," Daniel said nervously.

Ariel was thrilled. "I'd love to. I gotta ask my mommy first, but I'm sure she'll say yes." She borrowed a pen from a teacher and wrote her number on Daniel’s hand. "Call me tonight, okay? But don't call before
5:30, because I go over to my cousin's house after school."

"Okay." Daniel stuffed the paper in his pocket and waved good-bye. Ariel watched him go, feeling very satisfied. He was quieter than most of her friends and probably wouldn’t be as much fun to play with, but he wore diapers and could probably identify with some of the reasons why she enjoyed them so much. She couldn't wait to go over to his house.

 


Chapter Twenty

 

Ariel stared curiously into the fridge. She couldn't find the grape juice and moved around the half the contents before remembering that she had drank the last of it the night before at dinner. Actually, she had spilled the last of it all over the table at dinner. Her mom had sighed and said, "If you don't stop knocking over your glass, I'm going to start making you drink out of a bottle." Ariel had been so surprised she choked on her salad, but then Jessica said she was joking. Ariel had tried to smile but was very disappointed.

She slammed the fridge shut. She'd better not drink anything until her mom woke up and changed her. Her diaper was saturated and already leaking down her legs a little bit, probably because she’d wet it just before bed and again while she was asleep. Just then Jessica walked in.

"Morning," Jessica said, yawning. "How are you today? I suppose you need to be changed, hmm?"

"Yep," Ariel replied. "I'm soaked, Mommy. After I get changed, can I go to Daniel's?"

"Ariel!" Jessica laughed. "It's only nine. Daniel and his sister aren't expecting you until one. They'd kill us if we showed up now. You sure do like Daniel."

"He's nice," Ariel replied vaguely. Jessica looked at her meaningfully.

"You have a crush on him, don't you?" she teased. "This is so sweet. My little baby's all grown up and dating already. Where does the time go?"

"Mom!" Ariel said, embarrassed. "I don't like Daniel like that! That's gross. Caitlin's into dating, not me." Jessica laughed as she pulled out Ariel's changing pad.

Ariel loved being changed in the mornings. After spending the whole night in a soaked diaper, getting wiped off with a scented baby wipe and changed into a dry, powdered diaper was heaven. She also loved it when her mom rubbed diaper rash cream on her. The cold cream felt soothing against an itchy rash.

Ariel played outside with Monica and Eric the rest of the morning, until her mom called her in for lunch. "I gotta go. See you guys later."

"Can't you come back out after lunch?" Monica asked.

Ariel hadn't told them she was going over to Daniel's, but they both already knew that she was friends with "Diaper Butt" and didn't care. Pretty much everyone in her class had seen her and Daniel eating together at lunch and nobody seemed to much care. Nicole and her friends had made a few comments about Ariel being Daniel's girlfriend, which both of them had vehemently denied, and Ariel had overheard Nicole saying to some other kids, "I bet she wears diapers too." But no one had actually asked her about it yet, and Ariel was hoping it would stay that way.

"Nope. I'm going over to Daniel's house," Ariel told Monica and Eric.

"Oh, you and Daniel," Monica said, rolling her eyes. "You never would have even talked to him except he wears diapers like you."

"MONICA!" Ariel said furiously. Monica had just blurted out her biggest secret in front of Eric, who she was really starting to become good friends with. They'd never really played together much, but now that they were in the same class, Ariel was beginning to find out how nice he was. Eric also sometimes hung out with her and Daniel. Eric was very accepting of Daniel's diapers, considering he didn't wear them himself, and Ariel had been planning to tell him about her diapers eventually. But she'd wanted to tell him herself, and Monica had just spilled the beans.

Eric shrugged. "So? I already knew that."

"You did?" Ariel asked incredulously. "No way! I never told you. How'd you find out?"

"Last summer. Remember all those times we saw each other at the pool? You were always wearing a big t-shirt over your bathing suit, but sometimes it slipped up when you were in the water, and I could see your diaper poking out from your swimsuit. My brother noticed it too. But you never said anything about wearing diapers, so I figured you didn't want me to know."

"Your brother knows too?" Ariel was not happy. Eric's 10-year-old brother Mike was somewhat of a bully. "Great. He'll probably tell the whole school."

"No, he wouldn't," Eric replied. "He can't make fun of you. My parents made him wear diapers every night till he was eight because he wet his bed. He had to wear a diaper on long car rides, too. We've got tons of pictures of him wearing nothing but a diaper and a t-shirt. He knows that if he says anything about your diapers, we can just show those pictures to all his friends."

Ariel giggled. "Well, I really have to go now. See you guys later." She skipped home happily. They finally left for Daniel's at ten to one. His house was located in a run-down neighborhood not far from theirs which was known throughout the community as "the one ghetto neighborhood in
Ocean Lakes." Jessica locked the car doors and looked around nervously as they stood on David's porch, trying to shield themselves from the rain that had just started falling.
Ariel glanced around at the small, unkempt yard. She knew this neighborhood fairly well; it was one which her mother flatly refused to drive through after dark. "Daniel's poorer than we are, isn't he Mommy?"

"SHHHHHHH!" Jessica hissed, just as the door opened, and Daniel welcomed them in. Ariel couldn't stop staring at him. He was wearing nothing but a dingy t-shirt and a pair of thick cloth diapers, with baby-blue plastic pants. His sister Erin was close behind, and as soon as they were inside, she introduced herself.

"I hope you don't mind the way he's dressed. He wears cloth diapers and plastic pants around the house; they're not as expensive, even though it does create extra laundry,"
Erin said apologetically.

"Oh, it's fine. I'm used to seeing Ariel running around in nothing but a diaper," Jessica replied, smiling.

"These cloth diapers are so thick; I can't get my pants over them!" Daniel said.

Jessica laughed. "Well, I need to get going. I'll pick you up around four-thirty, Ariel. Have fun and behave yourself."

"Come on Ariel, I want to show you my room," Daniel announced. He led Ariel upstairs to his room.

"Whoa!" Ariel exclaimed as soon as he opened the door. "You have a crib! And a changing table! It looks like a baby's room! How come you sleep in a crib?"

Daniel shrugged, embarrassed. "When I went to live with my sister, I had to get a new bed because mine was falling apart. She said she'd get me one as soon as she got enough money, but until then, I either had to sleep on the floor or in my old crib. I picked the crib. The changing table was from when I was a baby, too. It was so comfortable that I told
Erin I'd sleep in it until I outgrew it."

"But wouldn't a bed be just as comfortable?" Ariel pressed.

"I guess...but that's not the only reason I sleep in it." Daniel lowered his voice to a whisper. "Sometimes I really like the babyish feeling I get when I'm sleeping in my crib in the cloth diapers. Isn't that weird?"

"Yeah, but I know what you mean. When I went to visit my dad, my stepmother made me sleep in a crib, and wear baby clothes, and drink from a bottle. I thought I was going to hate it, but it was really fun. I wish I could do it all the time. I might get a changing table, though. I heard my mom telling someone on the phone the other day that she was getting sick of changing me on the floor and wanted to get a changing table, but she said she'd have to get it specially made since I was too big for a baby one, and it might be expensive."
"So you like my room?" Daniel asked hopefully.

"Yeah, it's really cool. I wish mine had all this baby stuff," Ariel replied.

"Thanks. I like it too but I didn't think anyone else would like it. One time last year, this kid Matt who lives down the street came over. I think he only came because his mom made him. He told everyone at school that I was a total baby and that my room smelled like a dirty diaper. I yelled at him to stop, and he beat me up and laughed at me. He was a second-grader and a lot bigger than me, and all the kids at school started teasing me because they didn't want him to laugh at them."

"Really?" Ariel was shocked; she'd never realized her classmates could be so mean. It was obvious just from the way Daniel never talked to anyone that just about everyone who'd ever met him had given him a hard time about his diapers. Even when Eric hung out with them at recess and lunch, Daniel was much quieter than he was with just Ariel. Every time Eric looked him in the face, Daniel flinched like he expected to be either hit or viciously teased.

There was a knock on the bedroom door and
Erin stood there, holding a tray with a bottle filled with apple juice, an ordinary glass of juice, and two napkins with three cookies each on them. "Hey, I thought you guys might like a snack."

"
Erin! Did you have to bring me my juice in a baby bottle?" Daniel groaned.

"Sorry, kiddo, but you know the rules. You can't drink anything in your room unless it's in a bottle,"
Erin replied. "He was always spilling stuff in his bedroom and ruining the carpet, so now he can't drink from an ordinary glass unless he's in the kitchen or dining room. Everywhere else, he has to have a bottle."

"That sounds like my mom," Ariel said. "Last night when I spilled my juice she said she was going to make me drink from a bottle but she was joking."

"Oh...hmm...would you mind if I put your juice in a bottle then?"
Erin asked.

Ariel felt butterflies of excitement in her stomach but tried to look neutral. "If that's what you want to do, I don't mind," she replied politely.

She was handed a bottle of juice identical to Daniel's. They decided to play Candyland while they drank their juice. Ariel hadn't played Candyland since she was about four; she had decided it was too babyish and boring for her. She was surprised to discover how fun it really was. She felt like a two-year-old, sitting around in a diaper, drinking a bottle and playing Candyland.

After Ariel and Daniel were done with their bottles, they both had soaked diapers. Daniel called his sister to change him. After Daniel was changed,
Erin asked Ariel if she needed to be changed.

"Yes," Ariel replied self-consciously. She always felt a little uncomfortable when someone who she didn't know very well changed her for the first time. The only people who changed her on a regular basis were her mom, Jenny and the school nurse.

"Don't worry Ariel, she's pretty good at it. She's been changing mine forever. Even when I was a baby she was the one who changed my diaper," Daniel said. He was right.
Erin was as good as Ariel's own mom.

The afternoon seemed to fly by. When Ariel heard her mom at the door, she thought she'd come early, but it was four-thirty. "Hi, honey. Did you have a good afternoon?"

"Yeah, Mommy, it was fun!" Ariel said happily.

"Great! Daniel will have to come visit our house sometime soon. Maybe next weekend." Just then
Erin came in and after saying hello to Jessica, she asked Daniel what he'd done with the bottles.

"They're still in my room. I'll go get them," Daniel replied.

"Bottles?" Jessica asked, curious. "Did I miss something here?"

"Oh, I hope you don't mind,"
Erin said anxiously. "Ariel and Daniel were drinking juice in his room and I gave them both their juice in baby bottles."

"No, that's fine," Jessica replied. "If Ariel doesn't watch it, she'll be drinking out of a bottle pretty soon. She's always spilling things."

"Did you really mean that?" Ariel asked her mom once they were in the car. "Would you really give me a bottle?"

"Of course not, honey, I was just teasing you. Unless you want one...did you enjoy drinking from a bottle at Daniel's? Because I'll get you some bottles if you want to play with them. But you still need to drink from a glass sometimes, too."

"I'd like that, Mommy," Ariel replied quietly.

"Okay, we'll buy some the next time we go to the store. Don't be afraid to tell me these things, honey. I'm your mother, I don't judge you."

Wednesday afternoon, Caitlin greeted Ariel on the bus with, "We're all gonna blow away and die."

"What!?" Ariel asked, startled.

"Haven't you heard? Hurricane Floyd is supposed to hit here tomorrow. We're probably going to have to evacuate, and the school might flood too. This is so cool!"

"Oh, the hurricane," Ariel replied, rolling her eyes. "We're not going to get anything. Last year everyone said the same stuff when Hurricane Bonnie came and nothing happened, except lots of wind and a bad storm. Nothing really exciting ever happens around here."

"No, but we might at least get out of school. My teacher said she wouldn't be surprised if they canceled school for tomorrow," Caitlin explained.

"Ooh, I hope so. I want a day off. My class is so boring. All Ms. Felton ever does is write stuff on the board for us to copy down, or give us worksheets. And she doesn't like me. She thinks I'm a freak because of my diapers," Ariel complained.

"Well, my teacher acts like I'm made of glass," Caitlin replied. "She asked me if I was sure I could do P.E. because of my 'handicap.' Like having a messed up bladder means I can't run around and play soccer. By the way, I went to the doctor yesterday for a check-up."

"Oh yeah? What did he say?" Ariel asked.

"That my bladder wasn't getting any better and that it was unrealistic I'd ever get any control back," Caitlin said unhappily.

"Oh, that's too bad," Ariel replied, feigning sympathy.

Caitlin shrugged. "I don't mind too much. But I wish I could just wear diapers when I felt like it, instead of all the time. No one in my class knows yet, but anytime anyone looks at me, I'm always sure they've noticed my diaper."

"Why don't you just tell your friends? Most of my friends know and they don't care."

"The more people who know, the more likely someone will blab the secret to everyone," Caitlin replied stubbornly.

Ariel sighed. Caitlin was hopeless.

At Jenny's house, they settled down in front of the TV to watch “Total Request Live,” which Caitlin practically lived for. Jenny came down to say hello to them. "C'mon, you guys, you know the rules. No TV until your homework is done. Turn off the TV, get a snack, and do your homework."
"But Mom, why should we do our homework if there's no school tomorrow?" Caitlin protested.

"You don't know that for sure. If you do your homework now, you'll have a free day tomorrow. Oh, and Ariel, your mom called. She's getting off work early because of the hurricane and she'll be here in about a few minutes." Jenny wrestled the remote from Caitlin and changed the channel to the news. School cancellations were flashing across the bottom of the screen.

"Yeaaaahhh!" Ariel cheered. She smiled smugly at Caitlin. "Haha, my mom doesn't make me do my homework fresh off the school bus!"

Caitlin didn't reply. She and her mom were busy staring at the TV which showed a flooded street in
South Carolina. Cars were drowning in water past their tires, and the sky dumped buckets of more rain onto the streets, muddy yards, and even through people's roofs.

"That'll be us this time tomorrow," Jenny remarked.

Ariel turned to stare at her in horror. Just then "Virginia Beach Public Schools, closed Thursday" flashed at the bottom of the screen.

"YEEEEESSSSSS!" Caitlin shrieked, jumping up. Her math book went flying across the room. Caitlin was too busy jumping around screaming to notice. Ariel was the only one who heard the knock on the door.

"I'll get it!" she said eagerly. She ran to let her mom in. "Hi Mommy! Guess what! No school tomorrow! Caitlin says the school will probably flood too, and we'll have to hold school at the mall."

"I doubt that. Besides, if your school floods, our house will flood and all of our stuff will be ruined," Jessica replied absentmindently. She stared at the scene in the TV room. Caitlin was still jumping around shrieking like a banshee. Cody had joined her and was jumping up and down on the couch. Jenny was screaming at them to calm down, trying to make herself heard over the noise. Jessica yelled good-bye as she and Ariel hurried to escape the asylum.

They stopped by K-Mart to pick up some batteries, bottled water and canned goods. It was obvious that they weren't the first ones to get there. The shelves were almost bare.

"We can always get lots of these," Ariel said, eagerly handing her mom a large bag of potato chips.

"Put them back, Ariel, we have plenty at home. We need some fruit and canned vegetables, but those are mostly gone." Jessica selected a few cans of vegetables and put them in the cart.

"Ewww! We're going to eat cold green peas? I'm not eating cold vegetables," Ariel said stubbornly.

"Well, if we're without power for more than a few hours, you will. You're not going to live on potato chips and candy," Jessica replied.

They headed over to the diaper aisle to pick up some more pampers. Ariel eyed the baby food. "There's still lots of baby food left," she informed Jessica.

Jessica raised her eyebrows. "Would you like to get some?" she asked Ariel.

"Really? I can get some?" Ariel asked eagerly.

"Yes. Just this one time, since we have a hurricane coming. Get some of the fruity ones. Nothing that needs to be heated up."

Ariel eagerly picked out five jars of baby food and they headed for the very long checkout line. Of all the people they could have gotten stuck behind, Nicole just happened to be there, looking snooty as ever.

"Hi, Ariel. What are you guys buying?" she asked as she peered in their cart. "Diapers and baby food?"

Ariel's heart stopped. "They're for my little sister." she lied.

"Your little sister? Funny how I never see her around. I always thought you were an only child." Nicole's eyes drilled into Ariel's. "So who are they really for?"

"I told you, they're for my sister. She's at daycare right now. I'm not an only child," Ariel said desperately.

"Ariel's an only child, isn't she?" Nicole asked Jessica, who was lost in an issue of “People” and not paying attention to the conversation.

"Hmm?" Jessica glanced up and quickly sized up the situation. "No, of course not," she told Nicole. "Didn't Ariel ever tell you about her baby sister? Allison lives in
California with her dad, but she's visiting us for a couple of weeks. It's such a shame she lives so far away. It's almost like we don't know her at all."

"Who was that? The captain of the first-grade cheerleading team? Only six years old, and she's already a gossipy snob." Jessica said, once Nicole had left.

"Yeah, she thinks she's so cool but almost everyone hates her," Ariel replied. "If she found out I wore diapers, she'd tell everyone at school. Can't I wear underwear to school?"

"Ariel, we've had this conversation before. You know the rules. It's all or nothing. Do you want to be potty trained?"

"No. But why can't I just wear underwear to school? I promise I'll be extra careful not to wet my pants," Ariel pleaded.

"You know how Caitlin has to wear diapers because her bladder doesn't let her know when she needs to go to the bathroom?" Jessica asked.

"Yeah..."

"Well, you're rapidly approaching that point. I bet you couldn't hold it for ten minutes. If you wanted to wear underwear to school, I think you'd have to be able to hold it for at least twenty minutes, and that’s if your teacher let you leave class. You couldn't do it."

"I bet I could," Ariel replied.

"Fine. Sometime you can put on underwear, drink a lot of juice, and I'll time you to see how long you last. If you can hold it for twenty minutes, then I'll let you wear underwear to school," Jessica replied.

Ariel smiled happily. She was sure she would have no problems. Soon she'd be wearing underwear to school.

They spent the night taping up the windows, filling up the bathtubs and putting batteries in the flashlights and radios. Jessica also found the kerosene lamp and, warning Ariel to never touch it, set it up in the living room.

Ariel stayed up late and fell asleep listening to the wind howling outside her window. So far, the only effects from the hurricane were some high winds and some light rain. But the real storm wasn't supposed to hit until the next afternoon.

She woke up the next morning and headed for the window. The wind seemed to have picked up a little. It was pouring rain, however there was no river in the street like she'd seen on TV. She ate some Cinnamon Life and settled in front of the TV to watch cartoons.

A huge crack of thunder scared Ariel half to death. "Looks like we're about to get something," Jessica said nervously. She glanced at Ariel, who was sitting in front of the TV, trembling. "What's the matter, sweetie? Are you all right?" She went over and took Ariel in her arms.

"I don't like thunder," Ariel said quietly. She started to cry.
Jessica remembered that Ariel had been scared of thunder when she was a toddler, but she hadn't reacted to it since she was about three or four. "It's okay, honey. Thunder is only sound. It can't hurt you." Ariel crawled into her mother's lap and wrapped her arms around Jessica's neck, still trembling. "Why don't you go pick out a book and I'll read to you," she suggested, hoping to distract Ariel from the thunder.

Ariel found her dog-eared copy of the book that had always been her favorite, “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.“ Jessica laughed when she saw it. "I'd almost forgotten about this. You used to not be able to get to sleep unless I read it two or three times."

They were just getting to the part where Alexander visited his dad at the office, which was Ariel's favorite, when suddenly the lights flicked. A few seconds later, they went out completely. Jessica put the book aside and lifted Ariel off her lap. "I'll go hunt down a flashlight," she said. Another huge crack of thunder sounded, and Ariel clung to her mom's leg. "I'll come with you!"

The sky was a yellowish color. Ariel felt very small and scared as Jessica groped around for a flashlight. "And God said 'Let there be light' and there was light," Jessica said, clicking the flashlight on. Ariel giggled.

The yellow light shining in from the window was eerie, even with the blinds closed. The sky was not only yellowish, but lit up with lightening. The thunder was even scarier when the apartment was all dark. Ariel started crying again.

Jessica took Ariel in her arms. "Honey, really, it's okay. It won't hurt you, I promise." She dug around in a cabinet and found one of Ariel's new bottles and filled it with milk.

Jessica began rocking Ariel in her arms and singing to her softly while Ariel sucked on the bottle. Ariel was unaware of her surroundings as she took in the comforting milk, safe and warm in her mom's arms. Soon she fell asleep.

When she woke up an hour later, the worst of the hurricane had passed. Jessica had the radio on and told Ariel that technicians were working on the power lines. The lights were expected to be on by that evening, and there would most likely be school the next day. The rain had died down, and there was very little flooding.

Ariel nodded and asked if she could have lunch. She picked Gerber's Hawaiian Delight and decided to save the rest of the baby food for later. "Look, Mom. I should eat this before it melts anymore," she said, holding up a carton of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

Jessica sighed. "OK, just this once." She poured some juice into a bottle for Ariel. Ariel was pleased with the baby treatment, and she hadn't even had to ask. Jessica got herself some Doritos and a glass of Coke.

"I thought you were going to eat canned vegetables," Ariel reminded her.

Jessica laughed. "I never said that's what I was eating. That's just what you would've been eating, if you hadn't gone for Gerber second stage food instead."

"This stuff really is pretty good," Ariel replied. It was very tasty, and not having to chew was nice too.

The phone rang. "I bet that's Jenny," Jessica said, grabbing it. "Hello?"

"Hi, Jessica. I was just wondering how you and Ariel were surviving the hurricane." Jessica frowned. It sounded a bit like Jenny, but Jessica knew it wasn't her. Suddenly she remembered who had that voice. She sighed. "Hi, Stephanie. We're doing fine. The power's out but with a few flashlights and some candles, you'd never know it."

"Glad to hear it," Stephanie replied. "I was hoping Ariel was doing OK. Sometimes small children can be scared of these things. Not that Danielle ever was," she added quickly.

Jessica rolled her eyes. "No, I'm sure she wasn't. Ariel's just fine. She's eating lunch right now."

"Can I speak to her? I'd love to talk to her," Stephanie gushed.

Jessica reluctantly handed the phone over to Ariel. "Ariel, it's your cousin Stephanie. Be nice," she hissed. She just knew Ariel was going to say something that would get Stephanie on her back.

"Hi, Stephanie...yeah, I'm doing fine. The thunder was scary but I slept through most of it." Ariel paused. "Eating lunch," she said. Another pause. "Baby food and ice cream. Mom's having doritos." Jessica groaned. "Okay...bye." Ariel handed the phone back to her mother. "She wants to talk to you."

"Ice cream? BABY FOOD? Does Ariel always eat like that?"

"Of course not, Stephanie. We don't have any power, I figured she might as well finish the ice cream before it melted all over the freezer. And as for the baby food, at least she's eating some kind of fruit," Jessica reasoned.

"She's not still wearing pull-ups, is she?" Stephanie accused.

"Of course not," Jessica replied truthfully. "Look, Stephanie, I really need to get going."

"All right. See you at Thanksgiving, Jessica. Good-bye."

"Bye," Jessica said, quickly hanging up the phone. Then Stephanie's last words sank in. "Thanksgiving?!"

 

 


Chapter 21

 

"All right, guys." Ms. Felton brushed the chalk dust off her blouse and tried to smile at her first-grade class while glancing at the clock. Only 10 minutes to go until recess. One hour left in the day, one day left in the week, 33 weeks left in the year, and about 30 years until her retirement. It depressed her. "Who can tell me what holiday we have coming up in about two weeks?"

"Halloween!" the class chorused.

"Good. Now who can tell me how to spell Halloween? It's on your spelling list this week."

Blank faces. The students glanced at each other nervously. Finally, someone shyly raised their hand. "Ariel? Can you spell Halloween for us?"

"H-A-L-L-O-W-E-E-N," Ariel spelled proudly.

"Excellent. Would you like to come up here and write it on the board?"

Ariel welcomed the opportunity to get out of her seat and eagerly obliged. "Teacher's pet," Nicole whispered. Ariel ignored her and carefully printed the word on the board. There were a few muffled giggles from the class, particularly Nicole and Lisa. Ariel wondered who they were laughing at now.

"Class, as you might remember, every year the PTA sponsors a costume contest. You wear your costume to school the Friday before Halloween and in every grade level, the person with the best costume wins a prize. There's also runner-up prizes. However, your costume must be original, not store bought, it must not break the dress code, and no masks." Ms. Felton passed out orange papers with details about the contest.

The bell rang for recess. Ariel walked out with Eric. "I'm gonna try to win the contest. Last year I was a witch and I might have won, except I sprayed black hairspray in my hair and it rained and it all rinsed out and dripped down my face. But this year-"

"Ariel," Eric said urgently. "There's something you should know. When you were writing that word on the board, your shirt slipped up a little and we could all see your diaper. I think that's what Nicole and Lisa were laughing about."

Ariel look horrified. "Oh, no! Could you tell it was a diaper?"

"Well, it definitely didn't look like underwear to me, but maybe no one else noticed," Eric replied. Ariel sat and sulked for the rest of recess while Eric tried to reassure her.
After recess came the last class of the day, science. It was Ariel's favorite subject and she was able to forget about Nicole and her diaper as she worked diligently on a worksheet.

"Hey Ariel, pass this to Vicki," Nicole whispered, turning around and placing a folded sheet of paper on Ariel's desk. Ariel sighed as she handed the note to Vicki, who sat behind her. Nicole was always passing notes to her various friends, and it was Ariel who got to intercept them, and Ariel who usually got into trouble for passing notes. A minute later, Vicki tapped Ariel on the shoulder and Ariel passed the note back up to Nicole. Nicole read it and began scribbling out a response while Ariel returned to her work.

Nicole turned around again with the note and started to give it to Ariel. Ariel shook her head and continued to work on her science. "Ariel, take the note," Nicole hissed.

"No," Ariel whispered. "I'm sick of passing your stupid notes and getting in trouble for it. Leave me alone."

Nicole gave Ariel an intimidating stare, but Ariel refused to take the note. "Fine. You'll be sorry for this, DIAPER BUTT," Nicole said, a little bit more loudly. A few kids stared at them.

Ms. Felton noticed the commotion. "Nicole, what have I told you about passing notes? This is the third time in a week! You know the rule - if you're caught passing a note, you have to read it."

Nicole had the good grace to blush. "Do I have to? I promise I won't pass notes anymore," she said, putting an innocent look on her face.

"I've heard that before. Read it, now, unless you'd like to go to the office and talk it over with Mr. Douglas?" Mr. Douglas was the school principal and notorious for being not just strict, but downright mean.

Nicole looked resigned to her fate. "Fine. I'll read it." She gave Ariel a triumphant glance and started to read. "Yeah, you can totally tell. Today when she went up to the board, you could see her diaper sticking up over her shirt. And a couple of weeks ago, I saw her with her mom buying diapers and baby food. My sister is in her cousin Caitlin's class and is sure that Caitlin wears them too. Ariel is such a baby."

The whole class stared at Ariel. Some started to laugh, but most just looked indifferent or confused. Ariel hardly noticed through the blur of tears. It was the worst moment of her life and the root of every nightmare she'd had for the past six months.

"Nicole," Mrs. Felton said, so sharply that everyone shut up and sat still. "Go down to the office and sit in there until I come to talk to you. If Mr. Douglas sees you, you can tell him why you're there."

Nicole slowly stood up. She shot Ariel a mean look, but it was wasted because Ariel had her head down on her desk, trying not to let on that she was crying, and didn't notice. Ms. Felton left the room and the class started talking again. Ariel couldn't understand exactly what they were saying, but she heard her name and diapers mentioned more than once.

Ms. Felton came back in and clapped her hands for order. "I'm going down to the office to talk to Nicole, but I'll be back in a few minutes. The teacher next door is going to keep an eye on you, and report back to me if anyone misbehaves, so everyone back to work."

Ms. Felton shook Ariel gently on the shoulder as she left. Ariel lifted her head and looked at her teacher through swollen, red eyes. "Back to work, Ariel," Ms. Felton said gently. "When I get back, I'm going to talk to you and Nicole."

Ariel nodded and pulled out her worksheet again. It was hard, and she was glad. When she worked on it, she didn't think of anything else, and didn't have to worry about her new problem. She didn't even notice when Ms. Felton and Nicole returned to the room until Ms. Felton said, "Ariel, please come up here."

"Nicole has something to say to you," Ms. Felton told Ariel.

Nicole smiled sweetly. "Ariel, I'm really sorry I was mean to you," she began, speaking in a voice sweeter than maple syrup. "I shouldn't have written that note. It was very wrong."

Ariel wasn't forgiving. She knew Nicole was only apologizing because Ms. Felton made her, and even worse, Ms. Felton actually seemed to fall for that sarcastically sweet apology. Even if Nicole's apology had been sincere, Ariel still wasn't ready to accept it. "I'm sorry" didn't do her a bit of good. Her classmates still knew her biggest secret, and nothing could change their reactions.

"Ariel?" Ms. Felton prompted.

"That's okay, Nicole," Ariel said, forcing a smile.

"That was very good, girls." Mrs. Ellis smiled approvingly. "Nicole, you may go back to your seat." Nicole smiled politely and flounced back to her seat.

"Ariel," Ms. Felton began. She stopped, and nervously fumbled with a paperweight on her desk. "I wanted to talk to you about your - your diapers."

Ariel looked up and, out of habit, glanced around to make sure no one was listening. But it was two minutes before the end of the day, and everyone was packing up their stuff and chatting. The noise level in the room was much too loud to hear Ariel and Ms. Felton's conversation from more than a couple of feet away. "What about them?"

"I was wondering, why do you wear them? I assumed it was for medical reasons, but it doesn't say anything in your records about any kind of problem."

Ariel fidgeted and anxiously twirled a strand of blond hair around her finger. "Um, well, I don't know, I just started wearing them again, that's all."

"So you were potty trained at some point? That doesn't make any sense. You don't just start wearing diapers again. There must be some reason," Ms. Felton pressed.

"I like them," Ariel blurted out. The bell rang. "I gotta go or I'm going to miss my bus."

"Just a second. You won't miss your bus if you hurry." Mrs. Felton scribbled something out on a sheet of paper, folded it, and stapled it shut. "Please give this to your mother. It's important."

"Okay," Ariel agreed without thinking to ask what it was for. She grabbed her stuff and had to run all the way to the bus but still just barely made it. The driver had already closed his door, and glared at Ariel as he swung it open again.

He pulled out of his space while Ariel was still standing, causing her to stumble and grab the back of a seat. Which just happened to be Nicole and her sister's. "Watch it, diaper girl," Nicole hissed.

"Yeah. Don't want to fall and expose those Pampers...for the second time today," Nicole's sister added. Ariel flushed and found her seat beside Caitlin.

Caitlin looked grim. "I heard what happened to you. Nicole was telling everyone on the bus, with the help of her sister Miranda. We are both dead. How could you be so stupid?"

"I couldn't help it. I didn't know my shirt was so small. Besides, I have worse problems now. Ms. Felton gave me a note and told me to give it my mom."

"Well, you can't be in that much trouble. When you do something really awful, they don't bother with notes. They call your mom at work, and she comes home from work early just to yell at you, and that's how you know you're in for it. Wait till that happens." Caitlin leaned back and sighed. "But I guess whatever you've done, it must seem pretty awful to you because you hardly ever get in trouble. So what did you do?"

"Nothing! I've done everything the way Ms. Felton asked me to! She just doesn't like me."

"Then she probably just wants to know if your mom will bring in cookies for a Halloween party or something. Teachers do stuff like that all the time," Caitlin reasoned. "By the way, did you get that notice about the Halloween costume contest?"

Ariel had forgotten about it. "Oh, yeah. They do that every year. I've never won before, but I really want to this year. Are you going to enter?"

Caitlin rolled her eyes. "No way. I already told you what I'm going to be. They have McDonald's costumes at the Halloween store at the mall. I'm going to be a bag of french fries. Besides, the prize is probably something dumb like a certificate. What are you going to be?"

"I don't know. I'll have to think about it."

Caitlin was quiet for a few seconds, and then suddenly perked up. "Ooh! I just thought of a perfect costume for you. But wait until we get off the bus."

The second Ariel hopped off the bus, she turned to Caitlin. "Okay, we're home now. What's your great idea?"

"You could be a baby for Halloween!" Caitlin said proudly. "You already have the diapers, and a bottle. I have a really cute babyish outfit that would probably fit you, so all you'd need to buy is a pacifier."

"Where did you get a baby outfit?" Ariel asked, interested.

Caitlin blushed. "You know how relatives are. They forget how old you're getting. My great-aunt Mary sent me an outfit for last Christmas. Pale green overalls with three little bunnies on the chest. White, baby blue and pink bunnies. All the colors I hate. I would have put it in the bag for Salvation Army, but Mom said I had to save them in case Aunt Mary ever came to visit."

"But it sounds so cute! Why don't you wear it on weekends or something?"

"C'mon Ariel, look at me! Do I look like the kind of person who wears bunny overalls?" Caitlin glanced down at her Limited Too t-shirt and flaired khackis. "I didn't even wear things like that when I was two. But with your blond hair, things like that look really cute on you."

"You think so?" Ariel asked hopefully.
"Sure. You can try it on as soon as we get inside."

Ariel stood in front of Caitlin's full-length mirror, admiring the effect of the overalls. Caitlin stood behind her and held her hair up so that it appeared to be in pigtails. "See, you look adorable! Will you wear it on Halloween?"

Ariel hesitated. "Well...it does make me look like a baby, doesn't it?"

"Yeah!"

"But what if everyone laughs at me? They already make fun of me for my diapers."

"So? They can't prove anything just because you're a baby for Halloween. You're supposed to be in a costume. That means fake. I'm thinking about being a bag of McDonald's fries this year, and I'm going to try to talk my brother into being a small drink but that doesn't mean we're really food does it?"

"Well, no."

"See? Anyway, go ahead and take that off so we can do something else. Oh, I have something for you." Caitlin pulled out a pile of paper and handed it to Ariel. "Here. It's a diaper story. I was online last night and got into one of those websites. I read a little of it; it's about this boy who has to wear diapers because he's incontinent, like me, and he starts to enjoy them and begins sleeping in a crib and acting like a baby."

"Thanks, Caitlin! It sounds good. I'll start reading it tonight," Ariel promised.

"No problem. Oh, there were a bunch more at the site, if you like that one I can get you some more. Well, we'd better do our homework."

Later that evening, after Ariel and Jessica had gotten home and were eating dinner, Ariel reluctantly showed her mom Ms. Felton's note.

"She just said for me to call her tomorrow to schedule a conference about your performance in class. She didn't say exactly what was wrong. Are you having trouble in school?"

"No, Mommy. I'm doing good. I got an A on my reading test last week."

"That's excellent, sweetie. I'm very proud of you." Jessica gave Ariel a hug. "Well, I don't know what this is about, but I'll call her tomorrow. I can't do a conference until Tuesday, at the earliest, but I'm sure everything's fine. What do you think of Ms. Felton, anyway? You haven't talked much about school this year."

"There's nothing to talk about, Mom. It's boring. Ms. Felton never does anything but pass out worksheets. We read stuff out of the book, and then we do a worksheet to go with it. I liked Mr. Keever's class a lot better."

"But is Ms. Felton nice?" Jessica persisted.

Ariel shrugged. "I guess so. She smiles a lot, but she looks mad whenever someone asks for help. She doesn't do a very good job of explaining things."

"I guess that's why she has you guys use the book so much. She doesn't sound like much of a teacher, but I suppose it could be worse. Anything else new at school?"

Ariel was about to tell her mom that Nicole had told everyone about her diapers, but something stopped her. She wasn't sure why she didn't want her mom to know, except she was a bit embarrassed about the whole incident, and she didn't want her mom to worry. She decided to see how things went at school before saying anything.

"Oh, yeah." Ariel showed her mom the orange slip explaining about the costume contest. "Can I enter? We haven't gotten my costume yet and Caitlin came up with the best idea."

"Honey, I wouldn't take costume ideas very seriously from someone who is going to be a bag of french fries for Halloween," Jessica replied. She had gotten a good laugh when Jenny had told her what Caitlin and Cody were going to be.

Ariel smiled. "But she has a good idea for me. She thinks I should be a baby for Halloween, since I already have the diapers and the bottle. She has an outfit she can loan me, and all you'd have to buy me is a pacifier."

"A baby? Well, that's certainly different. I think you'd make a cute baby. We'll make sure to buy a pacifier sometime before Halloween. But don't get your hopes up about the contest. These things aren't always very fair."

"Speaking of holidays, you know your birthday is only three days after Halloween, and so far you haven't uttered a word about what you want."

Ariel knew what she wanted, and she also knew she'd never work up the nerve to ask for a crib or baby toys. "Could I have a sleepover?" she asked hopefully.

"Of course. We'll talk about it more later; it's time for you to get your bath."

Jessica put Ariel in bed at
eight o'clock, despite all of Ariel's complaints. "You were practically falling asleep in the bath, Ariel! You need to start going to bed earlier. I don't think you're getting enough sleep."
But once she was in bed, Ariel couldn't sleep. It had only gotten dark an hour earlier, for heaven's sake. There was no way she could sleep. She sat up and switched on the light beside her bed, figuring she could start reading her new story until she was tired enough to sleep.

Ariel enjoyed the feeling of lying in bed in a fresh diaper and reading. The story was good, and made her really want to regress. She stuck her thumb in her mouth. She did that on occasion, usually when she was trying to fall asleep.

Ariel decided to get up and ask her mom to fix her a bottle. Still holding the story in one hand, Ariel climbed out of bed and headed for her mom's room. She was about to go in when she realized her mom was talking on the phone.

"Great. I'm sure everything will be fine. Ariel's usually no trouble. See you next Saturday, Abby."

Ariel frowned. Abby? Who was Abby, and why was she coming over on Saturday? She opened the door.

"Mommy? Who's Abby?"

Jessica jumped at the sudden noise, and looked up guiltily. "What are you doing out of bed?" she asked, trying to ignore Ariel's question.

"Who's Abby?" Ariel suddenly looked very small, standing in her pink pajamas with her diaper sticking out at the top of the bottoms, her eyes wide as she stared curiously at her mother. She sat down on the bed, and Jessica took her in her lap.

"She's a babysitter, honey. She's going to come over next Saturday. You've seen her before; she lives right down the street. Monica's mom, Mrs. Johnson, recommended her to me."

"But why is she coming over here? Where are you going?"

"I'm going out with Ryan, a friend of mine," Jessica said cautiously. Ryan had been the guy Christine had tried to set her up with at
Woodstock. They had become good friends, and talked often, but Jessica suspected that Ryan wanted to take the friendship to another level now.

"A boyfriend?" Sometimes it seemed like Ariel was way too perceptive for six years old.

"Of course not," Jessica replied, telling herself it wasn't a complete lie...yet. "We're just friends, Ariel. Daniel and Eric are your friends, and they're boys, but that doesn't mean they're your boyfriends."
"If he's not your boyfriend, then how come I can't come along?"

Because you're under 21, Jessica thought. "Because sometimes we like to be alone, just like you wouldn't want me hanging around all the time when you're with your friends."

"I still think this sounds like a date," Ariel said suspiciously. "But I don't care. How old is Abby?"

"Sixteen, I think. You two should have fun together."

"Did you tell her I wear diapers?"

"Yep. She didn't mind. She said she'd be happy to change you."

"Does Ryan know I wear diapers?" Ariel asked curiously.

"He's Mr. Moleno to you, and no he doesn't. I thought I'd wait until he meets you to tell him. You'll probably get to meet him Saturday night." Jessica glanced at the clock. "You know, I could've sworn you went to bed a half hour ago."

"Yes, but I got up for a bottle," Ariel replied.

"Oh, well, come on." Jessica carried Ariel into the kitchen and filled a bottle full of water for her. "One thing I didn't tell Abby is that you usually drink from a bottle. I suppose you can tell her that yourself."

"Okay. I bet she's never sat for any kids my age before who were wearing diapers and drinking out of bottles, right Mommy?"

"Probably not. I don't think she'll mind, though. She seemed pretty open-minded." Jessica tucked Ariel back into bed, and Ariel found that she really was tired this time. She fell asleep promptly.

Back in her bedroom, Jessica found the story that Ariel had accidentally left on her bed. Curious, she picked it up and thumbed through it. A couple of paragraphs caught her eye. The story seemed mostly to be about a boy wearing diapers, and how he regressed back to a baby in them, with the help of some bottles, pacifiers, a loving mother and a crib. Kind of weird but it seemed pretty clean. Certainly there were worse things Ariel could be reading on the internet. Jessica returned the story to Ariel's room. At least now she was sure what Ariel wanted for her birthday.

 


Chapter 22

 

Ariel sat in a chair outside of Ms. Felton's room. She could hear the faint murmur of conversation, but no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't understand what her mom and Ms. Felton were saying about her. She squirmed in her chair, wishing they would hurry up and finish so she could get changed, because her diaper was soaked. The nurse, Mrs. Jennings, had been out that day, so Ariel had gotten changed by her assistant, who didn't really know how to do it. She hadn't fastened the diaper tight enough, and now it was in danger of leaking.

The door to the classroom opened suddenly. Ariel looked up, relieved to see her mom and Ms. Felton had wrapped things up. "Come on honey, ready to go home?" Jessica asked, taking her hand. Ariel called good-bye to Ms. Felton as Jessica hurried her out to the car.

"What did Ms. Felton say?" Ariel asked eagerly.

Jessica looked grim. "Well, you got your wish," she said.

"What wish?"

"You're not going to be wearing diapers to school anymore."

Ariel was shocked. The words she'd been hoping to hear for six months, but now she wasn't all that happy. Nobody even seemed to care if she wore diapers. Everyone pretty much ignored her in school, except for her friends. Even Nicole and her friends seemed to have forgotten Ariel existed. "Why? Do I still get to wear them at home?"

"Yes, at home, Jenny's house, your friend's houses, everywhere except school. Ms. Felton informed me that there's some school policy saying that the school nurse can't change children's diapers unless a doctor has said that they are incontinent, and they have a note to prove it. I thought she was just making it up at first, but she whipped out a copy of the school's legal policies and there it was. Something to do with lawsuits. It's ridiculous, but there's not much I can do about it."

"So I have to wear underwear to school? But what if I have an accident?" Ariel protested.

"That's what I said. She said it would be okay if you wore pull-ups and brought a couple of clean ones to change into if you had an accident. I tried to get her to reconsider, but she'd really prefer you to be in underwear, and we were probably lucky to get her to let you wear pull-ups."

Ariel felt like crying. "But those things don't hold that much! What if it leaks?"
"You'll just have to try not to have any accidents at all, honey. She said she'd let you go to the bathroom whenever you need to. I don't know why the school system has to be so obnoxious about this, but they don't like the idea of kids wanting to wear diapers. Teachers get paid to encourage children not to act childish in any way, which includes wearing diapers. If they knew you drank from a bottle at home, they'd probably report me for child abuse."

"This isn't fair."

"No, you're right, but the only thing we can do is to go along with them for awhile. Maybe Ms. Felton will get so annoyed with you always leaving class to use the bathroom that she'll let you wear diapers again. But for right now, you're going to have to settle for the pull-ups."

Ariel's dislike of school grew over the next couple of days. There was nothing there she enjoyed anymore. She'd never realized how much she enjoyed the small breaks from class to get her diaper changed by Mrs. Jennings. Even playing with Daniel at recess wasn't fun anymore; they were always nervous that someone would tease them. Ariel could hardly wait to get home and get changed into a diaper. Several times she wet the pull-up, and fortunately it didn't leak and she got changed before anyone found out, but she knew they were lucky breaks.

 

But despite her resentment of school and Ms. Felton, Ariel found it difficult to be unhappy about anything for long. She couldn't wait for Halloween and the costume contest, she couldn't wait for her birthday, and she was also looking forward to having a babysitter Saturday night simply because it was a change of pace.

Ariel invited Monica over Saturday, and they spent the day playing with their dolls and trying on their Halloween costumes. Halloween was only a little over a week away and the school costume contest was the following Friday. Monica was going to be a witch for Halloween, and Ariel liked her costume almost as much as her baby costume. Monica loved Ariel's baby costume and insisted on trying it on.

Monica stayed for dinner, and they ate while Jessica got ready for her evening out. Ariel was surprised when her mother was ready. Her hair was curled around her face, and she was wearing a silky black and white tank top with black pants. "Mommy, you look really pretty," Ariel breathed.

"Thank you, honey," Jessica said, smiling. "Are you girls finished eating?"

They said yes, and went into Ariel's room, where Monica began getting ready to go home. "I thought you said your mom and this guy were just friends," Monica said.

"That's what she told me," Ariel replied.

"She likes him," Monica announced. "When was the last time your mom spent an hour getting ready to go anyplace with you? And did you see that look on her face? All dreamy and stuff. That's the same look my parents get on their faces whenever they're going out. Like they're in love or something."

Ariel and Monica looked at each other. "Ewwwwww!" they said in unison, then collapsed on Ariel's bed, giggling.

"Did your mom get Abby to babysit?" Monica asked.

Ariel nodded. "I hope she likes me and doesn't make fun of me because I wear diapers."

"She won't," Monica assured. "She's nice. My mom always calls her to babysit me." She yawned. "I'm so tired. I hadn't wet my bed all week but I did last night and Mom made me wake up early this morning and wash the sheets. She says if I don't stop wetting my bed soon, I have to go to a psychologist."

"A what?"

"Some doctor who deals with crazy people. Mom thinks I have some kind of problem because I wet my bed, even though the doctor says it's normal. I don't want to go to any dumb doctor. I think she's just trying to punish me."

"What does your dad say?" Ariel asked.

"That Mom knows best and I have to listen to what she says," Monica said glumly.

Ariel pulled a couple of Pampers out of the bag and handed them to Monica. "Here. Just wear these. They'll keep your bed dry, and your mom will never have to know."

Monica accepted them, a bit reluctantly. "Thanks, Ariel. I'll have to hide them in my drawer or something so Mom and Dad don't see them." There was a knock at the door. "That's my mom, Ariel. See you later." Monica shoved the Pampers down her jacket, where her mom hopefully wouldn't notice them.

Shortly after Monica had left, Ryan arrived. Ariel let him in, and although she'd had her doubts about him, she had to admit that he seemed really nice. He insisted that she call him Ryan, not Mr. Moleno, and didn't ask her the usual stupid adult questions about school and friends that, she recalled, her father had asked. They sat in the living room and chatted while they waited for Abby to arrive. Ariel realized she needed to be changed, but didn't know if her mom had already told Ryan about her diapers, and tried to get her attention. Jessica figured out what the problem was pretty quickly.

"Excuse us for a moment, Ryan. If the sitter gets here, you can let her in," Jessica said, taking Ariel into her bedroom.

"Mom! Why haven't you told him?" Ariel demanded.

Jessica sighed. "I don't know. I wasn't sure how he'd react. But he seems pretty good with you. I guess I'll tell him as soon as we're done here." She quickly changed Ariel. "Don't forget to tell Abby when you need to be changed. I know you're shy about people you don't know very well changing you, but you need to either get used to it or get potty trained, and I don't think you want to be potty trained." Ariel shook her head vehemently. "Alrighty then. And if you want a bottle, don't hesitate to ask her. She's getting paid, so she'd be wise not to judge you."

They re-joined Ryan in the living room. "Ryan, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. It's about Ariel," Jessica began.

"Let me guess. She wears diapers," Ryan said.

Jessica stared at him, shocked. "How'd you know?"

"I could tell when Ariel sat down and leaned forward a few minutes ago. Her diaper showed over the edge of her pants. I don't mind. I think it's cute." Ryan smiled. "You should have her model in diaper ads or something."

Jessica and Ariel both blushed. "Well, thanks, but I'd probably get arrested for child abuse. Her teacher certainly thinks we're both strange." Jessica explained how Ariel could no longer wear diapers to school. Then Ariel told Ryan about her Halloween costume and the contest at school, and he agreed her costume sounded great and she had a chance at winning.

The doorbell rang again, and Ariel got it. This time it was Abby, the babysitter. "Hi! I guess you're Ariel? I'm Abby. We'll be playing together tonight." Abby looked closely at Ariel's face. "Looks like you're missing a tooth."

Ariel grinned. "Yeah! It was loose and it fell out while I was eating lunch at school this week. The tooth fairy came and brought me a whole dollar, and everyone was jealous! And look, I've got another loose one. I can wiggle it around with my tongue." Ariel opened her mouth wide and proudly demonstrated her oral talent. Abby laughed.

Jessica got up and grabbed her jacket. "Hi, Abby. As you can tell, Ariel's a little wound up tonight. But she should calm down before she has to go to bed. Bedtime's at ten, and Ariel can have a small snack before she goes to bed. Don't let her have any candy or soda. Help yourself to anything in the fridge. And Ariel, behave yourself."

"Who, me? I'm always a good girl," Ariel said innocently, smiling up at her mom and Abby.

"Right," Jessica gave hug and a kiss on the forehead. "I'll be home late, sweetie. See you tomorrow morning. I love you."

"It was nice meeting you, Ariel," Ryan said. "See you later. Good luck in the costume contest."

"Nice meeting you too," Ariel replied politely, glad that he had remembered the contest. After her mom and Ryan had left, Ariel asked Abby if they could go to the playground.

"Oh, I'm sorry but we can't. It's dark outside."

"So?"

"So, your mom would be upset if I took you out after dark." Seeing the disappointed look on Ariel's face, Abby tried to compensate. "Let's play a game. What's your favorite game?"

"Candyland," Ariel replied, remembering how much fun she and Daniel had had playing it.

"Candyland?! Aren't you a little old for that?"

"I thought I was but then I started playing it again, and I like it now. Can we please play it? Mom hates it. She never wants to play it with me," Ariel pleaded.

Abby sighed. "Tell you what. For every game of Candyland we play, you have to play one game of Clue with me."

"What's Clue?" Ariel asked suspiciously.

"You'll see. I'll teach you," Abby said. Ariel looked doubtful, so Abby threw in the bonus. "Whoever wins the most games gets a treat."

"What's the treat?"

"You get to choose. Anything you want, as long as it's not breaking any rules," Abby said.

Ariel smiled. "You're on."

Ariel won the first game of Candyland, and then won a game of Clue, which she discovered she didn't like nearly as much as Candyland. She suspected Abby had let her win, but didn't complain. Abby smiled slightly at the sight of the little girl leaning over the board, biting her lip in concentration, her diaper sticking out above her jeans.

An hour later, Ariel had won three games and Abby had only won one. Ariel was getting bored. "Can I get my treat now? I want some candy."

"Your mom said no candy," Abby reminded her.

"Oh, yeah. Well, couldn't I have some anyway?" Ariel pleaded. "You don't have to tell my mom."

"Ariel," Abby said patiently. "You know the rules. I don't have to let you have a treat at all."

"Could I have some chocolate milk?"

"Sure." Abby got a glass out of the cabinet and started to pour the milk.

"Wait!" Ariel said. "I don't want it in a glass. Can't I have it in a bottle?"

"A bottle?" Abby asked skeptically. "You mean like a baby's bottle?"

"Yes, they're over here." Abby raised her eyebrows as she opened the cabinet and found several plastic bottles, standing neatly side by side with the nipples upside down. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised, since you wear diapers. Why do you like to act like a baby?"

"I like the way the diapers feel. And I like being changed and when my mom holds me close and rocks me."

"Oh. So it makes you feel secure."

"What's that mean?"

"Safe. Protected. Warm. Loved," Abby explained.

"Yeah. That's what I like. I wish I was a real baby. They're lucky. They get to stay home all day and they don't have to do anything except eat and sleep and play. And everyone loves them," Ariel said. And they don't have daddies that leave them. Or mean stepmothers who humiliate them. Or even meaner kids in their class who tell the whole school they wear diapers, she thought.
"Oh, okay. I think I understand. But you realize you can't ever be a real baby again, don't you? You can act like one, but you're going to have to keep growing up."

Ariel nodded gloomily. She knew, all right. So far, growing up hadn't seemed like much fun.

She finished her chocolate milk and then pleaded with Abby to play indoor hide-and-go seek with her. Abby was reluctant. "I don't know, Ariel. Hide-and-go-seek with only two people doesn't seem like much fun. Besides, are you sure your mom lets you play it indoors?"

"Yes! Me and Monica play it all the time. Please can we play it? There's nothing better to do."

Abby sighed. "All right. You can hide first, and I'll count. But your mom's room is off limits, understand?"

"Okay," Ariel agreed. "You can count in the kitchen. But you have to close your eyes and cover them with your hands and face the wall. I always make Monica do that, because she cheats and peeks. And you have to count all the way to fifty, out loud."

Ariel waited until Abby was on number three, and then she scampered off, looking for a good place to hide. Lying down in the bathtub always fooled Monica, but Ariel was sick of getting her clothes damp in the process. She decided to duck inside the coat closet.

There was hardly room for her among the six million jackets she and her mother owned, and their heavy coats. Ariel got behind them, and then had an idea. There was a long dress coat way over to the side; it was obvious it hadn't been worn in ages. On the floor underneath it was a pair of rubber boots, the kind that rubbed a stinging red smiley face onto the backs of your calves. She slid inside the coat and slipped her feet into the boots. They were both huge. She decided they must've belonged to her dad, which made her wonder just how many years it had been since her mom had cleaned out the closet.

Abby finished counting and called "Ready or not, here I come!" The first place she checked was the coat closet. Ariel was totally hidden inside the coat and boots, but she could see the crack of light falling over her as Abby opened the closet door and searched briefly through the coats and jackets. Ariel almost laughed as Abby's fingers came extremely close to the coat she was hidden inside, but Abby gave up quickly and went on to search other parts of the apartment.

Ariel's legs grew stiff as she stood in the closet listening to Abby searching. She was beginning to wish she hadn't drank that chocolate milk. She should have gotten Abby to change her, but she wasn't used to having to ask to be changed at home. Her mother usually asked her if she needed to be changed.

Her bladder didn't hold out more than two minutes, and she felt the wetness spreading around her as she wet her diaper. Ariel couldn't tell if she'd leaked or not. She tried to feel her pants to see if they were wet, and her elbow hit a roll of wrapping paper shoved into the back of the closet. It tipped over and hit a rusty old fan with a rattling noise that seemed loud enough to wake the dead, and certainly get Abby's attention. Ariel heard Abby's footsteps, and suddenly the closet door flew open again.

"Ariel," Abby called in a singsong voice. "I know you're in there, so you might as well just come out now." Ariel remained silent, and Abby began sifting through the coats again. Her hand hit the coat Ariel was inside, and feeling something solid, Abby unbuttoned the coat. Ariel stood exposed, blinking at the light and smiling.

"Hi Ariel. You can come out now."

Ariel struggled to step out of the huge boots. Abby lifted her out. "There you go. That was a good hiding place," she said as she set Ariel down in the hall. She paused and frowned at Ariel. "What happened to your pants? Did your diaper leak?"

Ariel glanced down. "Uh-oh," she said, seeing the small damp spot on her jeans. "I'm sorry," she said sadly, remembering her mom's warning to tell Abby whenever she needed changing.

Abby consoled her. "That's okay, no harm done. It's time for your bath, anyway. Does your diaper leak like that very often?"

"Not really. Only when I get busy doing something and don't get it changed for awhile."

"Have you ever tried any other kind of diaper to see if maybe they'll hold up better? They make youth diapers specially designed for girls your age, you know."

"I know. My cousin Caitlin had some right after she got her bladder hurt in a car accident. The hospital gave them to her. I tried one of hers on once, but I didn't like it. It didn't even hold as much as Pampers, and it doesn't look like a baby diaper. No designs on it, and it has four tapes instead of two. And sometimes Mom gets me Huggies, if there's a sale or something. They're pretty much the same as Pampers."

Abby helped Ariel out of her damp clothes and took her diaper off her. Ariel sat in the bath water and played with her tub toys while Abby got ready to shampoo her hair. "Hmmm...which kind of shampoo do you want? Herbal Essences or Johnson's Baby Shampoo?" she asked, teasing.

"Baby shampoo!" Ariel replied, grinning toothlessly. "Mom used the other stuff when we were out, and it stinks! And some of it ran into my eyes and it hurt so bad! I was splashing water on my face for an hour! I'm never going to use anything but baby shampoo."

"You'll change your mind someday," Abby assured. "Does your mom always wash your hair for you?"

"Yes," Ariel sputtered, trying not to let the shampoo dripping down her face get into her mouth, because she had learned a long time ago that baby shampoo didn't taste nearly as good as it smelled. "I can't do it myself because my hair's too long. I can never get all the shampoo rinsed out."

Once Ariel was done with her bath, it was time for her to get re-diapered and go to bed. She swore she wasn't tired but Abby made her go anyway. Feeling a bit insecure about going to sleep without her mom in the house, Ariel tried to keep Abby in her room as long as possible.

"...And this is my favorite stuffed animal," she continued, holding up the beat-up bunny for Abby to see. "His name's Paco."

"He's cute," Abby commented. "You must love him a lot."

Ariel nodded. "My daddy gave him to me. Before he left. I wasn't even two years old." She started to show Abby her other favorite stuffed animals, but Abby stopped her.

"Ariel, you have to go to sleep, you know."

"But I'm not tired," Ariel protested.

"You heard what your mom said. Bedtime at ten, and it's five after already. Good night." Abby turned off the lights and left the room, closing the door behind her.

Ariel lay awake, alone in the dark Didn't Abby know she was supposed to leave the door open a crack? Ariel remembered her old childhood beliefs that there were monsters under her bed, and if she got out of bed, they would grab her feet and pull her under and eat her. She didn't dare get up to close the door.

She missed her mother. Why'd she have to go out and leave her all alone? She stuck her thumb in her mouth for comfort, and fell asleep.
Friday morning, Ariel was so excited she could hardly eat her breakfast. It was two days before Halloween and the day of the costume contest. She was sitting at the table wearing Caitlin's overalls, with a plain white turtleneck underneath and the pacifier attached to a ribbon around her neck. Her hair was pulled up into pigtails. She lamented to her mom that she hardly felt like a baby with a pull-up under her dress instead of a diaper.

"Oh well," Jessica replied. "The judges will never know the difference, and when you go out Sunday night, you'll be wearing a diaper. Come on, eat your breakfast, you don't want to be late."

No, she didn't. Of all mornings to walk in late, this would be the worst, with everyone staring at her in her baby costume. Ariel wondered how everyone in her class was going to react. It was Halloween; they couldn't prove anything by her being dressed up as a baby.

Her excitement wasn't the only thing keeping Ariel from eating quickly. She'd lost her other front tooth two days before, and was having difficulty biting into things. Jessica said the missing teeth made her look adorable and even more babyish.

Ariel finally finished her breakfast and headed for the bus stop. Monica was there, in her witch costume. Her hair was naturally thick and dark anyway and she looked very witchy, in pale makeup and dark red lipstick. Ariel was impressed. "That looks so cool. I'm glad we're not in the same grade, so we don't have to compete with each other."

"Thanks, Ariel! I like your costume, too. I might've been a baby with you, but my mom wouldn't have let me." They got on the bus. "Oh my gosh. Ariel, look at your cousin."

"Yeah, I know. She's a bag of french fries. She's been talking about it all week."

"No, she's not."

Ariel glanced at Caitlin. "Her hair is PINK!"

They sat in their usual spot in front of Caitlin. "Your mom let you do that to your hair? What happened to your french fry costume?"

"Too bulky to wear to school," Caitlin replied. "I did it at the bus stop, so Mom doesn't know yet. She won't care, though. It washes out. Want me to do your hair?"

Ariel shuddered. "No thanks. It wouldn't look right with my costume."

"But it'd be more original," Caitlin protested. "A baby with hot pink hair. It'd look so cool. C'mon, it'll be fun."

"All right," Ariel agreed reluctantly. "But if it doesn't come out, I'm telling my mom it was all your idea. I'll say you held me down while you sprayed it."

Caitlin pulled the can out and evenly sprayed Ariel's hair. "Ariel, don't move! I just got some on your cheek. Hold on, I'm almost done." She sprayed for a few more seconds. "There. It looks so cool."

"It does," Monica agreed. "Caitlin did a better job on yours then she did on her own. But if it rains, you're going to be in trouble."

"Want me to do yours too?" Caitlin offered.

"Whoever heard of a witch with pink hair?" Monica asked scornfully.

When Ariel got to her classroom, the first person who saw her was a loudmouthed girl named
Tara, who squealed "Ariel's hair is PINK!" loud enough for it to be heard across the school.

All eyes, including Ms. Felton's, turned toward Ariel. "A baby with pink hair. That's a lovely costume, Ariel," Ms. Felton said weakly. Ariel smiled and took her seat.

"I guess we know how Ariel dresses at home," Nicole said loudly. A few people laughed.

"Shut up!" Ariel hissed.

"I don't have to if I don't want to," Nicole taunted. "My costume's better than yours, anyway." Nicole was a cheerleader. She had a short red-and-white pleated skirt, a matching t-shirt, and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. Her costume was good, and Ariel felt scrubby in comparison with her pink hair, pacifier and babyish dress.

"You're such a baby," Nicole added.

"Anyone making fun of anyone else's costume will be automatically disqualified from the contest, and they will sit in the office during our Halloween party this afternoon. Is that clear?" Ms. Felton looked straight at Nicole and her friends.

"Yes," Nicole replied meekly.

"Good. Now, everyone please take out your reading workbooks, and get in your groups while I check homework."

The morning passed quickly. Even Nicole, despite her comments about Ariel's costume, seemed to be in a good mood. Ms. Felton let them eat candy in class, and gave everyone the chance to tell what they were doing for Halloween. Ariel was going trick-or-treating with Monica, Eric and Eric's mom.

At lunch they were judged for the contest. Ariel did her best to look innocent and babyish for the judges, and stuck the pacifier in her mouth. The judges, who were teachers, seemed to like her, for they all smiled and Ariel heard one whisper to another "Isn't she cute?" They promised the results would be on the afternoon announcements.

At recess, Ariel played with Eric and a few other kids from her class. Daniel wasn't at school. Ariel had noticed he was often absent and wondered why. Nicole stood on the other end of the playground with her friends, and occasionally glanced at Ariel. Ariel was sure they were talking about her, and hoped that Nicole would trip in the mud and ruin her costume, but of course that didn't happen.

The class had their Halloween party the last hour of the day. It was a typical school party; they had cupcakes with candy pumpkins on them that someone's mother had brought it, and orange Kool-Aid. Ariel didn't drink most of her Kool-Aid for fear of having an accident. They also played a few games with homework passes as prizes. Ariel won two and happily tucked them into her notebook while smirking at Nicole. She hoped her lucky streak would continue.

For once, the whole class was silent when the afternoon announcements came on. They announced the winners in the upper grades first, and to Ariel it took forever. The first prize turned out to be two free movie tickets, and Ariel decided if she won, she'd invite Daniel. He didn't seem to have much happiness in his life.

They finally got to the lower grades. Ariel was pleased to hear Monica won second prize, even though she knew Monica would be disappointed it wasn't first. Then they got to the first graders.

"Third prize: Nicole Lynch, cheerleader."

The whole class, except for Ariel, clapped for Nicole. "Congratulations, Nicole," Ms. Felton said, smiling. Nicole didn't seem to hear. "Why wasn't it FIRST prize?" she moaned.

Second prize went to someone not in their class. "First prize: Ariel Crawford, the baby with pink hair."

It seemed to Ariel that the class clapped harder for her than Nicole. In her happiness, she didn't notice the furious look on Nicole's face.

"Ariel's nothing but a baby. I hate her," she mumbled to herself. "Just you wait, little baby. I'll get you back."

 

 


Chapter 23

 

"Christmas already? Look Ariel, for only $49.99, we can buy our very own light-up plastic Santa for the roof." Jessica rolled her eyes as she sifted through the mail and tossed a couple of ads in the trash can. "That holiday is way too commercialized."

"Any mail for me?" Ariel asked eagerly. "Like, a birthday card?"

"Yeah, here's something. Looks like it's from your Aunt Elizabeth and Stephanie." Ariel eagerly began to tear the envelope open. "Don't you want to save that for tomorrow, on your actual birthday?"

"Nope," Ariel replied. She glanced at the greeting on the front before opening the card and pouncing eagerly on the check inside. "Wow, $30!"

Jessica looked impressed. "That's more than they ever gave me when I was a kid. You'll have to write and thank them."

"Mo-om," Ariel groaned.

"Don't 'Mo-om' me. After they were nice enough to send you money, the least you can do is write a paragraph thanking them and describing your birthday. They're coming up here for Thanksgiving, you know."

"Do they know I'm wearing diapers now?"

"Not unless Jenny's told them. I guess they'll find out over Thanksgiving. I don't even care what they think anymore."

"Was there any other mail for me?" Ariel asked.

Jessica glanced at the pile. "Nope. What were you expecting?" She knew exactly what Ariel was expecting. Every year, it was the same thing. A few days before her birthday, Ariel would start anxiously going through the mail, looking for anything with her name on it, and every year, she was disappointed in the end. Jessica would've thought Ariel had learned after five years of no word from her father on her birthday, but after the events of the previous year, it didn't surprise her that Ariel's hopes were up, only to most likely be crushed again, a little more each day after her birthday as the chances of a late card arriving decreased.

"Oh...nothing," Ariel sighed. Jessica tried to think of a way to comfort her.

"Your dad's never been on time for anything in his life. I'm sure he'll send you something," she said, taking Ariel onto her lap. She felt a pang of sudden anger for her ex-boyfriend for being so cruel, and decided to give him a call later on.
"He's never sent me anything before, or called me or anything. He probably just forgets."

"He doesn't forget, honey. How could he forget the day you were born? I don't know how long I was in labor with you, but it seemed like forever, and I was in so much pain, I couldn't see straight. He held my hand during the contractions, and I squeezed it so hard I think I fractured it. I screamed my head off at him and called him all kinds of awful names while he was running around screaming for a nurse to give me a painkiller. They wouldn't let me have anything because they were concerned your heart rate would drop. I got so tired. And when you were finally born, around
seven a.m, they told me it was a girl and handed you to me. You were so beautiful. I started to cry so hard that I was shaking, and your dad was scared I'd drop you, so he took you. It was the best day of our lives. He'll never forget it, no matter what." Jessica wished she knew for sure that she was telling the truth. With Josh, she could never be sure of anything.

"If he hasn't forgotten it," Ariel said flatly, "then he must just not care. He could at least call me or something."

"Your birthday's not until tomorrow, honey. I'm sure you'll hear from him." Jessica quickly changed the subject. "Guess what? I took a half-day off tomorrow, so I'll be here when you get home from school."

"Yaaaaayyyy!" Ariel cheered. "Since you're staying home, do I have to go to school?"

"Oh Ariel, you already had today off." The schools had been closed that day because it was election day, and a teacher-in-service day.

"But Mom! Why do I have to go to school on my birthday?" Ariel protested.

Jessica sighed. "I'll make a deal with you. I'll pick you up on my way home from work, around twelve-thirty. You get to miss about two hours."

"Thanks, Mommy!" Ariel said happily. "Do I get to open my presents before I leave for school?"

"We'll see. Maybe if there's time. Anyway, you'll get to see one of them before you leave for school regardless. It's too big to wrap...and by the way, my bedroom is off limits until tomorrow," Jessica said mysteriously.

"Really?" Ariel jumped up and ran for her mom's bedroom. Jessica ran behind her and grabbed her just before she pushed the door open. "Oh, come on, Ariel. You don't want to spoil the surprise. You'll get to find out tomorrow."

"This is going to be the best birthday," Ariel said happily, her sadness about her father forgotten for the moment. "I get to come home from school early, and I'm getting a huge present and my party's Saturday." Ariel was having her party the following Saturday afternoon. She had decided not to have a sleepover, because she wanted Eric and Daniel there, too. They were two of her closest friends. She was also inviting Monica, Caitlin, Cody (Ariel hadn't really wanted to invite Cody, but her mom had made her) and four other kids from her class who she often played with.

Jessica thought she'd have a horrible time getting Ariel to sleep that night, but surprisingly, she didn't protest when her bedtime came. She fell asleep while Jessica was reading her a story.

Jessica spent a few minutes getting things ready for Ariel's birthday, and then she dug through her address book, looking for a phone number. She hesitated a bit, deciding whether she should even bother, and then punched in the digits. It rang three times before anyone picked up.

"Hello, Josh. Did you forget what tomorrow is?"

"Jessica? What the hell..." Josh paused. "Oh, shit. Ariel's birthday."

"Very good. OUR daughter is turning seven years old tomorrow, and is very upset because she hasn't heard from you. I can't believe you had the nerve to forget her birthday."

"I didn't forget. I've just been very busy lately..."

"And it slipped your mind," Jessica finished coldly. "Busy doing what, Josh? Fucking Britney? You're such a hypocrite. You showed up on our doorstep last February, saying you were going away forever and had no intentions of ever seeing Ariel again. Then you call and pretend to be father of the year, wanting Ariel to come see you. Now she thinks you love her, and it breaks her heart when you pull shit like forgetting her birthday. How could you do that to her? And it's not just this year; it's been the past five years."

Josh sighed. "I'll give her a call tomorrow. But we had an agreement. You two live your lives, and I'll live mine. I love Ariel, I really do, but I don't have room for her in my life."

"Then why did you invite her to your house last summer? You cannot keep playing these games with her, Josh. Either you make an effort to keep in touch with her and maintain a relationship, or you never speak to her again. Maybe you never made the connection, but she didn't start regressing until last spring, after you came to see her. And Britney certainly didn't help things any. You're hurting her, Josh. Please call her tomorrow. Don't ruin her birthday. But leave her alone after that, because I think we're both better off without you."
"Fine," Josh snapped. "That's just fine. You stay out of my life, and I'll stay out of yours. I never wanted the kid in the first place, and I don't want to have my life burdened by your problems. I don't have time for this." He slammed the phone down.

He'd spent years listening to Jessica whine about her problems, and he wasn't going to put up with it anymore. After she'd gotten pregnant, he'd suggested she get an abortion so that they wouldn't have to have their lives ruined by a crying baby. But Jessica'd chickened out, saying she was having nightmares about dead babies. He'd stuck around as long as he could after Ariel was born, but he'd never wanted to have kids at all, didn't particularly like them, and didn't want to spend the rest of his life in a tiny apartment with a whining toddler and a woman he no longer loved. He'd already met Britney, and she'd showed him what he was missing.

Jessica stared in shock at the dead phone. "Asshole," she muttered. In some way, it was probably a blessing in disguise. If Josh stayed true to his word and didn't contact Ariel after tomorrow, she'd probably be better off in the long run. Of course, explaining that to her wasn't going to be easy. Sooner or later, she was going to have to sit Ariel down and have a heart-to-heart with her.

It was a little chilly in the apartment, and Ariel only had one thin blanket on her bed. Jessica got another blanket and went into Ariel's room. Ariel was sleeping on her side, her face turned away from her mother. As Jessica began to spread the blanket over Ariel's bed, something caught her eye and she looked closer at Ariel's face. Ariel was sucking the pacifier she'd gotten for her Halloween costume.

Jessica carefully pulled it out of her mouth and set it on the dresser beside her bed. "Ariel, what's wrong with you? Why are you doing this?" she whispered. Ariel continued sleeping peacefully. Jessica felt her eyes filling with tears of desperation. "Why won't you tell me what's bothering you? Is it your daddy, or is it something else? Tell me, Ariel. Please!"

Ariel woke up early the next morning. She jumped out of bed and stared at herself in the mirror. Seven didn't look any different than six. But just the knowledge that today, she was seven (and even the word “seven” sounded more sophisticated than six) made her jump up and down. "I'm seven years old," she whispered to herself.

She glanced around. Something else felt different. Her room. And then she saw it. "Wow..." she said softly. Standing in one corner of her room was a changing table. Her changing table. It was larger than the kind made for little babies, and the shelf was already loaded with all her diaper stuff - Pampers, pull-ups, baby powder, lotion, rash cream and baby wipes.

Ariel ran into her mom's room and began jumping on the bed. "Mommy, wake up," she said loudly. "WAKE UP!"

Jessica opened her eyes and glanced up at Ariel. "What time is it," she mumbled sleepily.

Ariel looked over at the alarm clock. "
Five thirteen," she said proudly. "And the little orange dot is next to the a.m."

"It's still the middle of the night. Go back to sleep."

"Mommy, it's my birthday."

"Happy birthday. Now go back to sleep." Jessica closed her eyes again.

"I saw my new changing table," Ariel said happily. "I love it."

"I'm glad. Why don't you go back to bed, and then you'll be that much closer to your new changing table."

"But I want to get changed NOW."

Jessica sighed and rolled out of bed. "If I change your diaper now, will you let me sleep another hour?"

"Okay," Ariel agreed.

Jessica lifted her up onto the new changing table. It felt weird to be getting changed three feet off the floor. Ariel felt so relaxed that she almost fell asleep again. Jessica saw Ariel's eyes beginning to close. "Good baby," she whispered, tucking Ariel back into her bed.

"Here you go," Jessica announced an hour later, cheerful after some more rest and a glass of Surge. She set a plate of pancakes in front of Ariel, along with a bottle filled with the usual grape juice. "Blueberry pancakes, just for the birthday girl. Eat up and enjoy; tomorrow morning it's back to cereal."

Ariel ate quickly, keeping her eyes on the stack of gifts in the center of the table. "Can I open those now?"

"Wouldn't you rather save them for after school? We'll have more time then, plus it'll give you something to look forward to in school."

"Okay," Ariel agreed reluctantly. She finished eating and went to school. It was a typical day of school. They had a spelling test which Ariel had forgotten to study for. The whole class sung "Happy Birthday" to her, but later Nicole made a mean comment about her turning two, not seven. Ariel was glad when she got called down to the office to go home.

"Hey, big girl. Ready to go home?"

"Yeah!" Ariel replied eagerly.

"Really? Are you sure you don't want to stay till the end of the day? It's only two more hours, and I know how much you love it," Jessica teased.

Ariel shook her head. "No way! I want to get out of here." She lowered her voice. "And I want to get into a diaper! I HATE these pull-ups!"

"Come on honey, they can't be that bad. They don't seem any different than diapers, except a bit thinner."

"They're too thin. It's like I'm not wearing anything at all. And I'm always worried they're going to leak."

Ariel was changed into a diaper as soon as they got home. She also decided to change into Caitlin's bunny overalls, which Caitlin kept "forgetting" to take home.

"Why are you wearing Caitlin's overalls?" Jessica asked when she saw Ariel.

"I like them. They're comfortable." They were, but that certainly wasn't the main reason why Ariel liked them. Jessica looked at her meaningfully but said nothing.

They decided to go to the park. Ariel had always wanted to go to the park in the middle of a weekday, because it was always so crowded on weekends, but during the week hardly anyone was there, and she could have the whole playground to herself. Except, she complained, she didn't have anyone to play with.

"Well, we could always bring Cody along. I'm sure Jenny would be more than happy if we watched him for a couple of hours," Jessica suggested.

"But he's only four."

"So? Isn't playing with him better than playing alone?"

"I guess." Jenny was thrilled at the idea of getting Cody out of her hair. They played at the park for almost two hours before the two kids got bored. Ariel had to admit she had a good time with Cody, even if he was a lot younger than her.

Before they left, they went to the bathroom. While Ariel was being changed, a woman came in with her baby boy. She stood near them, waiting for Jessica to finish.

"Excuse me, how old is your little girl?" she asked.

"She just turned seven. Today's her birthday," Jessica replied, knowing what was coming.

"Seven! What's wrong with her?"

"There's nothing wrong with her!" Jessica snapped. "She just enjoys wearing diapers."

"And you let her do that?"

"It's not hurting her. She enjoys it, and I don't mind changing her. So I really don't see anything wrong with it," Jessica said. She finished Ariel's changing and lifted her down.

"Suit yourself," the lady replied, setting her baby up on the changing table. "Both of my daughters were trained at nineteen months. Neither of them has ever shown the slightest sign of wanting to wear diapers again, and I think if one did, I'd get her some professional help."

"My daughter doesn't need professional help. If there's anything bothering her, she knows she can talk to me," Jessica retorted. "Come on kids, it's time to go." She almost dragged Ariel and Cody out of the bathroom.

"Mom! Do you know who that was?" Ariel asked as soon as they were out of earshot.

"Hmm...I thought she looked familiar...but I can't place her. Who was that?"

"Nicole's mom! This really snobby girl in my class who teases me sometimes about my diapers. Remember, we saw her that time in the grocery store, and you said she was snobby."

"That was her mom? Well, now you know where Nicole gets it from. Don't worry; I doubt her mom will tell her about seeing you. She'd be worried Nicole would get foolish ideas about diapers in her head."

"I'm not worried," Ariel replied truthfully. Nicole had been very strange lately. At times she was very mean to Ariel, saying mean comments about her diapers to everyone and calling her a baby. Other times, she was very quiet and subdued and was actually nice to Ariel. Ariel didn't know what to think, except that she neither trusted nor liked Nicole.

After they got home, Ariel opened her gifts. She was pleased with the various toys and games she got, but she still thought the new changing table was her favorite. They ate dinner and were just about to put in a movie when the phone rang.

"Ariel, will you get that?" Jessica asked, hoping it was Josh. She left the room so Ariel could have some privacy with her dad.

"Hello?" Ariel said politely into the phone, feeling very grown-up. Her mother usually answered the phone before she could get to it.

"Hi Ariel, it's Dad."

"Daddy!" Ariel's face lit up for a second, and then she felt like she was going to cry. "I thought you'd forgotten my birthday."

"No, of course not. I've just been very busy lately. But I'm going to mail your gift as soon as possible."

"How come you never call me or anything?"

Josh sighed. He was beginning to wish he hadn't bothered to call. "I told you, I've been very busy." Jessica's words echoed in his head. Busy doing what, Josh? Fucking Britney? She was right. He didn't have time for anything except Britney anymore. "I'm sorry, Ariel. But you could have called me, you know. Well anyway, happy birthday. Are you having a party?"

"Yes. This Saturday. I'm inviting all my friends. Monica, Daniel, Eric, Caitlin, Cody, Teri, Shannon, Jason and Cassie."

"That sounds great," Josh said, realizing that none of those names meant anything to him. He knew nothing about his daughter or her life. "Anything else new?"

"Not really. Mommy got a new boyfriend, and he's really nice. Well, she SAYS he's just a friend, but I think he's her boyfriend because one time last weekend he was over, and they thought I was asleep but I wasn't and I saw them sitting in the living room but they didn't see me because they were k-"

"That's nice, Ariel," Josh interrupted. Just then, Britney walked in. She had been out shopping all day. He panicked. She was home early, and didn't know he was going to call Ariel, didn't even know today was her birthday. She didn't want him talking to Ariel.

"Who are you talking to?" she demanded.

"Um, let me let you go. Britney's home," Josh said, and quickly hung up the phone. He didn't have any intentions of calling Ariel again for a long time.

 

 


Chapter 24

 

"What time is it now, Mom?"

Jessica didn't even bother to look at her watch. "About two minutes and thirty seconds after the last time you asked. Which was three minutes and eleven seconds after the time before. Ariel, your birthday party is not going to come any sooner because you keep checking the time. Find something to do."

Ariel wandered back and forth throughout the house a couple of times, and picked up a book. She read about three pages before she put it down again and checked the clock. Still a half hour to go before her birthday party was to start. Maybe someone would get there early.

"Ariel, Crocodile Hunter's on. Looks like he's doing something with poisonous snakes," Jessica called. Ariel ran to the living room. Crocodile Hunter was one of her favorite shows. She watched in silence for a few minutes, mesmerized, until a commercial break.

"Look Mommy, Pampers," Ariel said as a new Pampers commercial came on. "How come they always have babies in those commercials? Even in the commercial for Pampers size six, that kid is only about two or three. They should use older kids, too!"

"Because most kids who wear Pampers are toddlers. There aren't too many seven-year-olds in diapers," Jessica explained. "They save the older kids for the Goodnites commercials."

"That's stupid."

"Maybe, but they're trying to associate diapers with the age group that generally wears them. Most parents who buy diapers buy them for a two-year-old, not an older kid."

The doorbell rang. "YES!" Ariel said, rushing to open it. "Oh. It's only you."

"Thanks a lot," Monica replied, stepping in. She held up her gift. "Where do you want me to put this?"

"Ooh, I'll take that," Ariel replied eagerly. She shook it a couple of times and when she couldn't tell what it was, she put it on the table, and then she and Monica went in her bedroom. "Mom says I have to wait until after we've eaten to open the gifts. She baked a cake. It's chocolate. I helped ice it. We also got chocolate-chip cookie dough ice cream."

"Yummy. Who else is coming?"
"My cousins, Eric, Daniel, and four other people from my class at school. They're really nice. And Caitlin's mom is coming, too, and so is Daniel's sister Erin. Mom said we'd all give her a headache if she had to watch nine kids without any help."

Monica giggled. "My mom could've helped too but I'm glad your mom didn't ask her. She'd probably yell at us for making too much noise. Plus..." she hesitated. "Do you think I could wear a diaper?"

"Sure! I'll just get my mom to diaper you," Ariel said eagerly.

"No! Don't let your mom diaper me!" Monica protested. "Can't I put the diaper on myself?"

"My mom won't care. She changes my diaper all the time, you know. And she'll do a much better job than you can do yourself."

"Okay...but will you ask her for me?"

"Sure," Ariel went into the living room. "Mommy, will you diaper...oh, hi Caitlin." Jenny, Caitlin and Cody were coming in the door. As an afterthought, Ariel added, "Hi, Jenny. Hi, Cody."

"Let me guess. Monica wants a diaper?" Jessica asked. She went into Ariel's room to tend to Monica.

"Wow, there will be four kids in diapers at your party!" Caitlin said. "Daniel still wears them, doesn't he?"

"Of course. He needs them worse than I do."

"You guys should go out!"

"No way! Why does everyone think that just because me and Daniel both wear diapers, I like him?" Ariel protested. "My mom is always teasing me about him being my boyfriend, too."

"Thanks, Miss Crawford," Monica said as she was lifted down from the changing table.

"Anytime, Monica. And please, just call me Jessica. I hate being called that...it makes me feel old," Jessica smiled.

"Oh. Sure...Jessica," Monica said shyly. "I wish my mommy let me wear diapers. I still wet my bed sometimes, and washing the sheets is a pain."

"Well, you know you're always welcome to spend the night here, and you can wear them whenever you want. Believe me, I know how you feel."

"You mean you wet your bed when you were my age?"

"Just occasionally. But I was living with some mean people at the time. I mean, there was something very wrong with them. Very, very sick. I still have scars - both emotional and physical - from when I lived with them." Jessica shuddered.

"My mommy never hurts me," Monica replied. "She spanks me sometimes, but she'd never hurt me!"

"I know. Your mom is only doing what she thinks is best for you. She just has a different approach to it than I do. Come on, I think some more people are here."

Everyone had arrived by
five after two. None of Ariel's school friends except for Daniel and Eric had seen her room before, and they all wanted to see it, but Ariel was reluctant to show them her new changing table. Caitlin took care of that problem.

"You guys have got to see what Ariel's mom got her for her birthday!" she exclaimed, leading everyone into Ariel's room.

"Caitlin! What are you doing?" Ariel hissed.

"They're your friends, Ariel. They don't care." Ariel glanced around as everyone saw her new changing table. The only people who'd seen it so far were Caitlin and Monica, and although Ariel had been dying to tell Daniel about it, she'd resisted the temptation. The look on his face now was pure envy.

"You think my sister could change me on this before I go home?" he asked.

"Sure!" Ariel replied.

"So, do you act like a baby all the time at home? I knew you wore diapers, but I didn't know you had a changing table," one of Ariel's school friends, Shannon, said.

"Well, the changing table makes it easier for my mom to change me," Ariel explained.

"Why do you wear diapers?" Teri asked.

Ariel started to explain how she had started wearing diapers, and why she liked them. She didn't tell them how she also sometimes drank from a bottle and sucked on a pacifier. Her pacifier was hidden safely in a drawer for a party, and she and her mom had both agreed she'd be drinking from a glass at her party. Only Monica, Caitlin and Daniel knew those secrets.

As Ariel explained why she liked diapers, she saw some people exchanging confused glances. She knew they couldn't understand why should would want to wear diapers.

"Well,"
Shannon said when she was done. "That's kinda different. I don't see why you want to wear diapers. I always want to be a big girl. But I guess if you don't, that's cool. You seem normal to me."

"Yeah," Teri agreed. "Nicole made you sound like some kind of freak or something."

"I hate Nicole!" Caitlin said. "She and her sister are both really mean. Miranda's in my class and always saying how she's going to get us back. We haven't even done anything to them. She's bluffing."

"You'd better watch out," Daniel said. "They can both be really mean. I should know."

"Well, if she messes with me, me and Ariel can beat Miranda and Nicole up in three seconds. Right, Ariel?"

"Um, right," Ariel said weakly.

Jessica poked her head it. "Hey guys, ready for cake and ice cream?"

"YEAHHH," everyone yelled, running into the living room.

Jessica lit seven candles on the cake. "We better hurry up and sing before the cake catches on fire," she said. "Who wants to start 'Happy Birthday'?"

"I will!" Caitlin said eagerly. She started singing - more screaming than singing, Jessica thought - and everyone else joined in. At the end, Ariel took a deep breath. "I wish that I could act like a baby forever," she wished silently. She blew as hard as she could, and all the candles went out at once.

"What'd you wish for?" Eric asked.

"Don't tell, Ariel, or it won't come true," Monica warned. "When I turned seven, I wished for a million dollars, and I told someone, I think it was you, and it didn't come true."

Caitlin snickered. "You really thought you were going to get a million dollars? That was stupid."

"Caitlin!" Jenny interrupted. "Be nice."

"Don't worry. I wouldn't tell anyone what I wished for anyway," Ariel said. That was a dumb wish, now that she thought about it. Did she really think she could be a baby forever? She should've gone for the million dollars.

After cake and gifts, Ariel and her friends were left to amuse themselves in the living room (Ariel had earlier begged her mother not to try to get them to play corny games, or make a big fuss over the birthday girl). The three adults hung out in Jessica's room.

"I know what we can do," Caitlin announced. "Let's play truth or dare." Everyone gave her a blank look. "Don't you guys know what that is? My older cousin plays this all the time with her friends and she's twelve. You ask someone if they want to tell the truth or do a dare. If they say truth, they have to answer whatever question you ask them, and they can't lie. If they say dare, you have to dare them to do something. You can get other people to help you think up the dare, and they have to do it, no matter what. Otherwise they're a wimp. So who wants to play?"

"It sounds stupid," Eric said. Daniel and Jason agreed.

"Guys aren't supposed to like it," Caitlin replied. "Since it's Ariel's birthday, she gets to decide what we do. Ariel, do you want to play?"

"I think it sounds like fun." Ariel was already thinking of what she could get Caitlin to do. Caitlin would do anything she was dared to, and Ariel was sure she and Monica could come up with some great ideas.

Caitlin glared at the boys. "Well then, I guess that settles it. I'll go first."

"No fair! I should get to go first, since it's my birthday," Ariel protested.

"Oh yeah? And whose idea was it to play Truth or Dare? Besides, your birthday was really three days ago, and I'm older, so I think I should get to go first!"

"Oh, just stop arguing and go!"
Shannon said.

"Ariel, truth or dare?"

Ariel scowled at being picked first, but she realized that if she did whatever Caitlin told her to, it would be her turn next. "Dare!" she replied boldly.

"You have to let Daniel kiss you." Caitlin paused to smile smugly. "On the lips. For ten seconds."

"
NO WAY! Uh-uh! This isn't fair at all!"

"Yeah. Why should I be involved in her dare?" Daniel asked.

"Oh, come on! You both know you want to! You guys have liked each other since the day you met!"

"I do not!" Ariel said. But despite her protests, her face was turning pink with embarrassment. "I don't want Daniel to kiss me! It's so gross...no offense," she added, glancing at Daniel. He was bright red and kept glancing at the door like he was thinking about running away.

"Don't tell me you actually think you're going to get cooties." Then Caitlin said the one thing she knew would get to them most, right where it hurts. "You two are acting like a couple of kindergarten babies!"

"HEY!" Ariel protested. "I'm not in kindergarten anymore! I am in first grade, thankyouverymuch! And I have all A's and B's. So there!"

"And we're NOT babies!" Daniel added.

"So prove it. Kiss Ariel. Who here would like to see Daniel kiss Ariel?"

"MEEEEE!!!" Immediately, everyone's hands were up in the air, including Monica's. Ariel glared at her best friend. Monica shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry, but I think it would be so funny! And it would be so cool if you guys were boyfriend and girlfriend."

"We're not boyfriend and girlfriend! Even if he does kiss me! Why does everyone think we want to go out?" Ariel exclaimed.

Caitlin was jumping up and down with excitement. "Okay, you guys got outvoted, eight against two. We have to do this right. You can't just kiss someone. The mood has to be right."

"How do you know so much about kissing?" Ariel asked.

"Don't you ever watch TV?" Caitlin turned the lights out, and they were all sitting in semi-darkness. "This is good." She turned the radio on, and "She's Got Issues" by Offspring came blasting out at full volume. Caitlin made a face. "Not romantic at all." She tuned the radio to a local pop station.

"Coming up next, we've got Britney Spears with 'Sometimes', TLC and the new one from Christina Aguilera. But first, a few words from our sponsors," the DJ was saying.

"'Sometimes!' That's perfect. It's slow. Just right for a romantic kiss."

"It's not perfect. It's stupid. On TV, when they're going to kiss, they just do it. Whoever heard of sitting and waiting through commercials to kiss?" Ariel said.

Caitlin pulled Ariel aside and started whispering. "Look, do you want to get this right, or don't you? This is your first kiss. You only get one chance to do it right. Do you want to remember hearing commercials for Exxon during your first kiss?"

"I don't know why I have to do this at all. It's stupid."

"Because you got dared. Now stop acting like a baby."

"Well, we tried," Ariel said to Daniel.

He shrugged. "It won't be that bad. Haven't you ever wondered what it was like? We don't have to do it like they do it on TV, like when they stick their tongues in each other's mouth."

"Ewwww! If you stick your tongue in my mouth, I'll bite it!" Ariel said. "Grown-ups are stupid. Who would do that for fun?"

"Hey, the song's starting!" Caitlin yelled. She turned the volume up a notch. "When I say go, Daniel, you're going to kiss Ariel on the lips. And I'll call stop when the time's up. Ready...set...close your eyes! That's so unromantic to be staring at the other person while they're kissing you." Ariel closed her eyes. "Ready...set...go."

Ariel felt Daniel's lips press lightly against hers. They were dryer than she'd expected. It wasn't as gross as she thought, but she didn't see what the big deal was. She opened one eye. It was strange to see someone's face so close to hers. Daniel's eyes were closed and his nose was wrinkled.

"Time," Caitlin called. Ariel pulled her face away, and wiped her mouth off on her sleeve. "Well, how was it? Did you guys see fireworks?"

"All I saw was Daniel's nose," Ariel replied. "That was stupid."

Caitlin looked disappointed. "Well, I guess it's your turn, Ariel."

"Caitlin! Truth or dare?"

"Dare!" Caitlin said without hesitation.

Ariel knew she was going to say that. She had planned her dare very carefully. "You have to go outside and run around the neighborhood."
"What's so bad about that?"

"Wearing nothing but a diaper and a t-shirt."

Caitlin's eyes went wide as saucers. A few people giggled. "You want me to go out there in the freezing cold and walk around in a diaper for everyone to see me?"

"Yep."

"It's too cold. Didn't you see that frost everywhere this morning?"

"Caitlin, you can't back out on a dare. Remember?"

"I don't think our moms would let us go outside."

"I'll ask," Ariel said helpfully. She knocked on her mom's door.

"What is it, Ariel? How's the party going?" Jessica asked.

"Fine. Can we go outside?"

"I guess so. But don't leave the yard, and don't forget your jacket."

Ariel ran back to the living room. "She said yes," she informed Caitlin, leaving out that they couldn't leave the yard.

"This isn't fair. All you had to do was sit there for ten seconds while Daniel kissed you. I have to go run around the neighborhood wearing a diaper. In front of all your neighbors."

"It's Saturday. Nobody's home, and nobody knows you anyway."

"C'mon Caitlin, stop being such a wimp. You act like you're so tough," Monica said.

Caitlin sighed. Reluctantly, she reached down and unbuttoned her pants, revealing her thick white Pamper. "Hey, my little brother wears those!" Teri said. "I didn't know they were big enough to fit us."

"These are almost too small for me," Caitlin replied. "My mom says soon she's going to have to start buying youth diapers. I've had them before, and I don't like them. They hardly hold anything."

"So you and Ariel both like diapers? It must run in your family."

"I don't like diapers! I only wear them because I was in a car accident." Ariel knew that wasn't true, Caitlin had always loved diapers even before she lost bladder control, but she didn't say anything. Caitlin was going to be humiliated enough.

They went outside. Caitlin's lips were already starting to turn blue, and her legs were pasty white. She hugged herself in an attempt to keep warm. "Okay," Ariel said. "Go. You have to run all the way around the neighborhood. No cheating, and we can see you from here."

Caitlin took off. "I wish I had a camera," Ariel remarked. Caitlin looked like a very tall two-year-old who had escaped from her parents while they were dressing her. In some ways she looked ridiculous and in other ways she looked very cute.

Caitlin felt like she was going to collapse on the ground. She slowed down to a fast walk, glancing around. Fortunately, no one was around. The cold was keeping everyone inside. She glanced around as she passed Nicole's house. The driveway was empty. No one was home, thank god.

Ariel was such a brat. How could she be so mean, when Caitlin was only trying to get her and Daniel together? She could tell they liked each other. Or at least Daniel liked Ariel. Puppy love was so sweet. But they didn't appreciate what she was trying to do. And now she was stuck out here in the cold, wearing nothing but a diaper and a thin t-shirt.

Her legs were already starting to numb, and she began running again. Her breath came in gasps. All she had to do was cross this street and she'd be back at Ariel's. Darn, a car was coming. Of all times to be hit by a car, this would be the worst.

It slowed down, allowing her to cross the street. Caitlin could feel the driver's eyes staring her down. It was a once-in-a-lifetime event, seeing a eight-year-old girl wearing nothing but a diaper and t-shirt running around outside on a cold day. She crossed quickly and slowed down. She was back in Ariel's yard.

"I can't believe you did that," Ariel said.

"Well, it was a dare, and I don't back out on dares," Caitlin said proudly. "I hope your mom doesn't know those people in the car."

"Yeah. So do I. We'd better go outside before your mom catches you. You look so cold!"

They made it inside just in time. Caitlin was zipping her jeans up when there was a knock on the door. It was Teri's mom. The party was over. Ariel couldn't believe it was over already, because she'd wanted to play some more truth or dare. There was something she'd been wanting to ask Monica when it was her turn, but she'd have to save it for later.

 

 


Chapter 25

 

"Do I have to go to school?"

Jessica sighed as she tried to sidestep around the question that Ariel asked almost daily. "It's only a half day. Unless you'd liked to stay home and help me clean?"

"Um, no. Never mind."

"You're probably not going to do any work anyway. Except make handprint turkeys. But when you get home, I want you to clean your room. Aunt Elizabeth and our cousins are coming this afternoon, and everything has to be neat as a pin. I am not giving Stephanie something else to talk about behind our backs."

"They're probably never even going to come over here, anyway. Aren't they staying at Caitlin's?"

"Aunt Elizabeth, Stephanie and her husband Greg are, but Danielle's not. Remember? Jenny said she didn't have room, so I said Danielle could sleep in your room. You can sleep in my room or on the couch. Danielle's so quiet; we'll hardly even know she's here. She barely said two words when we visited them in February. I think her mother intimidates her." Jessica quickly brushed Ariel's hair and put it up in a ponytail.

"You need to get going. We're running late this morning." She gave Ariel a hug. "Have a good day, and remember to come straight home after school. Or else you'll be stuck helping Jenny clean her house, and it's a lot bigger than ours!"

After Ariel was gone, Jessica cleared off their refrigerator, which was covered mostly in jokes she'd gotten at work. Those were hidden in a drawer until Sunday afternoon, when Aunt Elizabeth's Oldsmobile was headed south and Jessica could breathe a sigh of relief. In place of the jokes went Ariel's honor roll report card and a few drawings she'd done which had previously been hanging on her bedroom wall. Jessica smiled as she added the final touch, some depressing poetry which would give Aunt Elizabeth something to think about.

Then she took a look at Ariel's room. Ariel was going to be very busy that afternoon. Jessica put fresh sheets on the bed for Danielle. She looked the changing table over and considered hiding it in the closet. Danielle might feel uncomfortable sleeping in a room with a changing table intended for six-year-old, but Jessica doubted it. Although Danielle had been raised by Stephanie, she seemed acquired little in common with her surroundings. Jessica left the changing table where it was.

There was, of course, the likelihood that Stephanie and Aunt Elizabeth would see Ariel's room when they came by, and wonder about the changing table, and Jessica had planned for that. She piled most of Ariel's dolls on it. If they asked, she could say that Ariel used the changing table when she was playing with her dolls.

Monica grabbed her backpack and jumped off the bottom step on the bus. She smiled at her best friend. "We're free! We have four and a half days of no school! No more homework and no more teachers. And my grandma and grandpa are visiting, and Mom's going to make four different kinds of pie!"

"Sounds good," Ariel said enviously. "Can I spend Thanksgiving vacation at your house?"

"Why? Don't you want to see your aunt and your cousins?"

"No. Mom doesn't like them for some reason. I mean, she says she likes them, but she doesn't. I can tell. So she's been in kind of a bad mood lately, trying to get ready for them. And my cousin Danielle is staying at our house. She's twelve and she's going to be sleeping in my room. I don't want her to laugh at me about my diapers."

"Oh. Well, maybe she'll be nice. Hey, maybe she'll even want to wear them!"

"Yeah, right."

"Want to come over for awhile? My grandparents are coming this afternoon and you can meet them. They're really nice." Monica leaned closer to Ariel and giggled as she whispered. "Sometimes it's hard to believe they're my mom's parents."

Ariel smiled. "I want to, but I can't. I have to get changed, and Mom said to come straight home so I can clean my room. Maybe Friday. See you!"

"Hi, Mom," Ariel said as she walked in.

"Hey, sweetie, how was your day? I guess you want to be changed into a diaper, hmm?"

"Yes. I wet, again. I can always tell when these stupid pull-ups are wet. They keep the pee against my skin all day long. The diapers soak it up, and I can't feel it. Hey, why are all these dolls on my changing table?"

Jessica blushed. "Well, I thought if I put them on there, and one of the relatives saw it, maybe they'd think you just used it to for your dolls."

"I thought you said you didn't care what they thought."
"I lied. I don't want to give Stephanie any excuse to talk about us behind our backs." Jessica tore the sides of Ariel's pull-up. "Ariel! You pooped in your pull-up! Was it an accident?"

Ariel flushed and nodded.

Jessica began wiping her off. It took several baby wipes to get all the mess off Ariel. "Well, don't worry about it, sweetie. I was just a bit surprised, since you've never pooped at school before."

"I didn't want to. I didn't even know. I was sitting there, and it just happened."

"Good thing you had the pull-up on." Jessica finished changing Ariel and piled the stuffed animals back onto the changing table. She fixed her a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch.

"We have a lot of work to do this afternoon. You are to clean your room, and I need to clean the bathroom and vacuum your bedroom when you're finished. And after that, I thought we could go ahead and get started on the food." Seeing the eager look on Ariel's face, she added "Not EATING it, Ariel! Not till tomorrow. I promised Jenny I'd make the pumpkin pies and one side dish. I was thinking about a broccoli-rice casserole."

"Gross."

"You don't have to eat it. Go get started on your room. The relatives are expected to arrive in Virginia Beach around three, and Jenny said they'd be coming over here shortly after." Ariel headed to her room and began arranging the stuff on the floor into neat piles. She hated cleaning her room.

The apartment was clean within an hour, and Jessica went into Ariel's room to see how it looked. It was clean, and Ariel was jumping up and down on her bed. "Ariel! I just put clean bedding on there for Danielle."

"So? I'm clean, too. Look what I can do!" Ariel jumped and went straight into a forward roll.

"That's wonderful, honey. But if you're going to do gymnastics, do it on the floor. You'll break your neck on the bed. It doesn't give you any support."

Ariel did a series of cartwheels into the living room. "Look what else I can do!" she said excitedly. She did a back handspring and landed neatly on her feet.

Jessica clapped. "That's wonderful! Where did you learn to do that?"

"From Cassie. She's taking gymnastics lessons and she showed me how to do some stuff at recess. It's easy." Ariel got a mischievous look on her face. "Can you do back handsprings?"

"I haven't done one in about ten years, but I'm sure I could if I tried..."

"Show me."

"Are you trying to get me to kill myself?"

"See, I bet you can't do it," Ariel teased. "You're too OLD to do back handsprings."

"Oh, now you've gone too far, young lady," Jessica said playfully. She tucked her shirt in, took a deep breath and went into a backbend. As she kicked her legs up, it crossed her mind how ridiculous she looked, doing handsprings in her living room to prove a seven-year-old wrong.

Somehow, Jessica was able pull herself up using the stomach muscles she'd thought were weak but she'd misjudged the distance from the coffee table in relation to her right leg. Her foot came crashing down against the top of the coffee table.

"Shit!" Jessica winced and began rubbing her swollen foot. Just then the doorbell rang.

"Ooh, you said a bad word!"

"Ariel, get the door!"

Ariel opened the door and found herself staring up at her Aunt Elizabeth's face. "Hello there, young lady." She shoved her way past Ariel into the apartment, and Stephanie, Greg, Danielle, Jenny, Caitlin and Cody followed.

Elizabeth frowned down at her niece, still sitting on the floor rubbing her bruised foot. "Well, don't just sit there and gawk, make yourself useful. Danielle's things are in the car."

"Hello to you, too," Jessica muttered, getting up and limping towards the door.

"It's okay. I can get my own stuff," Danielle said.

"Thanks, Danielle," Jessica said gratefully.

"Are you all right, Jess? Should we have called?" Jenny asked anxiously.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it. Ariel and I were just...fooling around, and it got a little out of hand. Would you like anything to drink?"

"I don't suppose you have bottled water, do you?" Stephanie asked.

"No, sorry."

"Do you have any diet Coke, caffeine free?"

"Sorry, Stephanie. Everything we have has calories. Except tap water."

"I suppose I'll just have a glass of ice water, then," Stephanie replied, looking like she was being lead to her death. Jessica got up and fixed her the ice water.

"So, Jess, Jenny tells me you've been dating lately," Stephanie said brightly.

Jessica sensed trouble. "Ariel, honey, why don't you and Caitlin go play outside? It's such a nice day."

"We want to stay in here," Caitlin replied.

"Caitlin, you heard Jessica. Go outside. Or go play in Ariel's room," Jenny said sternly. Caitlin and Ariel stood up reluctantly and went into Ariel's room.

"Our moms were trying to get rid of us," Caitlin said. "They don't want us to hear what they're gonna say, because Grandma and Aunt Stephanie don't like your mom much."

"How could anyone not like my mom?" Ariel wondered.

Caitlin shrugged. "You better pray they don't find out about your diapers. Grandma told Mom she thought it was inappropriate that she changed my diapers."

"What's inappropriate mean?"

"I think it just means wrong. She said I was old enough to change myself. Mom got mad and told Grandma it wasn't any of her business, and that she didn't think it was wrong to change an eight-year-old's diapers, but that when I started 'developing', whatever that means, I would have to change myself. Then Grandma said that it never would have happened if Mom hadn't moved us up here, and that she should've stayed in Georgia. Mom started to cry."

"Aunt Elizabeth made your mom cry?" Ariel asked incredulously.

"I couldn't believe it either. I've never seen her cry before. Then Mom suggested we go on over to your house. She asked Grandma and Aunt Stephanie to be nice to your mom, but I don't think they're going to listen..."

"So, what do you do with Ariel when you go out with Ryan?" Stephanie leaned back in her chair and sipped her water. "Jessica, the water in my pool doesn't have as much chlorine as this stuff does. You really should get a filter or something."

Jessica sighed. "I leave her here alone. Sometimes all night," she said facetiously. "Then when I get home, Ryan and I make out on the couch, and in the morning, Ariel, such a good child, brings me Advil for my hangover."

Stephanie choked on her water. "You WHAT?" she sputtered.

"I've never heard of such irresponsible behavior in my life..." Elizabeth began.

Danielle groaned. "Mom, Grandma, she was just joking. Even I knew that."

"Of course she was," Elizabeth said sharply. "Jessica, why do you feel the need to mock everything Stephanie and I say? We aren't trying to judge you. We're your family, we're just looking out for you. It's just...well, we all know that in the past you've made...mistakes. And we're only trying to prevent that from happening again." There was an awkward pause.

"Uh, maybe we should be going..." Jenny said awkwardly.

Jessica tried to smile. "Maybe that would be a good idea. Ariel and I have a lot of preparation to do for tomorrow."

Jenny knocked on the door of Ariel's room. "Caitlin, we're going home now."

"Can I see Ariel's room?" Stephanie asked eagerly. Without waiting for Jessica to reply, she jumped up and went into Ariel's room.

"Um, Jess? Why does Ariel have a changing table?"

"It's for her dolls."

"Right. Sure it is," Stephanie replied.

After they left, Ariel said "See Mom, I told you nobody would believe that the changing table is for my dolls."

"What do you mean? If it's not for your dolls, then what's it for?" Danielle asked.

Jessica sighed. "Danielle, Ariel wears diapers. She started wetting her bed last year, and I put her in pull-ups at night. She started to enjoy the feeling of them and then she asked to be put back in diapers full time. It's no big deal, but I'd prefer if your parents and your grandmother didn't know."

Danielle smiled. "She wears diapers? Just like Caitlin? That is so cute! Caitlin seems to really like her diapers too, even though Mom and Grandma acted like they felt so sorry for her. And don't worry; I'm not going to tell them."

The rest of the day went much better. After the food was prepared, Jessica, Danielle and Ariel threw themselves in front of the TV and watched “Big Daddy,” almost making themselves sick from laughing so hard. Jessica made popcorn, and when she wasn't in the room, Ariel and Danielle practiced tossing it in the air and catching it in their mouth, rather unsuccessfully.

After Big Daddy was over, Danielle wanted to watch “Dawson's Creek,” and Ariel was sent to go get her bath at this time. "I want to watch, too!"

"You're too young. You wouldn't be able to follow the conversation. You wouldn't understand what it's about," Danielle said.

"I would, too! I'm seven now! I'm not a baby!"

"Then how come you're wearing diapers?"

Ariel couldn't think of anything to say to that and sat there pouting. "Girls, stop it!" Jessica said. "Ariel, come on and let's get your bath while Danielle watches her show and after it's over, we can watch another movie before you have to go to bed. Okay?"

"Okay...but it's still not fair."

Ariel splashed around in the tub for a few minutes, but getting clean was clearly not her top priority that night. She was in and out within ten minutes, and Jessica started to diaper her.

"Do you need any help?"

Jessica turned to see Danielle standing in the doorway. "Would you like to diaper Ariel?"

Danielle nodded shyly and looked at Ariel, lying on the changing table. "I've never changed anyone's diaper before. I don't know how."

"It's not hard. Here, put some powder into the diaper and on her skin. That'll help prevent diaper rash." Danielle did as she was told, looking awkward. "Now, just pull the diaper up and pull the tabs over. You just have to make sure to get them tight enough so that it won't leak. See, you've got it." Ariel was diapered snugly; it was as good of a job as Jessica could've done herself.

"She looks so cute. And so comfortable," Danielle said as Ariel was dressed in her pajamas. "I love how the diaper pokes out from her pajamas."

"You'll make a good mother someday, Danielle," Jessica said. Danielle turned red and smiled.

Jessica played Candyland with Ariel until “Dawson's Creek” was over. "You know," Jessica said as she moved her blue person along the little colored squares for what seemed like the millionth time that night. "I sure will be glad when you get tired of this game."

"How come I'm the only one who really appreciates this game? It's fun because every game is different. Never the same game twice."

"Could've fooled me. I've gotten stuck in this stupid swamp every game we've played tonight."

"You're just mad because you're losing," Ariel retorted.

Danielle came in. "Okay, “Dawson's Creek” is over...ooh, you're playing Candyland! I love that game!"

Jessica stood up. "Well, then, you can play with her. Ariel never gets tired of it."

"See, Mom? I'm not the only one who likes it," Ariel said.

Danielle eagerly sat down. "I haven't play this game in years. Mom sold mine in a yard sale when I was nine. She said I was way too old for it. But I've always loved it."

They played several more games, until even Ariel had to admit she was sick of it. They picked out another movie to watch, “Mr. Holland's Opus.” Ariel lay in front of the TV, sucking on the bottle of water her mother had fixed her. Danielle raised her eyebrows and made no comment, but it was obvious she thought it was pretty cute.

Ariel fell asleep on the floor a half hour into the movie. She lay there with the bottle still in her mouth, which Jessica and Danielle thought was so cute that they took a picture. After the movie was over, Jessica put Ariel in her bed and went to bed herself.

"Good night, Danielle. Don't stay up too late."

"I'm not. I'm just going to read for a little while," Danielle replied. She paused. "Um, thanks for letting me stay here."

"Oh, it's no trouble," Jessica assured her. "We enjoy having you. Especially Ariel."

Danielle waited a few minutes until she saw the light go out in Jessica's room, and then crept back into Ariel's room. She'd been thinking over an idea all night, ever since she saw Ariel being diapered. Her heart pounding, she went over to Ariel's changing table and took one of the Pampers out of the bag.



 


Chapter 26

 

"I can't believe you're wearing a diaper! What's wrong with you? How dare you embarrass me like this?" Danielle's mother glared down at her.

"I - I'm sorry, Mama. I didn't use it or anything, honest. I just wanted to see what it was like...why Ariel enjoyed it so much."

Stephanie's face twisted in disgust. "Ariel? I should have never let you spend the night over there. She and her mother are a bad influence on you. I don't want you to ever talk to them again!"

Suddenly, Danielle felt anger growing inside her until she was ready to explode. "NO! I don't have to listen to you! I can do whatever I want! There's nothing wrong with wearing diapers. NOTHING!" She ran into her bedroom and slammed the door. Her mother began knocking on the door, screaming "Let me in! Danielle!"

"Danielle...Danielle, are you awake?" Danielle opened her eyes to see Jessica standing in the doorway. "It's almost nine and we have to be at Jenny's house at ten. I just thought you might want a wake-up call."

Danielle smiled and tried to clear her head of her dream. "Okay, thanks."

"Is she up?" Ariel came running in. "Finally, I can get my diaper changed!"

Jessica lifted her up onto the changing table. Danielle watched, trying not to let her jealousy show on her face. "Can I take a shower?" she asked.

"Of course. The linen closet is right across from the bathroom, help yourself to some towels." Danielle grabbed her clothes and shuffled out of the bedroom.

Jessica wiped Ariel off and reached into the Pampers bag. Ariel was almost out of diapers, but hopefully they had enough to last for the day. Jessica glanced into the bag and frowned.

There were three Pampers in the bag. Last night, after she'd diapered Ariel, there had been four. She was sure of it, because she could remember counting them and calculating how long they'd last.

"Ariel? Did you change your own diaper?"

"No...why?"

"Because after you were changed last night there were four diapers in this bag and now there are only three."
"Danielle slept in here. Maybe she used one."

Jessica glanced over her shoulder, making sure Danielle was nowhere near. "Maybe. I don't know if they'd fit her, but if she'd really wanted to try one...she did seem awfully interested in your diapers last night."

"Are you going to ask her?"

"I don't know. Maybe if it happens again. I don't want to embarrass her."


Danielle quickly undressed in the small bathroom and looked at her reflection in the mirror. The diaper was a bit small, but with some stretching she'd managed to get it to fit. She smiled, remembering that just last week, she'd been jealous of her friend Stacy because Stacy already had hips and a chest, and now she was glad she still had the body of a child.

Danielle hadn't dared wet or mess the diaper, for fear it would leak all over Ariel's bed, and then how would she explain that? Not that she really thought Jessica would mind, since she was certainly not as uptight as Danielle's own mother, and Jessica seemed to think it was acceptable, even cute, that Ariel loved diapers so much. But it would still be humiliating getting caught it diapers, and Ariel might blab to Stephanie. Danielle knew her mother'd flip. She would probably lock her up in a mental hospital. She often bragged that Danielle had potty-trained, on her own free will, before she was two years old.

If she was going to wet the diaper before taking it off, it had to be now. She wouldn't get a chance to diaper herself again until at least that night, and she might not even have a chance then. And now was the perfect opportunity. She was relaxed, and she had to pee anyway.

She strained hard and tried to pee and was surprised to find that it didn't come out. How could it be so hard to pee? She turned on the sink and allowed warm water to flow over her hand. Slowly, she could feel herself relaxing, and suddenly there was warm liquid spilling into her diaper.

She smiled to herself, almost laughing with her secret. This was great! The warm wetness spread and dissolved into the diaper, leaving a warm but fairly dry feeling. Danielle wished she could stay in it all day, but she had to shower soon, or Jessica was going to be wondering what was taking so long. She briefly considered wearing a diaper to Thanksgiving dinner, but suppose her mother found out? She'd be in so much trouble. It was too late now anyway – the diaper was soaked, and when she took the diaper off to shower, it would tear at the tabs.

After she was showered and dressed came the hard part. She had to get the diaper from the bathroom to Ariel's bedroom without Ariel or Jessica seeing her. She opened the bathroom door slightly and peeked out. Ariel was in the living room watching TV and Jessica was preparing breakfast. Neither of them were looking in Danielle's direction. Danielle grabbed the diaper and hurried towards Ariel's bedroom, where she tossed it in the diaper pail and heaved a sigh of relief.

Jessica heard her running around and yelled "Danielle? What do you want for breakfast? We have Cinnamon Life, instant oatmeal, toast and eggs. Take your pick."

Danielle tried to calm her pounding heard and keep her voice steady as she answered "Cereal's fine, thanks." She walked into the kitchen and got her cereal.

"Are you feeling okay? You look flushed," Jessica said, concerned. She placed a hand on Danielle's forehead.

"I'm fine," Danielle replied. "I just took a really hot shower, that's all."

"Okay. Well, eat quickly; we have to leave soon. We're going by the store on the way to Jenny's to get Ariel more diapers. Ariel? Come get your breakfast."

Ariel came to the table. She was wearing baggy jeans, and Danielle realized that it was almost impossible to tell she was wearing a diaper. Danielle glanced down at her cargo pants and again considered wearing a diaper for the day.

They went to the grocery store, and Jessica picked out Pampers size six for Ariel. They headed towards the cash register when suddenly Danielle spotted a familiar jacket. "Jessica! It's my mom and dad!"

"What? Where?" Jessica and Ariel looked in the direction Danielle was pointing and saw Stephanie and Greg not more than ten feet away, picking out canned cranberry sauce. "Oh, shoot."

Of all times, Ariel picked that day to be friendly. "Hi, Stephanie!" she called cheerfully. Stephanie and Greg turned around and smiled. "Hello, dear. Hi, Danielle. Hi, Jessica...oh my, what's that in your hand? Diapers? For Ariel?"

Ariel's heart sank when she realized what she'd done. She was only trying to be friendly but somehow these things always turned around on her.

Jessica faked a smile. "Oh, no, of course not." She quickly tried to think of a lie. "One of my friends from work is pregnant, and we're all throwing a shower for her next week. Knowing how quickly newborns go through diapers, I figured that's what she'd need most."

"I see," Stephanie said. "So that's why you're buying Pampers size six, which the baby won't be able to wear until she's three years old. At which point, she will probably be potty trained already, most girls are by three. Of course there are some exceptions." Stephanie peered down at Ariel. "Why didn't you just come out and tell us Ariel was still in diapers?"

Jessica felt her face get hot. She wondered why Stephanie and Aunt Elizabeth always managed to make her feel like a kid getting scolded. Why should it matter what she let her own kid do? It wasn’t like Ariel was being abused. She tugged on Ariel's hand. "Come on honey, let's go," she said, glaring at Stephanie. "Stephanie, I don't want to discuss this with you right now, because I'm just going to end up getting hurt and angry and losing my temper and I don't want to do that on Thanksgiving, especially not in a grocery store. So just keep your opinions to yourself for right now."

Stephanie raised an eyebrow. "Fine. But there is an issue here, and it doesn't just involve you, it involves your child, and where children are involved, I get involved. We will discuss this later."

Danielle flushed with embarrassment. "Mom..." she groaned trying to get her mom to shut up. Why did her mother always have to embarrass her? Why couldn't she just stay out of everyone's business. Her mother brushed her off.

"Danielle, children should be seen and not heard. Now, would you like to ride to Jenny's house with Jessica or me and Daddy?"

"Jessica," Danielle replied firmly.

For a second, Danielle thought she saw a look of hurt cross her mother's face, but it was gone too soon to be sure. "All right, dear. I'll see you there." Stephanie and Greg walked off without another word to Jessica.

"I'm sorry," Danielle said humbly. "Mom wasn't trying to be mean, really. It's the way she always is."

"Don't apologize, honey, it's not your fault," Jessica replied. "Maybe your mother isn't actually trying to be mean, but she wasn't trying to be nice, either. She and your grandmother are going to bug me about Ariel's diapers for the rest of the time she's here."

"Why don't they like you?" Danielle asked cautiously. Her mother and grandmother had never come right out and said it, but she'd heard them talking about Jessica and they never seemed to say anything nice.

"I'm not even sure. It has nothing to do with me. Stuff that happened years before I was even born, but I'm getting scapegoated for it. And having a baby at sixteen didn't help, either." Jessica paid for the diapers, and they left for Jenny's house.
Jenny greeted them at the door with a smile and warm hugs. "Happy thanksgiving, you guys."

"Happy Thanksgiving," Jessica replied tonelessly, carrying the food they'd brought into the kitchen. "Do you need any help?"

Jenny gave her a list of tasks to do. "I really appreciate it," she added gratefully. "Greg's sitting on his ass watching football, and Stephanie and Mom took the kids down to the playground to get them out of my hair. Caitlin tried to help earlier, but she ended up dropping a dozen eggs all over the floor."

"Oh, wow. Sounds like you had a pretty tough morning."

"Well, from what I heard, not as bad as yours," Jenny replied. "When Stephanie got back from the store, she went straight up to me and said 'What is Ariel doing in diapers?' It caught me by surprise but I finally told her that she was going through a regression phase. I also confessed that it was Caitlin who introduced her to diapers. Which got her furious. She told Mom, and now they're mad at both of us, but remaining civil for the holiday."

Jessica sighed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to get out of hand like this. If only they could be more accepting of Ariel's diapers...where did she and Danielle go?"

"They went upstairs. I think they're watching TV in Caitlin's bedroom."

"So you've been wearing diapers for about seven months now?" Danielle asked. She was sprawled out on Caitlin's bed, channel-surfing.

"Yeah. Caitlin and I got caught wearing them last April. At first I thought Mommy was going to be mad, but she was really nice about it."

Danielle sat up. "Wait a second. You mean Caitlin was wearing them too then? I thought she just started wearing them when she got hurt last summer."

"She wore them for bedwetting before then, and she was the one who got me wearing them. The first time I wore one was when we visited you guys last winter."

"What do you like so much about them?"

Ariel shrugged. "I just like acting like a baby, that's all." She looked Danielle in the eye. "You should know. You wore one last night, didn't you?"

"What? No...what makes you think that?" Danielle asked nervously.

"Because Mommy noticed that one of my diapers was missing, and I didn't take it. So it must have been you."

"Your mom noticed? Oh, no! What if she tells my mom?"

"She won't. Don't worry. She wouldn't get you in trouble like that."

"Look, Ariel, you've got to swear you won't tell anyone this. Nobody. Do you understand?"

Ariel nodded. "I want to hear you say it. Say you swear you won't tell anyone you know I wore a diaper," Danielle insisted.

"I swear I won't tell anyone I know you wore a diaper," Ariel repeated.

"Not even Caitlin. I know you guys are like best friends and all, but I don't want anyone to know this. Caitlin's a blabbermouth and she'll tell my mom."

"I won't tell Caitlin."

"Tell me what?" Caitlin stood in the doorway.

"What I got you for Christmas," Danielle lied. She was getting good at that, but then again, she did get lots of practice lying to her mother.

"You got my Christmas present already? Ooh, Ariel, tell me tell me tell me."

Ariel shook her head. "I can't. I promised I wouldn't tell, and I keep my promises." She and Danielle exchanged smiles.

Danielle went downstairs to help with dinner, and Ariel and Caitlin occupied themselves by coloring. After awhile, Caitlin began shifting around uncomfortably, and Ariel noticed a familiar smell.

"You pooped your diaper, didn't you?"

"Yes. I was already wet, and now it's all mushy." Caitlin made a face. "And I don't want to go ask Mom to change me, because she doesn't like to be bothered when she's cooking, and I think she's mad at me, just because I dropped a couple of eggs earlier. Could you change me?"

"I don't know. I don't think I'm supposed to change anyone else."

"C'mon, Ariel! It's really uncomfortable, and your mom would never know," Caitlin whined.

Ariel sighed. "All right. But if I do a bad job, don't blame me! I've never done this before. You're going to have to lie on the floor. I can't lift you onto the changing table."

Caitlin took off her jeans and lay on her back on the floor. Ariel tore the tabs off the diaper and immediately held her nose. "Ew, you stink! How does your mom put up with this?"

"Can you just shut up and change the diaper? I bet your dirty diapers don't smell great, either."

Ariel used several baby wipes getting Caitlin clean, and rolled them up inside the diaper like she'd seen her mom do. Grasping the corner of the diaper between her thumb and forefinger like it was a dead spider, Ariel carried the diaper over to Caitlin's diaper pail.

"Don't drop it!" Caitlin exclaimed. "And hurry up. I'm cold!"

"Don't be so picky. I've never done this before. And I don't want to get poop all over my hands," Ariel said, dropping the diaper into the diaper pail.

"Better your hands than my carpet!"

Ariel got a clean Pamper and started to put it on Caitlin. "Wow, these really are getting tight on you. And they're low on your stomach," she said.

"I know. Mom says when I can't wear them anymore, I have to wear youth diapers, and I hate those. When you outgrow Pampers, are you gonna start wearing them, or get potty trained again?"

"I don't know," Ariel shrugged, pulling the tabs tight. "There you go. I'm going to go wash my hands!" She went into the bathroom and squeezed about half the bottle of soap onto her hands and scrubbed them under the faucet so long, Caitlin came to see what was keeping her.

"I don't want to eat with all your germs on my hands!" Ariel replied.

Caitlin responded by splashing Ariel in the face. Ariel laughed and splashed her back. Cold water went all over the front of Caitlin's shirt and soaked it. Caitlin gasped.

"Oh, you will be sorry you did that!" she said, filling up the plastic cup beside the sink with water. With one swoop of her arm, it was all over the front of Ariel's pants.

Ariel stood speechless. Suddenly, there was knocking on the bathroom door. "What are you girls doing in there?"
"Nothing, Mom," Caitlin replied innocently.

"Well, it's time for dinner now. Wash your hands and come on down."

"I think our hands are clean," Caitlin said. Jenny was in a rush and didn't even notice that Caitlin's shirt was soaked, or Ariel's pants. Of course, Elizabeth did.

"What in the world - child, did your diaper leak?" she asked Ariel.

"That's not from her diaper, Aunt Elizabeth. I think she and Caitlin got into a water fight. Why did you...?" Jessica shook her head and sighed. "Never mind. I'd rather not know."

Elizabeth frowned at her. "Well, it's your job to find out. You're Ariel's mother, and it's your job to discipline her. If she’s old enough to play in the sink with Caitlin, she’s old enough to use the toilet. No wonder she still wears diapers; you just let her think she can get away with anything."

"Is that so?" Jessica's voice was like steel. "I'd like to know when you're around enough to know how I discipline Ariel, since you waited until she was six years old to even bother meeting her."

Jenny stood in the doorway, a troubled look on her face. She cleared her throat. "If you guys are done, we'd all like to eat now."

"We're ready," Elizabeth said. She pushed past Jenny and went into the dining room. Jessica stood rooted to the spot, watching her, still feeling irritated.

"What has gotten into you?" Jenny asked. "You guys are acting like five-year-olds. I expect that from my mother and Stephanie, but I never expected it from you."

"I know. I'm sorry. But something about them just makes me mad. They think they know everything about raising kids. They're determined to find something wrong with the way I'm bringing up Ariel. And what is it about diapers that they find so disturbing, anyway?"

"So? Other people have questioned Ariel's diapers before, and you just brushed it off. Why are you so upset now? Just ignore them. You know you're doing what's best for Ariel, who cares what they think?"

"But I DON'T know," Jessica said. She began pacing back and forth. "I hope I'm doing the right thing, but sometimes I wonder. I mean, think of the trouble Ariel's going to have if she wears diapers forever. She already gets teased at school. What about when she hits sixth grade? She'll have to undress for gym in the locker room. And I've read that it's psychologically damaging to allow a child to regress."

"And you believe that?" Jenny asked. "I haven't known Ariel that long, but based on what you've told me, a year ago, she was a quiet little girl who didn't have many friends, cried at the drop of a hat, and had trouble in school. Now she's this spunky kid who gets into water fights, has lots of friends, and makes excellent grades. And because she knows what it's like to be teased for being different, she has a huge heart and is nice to everyone. I'd say, psychologically, she's doing pretty good."

Jessica smiled. "You're right. I guess Ariel's happier now then she was before diapers. I just always figured that her desire for diapers was some kind of malfunction on my part, like I hadn't raised her like I should have or something. But when I look at it from her point of view, her childhood certainly doesn't seem as bad as mine."

"See? And if it makes you feel any better, I was really strict with Caitlin when she was little - the way Mom and Stephanie taught me to be - and she still wanted to wear diapers. Now, let's go eat. Everyone's waiting for us."

Everyone gathered around the table. Altogether, there were nine people, so more chairs had to be moved up to the table. They were crowded, but together. There was a ton of food. In addition to the turkey with stuffing, there were mashed potatoes, Jessica's broccoli-and-rice casserole, sweet potatoes, an apple-and-chestnut casserole, string beans, and cornbread. There were also pumpkin pies, apple pies, and ice cream for dessert.

"Okay, everyone," Jenny began. "Before we say grace and dig into this huge medley of food, I think we should take a few minutes and think about what Thanksgiving's really about. So, let's go clockwise around the table and everyone will say what they're thankful for this year. Caitlin, would you like to begin?"

"I'm thankful Backstreet Boys have a new CD out," Caitlin said. "And I'm thankful for Pokemon, and that we have four days off from school. And, oh yeah," she added as an afterthought "I'm thankful for my friends and family."

"Uh, thank you, Caitlin," Jenny said. "Greg, you're next."

"I'm thankful for my beautiful wife and child, and for everyone else at this table," Greg said.

"I'm thankful for my child, Danielle, my husband Greg, my sister Jennifer, my niece Caitlin, my nephew Cody, my mother, my cousin Ariel, and..." Stephanie paused "my cousin Jessica, who I'm sorry I've been so critical of. Jessica, Ariel's a great kid, and if she wants to wear diapers, I guess that's her choice." Jessica smiled awkwardly.
"I'm thankful for my mom and dad and the rest of my family," Danielle said. Her heart was pounding. Did her mother mean that if Danielle chose to wear diapers, she would accept it?

"I'm thankful for my daughters and my niece and their families," Elizabeth said.

"I'm thankful for my mommy," Ariel said. "And my cousins and my Aunt Elizabeth and my best friends Monica and Daniel."

"Especially Daniel," Caitlin smirked. Ariel glared at her.

"I'm thankful for my beautiful daughter, Ariel, and the rest of my wonderful family," Jessica said.

"Cody?"

"I'm thankful for my family," Cody said.

"And I am thankful for all of my family, especially my great kids and my mother and sister, and the shelter over my head, and the food on this table," Jenny said. "Now, let's eat!"

 

 


Chapter Twenty Seven

 

Ariel could feel herself starting to sway back and forth. She looked down and was immediately sorry. The ground was six feet straight down. She grabbed a hold of the nearest object to steady herself, but that was a mistake. It started to tip.

"Ariel, for heaven's sake, put the angel on top before you knock the whole tree over! You're getting heavy!" Jessica cried. No doubt about it, this was the last year she was going to be able to lift Ariel up to put the angel on top of the tree.

"Is it straight?" Ariel asked.

"It looks great, honey," Jessica said quickly, lowering Ariel to the ground. They stepped back to admire the tree, which stood almost seven feet tall. It sat in the front window, and the hundreds of tiny colored lights reflected off the glass. They caught on the glitter of the Christmas tree ornaments Ariel had made in school, and the yards of paper chains she and Caitlin had spent hours making one afternoon.

"It's so pretty," Ariel said, awestruck.

"You did a great job," Jessica assured her. "I don't think we've ever had a better tree."

"You know what would look even better? If there were some gifts under it."

Jessica chuckled. "Well, maybe tomorrow. Tonight, you'd better be getting to bed. It's pretty late, and tomorrow's a school day."

It was two weeks before Christmas, and Ariel still had almost two weeks left of school; she didn't get out until the Wednesday before Christmas. Already the first-graders had stopped classwork the week before, when a few flakes of snow had been visible against the gray sky. Mrs. Felton, completely absorbed in the season of giving, had let them put away their math and go outside until it had stopped. Even though it had just been a light dusting that was completely gone the next day, it gave everyone reason to hope that, for the first time since Ariel was born, Virginia Beach would have a white Christmas. They had been busy constructing ornaments out of construction paper, felt, and glitter, and the ornaments now hung on the tree.

Everyone was discussing where they were going for Christmas. Eric was going to visit his grandparents in Colorado. He and his older brother were going to fly on a plane by themselves, and it was the talk of the first grade. Monica was going to Disney World. She promised to send Ariel lots of postcards and bring her back a pair of Mickey Mouse ears. Jenny, Caitlin and Cody were going to Georgia to visit Jenny's family, and Caitlin and Cody were also going to visit their dad.
"What are we gonna do over vacation?" Ariel asked.

"I'm glad you brought that up, honey, because I wanted to talk to you. For Christmas Eve, Ryan invited us out to dinner. Wasn't that nice of him? And then we're all going to church afterwards."

"Goody," Ariel said. "I like Ryan."

"The week after Christmas, I have Monday and Tuesday off, and we can do whatever you'd like."

"Monday and Tuesday?" Ariel asked anxiously. "What about the rest of the week?"

"Honey, I'm sorry, but my boss wouldn't let me have it off. I had to really fight to get those two days, and the 23rd and 24th off. But guess what? I called your old daycare, and you're going to go there those three days!"

"Daycare?" Ariel asked, dismayed. "But Mom, I don't know anyone there! And what about my diapers? Can't I go to work with you?"

"Right. My boss would love that. I'm sorry, honey, but I can't find anywhere else for you to stay. You're too young to stay home all day by yourself. As for your diapers, well, I'm sorry, but it looks like you're going to have to wear pull-ups."

Ariel began to cry. "I hate pull-ups! This isn't fair! I don't want to go to daycare!"

Jessica smiled. "What if I told you Daniel was going to be there too?"

"Daniel's going?" Ariel asked hopefully.

"Yes. His sister has to work, too. You and him can play together all day long. Now do you feel better?"

"I guess. But I still wish I didn't have to wear pull-ups. Is Daniel going to wear them too?"

"He'll have to. The daycare's policy is that every child three and over must be potty trained. Erin and I had a hard enough time convincing them to let you two wear pull-ups. We had to promise that you'd change them yourself if you had an accident. Really, you'd think they'd understand that not every child can be potty trained by three. Or seven."

Ariel woke up on Christmas Eve and ran to the window. No snow yet, but at least it wasn't raining. She could feel the cold coming right through the glass, hitting her saturated diaper. She shivered and decided to go wake up her mother so she could get changed.

But Jessica was already up, in the living room, wrapping gifts. Ariel immediately ran to the tree to count the ones with her name on them. "Eight," she said, satisfied. "That's two more than yesterday."

"Good morning to you, too," Jessica said, smiling. "Let's get your diaper changed, and then you can help me wrap some gifts."

"Can I have some juice first? I'm thirsty."

Jessica fixed Ariel a bottle of juice, and she sucked on it while her diaper was changed. The cold air hitting her bare, damp bottom gave her goosebumps, and it didn't help when her mom wiped her off with a cool baby wipe. Ariel was glad to have a clean diaper on.

Jessica made some instant oatmeal for Ariel's breakfast. "I hate oatmeal," Ariel complained, shoving the bowl away.

"It's all we have. We'll go to the store later. Stir some sugar in it, and it'll be fine."

Even with sugar, the oatmeal still tasted like cardboard. Ariel drank her juice and started to leave the table. "I'm not fixing you anything else, so if you don't eat that, you won't get anything to eat until lunch."

Ariel's face deepened into a pout. She sat back down and began stirring the spoon around in the oatmeal, getting up her courage. "It'd be better if you'd feed it to me," she muttered.

"What was that?" Jessica asked, smiling.

"Nothing."

"Did I just hear my seven-year-old say she wants me to feed her? You're so sweet!" Jessica pinched Ariel's mouth open with her fingers and guided the spoon in. Ariel made a terrible face, but swallowed. Jessica laughed and went into the kitchen to clean up from breakfast. "Bring the bowl in when you're done, okay baby?"

"Hey! Aren't you going to feed me the rest of the bowl?" Ariel asked shyly. Now that she was in the mood to be babied, she didn't want to stop.

"Ariel, you're a big girl. You know how to feed yourself. I have things to do."

Ariel began to whine. "But it tastes better when you feed me...and I'm not a big girl. I'm wittle!" She meant to say little, but somehow it just didn’t come out right.
"Oh, okay, baby. I'll feed you." Jessica spoon-fed the rest of the bowl to Ariel and then took her into her bedroom and dressed her, totally dressed her, the way she had when Ariel was a year old. Ariel sucked her thumb the whole time.

"Now, would Baby like to help Mommy wrap gifts?"

"Yeah! Me like wrapping paper," Ariel said happily, not even noticing how she was talking. They spent the rest of the morning wrapping gifts. Jessica turned some Christmas carols on, and they sipped eggnog and munched on Christmas cookies and fudge. The pile of lumpy gifts under the tree slowly grew. Jessica did not believe in gift bags. Everything had to be wrapped in metallic gold, red and green paper, with yards of curled ribbon surrounding it. The effect was a mysterious, lumpy appearance of a package that no one could figure out what was inside it. Somehow, it looked right under their tree.

Ariel tried to curl the ribbon herself. She placed the scissors under it and jerked down, hard, just like she'd seen her mother do. But instead of giving the ribbon a nice curl, it shredded and remained limp straight. Plus, the sharp blade of the scissors sliced into Ariel's thumb.

"Ow!" Ariel looked down, saw blood leaking from a shallow cut on her thumb, and started to cry.

"What happened? Oh honey, I told you to let me curl the ribbon. Let me see." Jessica examined Ariel's thumb and kissed the cut. "I think you'll live. Let's put a band-aid on it so it doesn't get infected." They went into the bathroom and Jessica put some Neosporin on the wound and wrapped it in a band-aid.

"I guess I'm too little to use the scissors," Ariel said.

"Yes, scissors aren't for babies," Jessica chided. "Maybe I should baby-proof the house again."

"Look!" Ariel exclaimed, pointing out the window. Small flakes of snow could just be seen. Although it wasn't sticking, it made it look beautiful and Christmasy. "Cool!" She opened the door and ran out; Jessica followed.

Tiny flakes of snow sparkled on Ariel's hair and bare arms. "Ariel, go get your jacket! You're going to freeze! You're not even wearing shoes."

"I'm not cold at all," Ariel replied. A very thin layer of snow had accumulated on Jessica's car. Ariel scooped it up, made it into a small snowball and threw it at her mother when her back was turned. It smashed against her back and soaked through her shirt.

"Auuughhhh! You little witch! That's so cold!" Jessica cried, grinning mischievously. She scraped some snow off a bush, made it into an even smaller snowball, and threw it at Ariel. She was only aiming for the chest, but it hit Ariel in the mouth, and she started sputtering.

"That's cold, Mommy!"

"How do you think I feel? Come on, let's go inside and have some hot chocolate."

They listened to the weather forecast on the radio while Jessica prepared the hot chocolate. "Hope you folks have your Christmas shopping done, because it looks like snow flurries all the rest of Christmas Eve," the DJ said. "Tomorrow, it'll be clearer, with highs in the low thirties, and you can probably expect a quarter of an inch of snow tomorrow morning when you wake up."

"Oh, wow! A whole quarter of an inch! We're not going to be able to get out the door," Jessica said, rolling her eyes. "It's probably going to be just like last year. Flurries on Christmas Eve, and then an ice storm."

"I hope so. Maybe if it gets really cold, and the snow doesn't melt, we won't have to go back to school," Ariel said eagerly.

"Right. Keep dreaming, Ariel. They're not going to cancel school for a quarter inch of snow. You'll have better luck with Y2K."

Still, the snow was pretty, and it kept up throughout the afternoon, until it was time for Ariel to get dressed for dinner. She had a new dress for Christmas, it was green velvet with a lacy collar, and Jessica told her that wearing it, she looked eight or nine. The dark green of the dress went nicely with her blond hair. Ariel was very pleased, and spent several minutes twirling in front of the mirror.

Ryan came over around six. Ariel answered the door. "Hello there, beautiful," Ryan greeted her. Ariel giggled. Ryan was carrying two packages.

"Is one of those for me?" Ariel asked hopefully.

"Ariel!" Jessica chided, walking into the room. "That's not polite. Hey, Ryan," she said, hugging him.

Ryan chuckled. "It's alright, Jessica. Yes, Ariel, this one is for you, and you may open it now." He handed her the larger of the two packages, and Ariel tore into it. It was Pokemon stuff.

"Thank you, Ryan!" Ariel said happily. She shyly gave him a hug.

"You're welcome, Ariel. I'm glad you like it. I wasn't sure what to get, but I figured I couldn't go wrong with Pokemon; every kid between the ages of three and eleven seems to be into it. Here Jessica, open yours."

Jessica opened the small box and found a pair of earrings. "Oh Ryan, they're beautiful! Thank you!" She gave him a hug and a quick kiss on the lips.

"Oooooh!" Ariel said. They all laughed, and Jessica tickled Ariel, which made her laugh harder.

While Ariel was laughing, Ryan whispered into Jessica's ear "I love you."

"I love you too," she whispered back, surprised. It was the first time Ryan had ever said that to her.

"What are you guys doing?" Ariel asked, killing the moment.

"Nothing, honey," Jessica replied.

Ryan stood up. "Well, are you guys ready to go?"

"I'm ready," Jessica replied. "Just let me grab Ariel's diaper bag. Ariel? Do you need to be changed before we go?"

"I'm fine," Ariel replied; distracted by her new Pokemon stuff.

"Are you sure? You haven't been changed all day. Maybe I'd better check your diaper."

"Mom!" Ariel said, embarrassed. "Fine! Change me! But I'm not that wet!"

Jessica took Ariel into her bedroom and put her on the changing table. "Ariel!" she said when saw the diaper. "If you'd peed one more drop into this thing, it would've leaked! It's saturated!"

"It is not! It felt fine."

"It is too! I've changed your diapers thousands of time, and I know what a wet diaper looks like! Look, you're even starting to get a rash. Why don't you come tell me when you need to be changed?"

"I can't feel any rash," Ariel said stubbornly. "And if I want to sit around in a wet diaper, it's my business! Why do you care?" In truth, she loved the warm feeling of a wet diaper. Maybe not saturated, but being in a wet diaper certainly didn't bother her.

"If your diaper gets too wet, it'll leak and I don't want you leaking all over the furniture, and your clothes, and Ryan's car! If you can't tell me honestly when your diaper is wet, then you're not going to wear them anymore! Do you want to wear underwear?"

"No! Please don't make me wear underwear again, Mommy! I promise I'll tell you when my diaper's wet from now on!"

"So Ariel doesn't always tell you when she's wet?" Ryan asked Jessica later, when they were at the restaurant. Ariel was on the other side of the room, looking at the fish in the aquarium.

"No. She hates being in a poopy diaper, and she wants to get changed out of those right away, but if she's just wet, she could stay in it all day. She doesn't want to stop what she's doing to get changed. I have to ask her every hour if she needs to be changed," Jessica complained.

"Do you think she's going to get tired of them anytime soon?"

"I don't think so. My cousin makes jokes about her going off to college in diapers, but I hope she gets over it before then. I think it's awfully cute, but I'm worried it'll interfere with making friends when she gets older. And I don't know what we're going to do when she outgrows Pampers."

"I wonder if it's genetics," Ryan remarked. "You said her cousin Caitlin was the one who got her into them, and her cousin Danielle tried them when she was at your house over Thanksgiving. Did you ever try them?"

"Well..." Jessica hesitated. "I never actually tried them, but I used to wet my bed sometimes, and I wished I could wear them, because it seemed so much better than wetting my bed. But I never had the chance to wear them. And if I'd had access to some, I don't know if I'd have had the nerve to put one on. But I can't say they had the appeal to me that they do to Ariel."

"She's adorable," Ryan said, watching Ariel.

"Thank you," Jessica smiled. Ryan looked like he was about to say something else, but the food came then. The dinner was delicious, and afterwards they left to go to church. Jessica and Ryan would've loved to have gone to the midnight service, but it was too late for Ariel to be out, so they were going to an earlier service.

"I don't want to go to church. It's boring," Ariel complained.

"It's not boring, honey, it's beautiful. Just try to think about baby Jesus and what it must've been like on that cold night when he was born. Isn't that magical?"

"No," Ariel replied rudely.


"I take it you guys don't go to church much?" Ryan asked.

Jessica laughed. "Hardly ever. We're part of the C&E crowd - the bunch that only shows up on Christmas and Easter. The rest of my family's real religious, and I guess I'd be too, if I'd grown up with them, but I didn't go to church at all when I was a kid."

"I don't go to church much either," Ryan admitted. "I prefer to sleep in on Sundays." He pulled the car into the parking lot and parked.

Ariel climbed out of the car reluctantly. She didn't want to go to church at all. Last time she'd come was last Easter, and Jenny, Caitlin and Cody had been with them. Jenny had yelled at her and Caitlin for talking during the service. The preacher had gone on and on about things she hadn't understood. And the songs had seemed to last forever.

This service was different. The lights were dimmed, and everyone was carrying lit candles. The church looked beautiful. She still didn't understand what the preacher was saying, but the whole effect was magical. Ariel sat beside her mom, and thought about how good the day had been, and thought that this must be what it was like to have a family, a real one, with a mother and a father.

She fell asleep halfway through the service and woke up at the end, when everyone was standing up to sing "Silent Night" which was the one Christmas song Ariel knew the words. It certainly seemed to describe this Christmas Eve. The snow was still falling gently, and it was clear and still.

Ryan took them home after the service, and Ariel was put to bed. She fell asleep almost immediately. When she woke up the next morning, it was still snowing, although not sticking. She ran to get her mother up.

"Mommy! Mommy, it's Christmas! Wake up!"

"Morning," Jessica mumbled, reaching groggily for her watch. "Wow. Seven a.m. You let me sleep in this year."

"That's your Christmas present," Ariel replied.

"Oh, well, thank you. Let's get you changed and then you can open your presents, I guess."

"Can't I wait to get changed after I open the presents?" Ariel asked anxiously.

"Come on. It'll only take a few minutes." After Ariel was changed, she ran to her stocking. She loved all her gifts. She got some books, some candy, a new Barbie doll, a stuffed bear, new clothes, and a video. Ariel thought that this was the best Christmas ever, her first Christmas in diapers.

 

 


Chapter 28

 

 

"This sucks," Ariel muttered, staring out the car window. The sky was bright blue without a single cloud, and the sun was directly behind them, spreading its warmth over the car. But with Ariel's bad mood, it might as well have been sleeting. She glared at the back of her mother's head from the backseat, thinking it was all her fault for the situation she was in.

"Excuse me?"

"I said this sucks," Ariel repeated, a bit louder, feeling daring.

"Ariel Michelle Crawford! Where did you hear that expression?" Jessica fumbled with the radio dial while they were stopped at a red light, trying to find a station that wasn't playing "1999". "Darn millennium. I'll be so glad when New Year's is over with."

"From Caitlin. She says it all the time."

"Where did Caitlin hear it? She's only eight."

Ariel shrugged. "From a fifth grader, I think."

"Anyway, why do you say this 'sucks'?"

"I don't want to go to daycare. Daycare is for babies."

Jessica raised her eyebrows and glanced in the rearview mirror towards Ariel's backpack, which held several clean pull-ups. "Really," she said dryly. "Seems to me like you'll fit in pretty well."

"Mommy, you know what I mean," Ariel whined. "They'll probably all want to watch Sesame Street or Teletubbies or something."

"Oh, I see. Rugrats are so much more sophisticated." Actually, Jessica thought that the show Rugrats reminded her a lot of Ariel and her friends. A bunch of two-year-olds who wore diapers, drank bottles and slept in cribs, but had the language and imagination of a seven-year-old. "You know, Ariel, you'll be in a group with kids your age. It'll probably be a lot like school, except you get to play instead of doing schoolwork. Sounds like fun to me."

"But I don't know any of them, except Daniel. What if they're mean?"

"Why would they be mean? Just remember the golden rule - treat others as you'd like to be treated - and I'm sure they'll do the same. I don't know what there is about you to dislike."

"Sometimes the kids at school tease me and Daniel about our diapers."

"Well, you're wearing a pull-up underneath overalls now. They never have to know. You'll be fine." Jessica pulled into the daycare parking lot. "Here we are."

Ariel slid out of the car and looked at the brick building with distaste. It looked somewhat like her school, except much smaller. The playground was larger, though, and looked better, although some of the equipment was plastic and babyish. She clutched her mom's hand tightly as they walked in through the revolving door.

Her mom took her to the room for lower elementary school ages. There were a few kids running around. Daniel wasn't there yet. A teacher came over to greet them.

"Hi, I see we have a guest today. What's your name?"

Ariel clung to her mother and didn't answer. Jessica smiled and said "This is Ariel Crawford. She'll be here today and tomorrow. She's a little shy."

"That's okay. You're going to have a good time here, sweetheart. You can make some new friends and play outside. We just got a new swing set. Do you like swings?"

Ariel nodded shyly. But she refused to let go of her mother's hand and stuck her other thumb into her mouth. The teacher looked surprised.

"Honey, I have to get going," Jessica said. "Be a good girl, and I'll pick you up around five-thirty."

Ariel's eyes filled with tears. "No. I don't know anyone here, and I don't like this. Please don't go."

"Ariel." Jessica tilted Ariel's chin up so that she was looking into her eyes. "Remember when I said it was okay if you liked to wear diapers and act like a baby sometimes?"

Ariel nodded.

"Well, that's fine most of the time, but sometimes you need to be able to act like a big girl too. And that means not making a fuss over what you have to do anyway. You know I have to go to work to make money. And you know I wouldn't leave you anywhere if I thought you were going to be tortured. Can you act like a big girl and not give me - or anyone else - a hard time today?"

"I guess," Ariel mumbled.

"You guess?" Jessica repeated sternly.

"I will," Ariel replied, forcing a smile.

Jessica gave her a hug and a kiss. "Good girl. Have fun today and don't get yourself and Daniel into any trouble."

Ariel went over to a group of four girls who were talking quietly. They looked a little bit older than her, but not much. "Hi," she said shyly.

"Hi," one of the girls replied, and they went right back to their conversation. They obviously all went to the same school and were talking about their teachers. Ariel stood feeling like an outsider, until she saw a chance to jump into the conversation. One of the girls mentioned how her teacher never did anything except give them book work and worksheets.

"So does mine. She always-"

"I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to my friends here," the girl said. Everyone else laughed, except Ariel, who turned red.

"There are some kindergartners over there, if you're looking for someone to play with," another girl said, emphasizing the word play.

Ariel wanted to cry, but she tried to remember what her mom said about being a big girl. There were two five-year-olds playing house who looked a lot more appealing than a group of Nicole impersonators. She walked towards the two kids, ignoring the older girls' laughter echoing in her ears.

A little girl stood at the play kitchen, pouring a cup of pretend coffee. "Hi," she said cheerfully. "Want to play house with us?"

"Sure," Ariel replied. "I'm Ariel. What's your name?"

"Chloe," she replied. "And he's Chris. He's my brother. We're twins, that means we were in our mommy's tummy at the same time, but I'm older."

"Only by two minutes!" Chris griped.

"So, I'm still older!" Chloe taunted. She looked at Ariel again. "He's a boy, and kind of gross, but I get into trouble if I'm not nice to him. You'll have to be the baby cause I'm the mommy and Chris is the daddy."

A teacher was setting up the art supplies nearby and overheard. "Chloe," she said sternly. "Remember our talk about being bossy?"

"Oh, sorry," Chloe laughed. "You can be the mommy if you want."

"That's okay," Ariel replied. "I really want to be the baby. When my friend Da